by J. Sterling
From the corner of my eye, I could see Mrs. Montgomery’s hands ball into fists at her side, and I felt my own anger rise.
“You’re a good-looking guy, I’ll give you that.” Jayson smirked at Tatum, then said smugly, “But there’s no way that this thing you two have going on would ever last in California. I’m sure it was a nice little fling, but it’s over now. Do you need me to write you a check to make you feel better?”
“Jayson!” I shouted as Tatum once again tensed beside me. I knew Jayson’s words were embarrassing him, and it killed me. This was the type of game they played in Hollywood, but Tatum wasn’t from there. He’d never had to deal with this kind of thing before.
“Don’t listen to them,” I whispered at him. “They’re just trying to get inside your head. Please don’t let them. They don’t know me at all. You know me. Don’t forget that.”
Jayson wiped the smile off his face and softened his tone, obviously changing tactics. “I’m sure you’re a reasonable guy. You can certainly understand that Paige has been off the radar for weeks now and, well, that’s not good for business or her reputation.”
It was my turn to be shocked as I flinched at his words, wondering how much of what he was saying was true.
“She left town during a pretty chaotic time, as I’m sure you both know.” Jayson glanced between Tatum and his mom. “And the rumor mill won’t stop churning out the stories. Paige, did you know that you’re in rehab? That’s why no one’s seen you. You’ve been in rehab for depression over what happened with Colin.”
My stomach churned. That couldn’t possibly be true, or Quinn would have told me. Wouldn’t she?
“I don’t believe you,” I said, and crossed my arms over my chest as I narrowed my eyes at my agent and my ex.
Jayson pulled out his phone and swiped at the screen before turning it to me. A tabloid headline read:
Paige Lockwood Attempts Suicide Over Colin’s Mistresses. Details Inside!
“Oh my God! Why didn’t you put a stop to this?” I asked as the horror of it all came crashing down around me. I sucked in a quick breath, my head shaking as tears filled my eyes. “Because bad publicity is still publicity, right? And as long as people are talking about you, you’re still relevant. It doesn’t matter what they’re saying as long as they’re saying something. You taught me that.”
Jayson’s features settled into what looked like pity and disapproval. “Honestly, Paige, Corryn’s working on putting out that fire, releasing statements nonstop, but they’re very hard to corroborate when no one can find you or talk to you. Everyone believes these stories because no one’s seen you for weeks. This little stunt you pulled backfired. Big time.”
What had I done? What the hell had I just done to my career?
Tatum dropped my hand and turned to me. “Go talk to them. Figure this out.”
I nodded. “Okay. I’ll be right back.” I leaned up on my tiptoes and planted a kiss on his mouth. His lips barely moved to kiss me back.
“Let’s talk outside.” I motioned to both Colin and Jayson.
My heart broke a little as I walked away from Tatum and out the front door. When Colin held the screen door open for me, I edged away from him, not wanting to chance touching him in any way.
“You gotta come home, Paige. It’s bad,” Colin said, sounding sincere as he reached for my hand.
I pulled away quickly. “Don’t. Don’t touch me.”
“Sorry.” He bowed his head as Jayson reached for my arm and pulled me aside.
“Pack your things, we’re leaving right now. There’s no time to waste, and you’ve already wasted plenty.”
“I don’t want to go,” I said, practically whining. It was pathetic.
“I’m sure you don’t. He’s a pretty distraction. But, Paige, you want to talk about career suicide? That’s what is happening to yours right now, and you don’t even know it’s happening. You’ve spent the last month out here in Bumfuck, Egypt, doing who knows what while your reputation is being flushed down the toilet.”
“I’m sure you’re trying really hard to stop it all. You’re probably calling in the tips,” I shouted, and Jayson’s face reddened.
“Like I told you inside, Paige, no one believes that you’re not in rehab because no one can find you! Listen to me!” he yelled, and I noticed Tatum heading for the door before his mom stopped him. “You’ve been off the radar for weeks, and they’re asking everyone who’s close to you where you are. They’re all saying the same thing.”
“Which is what?”
“That they don’t know! And you and I both know that’s code for ‘She’s in rehab,’” Jayson shouted, his hands emphatically slashing the air around him.
“So when I get back, I’ll put out a statement or something. I’ll tell them all that I wasn’t in rehab, that I just—”
Jayson cut me off. “That you just what? Spent the last month in some small-time, off-the-map town? They won’t believe that either.”
“I don’t care what they believe. It’s the truth!” Completely frustrated, I turned to pace back and forth on the wood porch.
“You’ve been in this business long enough to know that reporters don’t want the truth, Paige. They want what sells.”
“Then we’ll give them something else to talk about instead. This is your area, think of something!” I shouted, emotions running wild through my body. There had to be something I could do to stop all the lies.
“Fine. But first things first, you have to come home.” Jayson pointed toward the house. “Go get your things.”
Knew It Wouldn’t Last
Tatum
The second Colin appeared on our doorstep, I wanted to burst through the screen and rip his head off. Paige looked horrified, and I had to fight my instincts to protect her.
Instead, I stood there silently and let her deal with this, since it was way out of my league. A helpless feeling consumed me while she talked to both Colin and her agent out of my earshot. I looked over at my mother, who was absentmindedly stirring her latest batch of tea.
“Mama?” I said, breaking her concentration.
“Yeah, honey?”
“What should I do?”
Before she could answer me, Paige walked back up the porch and inside the house, her face red and her eyes glistening. “They need me to go.”
Pain ricocheted through my chest. “When?”
“Now,” she said, and without another word turned to walk down the hallway toward her bedroom.
I inhaled a choppy breath that stabbed its entire way down. Turning away from her, I shouted for Buster and headed outside. I needed air. I needed space.
Buster barked and ran for Jayson and Colin, who stood whispering to each other next to a Mercedes. My anger only grew as I yelled for Buster to come to me and leave the two dickheads alone. Traitorous dog. The least he could do was bite their ankles.
Paige is leaving me.
I knew this day would come, but I foolishly thought it would be on our terms. How the hell I could ever think that, I wasn’t sure, probably because I didn’t know any better. I hadn’t thought much about her actually leaving, and how it would happen. I’d been so caught up in her simply being here with me.
Pain filled my chest and the simplest task, like breathing, became something I needed to remind myself to keep doing. My heartbeat echoed in my ears as my entire body tensed at what needed to be done. I’d lived through much worse than losing Paige Lockwood, but damn, if it didn’t feel like this was worse. Realistically I knew it wasn’t, but try telling that to my heart. And here I thought I had no heart left after my dad died and Brina left me.
Way to prove me wrong, heart. Now go screw yourself; you’ve done enough damage.
Paige walked back into the hallway, her things clearly packed and ready to go. She turned to look at me, her face twisted in some sort of pleading look that I couldn’t read for certain. Maybe she wanted me to save her and make them leave?
I didn’t know
, so I stiffened my back, sucked in a breath, and knew this was going to hurt like hell. “Just go, Paige. We both knew this wasn’t a forever thing.”
“I know that, but…” She stumbled on her words as her voice broke, and nearly broke me with it.
She knew that?
I hardened my heart, then bit out, “It’s been fun.”
“It’s been fun?” Her face twisted as tears pooled in her eyes, and something inside me snapped.
“You’re a good time,” I said as coldly as I could.
“Is this a joke right now? It’s not funny.”
“No joke. I’m telling you to go. You should have never been here in the first place.”
“You don’t mean that.”
When she took a step toward me, I pulled back, knowing that if I let her touch me I’d be done for. I’d never let her leave if her fingers even grazed my skin. Ever.
“I do,” I lied.
“I know what you’re doing,” she whispered as tears spilled over her lashes, each one killing me a little more than the last. “You’re just acting tough, but you don’t mean it. You don’t, you can’t.”
Her words stabbed at me, but I had to make her leave and go back to where she belonged. Paige had never intended to stay in this town, and if for some crazy reason she convinced herself that she wanted to, she’d eventually resent me for it.
I couldn’t live with that. I had to make her think I wanted her gone, had to push her away. It was for her own good, and mine as well.
“I mean it, Paige. I want you to leave. You’ve been here long enough. Go back where the people actually miss you and care that you’re gone.”
She gasped as if I’d slapped her, and the sound nearly caused my knees to buckle. I was too good at being a dick, too well versed in being mean to her.
“I don’t believe you,” she whispered. “I know you feel what I feel.” Her eyes pleaded with me as she lifted a trembling hand to her heart.
“I don’t feel anything.” The words practically burned my tongue as I spit them out, my lies choking me from within.
“I know that’s not true.” She sucked in a gulp of air, and I wanted so badly to be her oxygen. “But I’ll go,” she added with a nod, then pushed back her shoulders with determination.
I watched as she hesitated before turning away from me and walking toward her car. Colin grabbed Paige’s things from her, his hand brushing against hers, and placed them in the trunk. My blood boiled as I witnessed the simple gesture. He ushered her to the driver’s door and opened it for her.
She slid into the front seat of her BMW and started the engine. Colin tried to get into the passenger side, but fumbled with the door. I wanted to cheer Paige on when I realized she’d locked it and refused to let him in. That was my girl.
My girl. And I was letting her go. Hell, making her go was more accurate.
She’s not my anything. Not anymore. Only an idiot would think she ever was.
Paige turned to me one last time, her eyes locking with mine before she dropped a pair of black sunglasses over them. The car’s tires spun as she pulled out and headed down the drive.
I followed behind, Buster tagging along with me, until she got to the main road and turned down it. When the taillights of her BMW faded out of view, I fell to my knees, the gravel from the road piercing the denim in my already ripped jeans.
How long does a man have to stay on his knees until a woman knows—innately knows—that he’s on them waiting for her?
Probably forever. And I deserved nothing less.
So I stood there like an asshole and watched her go, doing nothing. I never tried to stop her, begged her to stay, asked for more time, or anything. Instead I pushed her out the door and forced her to leave.
I’m a coward.
Right now I should be chasing her car, begging her to never go anywhere without me.
Maybe she’ll turn around?
Maybe she’ll come back?
I smacked the side of my head, pissed off at myself for being such a dick to her. My defense mechanism kicked into the gear the minute I saw Colin here. He was lucky I didn’t beat that smug grin right off his face. Instead I handed her over to him like she was a prize at the fair that he didn’t deserve to win. But I gave her up anyway.
Take her. You can have her. I don’t want her anymore.
Only an idiot would do something as stupid as that.
Only a fool watches the girl he cares about drive away and does nothing about it.
Only me.
I must have kneeled in the road for hours. At least, it seemed like hours. Staring at the empty gravel road, watching the dust from her car settle after she was long gone, I wished I could take back every single harsh word I’d spoken and bring her back to me. But it was too late for that. She was gone.
After sucking in one last long breath, I turned away from the deserted road and noticed Buster waiting for me, his head resting on his paws. “C’mere boy,” I whispered and he whined, sidling up to my side with his tail between his legs.
Slowly we walked together toward my mom’s house, just my dog and me, heads low, no tail wagging in sight.
“She’s gone?” Mama’s strained voice sliced through me as the screen door closed at my back.
I nodded, feeling responsible for both of our losses—again—as Mama turned away without another word and walked down the hall. The door to her room closed softly, and I moped to the back barn to wallow in solitude.
Buster didn’t follow me there. Even my own dog didn’t want to be around me after what I’d done, and he was right.
I didn’t want to be around me either.
Long Drive Home
Paige
I lost track of how many states I’d cried tears in. I wasn’t stupid when it came to Tatum and why he acted the way he did. In my gut, I knew that he didn’t mean any of the harsh words that spilled out of his mouth, but my mind wouldn’t stop replaying them, as if to try to convince me otherwise.
He didn’t want me. He told me to leave. The anguish of it all repeated, making sure I didn’t forget a single word of it.
“You’re a good time,” he’d said to me in an icy voice.
“No joke. I’m telling you to go. You should have never been here in the first place.”
Tears continued to spill down my cheeks each time his hateful tone echoed inside my mind. My entire body ached in a way I didn’t recognize.
The pain with Colin had been so very different from this. I’d thought I loved Colin, but now I wasn’t sure what exactly it was that I felt for him. Tatum made my relationship with Colin seem like such a joke; juvenile, at best.
Realizing that I was heading back to my reality, following the two men in my life that I currently liked the least, I reached for my cell phone tucked inside my purse and pulled it out. Glancing at it quickly, I turned it on for the first time in ages. It came to life, synched with my car, and started beeping out message alerts for what felt like five minutes straight.
Ignoring them all, I told my car to dial Quinn.
“What’s up, babe?”
“Don’t you ever work?” I teased through my tears.
“I’m actually in my trailer, brat, so start talking before I get called back on set,” she warned, and I lost it.
I sobbed for a moment, and after Quinn asked me three times what was wrong, she stayed silent until I stopped sounding like a wounded animal.
“Jayson and Colin came here,” I stuttered.
“Shut up. Oh my God, how’d they find you?”
“I have no idea.”
“Where are you?”
“Driving.”
“Driving where? Back home?”
“Yeah.”
“What about Tatum? Is he with you?”
“He told me to leave.” I sucked in a shaky breath as more tears fell. I wanted to say more about him, but I couldn’t.
“He told you to leave?” When I couldn’t respond, she finally added, “I’m so
rry, Paige. Where’s Colin now?”
“In Jayson’s car,” I spat out. “I wouldn’t let him ride with me.”
“Good girl,” she murmured. “How long until you’re back?”
“I’m not sure. Probably another couple of days.”
“I can’t believe Jayson drove out there and brought Colin with him. That’s just a low blow.”
“They flew.” I didn’t know why I felt like even the most minute details were important, but for some reason I wanted Quinn to have all the facts. “But then they rented a car to make sure I’d go back with them. It’s awful the way they showed up, demanding I leave. And I did it, Quinn. I just packed up my stuff and followed them like the good little obedient girl that I am.”
“No,” she snapped at me, her voice turning harsh. “Do not do that to yourself. Please don’t act like getting away didn’t change you, Paige, because I heard it in your voice. That trip was a good thing. Don’t diminish it. And you had to eventually come back, anyway. It’s not like you could stay gone forever.”
She was right. I would have had to come back to LA soon enough, so I allowed a smidgeon of that particular guilt to evaporate, even if I didn’t entirely agree with it. I felt like I was being bossed around, and I allowed it.
“Call me as soon as you get in, and I’ll come right over,” she insisted.
“I will.” I almost hung up before I whispered, “Quinn?”
“Yeah, babe.”
“Why didn’t you tell me what the tabloids were saying about me?”
My car speakers blared out a raspy crackle as she breathed into her cell phone. “It only just started happening, I swear. And I figured it would all die down, but so far, your being away has only kept the talk going. I was going to tell you about it the next time you called me, but honestly—”
She paused for a long enough time that I thought our call dropped. “Quinn?”
“Sorry. It’s just that part of me didn’t want to tell you about it because you needed to be away from all this bullshit. You were having such a good time being free that I didn’t want to make you feel like you had to come back to your chains. I didn’t want to be the reason you came home before you were ready.”
