Kei's Gift

by Ann Somerville

  That had not pleased Her Serenity, but Lord Peika’s charm did much to smooth her ruffled feathers. He was deft at making every loss of ground appear like the greatest advance for the Prij, and while Kizus probably wasn’t fooled, anything that gave Kita ammunition to present a defeat as a triumph only helped their cause.

  All his companions were glad to escape the palace, as was he. Lord Peika may not have a headache, but Arman did. “Good work, general,” Lord Meki said as they approached the ships.

  “Thank you—but I’m not a general any more, my lord,” Arman reminded him.

  “No, indeed, you are not,” he said dryly. “Congratulations on acquiring Darshianese citizenship. I must get documents drawn up on that when we get back. Never done it before—Peika, we’ll have to make something up that sounds convincing.” Lord Peika grinned at that.

  Arman was pleased in a distant sort of way, but all his thoughts now were on returning to Kei. He didn’t give a damn whether Kei’s lover was Prijian or Darshianese, so long as it was him.

  They were landed on the ship deck with the same care as he’d come to expect from Jera all day, and greeted by the massed crew and hostages, celebrating their triumphant return in fine style. The roar of the shouting, whistling, feet-stamping and clapping was almost shocking loud to his ears, for all he’d been half-deafened in the battle earlier in the day.

  Sailors hung off the rigging, waving their borrowed hats, and ships’ bells were rung in an extravagant manner, but for all the exuberance and real joy of his companions, Arman found it hard to join in the jubilation—it felt somehow unreal to him—but perhaps because he was tired, and sick of political machinations.

  He searched the sea of faces, and found Kei—but, to his surprise Kei looked rather solemn. Then Arman saw who Kei had his arm around, and one look at Jena’s face told him what had happened.

  Karus.

  Lord Meki began to address the assembly, but ignoring all protocol, Jena broke free, tears streaming down her face, running to Arman and flinging her arms around him. Arman caught her as his own vision blurred. “When?” he finally managed to ask.

  She pulled back a little. “Yesterday morning,” she whispered. “Gods, Arman, I’m so sorry.” He saw Kei approach but then decide to let Arman and Jena have their privacy.

  He embraced her, but refused to weep with everyone watching. Kei came closer as Arman held out his hand to his lover, pulling him to his side. “Can we go somewhere?”

  Kei nodded and tugged Jena. “Come back to our cabin, Jena.” Then he kissed Arman gently. “At least you’re safe.”

  Arman’s heart felt about to burst through his chest. The pain of his sudden grief rose in his throat, choking him, making it impossible to answer his lover’s concern. It was too much. So close, too late. He’d tried not to hope too hard he would see Karus, but he’d begun to think he just might do so—to have missed the chance to say goodbye by just a day was more cruel than he imagined fate could be. Was this the real price he’d had to pay for his treachery?

  He followed Kei and Jena down to the cabin, ignored by the other passengers and crew who were still listening to Lord Meki. Kei closed the door behind them, and drew Arman to him. “I’m sorry,” he murmured.

  Arman let Kei hold him, and shed a silent tear or two on Kei’s shoulder, before straightening and turning to Jena. “Please tell me what happened,” he said, taking her to sit on the bunk.

  She sniffled hard, and wiped her face on her sleeve. “I gave him your message. He was so happy to get it. We talked about you for an hour or more that night, and he was so at peace the next day—so well, full of energy, wanting to talk about all sorts of things. We...we worked on your dictionary...he said you’d need it for your new life.”

  Her voice caught on a little sob. “We were going to work on it again yesterday, so we went into the garden, but he wanted to talk a little more about you, and Loke. And Kei,” she said with a damp smile, looking at her friend. “He missed you.”

  “I missed him,” Kei said quietly. “And?”

  “And...I just got up to get him some tea, came back and thought he’d fallen asleep. But he wasn’t...it was that quick, Arman. No pain, no warning. His last words were about you and how he loved you.” She began to cry again. “I miss him so much now. I loved him.”

  “We all did,” Arman did, succeeding in keeping his composure only until Kei stood and wrapped his arms around him. Then he lost all control, burying his face against Kei’s stomach and weeping out his grief. Was he always to lose those he loved before he was ready to say goodbye?

  He felt Jena hugging him from the back, and wondered when she would remember she was supposed to hate him.

  Kei knelt so he could look at Arman directly, brushing back his hair off his face. “I know you’re not thinking about it now, but everyone is deliriously happy at being back. Thank you.”

  “I made a promise. Perhaps I should have promised to return to Karus and he would still be alive,” he said, his voice harsh with grief, fresh tears falling down his face as he spoke.

  Kei shook his head and kissed Arman’s cheek. “Don’t say that. Karus’s time had come, that’s all. He was with you in spirit.”

  “He was,” Jena said, making Arman turn. “He loved you as a son and he was so proud of you, of what a good man you had grown up to be. When I told him you were going to rescue all of us, he was so pleased. He thought it took so much courage to go against your breeding like that. And when I told him about you and Kei, it was like it was his birthday and I’d given him a treasured gift.”

  Arman clutched her hand, too overcome to speak. Coming so soon after Loke’s death...and even now that he had Kei.... “I feel so alone,” he whispered.

  “I know,” Kei said, and Arman appreciated him not trying to argue him out of his sadness. Kei knew what it was like to lose those he loved.

  Jena stood up. “Maybe I should let you two be on your own.”

  But Arman put out his hand to stop her. “Please don’t. Please...just tell me more about what happened while I was gone...and just....” Mourn with me, he wanted to say, but didn’t feel he had the right. “The funeral?”

  “Last night. His sister organised it.”

  Arman nodded. It was the Prijian custom not to let the sun set on a death if it was at all possible. “Did you...did anyone speak for him?”

  “We didn’t go—we servants, I mean. It was very quiet, his sister told me, but I don’t know who came or what was said. Cook and Matez and Siza and I cried in the kitchen for him and....” She twisted her hands. “I suppose we had our own little funeral there.” She wiped her nose again. “Anyway, his sister said I could stay for a few days before she let Mekus know to have me moved, and as I knew you were coming....” She smiled, even as more tears fell. “I couldn’t tell her, of course. But I don’t think she’ll be angry. She’s very nice.”

  “Yes, she is,” Arman agreed, having met the woman a number of times. He wished he could have spoken at Karus’s funeral. It was wrong that such an important person, who had educated so many of the elite, should have had such a small and uninspiring farewell. But perhaps it didn’t matter. Those who knew Karus and loved him didn’t need to prove that fact to others.

  “She also said he left everything to you in his will. All he wanted was his servants to be looked after.”

  “But his sister....”

  But she was elderly, and not in need of funds. Karus had wanted someone to care for his faithful assistants—but Arman was leaving too. He would have to settle that too, before he left.

  Arman got Kei to sit with them on the bunk, so he was squashed between his lover and his lover’s friend. Jena seemed to have forgotten her animosity for the moment. No, I haven’t, Arman. I think I’ve just forgotten how to hate you.

  Arman smiled despite his pain and Kei kissed him. “And the rest? Will they agree to peace?”

  “It’s looking hopeful. They don’t have a lot of choice, but I wouldn’t rule
out Kita waking up tomorrow and deciding agreeing to the terms is too humiliating. She likes Peika, as I hoped she would. Meki thinks she’s a waste of time.”

  “Hardly surprising,” Kei murmured.

  “And the hostages? How are they holding up?”

  Jena sat up straight and glared at them both. “I want to kill someone, I really do. We have three women pregnant—three! Raped as prisoners, when they were supposed to receiving ‘hospitality’! And others, even some of the men have been molested, some beaten. I tell you, Arman, the Prij are all bastards.”

  Kei smiled a little, as Arman did, no doubt remembering another young woman stating this emphatically. “Then it’s as well that from this day, I am no longer a Prij. Two separate sets of rulers have declared it. I am apparently a Darshianese citizen, so you have to be nice to me now.”

  “What?”

  They both looked at him in surprise. “It’s true, ask the Rulers. Kita stripped me of my Prijian status in front of most of the senators. So if you cast me out, I really have no home to go to. “ And I would have no home at all, if it weren’t for Kei.

  “No need to fear that. Congratulations,” Kei said, kissing him. “Are you sad about that?”

  “A little. It hardly matters in the scheme of things. Jena, I’m most sorry for the hostages, and sorry we couldn’t get here sooner. Has Kei told you all that’s happened since we left?”

  “Yes. Everything,” she said with a significant glance at Kei. “I know you moved as fast as you were able. The fault is theirs who carried out the abuse.”

  Arman leaned against Kei, glad Neka’s help meant his lover could bear this contact when Arman was so distressed. “Are you sure you shouldn’t be with them, helping them?” he asked.

  Kei stroked his hair. “In a bit. There are medics with them now, Tiko too—the soldiers are out of uniform.”

  “And me? Should I absent myself?”

  Kei shook his head, as he caressed Arman’s cheek. “Most of them have no strong feelings about you, surprisingly, and now you’ve brought them back, and your role in that is known, there’s no hostility personally. However, we all need to avoid shouting, speaking Prijian, any military discussions. Treat them as you treat me, pretty much. Except for the sex,” he added with a slight smile.

  Arman turned and found Jena grinning at him. “You Darshianese,” he said, shaking his head.

  “No, you Darshianese,” she said, poking him. “Better learn our ways properly and that includes losing all the stupid prudishness.”

  “I intend to,” he said solemnly. “Kei, I could do with something to drink and some fresh air. I’ve been locked in with politicians all day and my nose is full of the smell of shit.”

  “I take it you haven’t said this to Lord Meki,” Kei said dryly, before standing and pulling him upright. “Come on, let’s find Reji.”

  ~~~~~~~~

  Kei had been desperate for, and dreading, Arman’s return. He’d known perfectly well what a blow Jena’s news would be, yet there was nothing he could do to soften it, or make Arman’s pain any less. Arman aged ten years as he realised what had happened. Kei felt almost as sad as Arman. He certainly understood why Jena grieved as if for her father. Karus was the kind of person one might meet only once in a lifetime, and only if one was very fortunate. He hoped Karus’s loving, gentle spirit would find a suitable home in his next life, and be blessed by happiness as he deserved, but this hope would only be of cold comfort to Arman as he mourned his beloved teacher.

  Reji was still up on deck as were many of the hostages, no doubt enjoying the freedom to walk where they pleased, among their own people. Arman’s appearance brought a few glances, a few smiles, which pleased Kei—he’d hoped his fellow hostages would understand the enormity of Arman’s sacrifice, and it seemed they did for the most part.

  It wasn’t, naturally, the most important thing on their minds. Many had suffered abuse, perhaps not as severely as Kei had at Mykis’s hands, but enough to cause emotional damage, and the women who were pregnant were in despair over their condition. All of them would need a lot of love and understanding. Once the euphoria of being rescued died away, the reality of their situation would need to be dealt with. It would not be quick, Kei knew that from his own experience.

  He was stopped several times as they walked across to where Reji stood near the quarterdeck, but while he was happy to answer questions for a little while, Arman needed him now. He tugged Arman along, Jena on his other side, until they reached Reji, talking to Peit. Peit was a little uneasy at Arman’s presence, but stayed nonetheless.

  Reji put his hand out to Arman. “I’m very sorry for your loss,” he said solemnly. “I hope your friend’s spirit finds a happy home in the next life.”

  Arman shook his hand with obvious surprise that Reji cared at all. “Thank you. So do I.”

  “What’s the news on Kurlik Pass?”

  “I think the chances are good. It will take the best part of a week though, to clear. We can’t just have Jera and Reis throwing rocks around like pebbles. Army engineers will have to work with them.” Arman turned to Kei. “Have people decided what they want to do about getting home?”

  “I’ve only started to talk to them, but those at Ai-Rutej and Ai-Vinri are happy to wait for the pass to be cleared. I think those at Ai-Darbin and Ai-Tuek might go the overland route too, as a lot of their people suffer from seasickness. Our pregnant women are not so far gone that it makes much difference either way—two are from Ai-Tuek, and one is from Ai-Rutej.” Kei took Arman’s hand. “I want to go with those travelling by land, Arman. They need a healer, and someone who understands...and I’d like to see Jena home safely,” he added, hugging her a little.

  “Of course,” Arman said calmly. “I told you, I’m with you wherever you wish to be. So long as your clan is happy, then so am I.”

  Kei squeezed his hand gratefully. “Reji, will you lead the caravan if the pass is cleared?” he asked. “I know you must want to get back.”

  “Of course, Kei. Arman brought me along to manage the animals and take people home. The village can manage for a few weeks,” Rei said cheerfully. “Stop looking so worried, little brother.”

  “I’ll try,” Kei said with a smile, and considerable relief. He wanted the longer return to Ai-Albon for selfish reasons, needing more time to heal, and to be with Arman in their new relationship before facing the clan again. Reji’s support made him feel less like he was letting his village down. Myka would still be furious.

  “If some of us want to go the long way back, you won’t mind?” Peit asked.

  “No—but why would you?”

  Peit looked at his feet. “I...we might....”

  Kei, you’re not the only one in no hurry to face your clan, Jena said. People need time to adjust, and Peit knows you. Others will ask the same thing.

  Oh. Even with the thought he’d put into it, this hadn’t occurred to him. He’d just assumed everyone would want to be home as soon as possible. “It’s all right, Peit. We could use a hunter anyway, right, Reji?” The big man’s expression immediately looked less strained, and he even smiled a little. Kei cursed himself—he’d got too used to relying on his gift, when Peit’s unhappiness was obvious to anyone who just looked.

  “Gods, yes. We’ll keep you busy,” Rei said, clapping his friend on the back. “Anyone who wants to come, can come.”

  Arman listened politely to all this, but he was looking rather weary, and obviously sad. Even this friendly interaction was clearly more than he could bear just now. Kei needed to get him somewhere private.

  Jena, can you stay with Reji? Maybe you and he could find our supper and bring it up on deck in a little while.

  She nodded, and then gave him a push. “Go and say hello to each other properly. Honestly, Kei, you have no idea how to treat your lovers.”

  “I wouldn’t say that,” Reji said, waggling his eyebrows suggestively at her. She blushed beautifully, to Reji’s obvious amusement.

 
That was Kei’s cue to pull Arman away and lead him over to a quieter part of the deck. He grabbed a bucket and overturned it. “Sit,” he ordered. Arman was limping worse than ever. “Did that pissing woman have you standing up all day?”

  “Most of it.” Arman ignored the bucket and sat on the deck, tugging Kei down beside him and then burying his face in Kei’s shoulder.

  Kei held him, wishing there was more he could do, knowing there wasn’t, stroking Arman’s hair and trying to show his love by his touch. The sun was getting low in the sky, but it was still warm—winter was over for Kuprij, and the early spring was nothing like what it was in north Darshian. It felt almost balmy here on deck.

  “How do you feel?” he finally asked.

  “Funny, usually you don’t need to ask,” he said, his voice hitching.

  “No, I know. But I’d have never got through today without that block on my gift, even without Jena’s news. People were pretty overwhelmed when they got back on the boat. It was a very emotional couple of hours.”

  “I can imagine.” Arman heaved a heavy sigh. “Mostly I’m just tired. We’ve worked so hard for this, and now it’s nearly over. I think we’ve succeeded, but all I feel is sad.”

  “Because of Karus? Or because you’re leaving Kuprij?”

  “Both. I don’t regret leaving,” he said gently, raising his head to kiss Kei. “It’s just....”

  “Another loss, yes, I know. A big leap of faith too. Were they very rude to you?”

  “Very. Kita is very disappointed in me. I’m heartbroken over that as you can imagine,” he said dryly and Kei smiled. “At least my father wasn’t there. And we got Mekus to shit himself more or less. That was fun.”