“Well, it’s eight days to Utuk and the same back—but it could be a month or more while actually in Kuprij depending on what happens.”
“Then I’ll be going with you, of course.”
Arman’s hand tightened in Kei’s hair, his contentment replaced in an instant by raw fear. “No, you aren’t.”
Kei turned around. “I wasn’t aware I’d been asking permission.”
“There might be a battle—very likely there will be—I can’t allow you to be in such danger...not after what happened to Loke...please don’t ask this.”
Kei twisted and knelt facing him, looking at him gravely. “And yet you can go into danger, possibly be killed. Can’t you imagine what your death will do to me? Or even just waiting here, wondering if you’ll ever come back? It would be better to slit my throat before you leave than to endure that.”
Arman’s heart stuttered in his chest at the very idea. “Kei...if anything happened to you....”
Kei put a gentle hand on Arman’s cheek. “You would have to tell yourself that it was still kinder than the alternative. Do you have to go? They can’t just carry out your plans?”
“No, they need me—I can only prepare them so much, but there’s always the unanticipated problem, not to mention the negotiations with Her Serenity. We’re going to try and minimize the fighting, but we can’t be sure there won’t be serious resistance. I can’t protect you if you go on this.”
“But...are the Rulers going?”
“Lords Meki and Peika are coming. I don’t think they’d look too kindly on my bringing my lover along.”
Kei made a face. “You forget that’s not all I am. Do you have a healer on this expedition? A soul-toucher? Who’s going to make sure your soldiers are fit and that the hostages are cared for? Some damn army medic?”
Arman wished this didn’t sound so reasonable. “No, you’re right—this is an omission, and if you’re really going to insist on coming, then I could also do with your help with the Gifted. Reis is presently being rather moody because a sailor died while he was bringing the ships in, and is talking about not going at all. We desperately need him—the other mind-mover can’t do this on his own. Do you think you could talk to him?”
“I’ll try. You forget how important this is to me too.”
Arman tugged on a lock of Kei’s hair. “No, I’ve never forgotten that. It’s not my principal reason but it’s been my principal consolation, since I never thought...that you and I....”
Kei smiled a little cheekily. “That you and I...would have sex?”
“You need a spanking,” Arman said, tugging on his hair again.
Kei pulled the lock out of his fingers. “Now don’t you start that, I’ve had enough hair pulling from Myka. Lesson one in the care and feeding of your Darshianese lover is—the hair always has to be rebraided before you and he go to bed, no matter how sleepy or tired you are.”
“Why?”
“Because your Darshianese lover doesn’t want to wake up half strangled, hair up his backside and the whole thing in an unholy tangle. You may like the look of it, but it takes as much attention as a sickly urs beast. You don’t know what you’re taking on.”
Arman grinned and pulled him closer for a kiss. “I know exactly what and who I’m taking on. I’ll braid your hair every night and every morning if I have to, because it, and you, make me happy.”
Kei nuzzled his smooth cheek against Arman’s bristly one. “Oh, if I’d known you were prepared to be my personal hairdresser, Sei Arman, I’d have been in your bed weeks ago. What a wasted opportunity,” he said with a dramatic sigh.
Arman just held him closer. “Not wasted,” he whispered.
Chapter : Darshek 4
Kei now had had the opportunity to see Arman’s sleeping face many times, but he had never seen it so happy or at peace before—he couldn’t help but be amazed how his handsome lover became even more beautiful when at peace. Only when he was like this, did it become obvious how unhappy and under stress Arman was most of the time, however well he tried to conceal it. The lines around his mouth and his eyes were the only clue. When they were gone, as now, it revealed what he looked like when he truly felt relaxed.
The sense of warmth and the relief from sadness that lying next to Arman brought were also familiar, but the lack of guilt at feeling this way was completely new. He had been released from being a hostage weeks ago, but he hadn’t felt truly free until this moment. He couldn’t stop smiling like an idiot as he looked at Arman. What a night it had been. Not the sex itself—after all, he had had his release with Reji earlier, and Reji was far more skilled than Arman, if all Kei wanted was simple sexual pleasure. What had made it something he would treasure forever, was Arman himself and his sweet, serious innocence—so inexperienced, so willing to please, and so astonished at discovering the pleasure even simple acts could bring.
It was a crime against nature, nothing less, that Arman had been denied the enjoyment of lovemaking before now. The kaleidoscope of Arman’s emotions—his joy, nervousness transmuting into raw delight, even pride at making Kei come, the wonder of discovery—had been like a drug and for the first time in months Kei had stopped cursing his gift. He even felt a little sorry for normals that they would never know what it was like to share what Arman was feeling. For once his ‘gift’ really had been just that.
Kei thought of Reji, and how two years ago, his lover had initiated him into lovemaking with another man, how he’d been so patient and careful with him. But Kei hadn’t been a virgin for all intents and purposes, and it hadn’t been the culmination of months of frustration...and Kei had not been deeply in love with Reji.
Reji.... Kei would have to talk to him and soon. But for now, he wanted to enjoy watching Arman sleep, and this languid peace. He wished his headache could have been magically cured by happiness—he had been so absorbed in Arman’s reactions that it had receded until they had settled down to sleep—but a concussion was a concussion. He would have a headache for a couple of days or more, and that was that. Considering the gash on his head, he was lucky it wasn’t worse.
He dozed again, and woke to find Arman was no longer watched, but the watcher. “Good morning,” Arman said quietly, his eyes crinkling up in a smile.
“Hmmm, yes, it is,” Kei said, his own smile coming out in response. “You’re so handsome when you’re asleep, you know.”
Arman brushed the back of his hand against Kei’s cheek. “Just thinking the same. How’s the headache?”
“There, unfortunately.”
“Maybe you should rest today.”
“No, I want to be with you, and I need to make arrangements for medical care, and talk to Reis.” Arman’s expression darkened. “Arman, I don’t want to fight with you over this.”
“I know...and you’re right, but you can’t expect me to be happy about it.”
Kei tangled his hand in Arman’s hair and pulled him close for a slow kiss, which at least made his lover smile. “No, I don’t expect that. I don’t exactly want to go back to Utuk either, but until this war is over, then neither of us can do as we wish.” He stared into Arman’s eyes—how could anyone have eyes that colour? It was scarcely natural. “Will you really be happy living in Ai-Albon?”
“Yes.” No hesitation, no reservation.
“Fedor will have a fit. He won’t be the only one.”
Arman kissed his forehead. “If they’re not prepared to put up with my presence for your sake, then they don’t deserve you. I’ll do my best to help them accept it.”
“But what will you do? You’re a noble, a general—we’re just farmers and miners.”
“Then I will learn to farm or to mine. Don’t imagine I like being in the army—I never chose that for myself. As for being a noble....” He pulled a face. “My caste has no charms for me.”
Kei wound one golden springy lock of hair around his finger—strange to have hair that resisted this way. “Won’t you be bored?”
“Are you
trying to talk me out of this? A day ago, you were prepared to live a life of raw misery because you didn’t believe I would come back home with you, and now I’ve said I will, you’re making every argument you can to stop me.”
That intense blue gaze was serious, even though there was humour in his tone. “I just don’t want you to throw your life away for me,” Kei said, tugging a little on the curl in his grasp.
“Funny, because I was thinking my life was just truly beginning. I’m going with you, and you’re stuck with me now. Get used to it.” Arman hugged him briefly, but then sighed. He sat up and scratched his head. “I need to tell Lord Meki, and there’s a lot to do. I have to get up—you can stay in bed if you like.”
But Kei sat up too. “No, I need to speak to Reji and then find out what the situation is with medics and such.”
He started to get out of bed, but Arman caught his shoulder. “Reji? Are you going to be all right talking to him?”
“The man took it upon himself to interfere so thoroughly last night, he can hardly complain about anything now,” Kei said firmly, although he wasn’t quite as sure as he tried to sound. “In fact, let me go talk to him now, I’ll return so we can have our breakfast and you can take me to Lord Meki, if you think that’s best.” There was no point in delaying this, and he wanted to spare Reji even a moment’s more concern. It was still early. Kei didn’t want anyone accusing Arman of letting his lover interfere with his task.
Arman kissed him gently. “As you wish. Gods, that I’m allowed to kiss you now....”
Kei grinned. “Not only allowed, my lord, positively encouraged. I won’t be long.”
He dressed quickly, and realised he’d have to retrieve his poor clothes. They’d really had been on a tour in the last few days. He went upstairs and knocked on the door of the guest room, his heart in his throat—he hoped this wasn’t going to be ugly. His control was somewhat better but it wouldn’t stand a huge emotional outburst, especially not from someone he was as close to as Reji.
The door opened to reveal a haggard, anxious looking Reji. “Kei! Damn it, I was worried sick!” He grabbed Kei and crushed him close. “Where did you go?”
“I’m all right, just let’s get inside,” Kei said, gritting his teeth against the pain of the contact, but not wanting to push his friend away. Reji was actually shaking, he had been so upset, and Kei felt angry with himself for not thinking of what this was doing to those who loved him.
Reji pulled him into the apartments, and then peered at him anxiously, before thrusting him back. “I’m sorry, I forgot...are you all right, little brother?”
Kei made himself put his arms around Reji’s waist and hug him, ignoring the pain it caused him. “I’m fine—it’s all right. Can we sit? I need to talk to you, and then I have to get back to Arman.”
Reji pulled himself free. “Arman? So you spoke to him?”
“Yes, I did,” Kei said, pantomiming a cuff to his head. “That’s for interfering. And this,” he said, kissing Reji’s cheek, “is for caring.”
Reji looked at him in a guarded way. “So...you two have stopped playing games?”
“Yes, we have. It’s all right. He’s going to come back to the village with me, though the gods only know what Fedor will think.”
“Fedor will have a fit.”
“That’s what I said.”
Reji smiled, although Kei couldn’t help but know it was forced a little. “But then this is perfect—we don’t lose you, and you’re happy. I’m glad, Keichichi.”
“And I’m sorry, Rei-ki. You know I’ll always love you, don’t you? I just...need to be with him, and he with me.”
Reji took his hands and peered into his eyes. “No, I understand. I knew you did from the first time you spoke of him, that’s why I couldn’t understand why you were being so blind. Or so damn stupid.”
“Neither can I now. I couldn’t see how it could work—but the solution was simple. I’m just not looking forward to the arguments when we get back.”
Reji struck his own chest with his fist. “I’ll fight anyone who tries to send him away. You’re too important to lose,” he said stoutly.
It broke Kei’s heart to see him trying to put such a brave face on it, but his lover...his friend...obviously needed to do it this way. “Thank you...and I’ll fight anyone who tries to tell me I can’t love both of you at the same time.” He came up to him and laid his head on Reji’s shoulder. “Even him, do you understand me? The only thing that changes is sex.”
“Maybe we should convince him to try three in a bed,” Reji joked, but his eyes were still sad.
“Er...no. He’s unusually free-minded for a Prij, but he’s still a Prij.” Reji wasn’t serious, but Kei still felt bad about this. “Anyway, I wanted to tell you, and to apologise for being such a brat last night. I also need you to explain to Fedor that I’ll be gone longer than planned because I’m going to Utuk with Arman—”
“You what?” Reji yelled. Kei had to move away from him hastily out of sheer self-defence. “You’re pissing well not doing anything of the sort! You only just escaped from there!”
“I need to be with him, and if he died....”
“Then he dies, but he’s not taking you with him!” Reji pushed past him to stalk towards the door.
“Reji, no, where are you going?”
“To tell his pissing lordship he’s not taking you away from us again.”
He was out of the room and slamming it before Kei could move—by the time he opened the door and raced after him, Reji was at the stairs and running down them.
“Reji, stop!” Kei called, not wanting to shout up and down the halls of the Rulers’ House but dismayed at the turns of events.
Reji ignored him and disappeared out of his sight. All Kei could do was run and hope Reji didn’t actually do any physical harm before he caught him.
He got to Arman’s rooms where he found the door open and Reji holding Arman’s shirt in his clenched fist, clearly about to bellow at him. Arman wasn’t offering any resistance and his expression was blank—but Kei sensed how angry he was. ”Reji, let him go and get away from him.”
Reji ignored him. “You are not taking Kei back to Utuk, you bastard,” he said, shaking Arman. “Haven’t you done enough to him?”
Kei forced himself between Reji and Arman. “Get away from him, I said. Reji! He’s injured! Let him go!” Whether it was his yell, or his words or just Reji not wanting to hurt him, Kei didn’t know, but it worked—he let Arman loose and moved back. “Gods, what are you doing, you damn idiot! Arman’s not ‘taking’ me anywhere!”
Reji pointed at Arman—as yet not saying anything to either of them—with a trembling hand. “Are you going to die for him now? It’s not enough we had to let you go with him as a hostage, and see you come back so damaged?” He took a shuddering breath and turned to Arman. “Isn’t it enough you take our brightest jewel without you taking it and throwing it into the midden? Who are you to deserve him, if you can’t even protect him?”
Kei drew breath to speak, but Arman laid his hand on his arm. “Let me,” he said quietly. He moved forward. “First of all, I’m no happier about this than you are, Reji. But Kei is a free man now. I’m not making him do anything, and I never will do so again. Secondly, he’s not a possession to be bandied about, taken, thrown away or owned. You may love him but you don’t own him. Neither do I. How he came to my notice, yes, I accept that was wrong, all of it was wrong. But no one’s keeping him by force.”
“And no one is making me go to Utuk, “ Kei repeated. “I need to go. Apart from anything else, I can be useful, and I want our people home. I’ll never rest until I know they’re safe.”
“And of course you’re the only one who can do this,” Reji said with heave sarcasm, his angry, sorrowful eyes burning into Kei. “How convenient for the Butcher of Ai-Darbin.”
The name sent a spike of sorrow through Arman, and drove Kei to instant fury. “Get out, Reji,” he said through gritted tee
th. “Just go home and take your self-righteousness with you. I want no one near me who claims to be a friend but who’ll hurt someone I love.”
“No.” Kei turned, puzzled at Arman’s soft word. “Don’t do this. Don’t destroy an old and valuable relationship for my sake. I am a murderer, you know that.”
“You’re not! They even judged it thus!”
“Don’t quibble on a point of law. Reji’s right—you’re not coming to Utuk because you’re the only one who can do this, you’re coming because of me.” Arman put his palm on Kei’s chest. “Please, Kei. Don’t be angry, and please, think of what you’re doing to your clan.”
“My clan will have me when I’ve done this and I’ve seen you come back safe along with the others. I owe them a duty. I don’t owe them my life, not any more. I paid any debt on that score when I agreed to be a hostage.” He clasped Arman’s fingers in his. “Though in the end, the price was too high, at least I haven’t lost everything.”
Arman looked at him, his expression sad and affectionate. “I’ll work all my life to make up for what you have lost,” he said quietly.
Kei almost forgot they weren’t alone, but Reji’s voice called him back to reality. “So you’re intent on putting your life at risk for him?”
Kei turned. “Yes. Not for him—for us. Accept it or leave, Reji. And never again call him what you did, or you and I will be enemies.”
He felt the shock of both men at that statement. Reji stared. “You go from denying you even care for him to this in a day, little brother...you make my head spin,” he said finally with a sad smile. “All right, if you go to Utuk, I go to Utuk.”
“No!”
“I can’t allow that,” Arman said promptly. “Kei has a useful role. You’d be dead weight.”
“I what?”
Kei put his hand up to stop another screaming match starting. “Arman, don’t. Reji, what possible reason would you have to come?”
Kei's Gift Page 65
