by Alexa Riley
“I think I was vulnerable—too innocent, too trusting. Now I can see I was an easy mark for a man like him. I was someone he could control. I was a little bit lost and he knew I would cling to him. And he was right. Things moved fast with him. I was caught up in this fairytale. Here was this older man showering me with attention, telling me we would get married, have babies, he would become partner at his firm, and I, once again, would have my perfect family. I wouldn't be lonely anyone.”
“You’ll get your perfect family, Mama, I promise.”
I shake my head because I know he’ll do anything to give me that. That’s just the kind of man Saint is, I give him the rest of my story. “Everything was great for a while. Then my friends starting saying they never saw me anymore and that they thought Nick was too controlling. He told me they were just jealous because we were so happy. And, to be honest, I didn’t care that he was controlling at the time. He was still wearing his mask, but then it started to slip and his need for control went to a whole new level—from knowing where I was every second of the day to picking out what I wore and even what I ate.”
“It’s okay, baby. He can’t hurt you anymore.”
“I know, I know. It’s not about the pain or the betrayal anymore. I hate who I was, who I became with him.”
“Don’t do that to yourself, Mama. You were young. You were hurting. He took advantage of that,”
I know he’s right. But it’s easier said than done.
“He didn’t full-out lie to me. He did want a perfect life. But he just wanted his perfect life. I could practically see a mask slip on his face when he would start to go into one of his moods. Things like my leaving a towel on the floor or wearing the wrong dress to a company event would set him off. The first few times he hit me, it wasn’t too bad. He always begged me to stay and said he was stressed at work. He said I should be more understanding. But it just grew worse. I started to withdraw from him and he knew it. I knew I didn’t love him. I loved the idea of him but he wasn’t real. Never was.”
“Then one night he accused me of flirting with his co-workers at a company party when he made partner. It wasn’t until we were behind closed doors that the real Nick showed himself. The front door wasn’t even closed and he was on me. His hands wrapped around my neck and he forced himself on me. He told me if I was going to flirt with his co-workers like a paid whore he would treat me like one. And he did.” I feel a tear escape down my cheek and land on Saint’s chest.
“After he left for work the next day, I took off. I packed a bag, withdrew some money from the account my parents had set up for me and took a Greyhound out of town. I left a note telling him if he came after me, I would tell everyone who the real Nick was. Not that anyone would believe me. Not perfect Nick. By this time my friends were long gone and I was utterly alone. I thought if I lay low for a few months he would quit looking for me, if he ever even tried to look for me in the first place. He used to say he would kill me if I left him. When I looked in his eyes, Saint, I believed him.”
“I don’t doubt he would,” Saint says more calmly than I expected. “I’m so sorry, Mama.”
“Nothing to be sorry about now. It’s over. I’m over it,” I say, sitting back up.
“No, you’re not. Not yet but we’ll get you there. You have to let me in. You pushing me away all the time is because of the scars that man left on you. Don’t you see? You’re still giving him control. Control over us.”
His words hit me hard. He couldn't be more right. I am who I am because of Nick. He’s the reason I’ve changed. Some of the changes I like, some I need to let go of.
“I’m sorry about what happened to you and that our paths didn’t cross sooner,” he pauses, measuring his words carefully. “But I need to be honest with you. I already know your story.”
I drop my head to stare down at his chest. I run my fingers through his chest hair.
“You mad, Mama?”
“No,” I say simply, because I’m not. This isn’t surprising. Saint is, after all, a computer hacker. I don’t know the specifics but I know he’s pretty good. It had actually crossed my mind a few times already that he might look into my past. I wasn’t hiding that well. I knew I just needed to stay hidden for a little while and give Nick time to move on. That thought makes my stomach clench. Not because he’s with someone else, but in fear for that someone else, whoever they may be.
“You seem a lot calmer about all this than I thought you would be. Is it because you’ve known for a while?” I ask.
“Actually, I haven’t known that long. I wanted you to open up to me on your own—”
“Oh, Saint,” I interrupt, feeling my heart ache at his words.
“It’s fine, Mama, we’re getting there. But when everything happened with Carter and Layla, and you wouldn’t give me the time of day unless it was to try to piss me off. But then again you know I’ll take any attention you shoot my way.” He gives me his cocky grin. I just roll my eyes.
“I had a few drinks one night. Got to missing you real bad. I told myself that if I found out what happened, who hurt you before, maybe I could make it better, and maybe I could find a way to get my Mama back faster.”
My heart squeezes more because I put him through this. He was just trying to make me better, like he tried with his mom.
“I’m so sorry, Saint. I know I’ve got some messed-up shit and I know I can be crazy.”
“Mama, stop,” he orders firmly, gripping my hips. “I don’t want you to change. I love your crazy. Your crazy drives me crazy for you. I couldn’t imagine you without your fire. I don’t want to. You couldn’t be more perfect for me. The first time you opened your mouth, I knew it. You were mine. Better yet, I’m yours.”
I feel another tear slip out.
“I want to get past some of the things I’m still hanging on to.”
“You will. With me.” He sits up and wraps me in his arms, just holding me. “We’re going to kill Nick.”
He says it so matter-of-factly, as if he had just asked me what I wanted for dinner tonight. It takes me a moment to fully process what he’s said.
I push back on his chest so I can look him in the eyes. I can see how serious he is. His eyes look a shade darker now than they did before. More intense “You can’t be serious.”
Saint picks me up off his lap and sets me back down on the bed. He strolls across the room and opens a dresser drawer, pulling out a file. He brings it back to the bed and tosses it down next to me.
“Nick Clint was suspended in high school after a female classmate said he raped her. Seems Nick’s father had some good lawyers and got that to disappear. Luckily I know how to find lost things. In college one of Nick’s girlfriends went missing. She still hasn’t been found. Then he got himself engaged. Before they could ever say “I do,” it seemed she slipped down the stairs and died in the hospital the next day. And then there was you. Your doctor seemed to think you were accident prone.”
I feel my breath catch in my chest.
“Just like the new Mrs. Clint.”
Oh, fuck.
“You see, Mama. The world will be a better place without a man like Nick in it. And I have no problem giving him a little taste of his own medicine. I won’t lose any sleep over putting a bullet through his head. But this is your show, Jeanette. Just remember, monsters of your past are always there lurking in the dark, creeping up on you at night. We can make the monster go away. You can make it go away.”
SAINT
It’s been a few weeks since she finally opened up to me. Things have been pretty damn close to perfect. After everything got cleared up with Layla and her father, the waters have been calm. There’s just one more thing that needs to be taken care of, and then I’ll know my Mama will be free from all the shit that fucker did to her. I’ll do anything to give that to her. Anything. After that, we can really start a life—pick out a place together, plant some babies in her, and do the normal nine-to-five. I’ll even drive a goddamn minivan if th
at’s Jeanette’s idea of the perfect little life.
After this final job, I’m out. I’ll be living by the letter of the law. Carter and I have walked some fine lines in the things we’ve done. We’ve lived by a certain code and I’ve always stuck to it, but when it comes to her, there’s no line I won’t cross to give her what she needs.
Making my way up the stairs, I know she’s going to give me hell for slipping out of bed on her this morning. Viktor brought the shipment in last night and I wanted to make sure everything was in place. Viktor isn’t a cheap man to hire but he was worth every penny.
I push the door open to our room and I’m disappointed to see she’s not still in bed. When I hear banging around in the bathroom, I make my way over and slide open the door. I see Jeanette throwing everything around, making a complete mess. The woman creates chaos wherever she goes. As she catches sight of me in the mirror, her face lights up before a scowl forms. It makes a cute little line between her eyebrows and I brush my thumb across it. My cock is already goddamn hard because she stands there in nothing but a pair of very tiny panties.
“You jackdog. I know what you did,” she snaps and turns to point a finger at me.
I look down at myself thinking maybe I missed some of the blood but I changed and took a shower before I came up here so it can’t be that.
“You think I wouldn’t notice?” she says accusingly and she takes three steps towards me. She presses her breast against me, getting me in face.
“I’m not sure what you’re talking about, Mama, but I’ll do it again if it gets you all worked up and rubbing your tits all over me.”
She levels me with a look that could kill a lesser man, but I lean down and kiss her nose and I know I’m winning when I see her fight a smile.
“The pills, Saint. Where are they?” Ah now I know why she’s all worked up. I’m surprised it took her this long to notice. I threw out those little fuckers almost a week ago, and I sure wasn’t trying to hide the fact I did it.
“Down the drain, Mama.” Before she can respond, I grab her by the hips and lift her onto the bathroom counter.
“You’re going to get it, Saint.”
“Fuck, I hope so.” I lean in, kissing her neck and dragging my tongue up to her ear, grabbing on with my teeth. The taste of sweet vanilla enters my mouth. How does she always taste like that? I love and hate it. I can’t be anywhere near the smell of vanilla now, or my cock goes rock hard. She continues her fit, which I’m only catching every other word of, because my mouth has made its way down to her tits, and all my focus is there. I pull one of her nipple rings into my mouth. That gets a response.
Her words turn to moans. I feel her body start to move in an imitation of fucking, and that’s when I notice she has her hands in her panties. That’s my woman, no fucking around. If she wants to get off, she’s going to get off.
“You gonna share that with me, Mama?”
Leaning back, she pulls her hand out of her panties, and I can see her cream coating her fingers. She softly runs the coated fingers over my lips, but I’m just as needy as she is and I want it all. I quickly suck her finger into my mouth. Good God, her taste is like coming home. It’s a taste I’ve wanted on my tongue forever.
“You want more?”
Fuck, yeah, I do, but I want to tease her a little. I want to make her beg me this time. She’ll beg for my cock and my cum.
I drop down to my knees. She goes to move her panties to the side but I grab her hands to stop her. When she starts to protest I put my mouth to her silk-covered pussy, teasing her through the material.
“Saint, please, your mouth.” She jerks her hands but my grip is firm. I drag my tongue over her clit but I don’t apply any real pressure, dragging out her need. She thrusts her hips and tries to create some friction but it’s useless.
“Damn it. If you don’t knock that shit off, I’ll tie you to the bed again and make your cock my toy. I won’t let you cum all damn day. I’ll just use you for my own pleasure.”
Fuck, she’s going to make me cum in my pants if she keeps talking like that. Now I’m not sure if I’m teasing to make her beg, or doing it so she’ll really punish me.
“Saint, stop messing around.” She moans louder and tries to rub herself against me. I start peppering kisses down the inside of her thighs, rubbing my day-old stubble against her silky skin. I can’t stop myself. It’s become an obsession. I love seeing my whisker burns and little love bites on the insides of her thighs. Every time they start to fade, it pisses me off and I attack her pussy again with my mouth. Seeing them on her when she spreads her legs for me makes me feel like I’m keeping my woman satisfied. Every time she looks down at her pussy she knows I was there.
“Tell me what you want, Mama, and I’ll give it to you.”
“Your cock, Saint. Now.” Standing up, I pull her panties down her legs and start undoing my jeans.
“Lose the shirt. Why do all the time in the gym if you aren’t showing me that body when you fuck me.”
“Sorry, Mama.” I pull the shirt off over my head. Before my tee even hits the floor, she has my nipple in her mouth. I feel the sting of her bites and I can feel the pre-cum slip out of my cock. Fuck, I’m not going to last.
I grab her hips and pull her to the edge of the counter. “Put it in, Mama,” I growl, increasing the pressure of my hold on her.
She’s too worked up to mess around and she instantly slides me inside her. My cock seeks her warm heat. I start to move slowly. I keep my grip on her hips so she can’t thrust against me, with me. She gives me a scowl, but when I adjust my hips and drag against her clit, her displeasure fades and her look is one of bliss.
“You’re so fucking beautiful, Mama. With your tight little pussy gripping my cock, I could fuck you forever.” I release her hips and she starts to do her own thrusting. “That’s it, baby, take my big dick deep inside your cunt. That’s it. Fuck me back, Mama.”
“God, Saint, I love when you talk like that. Fuck, I’m going to cum.”
Knowing that if she cums, she’ll milk my own orgasm from me, I stop thrusting. I push my hips forward and lock her into place. I grab her face with both of my hands to ensure she doesn’t move, and I slam my mouth against hers. I taste her vanilla flavor as I fuck her mouth with my tongue. I mimic what my cock should be doing and build her up, teasing her.
Pulling my mouth from hers, I go for her weak spot, nibbling at her neck. I feel her whole body gasping for air from the overwhelming kiss. “Please,” she begs breathlessly.
I lean close to her ear and whisper my answer. “You want my cum, Mama? I know you do. Work it out of me.” I release the lock I have on her body so she can move.
“Yes, I want it,” she moans
“You know what this means? You’re asking for it. I’m going to let you fuck me, milk my cum out of me. I’m not going to move. You’re going to show me how much you want it. How much you really want me to plant my baby inside you.”
“God, yeah,” she cries and thrusts harder. I brace my feet farther apart so she won’t take us to the ground. She moans my name over and over, her sounds breathless and wild. I feel my spine tingling at the base, but I just need to hold out for one more second. I want her cunt to milk me. I want to feel her pussy grip my cock. I want my warm semen coating her unprotected pussy.
“Told you I would plant my seed in you, Mama.”
Pulling up outside the old vacant building, I turn to look at Jeanette. She looks utterly calm. Part of me wondered if this was the right thing to do. The other part told me it was the only thing I could do. Some of the rage has cooled since this morning when I came back to make sure everything was in place. I got to go a few rounds with her ex Nick before I left him with Viktor.
Viktor is a fixer, and an extremely expensive one at that. There’s almost nothing the man won’t do for the right price, as long as the target is at least a little dirty. That was the word on the street anyway. Not like Viktor went running his mouth about his h
its. The man barely talked. I’m not scared of much, but he isn’t a man whose bad side I’d want to be on.
I let him know all I found on Nick, and paid extra for him to make Nick feel some of the pain he’d been dishing out to women over the years. I know for a fact that Viktor didn’t take too kindly to rapists, so I knew Nick was in for a hell of a time.
“You ready for this, Mama?” I asked, leaning over and kissing her on the cheek.
“I...he’s in there?” I hated hearing the stutter in her voice.
“Yeah, he’s in there. You don’t have to go in. I’ll walk in there by myself and put a bullet through his head if you ask.”
She turns and looks at me. “I wanna face him.”
I’m so fucking proud of her in this moment. She’s been running from this man for years and now she’s ready to walk in there and face her demons.
She grabs my chin and pulls me towards her. “Tell me you love me.”
“More than anything in the goddamn world.”
“Then I’m ready.”
She gets out of the car and we make our way into the building. Most of it has been gutted. I flick on the flashlight I brought so we don’t trip over any loose debris, and we pick our way to the stairs leading down to the basement. When I hit the top of the stairs, I give four hard pounds to the side of the wall.
“Clear!” Viktor yells up.
Turning, I look her Jeanette in the eyes, letting her know she doesn’t have to go down there. When she gives me a nod, I take her hand and lead us down the stairs.
When we reach the bottom, I see Viktor leaning back in a metal chair utterly still. I don’t know how he does that but it always freaks me the fuck out. In once graceful move he’s up and in front of me.
“She’s beautiful,” he says, and I can hear the hint of the Russian accent he usually masks. I feel a stab of jealousy shoot through me at his words. I didn’t even think Viktor noticed women. I didn’t think he was gay, I just didn’t think he liked anyone. He’s not a bad-looking guy, I mean, he’s scary as fuck, but I’ve seen beautiful women hit on him before. He always bats them away like they’re pests.
