Kei snorted. “Don’t you get sick of being noble?”
Arman stiffened at the rudeness. “At least I’m not the one proposing to commit slow suicide because he won’t even ask for help.”
“No, of course, that makes you and everyone else on earth better than me.”
Kei sounded so tired and sad. Arman couldn’t stay annoyed with him, knowing his irritability was caused by his own misery. “Answer me this question and try to be as truthful as you can, as fully as you can. I promise not to hold it against you whatever you say.” Kei looked up at him with puzzled eyes. “What—and who—would make you happy...given your present difficulty? What—who—do you truly want?”
Kei sat back, and his mouth drew down in a grim line. He stared at Arman for long moments, unnerving Arman a little, since this penetrating gaze was nothing like what Arman usually received from his healer friend. But at last he sighed. “All I truly want is to go home...and to be with you. Because Reji’s right, the damn interfering bastard—I do love you. But you’re wrong—I don’t love you because I need you. I need you because I love you.”
Kei was trying to sound irritated, but underneath the tone was a note of...fear? Did he truly think Arman would reject him, when he’d just given Arman the gift he wanted most in the world? Cautious hope bloomed within Arman. “Then if you want to go home, and you want to be with me, the answer is that I go home with you, is it not?”
“But...you can’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because...you’re going home. Back to Utuk.”
Arman stood and went to Kei. He would have knelt but his leg would never have stood that strain. “I told you. I’ve had no home since Loke died—none save with you. I’ll live anywhere in any way that lets me be with you.”
Kei let Arman pull him to his feet. “But Karus...your career.... These are important to you, don’t deny it.”
“Yes, they are, but not as important as you. Karus told me to find some joy in my life. You bring me joy, Kei. You’re my home, my peace, and I will live in a hut in the wilderness if your people won’t allow me to be with you, but...if your only reason for not letting me be with you is this, then...please, don’t throw your life away on a principle.”
Kei stared into his eyes without saying a word, and Arman couldn’t begin to work out what was going on in that moral, battered head of his. At last he stepped back, and Arman’s heart sank, fearing he hadn’t convinced Kei, or that there was some objection he hadn’t covered. But then Kei picked up the end of his braid and tugged at the leather thong that held the tail in place, pulling the tie off completely. He shook his head and his hair fell loose around him, like a rippling black silk sail.
Arman’s mouth went dry at the sight, and he hardly dared breathe for the desire that filled him, the raw need the simple gesture had woken in him after so many weeks of holding his passion in check. If Kei turned away now, Arman thought he might go mad.
“I think,” Kei said quietly, “my answer is best given in another way.” He came to Arman, bringing his hands up to cup his face before gently touching his lips to Arman’s.
Arman buried his trembling hands in the long, fine mass of Kei’s hair. “I love you,” he whispered. Kei kissed him again, this time more forcibly, and Arman discovered what it was like to kiss where there was desire and love, where there was no duty, only need. He discovered what it was like to hold a lithe, hard body against him, to feel Kei hardening and know it was for him and because of him, and that he didn’t have to hide his own passion any longer. Kei’s mouth burned and ravaged him and he, a willing student and devotee, could only go where Kei’s skilful hands and lips led him.
Kei pressed him back a little, and the stumble that caused brought Arman back to their situation. “I foresee two difficulties.”
Kei leaned back a little, his eyes crossed a little with lust. “Which are?”
Arman smiled at his impatient tone. “My leg won’t stand much more of this—and I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing. There’s also your headache to consider.”
Kei closed in on him again and rested against him provocatively. “What headache?” he breathed, his words sending ripples of excitement to Arman’s cock. But then he stepped back again and bent to pick up the walking stick Arman hadn’t even noticed he’d dropped. He gave him the stick, collected the lamp from the desk and held out his hand. “Come with me.”
Arman seized his hand and let himself be led into the bedroom, feeling more apprehensive than the first time he took command of the army, and every bit as inexperienced. He was glad of Kei’s confident desire, and only hoped he wouldn’t disappoint him too badly.
But Kei, once he set the lamp down, put his arms around him and laid his head on Arman’s shoulder. “You really don’t have any idea, do you?”
Arman shook his head, at the same time indulging a long-held fantasy of being able to run his fingers through Kei’s unbound hair. “I’m sorry...I know you expect—”
Kei put a finger to his lips. “I expect nothing. I just want you to hold me as a lover, not as a friend.”
“Can’t I be both?”
Kei lifted his head to smile at him. “Friend or no friend, I at least want you to be naked.”
Arman had never slept naked in his life, and the idea of being allowed to have Kei’s bare skin on his own made him tremble. He nodded, and stood still as Kei solemnly undressed him, even unwinding his loincloth and folding everything neatly on a chair. Even though Kei had seen him nude before, this was different—he was no longer a patient, or a master. He was that new and wonderful thing, Kei’s lover, and beloved of Kei. “It’s only fair,” he said, his voice hoarse with desire, “that you undress too.”
Kei laughed. “Don’t be so impatient. Sit.”
He pushed Arman carefully back onto the bed, before stepping back into the pool of lamplight. He slowly unlaced his shirt, deft fingers playing with the leather, his throat exposed as if to invite a kiss or even something less gentle. As he drew his shirt off, his stomach muscles rippled, and Arman realised how very strong and fit Kei had become over their long journey with all the riding. Trousers were slid down over powerful, lean thighs, then Kei’s long cock sprang free, erect and unashamed. Arman flushed—he’d seen Kei naked too, but never in a state of arousal. Because he was so natural about his nudity, and so lacking in aggression, sometimes it was easy to forget he was entirely male, hair or no hair, gentle manner or not.
The oddness of the situation was suddenly brought home to him. “I’ve never been with a man,” he blurted out. “I’ve never even slept with anyone but Mayl.”
Kei finished undressing unhurriedly as if he hadn’t spoken at all, then came over and kissed him again, on the lips, and on the forehead, as if to reassure him. His body felt so warm, the muscles hard under deceptively soft skin, so smooth and fine. “Then you’ve never made love at all.”
Arman nodded. He doubted Kei really knew just how very inexperienced he was, but he wasn’t going to tell him, and Kei was hardly pressing him. “I want to make love to you.”
“Yes.” Kei’s hands ran gently down his sides, making him shiver. “So hairy, but so beautiful. Like a god.”
“Not a god. The gods are cruel.”
“And you’re always kind to me,” he said, leaning in for a kiss. He looked up at Arman. “Are you worried?”
“Terrified. I have no idea what you want to do with me.”
Kei gave him a slightly impish smile. “Nothing bad, I promise.”
“You couldn’t. To have you touch me....” He caressed Kei’s cheek. “Or to touch.... I’ve been starving all my life for this.” Kei nodded against his hand, leaning into it. “Will you have regrets? You love Reji, and he certainly loves you.”
“This won’t change my feelings for Reji. It just means I won’t have sex with him any more, because I’m going to be with you now.” As he spoke, his hands moved gently down Arman’s stomach, brushing his cock and making it leap a l
ittle. “Have you never even thought about what you might do with me if I ever was with you?”
Arman shook his head. His imagination had so little to work with, and none of it concerned two men together. “Just...to hold you and...to touch you.”
Kei took Arman’s hand and wrapped some of his hair around it. “You want to touch this, I know.”
“Yes.” Oh yes.
“Tell me how you want to touch it, Arman. What would you like me to do to you while you hold my hair? Should I kiss you?” Arman nodded, winding his fingers even more tightly into the smooth length of Kei’s hair. Kei leaned forward and nibbled at his lips. “Your beard feels strange,” he whispered, rubbing the bristle.
“I’ll shave it off.”
“No. I thought I’d want you to, but now I want you to keep it.” Kei kissed him again, and then knelt so he could lay his face on Arman’s stomach, kissing the soft skin of his belly, teasing the fine hairs there with his tongue and making Arman shiver. He licked a little lower, and bit gently at the skin below his navel, a strange and powerfully arousing sensation—Arman had never felt so sexually stimulated, his cock never this hard or needy before.
He didn’t know what to ask for or where to touch Kei, but he needed more of something, that was for sure. And he wanted it soon or he might possibly lose his mind if Kei bit him like that again.
As if sensing that, Kei dipped his head lower, his hands parting Arman’s thighs, his fingers stroking along the soft inner skin near his balls. Arman held his breath—what was Kei going to do now? Warm lips brushed lightly against the top of his cock and he jerked in surprise—he hadn’t thought...would Kei really...?
But Kei moved away again, and traced patterns with his tongue on Arman’s thigh. Arman relaxed—it seemed Kei was just going to lick him from head to foot...one of Kei’s hands cupped his balls and rolled them carefully, the strange but enjoyable sensation distracting Arman from Kei’s mouth—but then warm heat engulfed his cock, the sudden intense pleasure shocking, so much more than anything he could have imagined. He instinctively tried to move, whether into or away from it, he wasn’t even sure himself, but Kei’s grip was insistent, his mouth relentless.
Helpless against the rising tide of his arousal, Arman plunged his hands again into Kei’s hair, holding him tight, wanting him closer, harder...if there was even one fantasy he had, this was it and he wondered how Kei could possibly have known...and that it was Kei doing this, and not some faceless stranger....
His hands shook, his whole body trembled with desire, overwhelmed by the sensations of what Kei was doing to him, but also acutely aware of how Kei’s hair slipped through his fingers, of Kei’s warm body between his legs, and always, that he’d been given his heart’s desire. Finally, happiness was not just within his reach, but in his hands.
As he came with a startled cry, he found he was still holding Kei’s hair and head in a cruel grip. Mortified by his selfishness, he let him go with a murmured apology. But Kei stayed where he was, his tongue still licking and sucking Arman’s cock. Arman made him pull away, and found his lover—oh, wonderful word—smiling up at him, looking rather smug. “I didn’t mean to...did I hurt you?”
“No, you didn’t. No one’s ever done that to you before, have they?” Arman shook his head mutely, ashamed of his lack of experience, but curiously glad Kei was the first to give such a wonderful gift to him. “And was that frightening?”
Kei stood so Arman could look directly into his teasing dark eyes, his perfect mouth, the lips that were so soft but so very clever, curved into a sweet smile, “It was wonderfully frightening. Do...?” Arman was about to ask if Kei wanted him to do the same to him, but his courage failed him. He simply wouldn’t know how to begin, and he was afraid he might gag, or hurt Kei. “How can I make you feel good too?”
In answer, Kei kissed him, the same agile tongue that had just been curled around his cock now plundering his mouth, his kisses as different from Mayl’s perfunctory efforts as sand was from water. Arman could have kissed Kei all night, could have spent a year holding him and revelling in being so close to him, having so much of his beautiful body against him, and so he complained a little when Kei pulled away. “Where are you going?”
Kei stuck his tongue out a little as an impudent reply, as he went looking for something on the table near the bed, found what he wanted and triumphantly held up the pot of ointment Siv had been using for Arman’s leg massages. Something occurred to him—he took a cautious sniff of the contents before he smiled again, apparently reassured by what he’d detected. Arman’s mouth went dry again, this time from nervousness. Kei had said he and Reji used this stuff for sex...did Kei want...how could he...?
“You suddenly went petrified just then—what’s wrong?” Kei said, climbing on the bed and putting an arm around him.
“The cream...do you want me to...or...I really don’t....”
Kei put his fingers on Arman’s lips and shook his head with a smile. “No, not that, not now—it’s all new to you, and for all I know you wouldn’t even like it.”
Arman was relieved, ashamed to be so, but relieved nonetheless. “But what do you need the massage ointment for?”
“Let me show you. Sit up against the backboard. Mind your ribs.” Kei got him comfortably settled, and then sat between Arman’s legs, his back to Arman’s chest, his enormous length of hair carefully tucked out of the way. “Put your hand on me.”
“On your...?” Kei took his hand and put it firmly around Kei’s cock. It definitely felt odd to touch another man this way but to have the freedom to do this made his heart soar with pride. He gave the long cock a light upstroke and Kei wriggled appreciatively. “Like that?”
“Mmmm, but that’s why you need the ointment.” He took Arman’s hand and put some of the stuff on his fingers—it was smooth and slick, with no particular odour. “I had to check they weren’t using the tirsel leaf—that would have brought this night to a very early close,” he said with a chuckle.
“You sound as if you know this from experience.”
“Not me—Reji. If you don’t clean it off your fingers properly and then have a piss, it’s beyond painful. He had me cleaning his cock for an hour to try and get it off—it’s amazingly persistent.”
“Ouch,” Arman said in sympathy. “This is safe, I hope.”
“Yes. Now.” Kei brought Arman’s hand down to his cock again. “Try it again.”
This time, the stroking was much smoother and easier, and Kei sighed in pleasure. “Oh, gods, that’s it...just do what you’d do for yourself.” He suddenly twisted to look into Arman’s eyes with a worried expression. “You’re not such a saint that you don’t masturbate, are you?”
Arman grinned. “I’m no saint, just deprived. How do you think I keep sane?”
Kei smiled. “Oh, good—for a moment there, I was afraid you were too innocent to be real. Oh...now try this.”
Gently Kei guided him, suggesting he try this, or move that way, all the time his breathy sighs telling Arman how much he enjoyed it. Arman was astonished how much he was enjoying this, the feel of Kei’s cock in his hand, the smooth soft skin sliding easily under his fingers, the act both familiar and strange—the shape of Kei’s manhood was subtly different, longer but narrower than his own, a little more sensitive in some ways, and less in others. Kei caught his other hand and brought it up to one of his nipples. Arman hadn’t realised that a man could enjoy being touched in that manner, but from the way Kei moaned and wriggled, he truly did like having his nipples tweaked carefully and rolled.
This was so much more beautiful, so much more satisfying than the mockery of lovemaking he’d endured that night months ago with his wife, whose cries of pleasure had been both feigned and forced. Not like Kei who shifted in his lap like a wild thing, lost in his delight and truly wanting Arman’s hands on him, not an ounce of guile or pretence in anything he did, just pure reaction and emotion. Arman was instantly and permanently addicted to the power of making Ke
i lose himself in his desire and need. Who needed to command an army when the feel of his fingers and lips enslaved his whole world?
He tried to prolong it for Kei as long as he could, knowing that was what he liked best himself and guessing Kei was not so very different. He took some pride in the fact he could drive Kei quite pleasantly mad for some time, but finally Kei came with a guttural calling of his name, and a wonderful whole body shiver. Arman kept his hand loosely on him, and let Kei lie limply against him, obviously sated, obviously satisfied. He hoped it didn’t compare too badly with how Reji might have done it.
Kei lifted Arman’s sticky hand and kissed it, and then, rather to Arman’s shock, licked his own come from it. He wasn’t sure why it shocked him when Kei had swallowed Arman’s seed a few minutes before—it was partly that it would never have occurred to him that any one would ever do such a thing. But there were so many things he had no idea about.
Kei got him to rub the rest of the ointment into the skin of Kei’s stomach, and then he lay back against Arman, his contentment plain. “Are you happy?” Arman murmured against his ear.
“Yes, I am,” Kei said just as quietly. “I’ve been such a damn fool.”
“Why?”
“Because I thought it was wrong you made me feel so at peace, and yet the pain that leaving you caused me should have proved my mistake. Pain has a purpose, and in this case, its purpose was to tell me I’m an idiot.”
Arman chuckled and played idly with the strands of hair that had escaped and were hanging down Kei’s chest. “And will this heal you? You meant it, I hope, when you said that you aren’t just doing this from necessity.” He winced as Kei elbowed him—fortunately not on his injured side. “Sorry.”
“You should be. If I didn’t come to you out of necessity before, I wouldn’t come now. Yes, Bikel thinks you can heal me, but there are other parts to this problem that only time and I can deal with. My gift has altered. He doesn’t know why, and that’s something I’ll always need to watch.” He sighed. “How long are you going to be away?”
Kei's Gift Page 64
