“Don’t worry,” he murmured. “The dress stays on.”
“Oh? Is that your decision to make?”
“Yes,” he said. “You’re not losing your virginity in a dream. If that’s even possible. I don’t want to deal with the philosophical side of it. And besides, there’s no need to rush anyway. Sometimes it’s worth lingering on the journey for a while before getting to the destination.”
Metaphors. This was the cost of making out with an artist.
I nearly said as much. Then his hand slid up my bare leg, and I was lost again. Maybe the dress was staying on, but he didn’t mind taking liberties with it. That hand slipped under my dress, running along the side of my leg and up to my hip. I burned where he touched me, and everything within me became focused on that hand. It was moving far too slowly, and I grabbed it, ready to urge it on.
Adrian chuckled and caught hold of my wrist, pulling my hand away and pinning it down against the covers. “Never thought I’d be the one slowing you down.”
I opened my eyes and met his. “I’m a quick study.”
All that burning and animal need within me must have shone through because he caught his breath and lost the smile. He released my wrist and cupped my face in his hands, bringing his face down only a whisper away from mine. “Good God, Sydney. You are—” The passion in his eyes turned to surprise, and he suddenly looked up.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, wondering if this was some weird part of “the journey.”
He grimaced and began to fade away before my eyes. “You’re being woken up.”
CHAPTER 22
I OPENED MY EYES, groggy from the sudden shock of being pulled out of the dream. My body felt sluggish, and I squinted against the light. The lamp I’d left on last night was joined by sunlight streaming in through the window, but my phone’s display still showed a freakishly early hour. Someone knocked at my door, and I realized that was what had woken me up. I ran a hand through my disheveled hair and rose unsteadily from the bed.
“If she needs a geography tutor now, I really am going to Mexico,” I muttered. But when I opened the door, it wasn’t Angeline standing outside my door. It was Jill.
“Something big just happened,” she said, hurrying in.
“Not to me it didn’t.”
If she noticed my annoyance, she didn’t show it. In fact, as I studied her more closely, I realized she probably had no idea (yet) about what had happened between Adrian and me. From what I’d learned, spirit dreams weren’t shared through the bond unless the shadow-kissed person was directly brought into it.
I sighed and sat down on my bed again, wishing I could go back to sleep. The heat and excitement of the dream was fading, and mostly I felt tired now. “What’s wrong?”
“Angeline and Trey.”
I groaned. “Oh, lord. What’s she done to him now?”
Jill settled into my desk chair and put on a steely look of resolve. Whatever was coming was bad. “She tried to get him to sneak into our dorm last night.”
“What?” I really did need more sleep because my brain was having trouble understanding the reasoning behind that. “She’s not that dedicated to her math grade . . . is she?”
Jill gave me a wry look. “Sydney, they weren’t working on math.”
“Then why were they—oh. Oh no.” I fell backward onto the bed and stared up at the ceiling. “No. This can’t be happening.”
“I already tried saying that to myself,” she told me. “It doesn’t help.”
I rolled over to my side so that I could look at her again. “Okay, assuming this is true, how long has it been going on?”
“I don’t know.” Jill sounded as tired as me—and a lot more exasperated. “You know how she is. I tried to get answers out of her, but she kept going on about how it wasn’t her fault and how it just happened.”
“What’d Trey say?” I asked.
“I never got a chance to talk to him. He got hauled away as soon as they were caught.” She smiled, but there wasn’t much humor in it. “On the bright side, he got in a lot more trouble than she did, so we don’t have to worry about her getting expelled.”
Oh no. “Do we have to worry about him getting expelled?”
“I don’t think so. I heard about other people trying this, and they just get detention for life. Or something.”
Small blessing. Angeline was in detention so much that they’d at least have bonding time. “Well, then I guess there isn’t much to be done. I mean, the emotional fallout’s going to be a mess, of course.”
“Well . . .” Jill shifted nervously. “That’s just it. You see, first Eddie needs to be told—”
I shot up out of my bed. “I am not doing that.”
“Oh, of course not. No one would ever expect you to do that.” I wasn’t so sure but let her continue. “Angeline’s going to. It’s the right thing to do.”
“Yes. . . .” I still wasn’t letting down my guard.
“But someone still needs to talk to Eddie afterward,” she explained. “It’s going to be hard on him, you know? He shouldn’t be left alone. He needs a friend.”
“Aren’t you his friend?” I asked.
She flushed. “Well, yeah, of course. But I don’t know that it’d be right since . . . well, you know how I feel about him. Better to have someone more reasonable and objective. Besides, I don’t know if I’d do a good job or not.”
“Probably better than me.”
“You’re better at that stuff than you think. You’re able to make things clear and—”
Jill suddenly froze. Her eyes widened a little, and for a moment, it was like she was watching something I couldn’t see. No, I realized a moment later. There was no “like” about it. That was exactly what she was doing. She was having one of those moments where she was in sync with Adrian’s mind. I saw her blink and slowly tune back into my room. Her eyes focused on me, and she paled. Just like that, I knew that she knew.
Rose had said that sometimes in the bond, you could sift through someone’s recent memories even if you hadn’t actually been tuned into the bond at that moment. As Jill looked at me, I could tell she’d seen it all, everything that had happened with Adrian last night. It was hard to say which of us was more horrified. I replayed everything I’d done and said, every compromising position I’d literally and figuratively put myself in. Jill had just “seen” me do things no one else ever had—well, except for Adrian, of course. And what had she actually felt? What it was like to kiss me? To run her—his?—hands over my body?
It was a situation I had in no way prepared for. My occasional indiscretions with Adrian had come through to Jill as well, but we’d all brushed those off—me in particular. Last night, however, had taken things to a whole new level, one that left both Jill and me stunned and speechless. I was mortified that she’d seen me so weak and exposed, and the protective part of me was worried that she’d seen anything like that at all, period.
She and I stared at each other, lost in our own thoughts, but Jill recovered first. She turned even redder than when she’d mentioned Eddie and practically leapt out of the chair. Turning her eyes away from mine, she hurried to the door. “Um, I should go, Sydney. Sorry to bother you so early. It probably could’ve waited. Angeline’s going to talk to Eddie this morning, so whenever you get a chance to find him, you know, that’d be great.” She took a deep breath and opened the door, still refusing to make eye contact. “I’ve gotta go. See you later. Sorry again.”
“Jill—”
She shut the door, and I sank back into the bed, unable to stand. It was official. Whatever residual heat and lust I’d felt from being with Adrian last night had completely vanished in the wake of Jill’s expression. Until that moment, I hadn’t really and truly understood what it meant to be involved with someone who was bonded. Everything Adrian said to me, she heard. Every emotion he had for me, she experienced. Every time he kissed me, she felt it. . . .
I thought I might be sick. How had Rose an
d Lissa handled this? Somewhere in my addled mind, I recalled Rose saying she’d learned to block out a lot of Lissa’s experiences—but it had taken a few years to figure it out. Adrian and Jill had only been bonded for a few months.
The shock of understanding what Jill had seen cast a shadow over everything that had been sensual and thrilling last night. I felt like I had been on display. I felt cheap and dirty, especially as I remembered my own role in instigating things. That sickening feeling in my stomach increased, and there was no stopping the avalanche of thoughts that soon followed.
I’d let myself spin out of control last night, carried away by desire. I shouldn’t have done any of that—and not just because Adrian was a Moroi (though that was certainly problematic too). My life was about reason and logic, and I’d thrown all of that out the window. They were my strengths, and in casting them aside, I’d become weak. I’d been high on the freedom and risks I’d experienced last night, not to mention intoxicated by Adrian and how he’d said I was beautiful and brave and “ridiculously smart.” I’d melted when he’d looked at me in that absurd dress. Knowing he’d wanted me had muddled my thoughts, making me want him too. . . .
There was no part of this that was okay.
With great effort, I dragged myself from the bed and managed to pick out some clothes for the day. I staggered to the shower like a zombie and stayed in for so long that I missed breakfast. It didn’t matter. I couldn’t have eaten anything anyway, not with all the emotions that were churning inside me. I barely spoke to anyone as I walked through the halls, and it wasn’t until I sat down in Ms. Terwilliger’s class that I finally remembered there were other people in the world with their own problems.
Specifically, Eddie and Trey.
I was certain there was no way they could be as traumatized as Jill and I were by last night’s events. But it was obvious both guys had had a rough morning. Neither one spoke or made eye contact with others. I think it was the first time I’d ever seen Eddie neglect his surroundings. The bell cut me off before I had a chance to say anything, and I spent the rest of class watching them with concern. They didn’t look like they were going to engage in any testosterone-driven madness, so that was a good sign. I felt bad for both of them—especially Eddie, who’d been wronged the most—and worrying on their behalf helped distract me from my own woes. A little.
When class ended, I wanted to talk to Eddie first, but Ms. Terwilliger intercepted me. She handed me a large yellow envelope that felt like it had a book inside. There was no end to the spells I had to learn. “Some of the things we discussed,” she told me. “Tend to them as soon as you get the chance.”
“I will, ma’am.” I slipped the envelope into my bag and glanced around for Eddie. He was gone.
Trey was in my next class, and I took my usual seat beside him. He gave me a sidelong look and then turned away.
“So,” I said.
He shook his head. “Don’t start.”
“I’m not starting anything.”
He stayed silent a few moments and then turned back to me, a frantic look in his eyes. “I didn’t know, I swear. About her and Eddie. She never mentioned it, and obviously, they don’t talk about it around here. I never would’ve done that to him. You have to believe that.”
I did. No matter what Trey’s other faults were, he was good-hearted and honest. If anyone was at fault for bad behavior here, it was Angeline.
“I’m actually more surprised that you’d get involved with someone like her, period.” I didn’t need to elaborate that “someone like her” referred to her being a dhampir.
Trey put his head on his desk. “I know, I know. It all just happened so fast. One day she’s throwing a book at me. The next, we’re making out behind the library.”
“Ugh. That’s a little more information than I needed.” Glancing up, I saw that our chemistry teacher was still getting organized, giving Trey and me a little more time. “What are you going to do now?”
“What do you think? I have to end it. I shouldn’t have let it get this far.”
The Sydney from three months ago would have said of course he needed to end it. This one said, “Do you like her?”
“Yes, I—” He paused and then lowered his voice. “I think I love her. Is that nuts? After only a few weeks?”
“No—I don’t know. I’m not really good at understanding that stuff.” And by not really good, I actually meant terrible. “But if you feel like that . . . maybe . . . maybe you shouldn’t throw it away.”
Trey’s eyes widened, and surprise completely replaced his blue mood. “Are you serious? How can you say that? Especially you of all people. You know how it is. You’ve got the same rules as us.”
I could hardly believe what I was saying. “Her people don’t, and they seem to be fine.”
For a moment, I thought I saw a flicker of hope in his eyes, but then he shook his head again. “I can’t, Sydney. You know I can’t. It would eventually end in disaster. There’s a reason our kinds don’t mix. And if my family ever found out . . . God. I can’t even imagine. There’d be no way I’d ever get back in.”
“Do you really want to?”
He didn’t answer that. Instead, he just told me, “It can’t work. It’s over.” I’d never seen him look so miserable.
Class started, and that ended the discussion.
Eddie wasn’t in our cafeteria at lunch. Jill sat with Angeline at a corner table and looked as though she was delivering a stern lecture. Maybe Jill hadn’t felt comfortable consoling Eddie, but she certainly had no problem speaking out on his behalf. I didn’t really want to hear Angeline’s excuses or meet Jill’s eyes, so I grabbed a sandwich and ate outside. I didn’t have enough time to check Eddie’s cafeteria, so I sent him a text.
Want to go out for coffee later?
Don’t feel sorry for me, he responded. I hadn’t known if he’d answer at all, so that was something.
I just want to talk. Please.
His next text wasn’t nearly so fast, and I could almost imagine his mental battle. Okay, but after dinner. I have a study group. A moment later, he added, Not Spencer’s. Trey worked at Spencer’s.
Now that the Angeline drama was on hold, I was able to return to my own messed-up love life. I couldn’t shake that image of Jill’s expression. I couldn’t forgive myself for losing control. And now, I had Trey’s words bouncing around my head. It would eventually end in disaster. There’s a reason our kinds don’t mix.
As though summoned by my thoughts, Adrian texted me. You want to get the dragon today?
I’d forgotten all about the callistana. He’d stayed with Adrian during my St. Louis trip, and now it was my turn. Since Adrian couldn’t transform him back into quartz, the dragon had been in his true form all weekend.
Sure, I wrote back.
My stomach was in knots when I drove to Adrian’s place later. I’d had the rest of the day to think about my options, and I’d finally reached an extreme one.
When he opened the door, his face was aglow—until he saw mine. His expression transformed to equal parts exasperation and sadness. “Oh no. Here it comes,” he said.
I stepped inside. “Here what comes?”
“The part where you tell me last night was a mistake and that we can’t ever do it again.”
I looked away. That was exactly what I’d been going to say. “Adrian, you know this can’t work.”
“Because Moroi and humans can’t be together? Because you don’t feel the same way about me?”
“No,” I said. “Well, not entirely. Adrian . . . Jill saw it all.”
For a moment, he didn’t seem to understand. “What do you—oh. Shit.”
“Exactly.”
“I never even think of that anymore.” He sat down on the couch and stared off into space. The callistana came scurrying into the room and perched on the arm of the couch. “I mean, I know it happens. We even talked about it with other girls. She understands.”
“Understands?”
I exclaimed. “She’s fifteen! You can’t subject her to that.”
“Maybe you were an innocent at fifteen, but Jill’s not. She knows how the world works.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “Well, I’m not one of your other girls! I see her every day. Do you know how hard it was to face her? Do you know what it feels like to know she saw me doing that? And, God, what if there’d been more?”
“So, what’s this mean exactly?” he asked. “You finally come around, and now you’re going to just end things because of her?”
“Kissing you isn’t exactly ‘coming around.’”
He gave me a long, level look. “There was a lot more than kissing, Miss ‘I’m a Quick Study.’”
I tried not to show how embarrassed I was about that now. “And that’s exactly why this is all over. I’m not going to let Jill see that again.”
“So you admit it could happen again?”
“Theoretically, yes. But I’m not going to give us the chance.”
“You’re going to avoid ever being alone with me again?”
“I’m going to avoid you, period.” I took a deep breath. “I’m going to go with Marcus to Mexico.”
“What?” Adrian jumped up and strode over to me. I immediately backed up. “What happened to you working undercover?”
“That only works if I can stay undercover! You think I can pull that off if I’m sneaking around with you?”
“You’re with me half the time already!” I couldn’t tell if he was angry or not, but he was clearly upset. “Nobody notices. We’ll be careful.”
“All it takes is one slipup,” I said. “And I don’t know if I can trust myself anymore. I can’t risk the Alchemists finding out about you and me. I can’t risk exposing Jill to what we’d do together. They’ll send another Alchemist to look after her, and hopefully Stanton will take precautions against the Warriors.”
The Indigo Spell b-3 Page 30
