Bound by Honor Bound by Love

by Ruth Ann Nordin

  As she thought of Woape, Gary, her nieces, her father, Erin, Julia, and Chogan, her tears dried up and an unfamiliar determined resolve came over her. She couldn’t recall a time when she felt her heart harden toward anything or anyone, but as she thought of all she’d been willing to give up to be with Citlali, a bitterness started seeping in. He would never give up anyone or anything to be with her. All along, she’d been the one to go along with him and whatever he wanted. She’d done everything she could think of to make him happy. But when she asked him to let her family stay in the tribe, he wouldn’t do it. And now he’d run off without her.

  She straightened up and took a deep cleansing breath. She didn’t need to stay here. There was no reason to wait for him. Her fears had proven true. She meant nothing to him. She was merely a means to an end. But as much as he and the chief wanted to control her, she wouldn’t let them. Her child wouldn’t be controlled either. She knew the tribal customs, and they couldn’t tell her what she could or couldn’t do with her child. She refused to let her child grow up the way Citlali turned out to be. She would teach her child to care about people—not based on the color of their skin but on their compassion for others.

  Decision made, she stood up and collected her things. Her child would be free to make his own choices. No chief would tell him what to do. If he wanted to marry a white person, he could, and she’d be there to support him. If he wanted to marry another Mandan, she’d let him do that, too. And if the chief and Citlali were determined to force everyone out who was sympathetic to the white man, then that meant she and her child would be leaving. She refused to live under their laws anymore.

  She picked up her leather travel bag. Straightening her back, she left the room and walked over to Citlali’s family. They’d always been kind to her, and they deserved to know the truth. She wouldn’t leave without telling them, which was more than what Citlali had done for her.

  She cleared her throat and waited until they looked in her direction before she spoke. “I’m returning to my lodge.” Noting the mixture of worry and shock on their faces, she added, “I’m sorry.” Then, so no one would talk her out of it, she ran out of the lodge.

  Chapter Twelve

  “I’m leaving with my children,” Cole told the Mandan who stood in front of the tribal entrance. He glanced at a scared Penelope and their two children who huddled next to her. Turning back to the tall Indian, he added, “Please step aside so we can go.”

  “I can’t.” He crossed his arms. “I am under the chief’s orders, and he has forbidden you to take Etu and Yepa out of the tribe. You and your wife may leave, but Motega and Takchawee’s children stay.”

  Cole gritted his teeth. “Motega and Takchawee’s children? They aren’t Motega and Takchawee’s children. They’re Penelope’s and my children!”

  “That is how you see it.”

  “That’s how it is!”

  “Papa,” Etu cried as he ran over to Cole and held his arms out to him.

  Cole lifted him and glared at the Mandan. “See what I mean? He’s my child. Yepa’s also my child.”

  Penelope lifted her up, and she wrapped her arms around Penelope’s neck. “Cole…” Penelope shot him a worried look that tore through his heart.

  “I must obey the chief. I am sorry,” the Mandan said.

  “We don’t have to obey the chief,” Cole replied. “We’re not under his authority.”

  He made a move to shove past the intimidating man, but the man blocked him once again. “You are not on white man’s land. You are on Mandan land. You will abide by Mandan laws here.”

  Cole’s face turned red. “And if I don’t?”

  By now a group of Mandans had gathered around them, watching the exchange and whispering amongst themselves. Cole didn’t care. Let them watch. He refused to back down. Maybe that’s what they needed to see. Maybe they needed to know that not everyone was going to do whatever the chief wanted. Maybe then they’d have enough courage to stand up for their rights.

  The Mandan pulled himself to his full height and looked down at Cole. “That’s not an option. While you’re in the tribe, the chief must be obeyed.”

  “Not by me.”

  “White man’s laws don’t work here.”

  Another Mandan made a move to take the children, so Cole pulled out his gun. As he hoped, the Mandans backed up. Good. He glanced at Penelope who had tears in her eyes. Etu and Yepa were openly crying and begged Cole to take them home, and he knew they meant the home he and Penelope belonged to—not the home the chief wanted them to be at in this tribe. He steeled his determination and tightened his grip on the gun. He had every right to keep his family together. No one was going to tell him that he couldn’t have children who were Indian.

  “Put that thing down,” the Mandan insisted.

  “I’ll put it down once my family and I are heading back home. Until then, you have to deal with it.” Cole glared at him. “Now move.”

  He pulled out a knife and met Cole’s eyes. “I don’t want to fight.”

  “Neither do I.”

  “Then take the children to their lodge.”

  Someone moved toward Yepa and tried to remove her from Penelope’s arms. Without thinking, Cole shot the Mandan. He didn’t know where the bullet went, but he grabbed Penelope’s hand and pushed past the man standing guard at the entrance of the tribe. He and Penelope ran as fast as they could toward a wagon before an arrow pierced his shoulder.

  Grunting, he stumbled forward and tripped over a large rock in his path. Still holding onto Etu, he rolled onto his back so the boy wouldn’t suffer from the brunt of the fall. A couple Mandan males caught up to them and pinned Cole down. He fired another shot in an effort to get them away from him, but one of the men took the gun out of his hand.

  “Get your hands off my children,” Cole snapped, swinging his fist at them in an effort to get them to back off.

  But it was useless. There were too many of them, and before he knew it, they were hauling Etu and Yepa away from him and Penelope. Penelope let out a bitter wail and rushed for them, but two men held her back. Cole knew it was pointless to fight anymore, so he didn’t make a move. One of the men grabbed him by the elbow and brought him to his feet. Cole winced at the pain jabbing his shoulder.

  “The medicine man will remove the arrow and heal your wound,” the man told him, his grip hard on his elbow. “Too bad I can’t say the same for the man you shot. He’s dead. You’re not going anywhere until we decide what to do with you.”

  Cole winced. He hadn’t meant to kill anyone. He just wanted to get his family safely away from them. “I’m sorry.”

  The man ignored him but continued to lead him to the medicine man’s lodge.

  ***

  Onawa looked up from where she was helping Woape finish her quilt. She didn’t want her sister to finish it because once it was complete, Woape and her family would leave the tribe. Onawa brushed a tear from her eye.

  Her life was a mess. First, she learned that Citlali didn’t love her as she thought he did. Second, she left his lodge, thereby divorcing him. It’d been the most painful decision she’d ever made, but how could she remain in his lodge knowing how little he valued her? She brushed another tear from her eye. Third, with the exception of her good friend Amata and her aunts, everyone she was closest to was leaving the tribe by the end of the month.

  How ironic that earlier that year, she’d been so happy she couldn’t think her life could be any more perfect. The elation she’d experienced the day after she got married was a bitter reminder of how wrong she’d been about Citlali. He not only didn’t love her but he was willing to break her heart further by aiding the chief in forcing her loved ones to leave.

  Even now from where her father talked to Erin on the other side of the fire pit, they were making plans to marry and live in a cabin Chogan and Gary were building for them.

  “Are you sure you’d rather be here than with Citlali?” Woape asked in a low voice so the others
wouldn’t overhear.

  After a long moment to think it through, Onawa whispered, “Yes. There is nothing for me with him.”

  Woape stopped sewing and placed her side of the quilt in her lap. Onawa refused to look at her. She already knew what the thoughtful expression on Woape’s face meant. It meant she was about to take Citlali’s side.

  “Please don’t,” Onawa said before her sister could speak.

  “Don’t what?”

  “You know very well what. I don’t want you to tell me I should talk to Citlali. There’s no point in talking to him. He left the tribe without telling me where he was going or asking if I wanted to go along,” and she would have if he’d asked, “and even if he just came back, I have nothing to say to him.”

  Blinking back more tears, she focused on the quilt in front of her, still refusing to look at Woape.

  Finally, Woape ventured, “If you’re insistent that you won’t return to Citlali, then maybe you should leave with us.”

  “Leave with you?”

  “That is unless you’d rather stay here with our aunts. You also have Amata to stay for.”

  Onawa bit her lower lip and glanced at Woape, her father, and her nieces. “Where would I stay?”

  “With me and Gary, of course.”

  She glanced at their aunts. One of them was due to marry in a month, and the man she was betrothed to was noted for being a good hunter.

  As if she could read her mind, Woape added, “Not only will our aunt marry soon, but our brother’s wife has agreed to move with him back here in this lodge. Our aunts will get along fine without us.”

  Onawa turned her gaze back to her sister and nodded. “I’d like to. But are you sure it wouldn’t be an imposition?”

  “Not at all. You’re always welcome in our home.”

  She nodded. “I’ll leave when you do.”

  “Chogan, Gary, and our father have discussed breeding horses and selling them. With the land they acquired, they can do it. So the cabins Chogan and Gary have been building will be close to each other. You won’t need to be away from our father or Julia.” After a moment’s pause, Woape reached out and touched Onawa’s arm. “Be sure it’s what you want to do. You were so excited to be with Citlali.”

  “I can’t be excited about being with him anymore.”

  Before Woape could respond, Ukiah ran into the lodge and shouted, “Quanah’s dead!”

  Onawa’s father turned to look at him. “Dead?”

  As her father got to his feet, Ukiah nodded. “That white man, Cole, shot him.”

  “Why?” Woape asked, standing up.

  Erin and Onawa also stood and joined everyone else as they surrounded Ukiah. As much as Onawa tried not to think of Citlali, it was hard to when his brother was around. Even though they weren’t anything alike, it was easy to see they were brothers by their physical features and she’d seen him all the time when living in Citlali’s lodge. She blinked back her tears and forced the image of Citlali from her mind. She’d left his lodge, and she wasn’t going back.

  “Why did Cole shoot Quanah?” Woape asked.

  “Cole and his wife were trying to leave with Etu and Yepa,” Ukiah replied. “Manchu said no because the chief has ordered Cole to bring Etu and Yepa to their lodge.”

  “But it’s not their lodge anymore,” Woape argued. “Cole and Penelope adopted them. They are Etu and Yepa’s parents now.”

  He shrugged. “That’s not what the chief says.”

  “Who cares what the chief says? He’s not God.”

  “He is as far as this tribe is concerned,” her father interrupted. “The chief is to be obeyed.”

  “Even if he’s wrong?” Woape pressed.

  Her father sighed. “You have always been a strong-willed girl. But yes, the chief is revered by many in this tribe. The white man has his leaders who are revered in much the same way. Every society needs structure, and part of that structure is to have someone who can lead the people.”

  “Even if that leader isn’t doing what’s best for the people? Are you telling me I need to revere the chief when he wants to tear a family apart?”

  “No, I’m not. Why do you think I’m leaving the tribe?”

  The answer calmed Woape down. She nodded and turned her attention back to Ukiah. “Where are Cole and Penelope?”

  “They’re in the Ceremonial Lodge until the chief decides what to do with them,” he replied.

  “And Etu and Yepa?”

  “They’re in the lodge with their aunts.”

  “I’m going to see Cole and Penelope,” Woape said.

  “I don’t think the chief will like that,” Ukiah warned.

  “What will he do about it? Keep me prisoner as well? Tell me I can’t take my children out of this lodge? Tear my family apart?”

  Her father gently touched her shoulder. “Woape, calm down. It’s too soon to know what will happen.”

  “Is it?” she asked. “The chief won’t let Cole and Penelope leave with their children, and you know how he feels about white men killing Mandans. A lot of good Citlali’s done in leaving at a time like this.”

  “What is that supposed to mean?” Ukiah asked, his eyebrows furrowed.

  “It means Citlali is the second chief. For all his faults, he can look beyond the color of someone’s skin. Enough people respect him to let Cole and Penelope leave with their children.”

  “Then why didn’t he say something when the chief made his announcement?” Ukiah asked.

  It was a good question, Onawa thought, and it was something that needed to be asked aloud, in front of others.

  Woape let out a frustrated sigh. “I don’t know. No one knows but him. But Chogan says Citlali needs the time alone to learn what’s important. He can’t do that as long as he’s here.”

  Ukiah crossed his arms. “I don’t believe that.”

  “If Chogan said it, it’s true. Chogan spent enough time with Citlali last year when they were looking for Julia to understand him better than any of us. Some men draw their strength from the counsel of others. Other men require time alone to figure things out. Citlali is in the latter group.”

  “You’d think the least he could do was tell his wife that before he left,” Ukiah said.

  The lodge fell silent, and Onawa’s face grew warm. Though no one looked at her, she felt as if they were. She turned away from them and returned to the quilt. Hopefully, no one would say anything else. She’d love for them to let the matter drop. It was hard enough knowing what they were thinking. They all knew how little Citlali thought of her. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she picked up the square cloth to add to the quilt and began sewing it in.

  “I’m still going to see Cole and Penelope,” Woape said. “If the chief has a problem with it, he’s going to have to come to the lodge and force me out himself.”

  Onawa didn’t bother looking up as Woape left the lodge. Fortunately, Ukiah also left and everyone else returned to what they’d been doing before he arrived.

  Chapter Thirteen

  “I should go back,” Citlali whispered, staring at the clear blue sky.

  He’d been gone for three days already. He couldn’t stay away from the tribe forever, even though it was tempting. With a weary sigh, he turned his gaze back to the sky and watched the birds as they flew above. He knew the longer he stayed out here, the harder it was going to be to return. And yet, he couldn’t bring himself to go back.

  After all the training he’d had to be a chief, he suddenly realized he wasn’t qualified to be one. He’d lost control and struck Chogan. There was no way the others in the tribe would follow him. They wanted someone they could look up to, someone they could respect. Part of that respect required him to have full control over his emotions at all times, and he failed. He’d disappointed them. He’d also disappointed the chief. And worse, he’d disappointed Onawa. He tried not to think of Onawa. He doubted she was still living in his lodge. By now, she’d probably returned to her family. What did he
have to go back for?

  He didn’t know where he could go. He didn’t belong anywhere. Maybe he would stay here for the rest of his life. Closing his eyes, he pushed everything aside.

  ***

  Two days later Onawa gathered her wash into a basket and left her family’s lodge. It was still hard to go outside and not look in the direction of Citlali’s lodge. She had to drag her attention away from it and head toward the river. She thought a swim would also clear her mind. She missed Citlali.

  There was no denying it, and expecting his child didn’t make the ache in her heart any easier to bear. She didn’t even know what to do about the child. She couldn’t bear the thought of the child ending up so devoted to the chief that he would give up members of his family to follow whatever stupid mandate the chief thought up. She wanted the child to embrace his entire family, and that included Gary and her soon-to-be stepmother.

  But she couldn’t refuse to let the child know Citlali. Citlali was his father. She slowed her steps and glanced over her shoulder so she could see his lodge. Her grip tightened on the basket. She turned her attention to the land, in the direction where Chogan said Citlali went. Didn’t he even think of her? Even now with all that happened, didn’t she once cross his mind? Didn’t he think about his child?

  Blinking back her tears, she stepped forward. She gasped and stopped when she saw that Ukiah was right in front of her.

  “I didn’t mean to scare you,” he told her. “Can I carry that for you?”

  She glanced at her basket. “It’s not heavy and the river isn’t that far.”

  “Alright.” She started to walk forward, but he added, “Onawa, I just want you to know that even though things didn’t work out with my brother, you shouldn’t think that all of us agree with the chief. Some of us—even those who are in Citlali’s family-don’t approve of what’s happening. We’re planning to go with some others to talk to the chief tomorrow.”