“Oh, I wish I’d seen that. Reis was all for dunking him upside down in the harbour a few times. I said we could do that as we leave.”
“No argument from me. I have to return to Utuk tomorrow, Kei. I’ll need to see to Karus’s affairs.”
At this announcement, Kei looked at him anxiously. “Is that safe?”
“Probably. Lord Meki will let me take Reis or Jera and some soldiers. It’s unavoidable and I owe it to Karus to make sure his servants are looked after.”
“And...Mayl?”
Arman grimaced. “I owe her too, but not in the same way.”
“I’m coming with you.”
“No, you damn well are not, Kei! Not to my house, never again—”
Kei shushed him. “No, not there, but at least to Karus’s house. Jena will want to go too, I know that. It’s no more risky for us than for you, and I want to be with you to support you.”
Arman shook his head with a rueful grin. “You’re going to be a stubborn brat all our days, aren’t you?”
“Yes, completely impossible. Want to hand me back to Reji?”
“Not in this lifetime,” Arman said, holding him close. “Or the next.” His voice caught on the words. “Do you believe Karus and Loke are together now?”
“I believe we’re tied together in our lives by those we loved in the previous ones, so yes, I do. It’s odd—Loke might be older than him when they’re reborn. Maybe they might even be brothers or playmates. That’s a nice idea, don’t you think?”
“I miss them,” Arman said, burying his face again. “I thought Loke...Loke would be there when Karus died...but Loke died first.... Why do I have to lose everyone? Is it because of my sins? Would they be alive if I hadn’t killed so many, if I hadn’t gone into the army? “
“No, my love,” Kei said, his soul cut to the quick by Arman’s broken voice. “Karus died because he reached his span of years, no more. Loke...well, yes, he might not have died as he did if you’d not been in the army, but he could have died anyway. Look at my father, living a peaceful life in the village and yet he was struck down by bej fever. We don’t even know what causes it, or why. Anything could have killed Loke. Who’s to say he might not have died sooner, if you had not had him with you? Don’t torture yourself.”
But his lover would not be comforted, and all Kei could do was let him grieve silently and hold him as he did. Arman had to go through the same sorrow as he had for Loke, as Kei had done for his parents, and it would hurt, the worse because of it coming hard on the heels of another great loss.
But at least Arman wasn’t alone, as he was when Loke died. Karus, I’ll look after him for you, as you did. I will make him happy again, I swear.
~~~~~~~~
He’d expected a troubled night, but in Kei’s arms, he’d slept dreamlessly, waking with a sense of heaviness and grief in his chest, and itchy eyes from all the tears. Seeing Kei there, and having him wake and kiss him tenderly, his dark eyes full of loving concern, helped a little, reminding him that while he had lost so much, he had gained a treasure too, and for this great mercy, he had to be grateful.
They breakfasted in their cabin, but when they came on deck they found it busy again, people wanting to experience the fresh air of freedom. Now he wasn’t so absorbed in his own pain, he saw the signs of the strain the long imprisonment and abuse had caused the hostages. All looked tired, and thinner, and smiles were fleeting. Kei had put a lot of thought into providing comfortable, welcoming accommodation for the sixty-nine hostages, and had handpicked soldiers to act as companions, people from the same villages and clans, men with kind faces and hearts to listen and talk. Arman felt a deep pang of guilt every time he saw a worn face, or caught sight of the women, wondering which had been raped, and how they would cope with their unwanted children. Even in the depths of his hate for this race, he would never have consented to hand people over to rape and assault. He would have this matter raised with Kita, even if he had to do it himself.
The Rulers were on deck too, and Arman approached them. “My lords, Kei and Jena wish to go with me to Utuk, with your permission. Do you mind?”
“You’re best able to judge the wisdom of that,” Lord Meki said. “I heard of your sorrow. Please accept my condolences.”
Arman bowed, wondering who’d informed him, and surprised Lord Meki had mentioned it. “Thank you. I believe they’ll be safe, if you can lend me Jera. He’s willing to come, he said.”
“Yes, of course. Reis did a splendid job for us yesterday, but if they didn’t attack last night, then I don’t expect it today.” Lord Meki sighed. “I wish I was dealing with a stronger mind, Arman. Your...excuse me, their...sovereign is too damn full of herself.”
“I won’t defend her, my lord. The Prij have done surprisingly well with rulers who have had stronger opinions than intellects, but that’s because they prefer others to make decisions for them. There are a few good heads in the senate, but not enough. I think we managed to get through to them, if that’s any consolation.”
“Yes, I believe we did, but it’s depressing we’ve let the south be dominated by such a woeful bunch for so long. Please return to the ship before the dinner—we should arrive together. I trust your business won’t take long?’
“I have no idea, but I’ll return nonetheless. I have no desire to prolong my stay.”
Lord Meki eyed him sympathetically. “No, I imagine you don’t, after what they said yesterday. Whatever the Prij think of you, our people will honour you, never fear.”
“Thank you, but all I want is to get these people home and to live with Kei in peace,” he said, taking his lover’s hand.
Lord Meki gave Kei an odd look, but Kei gave nothing away in his expression. “A full and happy life is all anyone wants,” Lord Meki said. “And to serve those with whom we live.”
“Yes. Service at any level is worthy,” Kei replied, staring back unsmilingly at his Ruler.
Arman frowned. What was going on between these two? Lord Meki gave Kei another unreadable look, then turned to Arman. “I won’t detain you then. I’ve been informed you’ve decided to return to Ai-Albon overland?”
“Yes, my lord. It allows me to make my excuses at Ai-Darbin, and to discuss when it will be convenient to carry out the sentence set upon.”
“Ah yes. I’d forgotten. I’m sure they’ll be flexible about that.”
“Yes, my lord.” Arman didn’t want to discuss this, not in front of Kei. He didn’t want to be seen to pressuring him in any way. “Kei? Shall we find the others?”
Jena and Jera were in the passenger hold, talking to Reji, Neka and some of the others. “Are you leaving now?” Jera asked, getting to his feet.
“If you don’t mind,” Arman said. “Neka, would you be kind enough to tell Captain Tiko we’re ready?”
“Tiko?” Kei asked. “You never mentioned him,” he said with a reproachful look.
Arman shrugged. “You didn’t ask. He’ll behave. I’m in no mood for lectures today, but in any event, the worst of it is over.” To be frank, if Kei and Jena were coming, there was no one Arman would trust more than Tiko to keep them safe.
Reji clapped his hand on Arman’s shoulder. “I’d like to come along too, if you don’t mind.”
“Why?” Arman asked, looking at the trader in surprise.
“Oh, I fancy seeing Utuk, to find out if it really is as grand as it sounds. Someone needs to keep an eye on these two as well,” he said, winking at Jena, who nudged him hard in the ribs in response. He grinned at her as he rubbed his side. “Maybe we should let Jena guard everyone instead.”
“I’m not running a sight-seeing tour,” Arman snapped, but Kei turned to him.
“There’s no harm,” he said quietly. “We all want to make sure you’re all right.”
“I don’t need keepers,” he said, embarrassed at the attention.
“No, you don’t. You need friends,” Jena said, taking his hand. “You’re one of us now. And we Darshianese like to stick t
ogether, or haven’t you noticed?”
Arman thought he might break down again, but instead he placed a stern expression on his face. “All right, you can come. But no messing around. Don’t forget, you’re in hostile territory and very obviously alien—not to mention the fact you’re consorting with a traitor to the Prij.”
“No one will lay a hand on you,” Jera promised. “And if anyone tries when I’m not there, you yell, and Neka will get someone to you faster than they can blink, won’t you, love?”
“You bet,” she said, looking determined. “I’ll monitor you all day, I promise.”
“There’s no—”
“Arman? Shut up,” Reji said, grinning broadly. “You’re not a general any more. You’re just a humble Darshianese, out for a stroll with friends. If Neka wants to monitor you, she will. You don’t give any of us orders now.”
Out-numbered and out-argued, Arman gave up. Kei took his arm. “It’ll be fine,” he said as he led Arman out ahead of the others.
“We’ll look like a travelling show,” he grumbled.
“So what? You told Tiko you were used to the attention.” Kei kissed him. “Now, smile and be nice. This is going to be a rotten enough day without you scowling yourself into a headache before we start.” Which made Arman scowl anyway, but Kei kissed his frown until he stopped.
Jera moved six urs beasts over to Tiko’s ship, landing them with exquisite care so not to frighten the animals. Soldiers immediately took them in charge and calmed them. Then it was the turn of the others, and as soon as they touched the deck, Tiko came up and shook Kei’s hand. “Ah, now, there you are. I thought he was hiding you from me for a reason.”
“Yes, Tiko, Arman was surely going to butcher me in my sleep and hide the parts just to annoy you,” Kei said, rolling his eyes, which made Arman smile. “Now, no more insults—Arman is now officially Darshianese. He’s just the same as you and me, only with blond hair.”
“Really?” The captain gave Arman a long look. “Well, wonders never cease. Congratulations, gen...Arman,” he said, shaking Arman’s hand enthusiastically.
“Thank you. Could we get moving, please? I don’t have a lot of time.”
“As you wish.” Tiko whistled up the five other soldiers who would go with Arman’s group. “Jera, down to the docks. That damn Serenity woman better have those funny cart things ready.”
“Calashes,” Arman murmured.
The urs beasts were flown, this time with their riders, across the water and down to the docks. Arman and the rest followed. They were met by one of Arman’s former captains, who saluted with correctness but a noticeable lack of warmth. “Your calash is ready, Sei general.”
“Thank you, Captain Pevus. However, I’m no longer a general, and since we don’t use titles in Darshian, please call me Arman in future.”
“As you wish. Do you require a driver?”
Arman could have driven it himself, but there was a matter of appearances to maintain. “If you please. But no attendant—I have my own escort.”
“Yes, Sei...Arman. However, Her Serenity ordered at least two of us to attend you at all times. I’ll be coming with you.”
“Then ride with the driver, but don’t interfere with our business. Reji, if you could help Jena and the others in?”
Tiko helped Arman into the calash, which was rather crowded with five of them, but bearable, then he and his men mounted their beasts. It really would attract a lot of attention, Arman thought with regret—urs beasts were hardly ever seen in Utuk itself other than at the docks, and never ridden through the streets like this. “Tarkus, the banker,” he ordered the driver, then sat back.
Reji was curious both about the jesigs and the vehicle. “I really want to get some of these animals up to Darshek,” he said. “Are they fast?”
“Very. Not tremendously strong, but they have a lot of stamina. I think you’ll find any number of Prijian breeders interested in trading them, and they’re much more convenient for the city streets than the beasts.”
“People only ride them?” Jena asked. “You don’t milk them or eat them?”
“No, although there’s no real reason not to. The wild ones are hunted up in the mountains, although there’s probably not many of them left. They live in abundance on the smaller islands, and they’ve been taken to Ursinzo and Sel successfully.”
Reji had a gleam in his eye which, Arman suspected, meant he saw a future as a jesig breeder for himself. He suspected the man could do it, even in the desert—he had a real gift with animals, and understood their minds. Jesigs were smarter than urs beasts—they would appreciate a clever hand.
They were indeed attracting a good deal of attention, and not all of it friendly—there was a certain amount of booing and shouting, and someone threw a rock which Jera simply shot up into the air. It could have been much worse, but he wished again Kei and the others had stayed behind.
It took twenty minutes to reach the street where the bankers and lawyers had their offices. Arman caused quite a stir, walking in with two Darshianese soldiers and a Prijian army captain, but he ignored the stares of the clerks, asking to see Tarkus himself. The elderly banker handled the matter with aplomb—he had been Arman’s banker since he’d reached his majority, and handled all his family’s financial affairs for forty years. He’d probably seen far worse scandals than a defecting Prijian general. Arman gave instructions and waited while letters were drawn up—after today, he would be officially penniless, save for a very small amount he was keeping aside for contingencies. Curiously, the thought gave him not a jot of concern. It was rather freeing, in fact, to lose the tether of position and property.
Then it was on to Karus’s house. As they drew up to the familiar gate, Arman felt tears come into his eyes again, and Kei squeezed his hand. Across from them, Reji was doing the same for Jena. He ordered all the soldiers to stay outside, and when the captain protested, he turned on him sharply. “This is a house in mourning, you damn fool. Do you truly expect me to be attacked by three servants and a seventy-two-year-old woman?”
Tiko took up a position in front of the man, and although he spoke no Prijian and the captain only indifferent Darshianese, his meaning was clear. No one was going into the house without Arman’s permission. Captain Pevus backed down without further argument, much to Arman’s relief.
At the door, Matez bowed formally, but it was obvious he’d been weeping not long before. Jena hugged him warmly, as did Kei. Cook and Siza were almost overcome with joy at seeing her again, and with relief that Arman had returned. Their joy dimmed somewhat as he explained he wouldn’t be staying, but that he would make arrangements which would secure their future in his absence. Karus’s sister wasn’t there, but was to return later. Arman would see her then.
He went into the library, and as he stood before the desk where he had had so many happy and fascinating conversations, the teeth of his grief ate at him from the inside out, leaving him weak-legged with the agony. He had to clutch the desk for support. Karus, old friend, just a couple more days. Could you not have waited for me?
Kei came up behind him. “I feel him,” he said quietly. “As if his spirit watches us. Perhaps he’s waiting to say goodbye to you before he leaves.”
Arman turned to Kei, tears filling his eyes. “Do you really think so?”
“If not here, where else would he wait for you?” Kei said. Then he bowed low. “Karus-pei, I thank you for your love and kindness, and all you did for Jena and me. Have a safe journey to your next life and be well.”
Arman looked at his lover. Did Kei really believe Karus could hear this? Did he? “I don’t know what to say,” he whispered.
“Say what is in your heart.”
Arman turned back to the desk. It really did feel as if Karus still sat there, smiling benignly at him, waiting for the latest news and gossip. “I...I miss you, Karus. I’m sorry to have not...been here. I hope...you are watching, safe, with Loke. I hope...I hope....” He couldn’t continue, and c
overed his mouth with his hand, trying to hold in his grief for fear it would overwhelm him.
Kei put his arm around his waist. “Do you hope he’ll be happy?”
“Yes,” he forced out from a throat tight with pain. “And that he knows I love him, and will always honour him.”
“I’m sure he does. He knew that when he lived, how could he not know it now?” Kei made him turn, and kissed him. “In his next life, he’ll find your spirit too. I believe that. Love and kindness this strong can’t just be for one lifetime.”
Arman could only nod, and try to get some composure back. He couldn’t stand around weeping like a child—he had people’s lives to secure. “Kei, I have to see my father and Loke’s mother. Then I have to go to my house. I can’t let you go with me.”
“I understand. Will you take Jera?”
“Yes, and the Prij soldiers. Remember Neka is listening and if there’s any trouble, get out of here. I think there won’t be, but....”
“I’ll be careful. You do what you need to.” Kei took his hand and looked deep into his eyes. “Will you be all right? Seeing them?”
“I have to be. Just don’t expect me to return all glad smiles.”
“I won’t. Well, come on. The sooner you go, the sooner you’ll come back,” he said with a smile.
Arman let Kei led him out, but at the door, he turned and looked back at the desk. “Farewell, Karus-pei,” he whispered. “Be at peace, my old friend.”
Chapter : Darshek 10
Arman could hardly have liked any task less than what was next on his agenda, but it was inevitable. At least this would be the last time, he thought, as the calash drew up to his father’s house. “Stay here,” he told Captain Pevus. “My father, the senator, won’t appreciate soldiers traipsing through his garden. Jera?”
Arman walked in silence up the long drive. “Don’t like your father much?” Jera asked.
“No. This is going to be very unpleasant, I’m sorry.”
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