Kei's Gift

by Ann Somerville

  Perhaps he couldn’t any longer. Kei thought their relationship needed to alter—though it was a rather abrupt change of heart from a man who had slept willingly in his arms for four nights, as trustingly as a pet hisk would lie in the lap of a child. But that was it, of course. Kei was not longer a ‘pet’—and no longer needed Arman’s protection, or his friendship. Now he was free to express his revulsion of what Arman was and what he had done.

  But then Arman remembered how Kei had sat holding his hand in the night—not for Arman’s sake, but his own—and knew the situation was not as simple as that. He sighed, again trying to find a position which didn’t hurt so much. In a few weeks, it would be moot. He hoped Kei would not torment himself unduly over their...relationship. Arman wished him well, wished him to be happy. Their fates were no longer joined, and so Arman could have no importance for him any more. Which was as it should be—whatever Arman might ever barely admit to himself he might want.

  He obediently ate the soup provided, and this time when Perik offered the painkiller drug, he accepted, letting it pull him down to sleep as it always did. When he woke again—clearly several hours later since it was now dark once more—Kei was back in the infirmary, bending over Vikis, changing dressings, and talking quietly to him. Vikis sounded rather confused, and a little frightened in his confusion, but Kei spoke gently in Prijian and held his hand until he quieted. Vikis either went to sleep then, or passed out.

  Kei stood and stretched, rubbed his lower back and then dumped the used bandages into a bowl. As he looked around, he saw Arman watching him. He didn’t smile as he came a little closer. “How do you feel?”

  “Better. If Tiko wants to interrogate me, I’m able to bear it.” He just wanted it out of the way, and he was, in truth, feeling strong enough for it.

  “He can wait—you look tired still.”

  “So do you. I’m fine. This can’t be delayed forever.”

  Kei narrowed his eyes at him. “As you wish, general.” He collected the bandages and walked out. Arman tried to collect himself, hoping the residue of the drug wouldn’t make him give anything away. What if they had a mind-speaker among them? He supposed he could do little to avoid revealing damaging information if they chose to use one.

  It took longer than he thought for Captain Tiko to come in, followed by a grim-faced Kei. “General? Kei tells me you’re up to being questioned. He’s going to be present to assure your welfare.”

  “Thank you.” Kei didn’t react to his gratitude. “I warn you now, I won’t give you any information about the Prijian defences.”

  “And the hostages? Where are they being kept?”

  “In houses in Utuk—I’ve never known where other than in one or two particular cases. I wasn’t in charge of that.”

  “The Rulers wish to ransom you for them. Do you judge this may succeed?”

  Arman wondered how in hells this captain, stuck at the southern end of this territory, could know this? “If you send such a demand, you’ll only be delivering a death sentence to your people. I’m sorry.”

  Tiko gave him a cold look. “Not that sorry, I warrant. Is there any time when they are collected together?”

  “I can’t tell you that.”

  Kei cleared his throat. “It’s only by a special concession of the sovereign, Tiko—for high festivals, as I understand it.”

  “And when is the next such high festival?”

  Tiko looked at Arman. “I won’t tell you that.”

  “Arman, please.” Kei leaned forward, a pleading look in his eyes.

  “I can’t. It’s asking for an attack.”

  Kei sat up and glared. “You’ll let them die.”

  “I won’t allow the deaths of hundreds of my own people for yours. You can’t ask that, it’s unfair.”

  “Unfair?” Kei clenched his fist. “You speak of this after what your people have done?”

  “Please, let me deal with this,” Tiko said, putting a placatory hand over Kei’s but then removing it rather quickly, as if he’d recalled something. “General, Kei’s right. Those deaths will be on your hands.”

  “Yes, I know. I still can’t betray my country, captain. So what will you do now? Bring on your mind-speakers? Wait until I’m drugged and ask again?”

  Kei stared at him in horror. “Arman, we don’t...no gifted person would do such a thing without consent! And I won’t permit the drugs—Tiko, don’t even think about that!”

  “Kei, calm down. Of course we won’t do that. I was hoping to appeal to the general’s conscience, but I see he doesn’t have one—or an ounce of mercy either. This is a waste of my time,” he said in disgust. “I hope you appreciate the irony of this situation, general. I hope the hostages appreciate it too.” He got up. “You’re travelling to Darshek in two days, along with those of your men who can travel with you. You’ll have eight weeks to change your mind. I beg you, for simple humanity’s sake, to think again. We Darshianese have no desire to conquer the Prij—we just want our people to come home, and to live in peace.”

  He turned and walked away, leaving Kei still sitting at Arman’s bedside.

  “You told me you would try to save them,” Kei said in a low voice. “You swore to die to protect me. Why won’t you do this, Arman?” He lifted puzzled, weary eyes to him. “We only want them home again.”

  “And how can that happen without an all-out attack? To help them escape is one thing—although you know as well as I do the chances of even that were slim. But to assist an attack on Utuk, on Kuplik? Are you saying the lives of Prijian citizens are worth less than those of Darshianese?”

  “No,” Kei answered coldly. “But the Darshianese citizens never took the Prij prisoners or murdered their people. We took no one captive for the sake of imperial expansion. It is not us who’ve brought this situation. It’s you and your kind. Tiko’s right. If those people die, you’re directly responsible. If Jena dies, it’s your fault. If that happens, I will never forgive you as long as I live.” He got up and stalked out, the line of his back telling Arman how angry he was.

  As he has every right to be. He didn’t want to live with Kei’s anger or his hate—he didn’t want to be the one who betrayed the Prij to the enemy either. But he was used to living with unpleasant compromises. This was just a lot more unpleasant than most of them.

  ~~~~~~~~

  Kei needed to get away from people so he could think. The problem was that it was dark, freezing cold and he was in a fort. He couldn’t go wandering off with a lamp like he would have done back home. The barracks were full, the canteen busy still.... He ended up climbing up on the wall walk behind the parapet, where the sentries were mounted. He nodded to the soldier keeping watch in the tower, then stood wrapped tightly in his warm cloak—his warm Prijian army cloak, he thought wryly—and stared at the dark outlines of the great Trejk range, visible because their peaks obscured the stars. On the other side of them, across the sea, lay Kuplik, and there were the hostages. His family, his friends—Jena, now as close to him as his sister, and as beloved. But also people like Karus. Arman’s family, whatever he thought of them. Ordinary men and women who just wanted a life lived in security. He had no doubt the ordinary Prij thought the Darshianese were animals, and their sovereign was only doing the best for the Prijian interest. But that was because they didn’t know. If they could just see us—if they could see we’re like them in every way, and we don’t want them hurt any more than they would want themselves hurt....

  He didn’t know what to think about Arman. Part of him understood. Part of him was deeply angry and shocked. Arman had brought the hostages to Utuk, and knew they would die if he didn’t help in their rescue—why couldn’t he overcome his blind loyalty to Kuprij? He had a strong moral sense, and an even stronger sense of honour—could he not see what the just solution was? Could he not...even for the sake of their friendship?

  And that was it. He expected Arman to make an exception for Kei, out of...guilt? Affection? Some sense of compensating
him for all that he’d suffered? Was that fair? Arman had never questioned Kei about Darshianese defences, and had once said he would never trust a man who would betray his loyalties like that. Was Kei being unreasonable to ask Arman to do what Arman would never ask another to do?

  But it was Jena, it was Peit, it was Urki and all the others...not some abstract concept of honour or pride. These were people Kei loved, people who had never done any harm to anyone...couldn’t Arman see this? Wouldn’t he even try?

  A tear slipped down his cheek as he thought of never seeing Peit or Jena again—worse, knowing they had died. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. They were all supposed go home together when the war was over. Kei didn’t want to be free if the others weren’t...but his return to captivity wouldn’t help...only, he missed them. He felt torn in two...or in three, since his friendship with Arman was now a thing of the past too. How could they be friends when Arman would allow this to happen?

  It was drizzling now. The true rainy season had passed more or less, but winter, especially in the south, was always wetter than the summer. He would become dangerously chilled if he stayed here and the last thing they needed was their healer to come down with lung fever. Because apart from anything else, he thought sourly, that would mean their damn prisoners wouldn’t have a nursemaid for the journey.

  He wiped the rain and the tears from his face on his cloak and climbed down again. He needed to eat and return to take over from Perik. Kei had had some sleep that day, so he could look after the infirmary during the night. He hoped Arman would sleep all the way through again. Kei couldn’t face him.

  The canteen was still busy, but perhaps not as much as before. He found a corner to himself so he could eat the good meat and bean pottage—the beasts killed in the battle had been a welcome addition to the fort’s larders, even if they were stringier than the ones normally kept for their meat and milk. Kei wasn’t fussy—all he cared about was that it was filling and hot, and he hadn’t had to find time and energy to cook it.

  A mug of honey beer was plonked down in front of him. He looked up into Tiko’s concerned eyes. “Thought you could use this, healer.”

  Kei thought about it, but it would send him to sleep. “I have to work, sorry.”

  But Tiko urged it on him. “No, you don’t. Nev will watch things tonight. I’ve already asked him. There’s a young chap, Sijk, who’s bright and willing to learn—he’ll help too. If there’s an emergency, they can call you. But I’m not letting you back in that infirmary until tomorrow unless there is.”

  “You have no right!”

  Kei pushed himself away from the table in anger at being ordered around this way, but Tiko gripped his wrist and refused to let go until he sat down again. “I have every damn right, actually. Not only am I part of the command of this fort, I’m worried about a friend. You may not consider me that, but I and my men owe you a debt. I won’t repay it by allowing you to kill yourself.”

  Kei put his hands around the mug of beer, but didn’t drink. “I’m not that fragile,” he muttered.

  “No? Looked in a mirror lately? What did they do to you in Utuk? Where were you kept?”

  Kei had forgotten he hadn’t actually explained what he’d been doing with Arman’s force, except he’d been one of the hostages. “We were all sent to work in the houses of the nobility. Arman’s page was killed at Darbin in the attack there, and for some reason, the damn sovereign of Prij, who’s as loopy as a crazed thurl, decided the best reward for someone who hated our guts was to set one of us to work for him. It just happened to be me—no particular reason.”

  “So he hates us...well, that explains why he won’t help,” Tiko said disgustedly.

  “No, you don’t understand...he used to hate us...but...things happened and he knows what we’re like now.”

  He realised how this sounded and quickly swallowed some beer to cover his embarrassment. Tiko narrowed his eyes. “You...and him?”

  “No! Not like that,” he said quickly. “But...we became friends, and one of the other hostages, Jena from Ai-Rutej, their healer—she was placed with Arman’s dearest friend...he doesn’t hate us any more, that’s all.”

  “Fine, but that doesn’t explain why you’re thinner than a gike sapling, why you flinch if anyone touches you, or why you’re so unhappy even though you’ve been freed. What happened to you?”

  “I don’t want to talk about it. Arman didn’t do it”—not deliberately, at least— “so don’t blame him for it.”

  Tiko pushed the mug back to him as a hint to drink some more of it. The beer was very good, if a little too light and sweet—he preferred the darker ale his sister made. It must have been sent from Ai-Rutej, as he doubted the soldiers were brewing here. “But you admit something did happen to you, which only confirms my concern. My order stands, healer—if you try to enter that infirmary tonight, I’ll have you tied up and put in the barracks. You’ve saved their lives, you don’t need to ruin your own.”

  “Mine’s already ruined,” Kei muttered into the beer mug. Tiko couldn’t have heard him. “The general couldn’t really be expected to give you any information. His family and friends live in Utuk.”

  Tiko sighed. “Yes, I know. Looking at it from his point of view, I suppose I’d feel the same. But you said you were friends, can’t you talk to him?”

  “We’re not friends any longer,” Kei said coldly. “Whatever we had was born of inequality, and my need of protection from him. Now he’s just my patient. I have no special influence on him, as you saw.”

  “As you say. It’s probably for the best. I don’t think your clan would be too pleased with your being cosy with one of the Prij, not after everything. The people at Ai-Vinri will be baying for his blood.”

  Kei stared at him in shock. “No, Tiko, you can’t—he’s under our protection.”

  “Whoa, healer—gods, it doesn’t take much to set you off about this man. Are you sure you’re no longer friends?”

  “He’s my damn patient! I don’t want any of the Prijian soldiers given over to vengeance! None of them are the ones who killed the man in Ai-Vinri, and Arman had no choice about arranging the executions—” He bit his tongue. He hadn’t meant to say that.

  “Oh. I see.” Tiko folded his arms. “So the villagers at Ai-Vinri will be even more keen to get their hands on him. This puts things in a different light.” He drummed his fingers on the table. Kei drank more of his beer, because it was better than opening his mouth and putting his foot in it again. “I was going to send the men with one of my sergeants, but I think I had better go with you and the escort. This could get nasty.”

  “We could avoid Ai-Vinri.”

  “Word will get out anyway. No, I want to control this situation. My co-commanders can hold the fort easily here, but I have a duty to get the general to Darshek in one piece, and I also want you to get there safely. Kei, I urge you not to make too much of your friendship with this man—it’ll breed ill feeling.”

  Kei glared at him. “Don’t worry. I won’t be making much of anything. I don’t want to go near him, if I can help it.”

  “Then don’t, unless you need to. Your gift...something’s amiss there, isn’t it?”

  “Yes...as I said, I was there when the Ai-Vinri hostages died and something...it’s harmed me.”

  Tiko winced, nodding sympathetically. “I imagine it would. Look, I’ll have a cot taken into the office. You can sleep there, have some time to yourself. Would that help?”

  “Yes, it really would,” Kei said gratefully, not expecting such a gesture. “Thank you—I don’t want to cause any trouble.”

  “Don’t be an idiot, man, you’ve earned it even if it weren’t a simple kindness anyway. You know the office? By the time you drink that, I’ll have it arranged, and your pack taken there. The guards will find you if there’s a problem in the infirmary, I promise you.”

  Other than his residual irritation at Tiko’s highhandedness—which was only how a captain would behave—Kei f
elt intense relief to be able to escape all the men, all their emotions. And Arman. He needed to keep away from Arman now. He didn’t need him any more—or the pain being close to him would bring.

  ~~~~~~~~

  Kei didn’t speak to him again for two days. Arman wasn’t surprised, but still it hurt to be treated as a pariah. The other two medics, Nev and Perik, were impersonally efficient and changed his dressings and attended to his other needs as well as Kei would have done—but they weren’t Kei, and Arman missed his gentle handling. It wasn’t that Kei was never in the infirmary. He was, although he took more regular and longer breaks, for which Arman was glad, although he never smiled, or looked anything other than weary. It wasn’t even as if Kei ignored him—when he came to check on the other patients, or to sit with Vikis, Arman would sometimes find those dark eyes on him. Kei wouldn’t look away when discovered, but he wouldn’t say anything either before he returned to his task. He never looked at Arman’s injuries, at least while Arman was awake, and he had to assume Kei relied on the reports of his assistants.

  It was therefore a surprise when Kei came in three days later and, walking straight to his bedside, began asking him a series of questions about his degree of pain, how well he could tolerate sitting up, and feeling his pulse and temperature. Arman answered everything he was asked, and then had a question of his own. “What’s going on?”

  Kei gave him a cold look. “They want to move you today. I want to make sure you’re truly fit to travel as I’ll be the one responsible for your welfare on the journey.”

  “You? You’re going with us?”

  “Do you not think five months away from my clan is enough, Sei Arman?” Kei didn’t look at him as he spoke, checking the dressing over his side, and the splint on his leg.