But the mind-mover was still upset. “I was trying to be amusing, a show off.”
“Maybe. But you still saved them. If there had been a fight at the docks, it would have been carnage.” Kei took the man’s hand, and bore the pain because it was important. “I know you’re sad, and I know you’re afraid. I know what that feels like too. I was terrified every moment I was in Utuk, even with Arman being so kind. I thought we’d been forgotten. The ones still there won’t have any idea help is on the way, so they probably think they’re forgotten too.” Reis looked at him with tears in his eyes, and Kei squeezed his hand to comfort him. “Our people just want to come home. Please—you and Jera can bring them back safely and you can do that in a way which means no one needs to die. The hostages have paid such a price for peace—won’t you help them come back home?”
Reis closed his eyes and rocked back and forth a little. He really was suffering—it wasn’t him being indulgent. This was an awful dilemma for him.
“No one else can do it, can they? Jera can’t do it on his own,” he whispered.
“Arman says not—not and be so sure to avoid bloodshed. I’m not saying there isn’t another way at all, but the other thing is that you and Jera working together can be fast. We don’t have time—it may already be too late, and every day we wait makes the chance of the hostages being killed that much greater. It’s not at all your fault that this is the case. I just know however sad you feel, it doesn’t mean you can’t still do so much good here.”
Kei held his hand, doing what he had not done since before the executions, extending his gift and absorbing Reis’s pain, accepting it as his own, so the burden was more bearable for the man. He wanted to cry from the sadness he felt from him, but at the same time, he found he could do this, and was glad he still had that power.
“Reis,” Meda said gently, stroking his hair as she spoke. “Don’t let this failure make you mean and selfish, because I know you’re not. It would hurt you as much as this man’s death, if it meant you had to close off that part of yourself.”
Reis looked up at her with tear-filled eyes, and then turned his head against her stomach. “All right,” he said in a muffled voice. “I’ll do it. For them.”
“Thank you,” Kei said, his own eyes damp as relief filled him. “Thank you, Reis.” He put his hand on Reis’ head. “You have a good heart.”
Meda nodded and mouthed “Thank you” at Kei as he got up, feeling a little dizzy. He turned to walk away, needing to find a little peace and quiet—and almost ran straight into Lord Meki. “I beg your pardon, my lord,” he said, flushing from embarrassment.
“Come with me, young man,” Lord Meki said in a tone that brooked no argument. He must have overheard or at least seen some of Kei’s conversation with Reis.
He looked around to see where Arman was—he was still talking to Bikel. Kei couldn’t interrupt him just to hold his hand while he spoke to Lord Meki. Still feeling the effects of Reis’s misery, he followed the Ruler out of the room, and down a corridor lit only by a few candles here and there. The Ruler collected a candle from one of the lower sconces, and opened a door. He used the candle to light the wall lamps, then indicated a chair in front of the desk. “Please, sit, Kei,” he said, taking a seat himself.
The Ruler emitted barely any emotion—Kei detected only some irritation. He didn’t seem to have noticed Kei was suffering, which was good because he didn’t want to appear weak and unreliable in front of this man. He took some deep, albeit discreet, breaths, and thought of Arman, letting the memory of their lovemaking earlier balance the distress he’d absorbed from Reis. After a few moments, he said, “How can I be of assistance, my lord?”
Lord Meki drew out a sheaf of papers from his shirt breast. “Your report on the hostages. It’s very thorough.”
“Thank you, my lord.” Such a busy man would hardly have interrupted his meeting with the others just to compliment him. Kei wondered what in hells was going on.
Lord Meki stood up and tucked his hands behind him as he faced the darkened window. “General Arman says you two are returning to your village when this is over.”
“Yes, my lord.”
“You realise what a dreadful waste that is, don’t you?”
“My lord?” This was about the last thing Kei expected to hear. “A waste?”
“A waste, a dreadful waste of talent,” Lord Meki said impatiently, turning back to Kei. “Are you seriously proposing to let the general bury himself in your backward little home when Darshian needs him?”
Kei was so startled he could hardly speak. “I...he offered—”
“Yes, of course he did, because the alternative was harm to you, as I understand it. I looked up your academy records, young man. Looked up your parents, and then the reports from that captain, Tiko. You’re not a stupid person, and apparently you’re dedicated to service. But you would deprive Darshian of potentially one of the most useful servants ever to become available to it, for the sake of indulgence. Why? Why would you hurt your own people this way?”
Kei rubbed his chest to try and help himself breathe, so sharp was the pain the man’s words caused him. “M...my lord...I—” He gripped the edge of the desk. “I didn’t mean to cause harm...I don’t want anyone to suffer....” He felt as if he might faint as he struggled with the sudden rush of emotions in his own heart.
Lord Meki uttered a sharp oath, and went to a cupboard in the corner, doing something out of Kei’s sight but returning with a glass of water. “Drink this,” he said with rather more gentleness in his tone than before. Kei clutched the glass and gulped a little water, trying not to be sick. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realise what was wrong with you.... I didn’t mean to....”
Kei held out his hand to stop him apologising. “Don’t.... Can you just...be calm...? Let me calm down.”
“Of course. Do you want me to leave?” Kei shook his head. “Then I’ll just read your notes.”
Long minutes passed. Kei closed his eyes, tried to breathe evenly and relax. He wished Arman were here to help, but at the same time, the way this conversation had started, Kei was quite glad he wasn’t.
It took him even longer than when he’d first come into the room, but finally he felt he could speak normally. “I’m all right now,” he said in a low voice.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, my lord,” he muttered, looking at his hands. He wished he could escape. He still felt sick, and Lord Meki’s words were ringing in his ears.
“I apologise most sincerely, Kei. I’ve made the kind of error which most irritates me in others—I’ve failed to properly do my research.” Kei looked up to find Lord Meki staring at him intently. “Would it pain you to explain exactly what your problem is, and how General Arman fits into this?”
“No.” It was easier to talk about this when he wasn’t looking at those sharp eyes, and he tried to tell the sorry tale as quickly and as neutrally as possible. “I’m sorry I’ll be the cause of hurting Darshian...I didn’t mean to...I just wanted to be able to go home, my lord. This seemed the only answer.”
“Yes. Again I apologise, and especially for being so aggressive. Damn,” he said, laying the papers down with a sigh. “I thought....” Kei looked up and the man smiled ruefully. “To be honest, I thought I’d just need to exercise a little moral and intellectual pressure on a simple villager to get my way. I had no idea.... Of course you have no choice, not at the moment, not if you want to go home which of course you have every right to do. But let me ask you this—is that what you really want?”
“My lord?”
“Do you want to go back to your village and that be an end to it? Because your academy reports were extremely complimentary, you know. And with your background and your abilities...well, losing the general isn’t the only waste.”
Kei couldn’t think about any of this now, and he wished the Ruler would leave him alone—hadn’t he already done enough for Darshian? “I just want to go home, my lord,” he repeated quiet
ly. “You don’t know what it was like to be unable to do so, to be afraid all the time I would never see them again.” He looked down at the desk again, remembering that time of despair, especially those weeks after the others died. He clenched his fist and tried not to let his emotions unbalance him again.
“Yes, of course,” Lord Meki said kindly. “But will you always feel this way? Once you’ve recovered, and you’ve spent time with your family, will you be content, do you think? We could offer you so many more opportunities here, and you could serve Darshian and your clan at the same time.”
“I don’t know, my lord. At the moment, I’m concentrating on getting our people home. I can’t even think of anything else...well, other than Arman,” he said, making the effort to smile.
“No, I imagine not. I think it’s best for now to forget this ill-timed conversation, and do what you need to recover, let the general help you as I know he desperately wants to do. But...if I should ask again in a few months’ time...or we need to call on either of you...I beg you, please consider my words. This report, that text you’re writing...you have a good mind. An unusual one. The general is similar in many respects. Such things are almost as rare as true Gifts, and you know how we value those.”
He stood up and walked to the window. “I don’t say this to flatter you. I say this because the time ahead for Darshian, with the Prij as enemies or at peace, will need all the talent we have if our nation is not to fall prey to new and greater threats. I don’t want this country to be dependent on our Gifted for its defence. It’s too risky, too prone to chance and human vagaries as you’ve seen with Reis. I want our defence, our education, our medical knowledge, our science, our engineering, to be the best we can possibly have. I want the academy to find the kind of answers your parents spent so much of their lives looking for, and more. And I want you and your general there, and in the government.”
Kei could only look at the Ruler in open-mouthed astonishment. “I’m just...I’m too young, my lord.”
Lord Meki snorted. “You were old enough for us to send into the mouth of danger, my boy. You’re old enough to take on the responsibility of your village’s health, and to bring General Arman to us. I know men three times your age with a tenth of your brains. As I said, forget this conversation, and don’t trouble the general with it, unless you feel you must. But I’ll send out a call to you one day, Kei. I hope you will consider answering it.”
“Yes, my lord.”
“Now, go on back to him. By the way, that was nicely done with Reis. No one else could get through to him.”
“Because everyone else was trying to bully him, “ Kei said, a touch acerbically. “He has a right to his grief—a man’s life isn’t a trivial burden. He’s upset he’s regarded as a weapon or a tool and so he should be. Please try to remember the people behind the Gifts, my lord.”
Lord Meki was actually a little chastened. “Yes, I’ll try to. I didn’t want to agree to the general’s request concerning you, you know.”
“Yes, I know,” Kei said, looking directly at the Ruler. “Why did you?”
“Because the man’s no fool, so I took a chance that he knew what he was doing. Now I believe he did.” Kei had no reply to this, so he just nodded. “We have three days left to us—I want you to spend as much of that time recovering, resting and doing whatever you can to strengthen yourself. Consider that a direct order from your Ruler.”
“Yes, my lord—I believe the general has this in hand.”
Lord Meki smiled suddenly, a tight thin-lipped smile, but a smile nonetheless. “Yes, I imagine he does. Goodnight to you.”
Kei bowed and left the room, feeling rather as if he’d been pummelled with bean sacks. He didn’t know whether to tell Arman about the discussion or not. On the whole, he thought not. He had told the bare truth to the Ruler. He just wanted to get the hostages home. Talk of being at the Academy or elsewhere was ridiculously premature when none of them knew what would happen to them in eleven days’ time. If they survived that, then perhaps he would tell Arman. Until then, well, he was under orders to recover. And that meant being with the man he loved, so that was where he would go right now.
~~~~~~~~
Arman concentrated on Captain Mejka’s words, but a small part of him was keeping an eye on the doorway through which he’d seen Lord Meki lead Kei a few minutes ago. He didn’t know why the Ruler would need private words with his lover, and he couldn’t help worrying. It was with no small amount of relief that he saw Kei reappear. He looked a little pale but composed, and when Reji peeled away from the conversation he was having with Neris to come to his friend’s side, Kei smiled and let Reji take his arm. Arman was even more relieved to see Reji urging Kei to come over to Arman. He rose to greet them. “Are you all right?” he asked. Now he was closer, he saw Kei really was pale. “Sit, please.”
His lover needed no prompting. Reji stood behind him, looking worried. “I’m all right. I was talking to Reis—he was upset,” Kei murmured.
Ah, that explained it. Arman relaxed. “Of course. Reji—I wonder if there are any pastries left, perhaps some juice?” He wished there was some wine, but it wasn’t often served here, apparently. Neither beer nor distilled spirits were deemed suitable for this meal. Reji took the hint, and, squeezing Kei’s shoulder, left to find them some refreshment.
Kei turned to Mejka in apology. “Please don’t let me interrupt you.”
“It’s all right, lad, we’re nearly done,” the sea captain said. “Talking to Reis, were you? How did he seem?”
Kei looked at Arman as he answered the captain’s question. “He’s agreed to come. But I want people to stop trying to push him around. It’s very unfair—he’s not in the army, you know.”
There was a slight rebuke in Kei’s eyes and his voice, and Arman accepted it. “Yes, I’m sorry. People are just very anxious, and not as careful as they should be of someone sensitive. Thank you for speaking to him.”
“It wasn’t planned,” he said quietly. “Please, continue. I’ll just wait here if you don’t mind.”
So Arman did as he asked, with Kei leaning against him slightly, close enough it was obvious they were lovers, but not in a manner which anyone here would object to. Certainly the captain didn’t mind at all, and continued as if they’d hardly been interrupted. Kei was content to just listen, and when Reji returned, accepted a share of the food and drink passed around with quiet thanks. Reji’s return meant the talk turned to the animal transport and other matters, and after a little while Kei joined in, his colour now better and his spirit, though somewhat subdued, was not alarmingly low.
When another naval officer joined Mejka, and it was obvious the discussion would continue for some time, Arman excused himself for a moment to take Kei and Reji aside. “This is going to take a while and it’s nothing you need to be involved in. Perhaps you’d like to return to our room, have an early evening?” Kei nodded. “Reji, if you aren’t needed, you could keep him company—I’m sure it’s dull for you on your own.” That earned him a smile from his lover, and a surprised look from his lover’s friend. “Go on,” he said to Kei. “I could be hours and you’ve already done good work.”
Kei touched his arm. “Are you sure I’m not needed?”
“Yes—you’ve given your report and Lord Meki is happy with it, and you’ve spoken to Reis for which we all thank you. If there are any matters arising which need your attention, I’ll make notes and we can look at them tomorrow. You and Reji don’t need to be bored by all this, and you’ve hardly had any time to talk, I know. Just go.” He squeezed Kei’s hand, then looked at Reji. “I won’t mind if you want to wait up with him,” he said, hoping the older man would take his meaning clearly.
“Thank you, gen...Arman,” Reji said, and that made Kei smile. “Come on, Keichichi, these things are no fun if you can’t dance.”
“I’ll be sure to pass that on to Lady Nera,” Arman said gravely, which only made Reji grin. “I’ll see you later, both of you.”
Reji took Kei’s arm and led him away. Arman hoped it was merely the after effect of the talk with Reis, and perhaps the lingering symptoms of the concussion that made Kei so quiet. He looked across the room where Lord Meki and Lady Jilki were in close conversation. He hoped Lord Meki had been gentle with his lover. Kei didn’t need any more people to be afraid of.
~~~~~~~~
Kei closed the door behind them with a sigh of relief. “You know, it would be a lot easier not to worry about you if you didn’t keep disappearing off with people and coming back looking like reheated shit,” Reji said, taking his arm and making him sit at the desk. “And your general must really be worried if he’s throwing me at you. I’m surprised he didn’t get up to tear the hide off his lordship.”
Kei shook his head. “He doesn’t realise it was Meki. I let him think it was talking to Reis, which didn’t help, it was true.” His head pounded, but he was rather proud of the fact he had managed to keep his composure pretty well even after Lord Meki’s sneak attack, and that he hadn’t fallen apart afterwards. Of course, being able to touch and be with Arman helped. It gave him a little hope that one day he would really recover from this. He laid his head on the desk—he was so tired, even with the nap.
Reji’s hand on his arm was soothing. Fortunately, his friend’s emotions were under control and placing no burden on him. “What did the little hisk-faced bastard do to you?”
“Ambushed me when I was already a little unsteady after talking to Reis. Poor Reis—the problem with military men is they forget other people don’t take killing for granted. Arman, for all his understanding, has forgotten what it was like never to have taken a life, I think.”
“True, but I was asking about Meki. Ambushed you? Over what? I thought he was happy with our report.”
“He is,” Kei said gloomily. “And now he wants me to work for him—actually, he really wants Arman to work for him but he figures we’re inseparable. Don’t know where he got that idea from,” he said, and Reji grinned. “Accused me of being selfish by wanting to take Arman back home with me.”
Kei's Gift Page 71
