“My mother and I founded that group. I never once thought they’d go to these extremes, but Mom embraced Beecher Park as a way to defy the establishment she hates.
“Your mom missed her generation. She should’ve been around in the sixties.” Delaney almost smiled, and the knot in my stomach loosened somewhat. I could lose her and Steele in the same week.
“My grandmother was. Where do you think my mom got it from?”
“What about Steele?”
“We’re through. He was there. He saw me arrested. He never contacted me after that. Never asked to hear my side.” Steele distancing himself from me hurt more than anything else. If he cared half as much for me as I did for him, he’d give me the opportunity to explain. Instead he jumped to the worst of conclusions and wrote me off as not worth any further bother. My heart hurt as if it were physically breaking, not just emotionally.
“Steele has a very rigid belief system. His dad was a policeman, and none of us really know what his mother does, but I suspect it’s something involved in DC politics and security.”
“Me too. He’s been raised to respect the establishment, and I’ve been raised to fight them. It’s hard to come to terms with that.”
“You meet in the middle. It’s that simple. You give, he takes. He gives, you take. It’s all give and take.” Delaney was so wise for her years. I suppose it had to do with her upbringing as the daughter of a powerful DC politician who was known for something becoming more and more rare in this country. He had a heart, and he cared. Delaney did too.
“I haven’t been raised to compromise. I’ve been raised to fight wrongs, not work on a common solution, but I’m getting there.”
“There are peaceful ways to right wrongs. They take longer, but they’re also more lasting.”
“I know. I want to make a difference. I keep floundering on how to do that.” I had to make a difference, because right now it appeared the man who might very well have been the love of my life was done with me. My causes were all I had left.
“I want you to join my team.”
“Join your team?”
“I’m running for Seattle City Council. I want you on my campaign. If I win, I want you on my staff.”
“I have no education in that area.”
“You have street cred. I don’t. Together we’ll work toward a better Seattle and eventually a better country, but I can’t have you arrested again. We have to do things my way.”
“I’d be honored to join you.”
And I really meant that. I was tired of the anger and drama and hatred. I wanted to make real, lasting change in a positive manner.
And despite how disappointed I was with Steele, I wanted another chance to set things right.
I just didn’t know how to do that.
Chapter Forty
Puck Bros Unite
~~Steele~~
Sometimes getting out of town for several days was a blessing. This was one of those times.
I was never so relieved to go on a road trip as I was the morning after Cin was arrested. I needed space to clear my head and calm the fuck down.
I was fretting about everything and not sure about anything. I felt guilt over not bailing Cin out of jail and anger that she’d put herself in such a situation. What had she been thinking? Throwing tomatoes at police officers? What next? Seriously. She knew better than that. She probably couldn’t even afford a decent lawyer.
I was full of self-righteous indignation on one hand and confusion on the other. I thought she’d been exploring better ways to bring about change with Delaney’s influence. I guess I was wrong.
She’d stomped out of the house after I relayed Mr. Parker’s offer. Had she gone so far as to get arrested just to spite me? If that was the case, this woman I thought I had a connection with wasn’t the woman I knew at all. All she could see was that damn tree. What about my career? Didn’t I matter to her? The repercussions I might suffer had meant nothing to her when it came to her cause.
I was hurting and, like any wounded animal, lashing out. But blaming Cin didn’t make me feel any better, as the stark reality snuck in.
Cin and I were done.
I think.
We had to be. Yet despite it all, deep down, I didn’t want to be done with her. I was mad at myself for showing such weakness while wondering if I’d been too hasty to judge her.
I’d gone through most of my life sure of myself and my direction, following my plan, prideful I was achieving my goals. Cin came along, and the inner conflict caused upheaval and uncertainty within me. I flailed around without a clear direction. I wanted that path. I needed it. But relationships were complicated, and Cin wasn’t one to be pigeon-holed. I’d chosen unwisely, as if I’d had any choice in this matter. My heart hadn’t given me the opportunity to employ logic. It wanted what it wanted, and my dick gladly fell in line. My practical side hadn’t stood a chance.
Now I was paying for it.
I was shitty company on this road trip, staying mostly to myself and not talking much. The guys left me alone, sensing I needed space. I doubted their distance would last forever, a moment I was dreading, even though I missed the camaraderie. They’d have questions, and I didn’t have answers.
To my credit, my game didn’t suffer much. We won the first two out of three games of the four-game road trip. I wasn’t as fast or ruthless or crisp, but the difference was so minute, no one but me appeared to notice.
Our fourth game was tomorrow night. We’d flown into Chicago after last night’s game, had practice this afternoon, and were now lounging about the hotel.
At least, I was lounging in my room. Guys like Wilcox, Ziggy, and Cave were partying. Wilcox hadn’t endeared himself to us as the season wore on. We tolerated him, especially the party boys, because he was loose with his credit card.
I stared at the four walls, so much like the four walls I’d been staring at all week. Different hotel, same walls. I’d had enough of moping in my room. I pushed myself to my feet, grabbed my wallet and key card, and took the elevator to the hotel lobby.
I made my way to the hotel bar. I liked most hotel bars. They were usually dark and quiet for the most part. This one was no exception. They had some good local beers on tap I decided to try out.
As I entered, I stopped and looked around. My guys sat in one corner. I hesitated briefly, considering doing an about-face and beating cleats out of there before they noticed me, but I didn’t. I walked across the room and through the maze of tables. If they gave me shit, so be it. I couldn’t avoid them forever. I had to get my life back on track. Enough feeling sorry for myself.
Kaden looked up in surprise as I took the empty seat next to him. Easton and Axel didn’t bother to look up from their phones, not too unusual in itself, but I sensed something frosty in the air.
Kaden attempted to cover up the brush-off. “You know, Steele, you’ve wounded me deeply. I feel left out and unworthy.”
“Huh?” I blinked a few times and squinted at him, not understanding what the hell he was talking about.
“Where’s my Puck Brother punishment?”
I’d been so preoccupied with my love life, I hadn’t seen that coming.
“I’ve been preoccupied lately. Why don’t one of you two clowns figure it out? I’m not the Puck Bro retribution chair.” I directed my question to Axel and Easton. They both lifted their heads to glare at me. I glared right back.
“What’s your problem?” I challenged.
“We can’t help you. We’re pissed at you,” Easton said.
“Me? What the fuck did I do?” So now it was out in the open. I wasn’t imagining things. They had cooled off toward me. Those disgusted looks cast my way for the past few days had been real, not imagined.
“You’re an asshole,” Axel said simply, as if such a revelation would be obvious to me if I weren’t too stupid to figure it out, and they’d deemed me too stupid.
I looked to Kaden, the only friendly face at the table. He was dec
idedly uncomfortable. The three shared a knowing glance, leaving me out in the cold again. I’d never been excluded by my buddies before, and it hurt more than I thought it would.
“What’s going on?” I felt betrayed. They knew something I didn’t and blamed me for whatever it was.
“It’s Cin,” Kaden said, reluctant to say much more.
“Cin? What does she have to do with us? Our friendship? I don’t get it.”
“You have to talk some sense into her,” Axel said.
“Me? Why? We broke up.”
“Yeah, but you’re the only one of us with any chance of getting through to her. She has to give up this ridiculous fight over a fucking tree,” Easton grouched.
“What do you guys care?”
“Ethan is pissed, and I’m still not back in favor with him. That makes it even worse. Guilt by association, you know,” Kaden admitted.
“Our women have sided with her, and they’re mad at us because we don’t understand what the big deal is about this tree. We’re siding with the team.”
“And that’s my fault?” I shot back, irritated that they were attacking me.
“She’s your girlfriend,” Easton said.
“Ex-girlfriend,” I corrected. “Even if she wasn’t, I’d never be able to tell her what to do with any more success than the rest of you have with your women. We picked strong women, and we have to take the good with the bad.”
“Well, yeah, but this is our career they’re interfering with,” Axel grouched.
“And all over a tree?” Kaden groaned and rubbed his eyes with weariness. “Of all the causes they had to embrace, why this one?”
“Because Cin started it.” Axel glared at me and so did the rest of my buddies. I was in deep shit even though none of this was of my creation.
“And Delaney took it and ran with it,” I pointed out.
“Delaney got out of that group when they turned radical. That entire incident with the tomatoes made Mr. Parker dig his heels in. He won’t budge now. He didn’t make billions by being a pushover, and the law is on his side.” Kaden sighed and took a long pull on his beer.
“We’re fucked,” Axel said resignedly.
Being fucked was one subject we agreed on. With nods all around, we clinked glasses together, and toasted the Puck Brothers. At least I had my bros back.
Now what was I going to do about Cin, if anything?
Chapter Forty-One
Convictions
~~Steele~~
Cin and I needed to have a showdown, and tonight was as good of a night as any.
We’d gotten back from the road trip early this a.m. I’d played well enough last night, and we won, but the entire time, a cloud of indecision hung over me. Being indecisive was new territory. I was the guy who had convictions and stuck with them to the bitter end. I’d been proud of my ability not to waver. Now I even had doubts about that. Maybe I was just a stubborn bastard who refused to change even when given facts to the contrary.
This past week challenged the very fabric of who I thought I was and cast doubt on who I wanted to be going forward.
Cin was at the root of my troubles.
I missed her, even as I was mad as hell at her. Hell, I even missed that damn dog. I wanted to talk with her, ask her what the fuck had she been thinking, and then I wanted to kiss the hell out of her.
I was through with her, but I wasn’t. I didn’t know what the fuck I wanted other than to set things straight with her, because this not knowing was ripping me apart inside.
If we parted ways, so be it, but I had to know.
She’d moved out of the condo, and Kaden mentioned she was living with them. I went to bed early, watched some TV, and tried to sleep. Sleep wasn’t going to rescue me. It was hopeless.
I got up and pulled on a pair of sweats, a sweatshirt, and a coat. Having no plan of where I was going or what I was doing—shocking in itself—I took the elevator down to the lobby. After a short conversation with the security guard, I stepped outside into a chilly December night.
I strolled down the sidewalk, willing myself to stay away from the one place I was drawn to like a magnet to metal. Eventually, I was driven by a force more powerful than my stubborn ass. My feet carried me to the Blue Dog. I slowed my pace and stared in the window.
There were a few patrons inside at tables and a few more playing pool in the back. A heavily tatted guy sat at the bar. He wore a leather tank top in this weather, obviously trying to display his masculinity. I saw it as stupidity. This wasn’t California. This was Washington, and the temp hovered around thirty-eight degrees right now.
I squinted to see better through the glass and studied the man more closely.
Tug.
Cin’s ex. That bastard. He hadn’t been around in a while, but somehow he must have sniffed out Cin might be vulnerable and open to his advances.
I was powerless to do a damn thing about it. We’d essentially split up. I’d walked away like a dumb shit, rigid in my belief I was right and she was wrong. And I was right.
Tug turned slightly on the barstool, zeroing in on Cin’s ass as she hustled to deliver a tray full of drinks. I literally snarled and a passerby gave me the side-eye and hurried past me. Tug must have caught movement out of the corner of his eye, because his gaze swung to the window. I was visible under the streetlight, peering into the bar like a stalker obsessed with gaining a glimpse of the object of my obsession. Yes, I’d sunk this low. I was now resorting to stalking. Even worse, I’d been caught at it.
A slow, feral smile crossed Tug’s face, and he gave me the finger. I wasn’t above giving it right back to him. He laughed and shook his head, as if he pitied me. My blood boiled. I hated being the subject of anyone’s ridicule.
Cin walked by him at just that moment. He said something to her, and she turned toward the window. Every instinct I had said to run, but it was too late. She’d caught me. She’d been laughing at something Tug had said, but her smile faded the second our eyes met through the window.
I froze, unable to take my eyes off her. Even when she marched to the door, I couldn’t move. She yanked the door open so hard it slammed against the opposite wall. Hands perched on her hips, she glared up at me like a stunning female warrior ready to do battle and slay the dumb-shit male. Yeah, that was me. The dumb shit.
My hard swallow took my courage along with it. “Hi,” I said, trying to sound nonchalant and failing miserably.
“Why are you prowling around out here?” she demanded. Her chest rose and fell with each word, momentarily distracting me and bringing back memories of naked nights together. Until this moment, I hadn’t realized what a big hole her absence had left in my life. I stepped closer, despite the danger to my person and my ego. I truly wasn’t able to help myself.
I inhaled the scent of her. She was the scent of a summer storm that’d blown in and upset my ordered life. She’d changed me in a way I would never be able to change back, even if I wanted to.
“Get off my sidewalk.”
Her angry words didn’t give the impression she missed me the way I missed her. On the other hand, our relationship was often ignited by anger that turned to passion. It’d been like that with us. I wanted it to be like that again.
Only it couldn’t be. Wouldn’t be. I didn’t agree with her, and I wouldn’t concede just to keep the peace when she was wrong. Eventually those tactics wouldn’t work, and I’d be forced to admit we weren’t compatible, and no amount of wishing would make it so.
I turned on my heel and strode off, head held high and my pace deliberate and measured. I’d already made an idiot out of myself. The only thing left to do was make a dignified retreat.
Ziggy looked up when I walked in. I glanced at my watch. “You’re home early.”
He shrugged, not bothering to drag his attention away from the TV. Ziggy had been silent since Cin had moved out. He was mad at me, and he’d avoided me by staying in his room. I should’ve enjoyed the privacy, yet despite being a l
oner, I was lonely.
I narrowed my eyes and regarded him. He glared back at me. Ziggy and I had never been buddies who hung out together, but he was a teammate and a hell of a hockey player. We’d always gotten along, and I hated this tension between us. It was time to heal the rift even if I didn’t heal it with Cin. We two guys had ignored each other for too long.
“Why don’t you come out and say what you want to say? Just let it out.” I glowered at Ziggy, baiting him to do as I’d demanded.
“You aren’t going to want to hear this.” His tone was angry, as if I was too stupid to get it.
Fuck. Maybe I was.
Doubt filled me. My bravado deflated like a punctured tire on the interstate. I heaved out a sigh and sank into the closest chair. “Go ahead, let me have it.”
“You’re a dumb ass.”
I shrugged. He wasn’t telling me anything I didn’t know. “I assume you’re referring to Cin?”
“Fuck yeah, you don’t know how good you had it. I knew you’d fuck it up.” Ziggy was in a foul mood, but so was I.
Bring it on, asshole.
“You knew I’d fuck this up?” If we hadn’t both been sitting down, I’d have clocked him.
Ziggy sneered at me in disgust. “Yeah, you don’t deserve her.”
I took a deep breath and tamped down my anger. I wasn’t angry at Ziggy when it came down to it, I was angry at myself and at Cin for making our relationship so complicated. I’d started this conversation to mend fences with him, not build them higher. “Maybe, maybe not. Regardless, she dumped me anyway.”
“You aren’t even fighting for her.”
“Well, then, genius, tell me what you’d do? She’s disrupting Mr. Parker’s pet project and causing issues with the team, which isn’t good for me. She got herself arrested.”
Icing Page 22
