by Nana Malone
I crossed my arms. “I’m not going back.”
Matthias shrugged. “I don’t think you should.”
Even though he was quiet, there was something about him that said he wanted to say something. “Spill it. I’m guessing you have an opinion about the whole situation.”
He handed me a flash drive. “Take it from someone who knows. Leave your past where it is and fast. You don’t invite them into your future. They’ll go fucking up all the good that you did. I should know. I know you’re worried about your old lady, but mate, she made her bed. She made her decisions. Don’t let her drag you back in. The Melina Cartel, they’re not screwing around, and there will be collateral damage.”
“Yeah, I hear you.”
And I did. It was the same conclusion I’d come to myself. Mom and Tony were on their own. The problem was she was my mother. She was family. And despite all her faults, she loved me. Okay, maybe not as much as she loved Tony, but she was still my mother. I couldn’t let her twist if there was a way out.
Matthias frowned at me. “I can tell from the look on your face that you don’t plan on listening.”
“Nah, I hear you mate. I do. But she’s my mother.”
Matthias shook his head. “If only people would ever fucking listen. Okay, deal with it how you will. If you’re going to see her, I suggest you take an army, because she’s going to pull you back into it.”
I watched him walk away just as Marcus was heading back. I turned back toward Marcus to make sure he wasn’t within earshot. When I turned back a second later, Weller was gone. Jesus Christ, the guy had the feet of a ninja. He had a point though. I should leave it well enough alone. I should walk away. I should leave her to her own devices, just like she’d left me. The problem was I knew I wouldn’t be able to do that. Because like it or not, she was still my mother. If there was something I could do to help her, I needed to at least try.
I took out my phone and tapped out a quick message.
LUCAS: Mom, I know you’re in town. Where Tony is, you are. Meet me at Prohibition Bar tomorrow. 9 p.m.
Marcus rolled up with my coffee. “Everything okay? I saw you talking to someone."
“Yeah, just a guy from class.”
Marcus’s narrowed gaze told me he didn’t believe a word of what I just said. But he let it go, which was fine by me, because there was no way I could allow he or Roone to accompany me on my little family reunion.
Lucas
“I need to head into the Academic Building for a second to see a professor, want to hang out here?”
Marcus lifted a brow as if I should know the answer to that by now. I never really noticed how intrusive it felt having Marcus or Roone around all the time. I never really had consistent friends who weren’t marks when I was a kid, so I thought it was great at first. Now, I saw. As much as I might like them, they were not here to fuck around. They were doing their job. And right now, Marcus was being a pain in the ass. I rolled my eyes. “Fine. Suit yourself.”
I hit the stairs two at a time and heard Marcus mumble something behind me. When I turned my head, I wasn’t looking where I was going and bumped into a pretty brunette. Her hair was long and flowing and hung down her back. She smiled up at me. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was going.”
I shook my head. “No, my bad, totally.”
“You’re Lucas, right?”
I frowned. “Yeah, why?”
“I’m in your Marketing Management class.”
She was? How the hell had I never noticed her before?
Because you’re always so focused on Bryna. “Oh, small world. Well, I hope you’re okay.”
She frowned slightly, as if I’d said something wrong. But then instead of letting me pass by, she stepped directly in front of me. “Well, I know you already have a partner, but I was hoping I could run some thoughts by you. I know it’s your last term. Someone was saying you’re a senior, and you have some fancy gig in the works, but I was just hoping I could get some input from you.”
“Sure. Um, my email is in the class roster.”
She shifted on her feet and bit her bottom lip. That’s when the alarm bells went off. I knew that look. Oh, she didn’t want future job help. She was trying to get me to ask her out. Behind me, Marcus cleared his throat. I ignored him though. “Sure, we can maybe work something out. You know, go over some notes.”
She beamed at me. “That’s perfect.”
Christ, that was almost too easy.
“I’ll get your number from the roster.”
She shook her head. “No. That’s the house phone. I mostly just use that for my parents.” She pulled out a notecard, scrolled something on it, and handed it over to me. “That’s my cell. I’ll talk to you soon, Lucas.”
Marcus chuckled as she sashayed away. “Man is it always so easy for you?”
I nodded slowly. “Yeah, I guess so.”
“You’re not even humble about it.”
I shrugged. “Yeah, whatever. It is what it is. She wouldn’t like the real me anyway. She just wants a little walk on the wild side.”
“Let me guess, you’re willing to help her?”
I threw him my best devil-may-care smile at that point. “Never let it be said that I’m not a giving person.”
Marcus just chuckled. “When I grow up, I want to be like you.”
“Well, you can study, but there’s only one Lucas.”
Marcus rolled his eyes.
I didn’t want to ask her out. Not really. She was beautiful, of course. She also had a striking resemblance to Bryna. But, as I couldn’t have Bryna, it might not be a bad idea for me to wear some of the tension out. After all, turning my attention elsewhere, I wouldn’t end up thinking about my sexy-as-hell roommate.
25
Bryna
I told myself I didn’t care. But to hell with it, I cared a lot. Last night had been…magical?
God, no, I wasn't that naïve. But I’d felt something, something deep. Lucas could pretend all he wanted, but we’d truly connected for the first time since I came to live with him. Despite his charm, there were parts of him that were so honest and so raw.
He wasn’t at all what I thought, and I’d had a hard time wrapping my brain around it at first. I’d thought he was a heartless player. But while he might be a player, he was so much more than that. And it was reflected in the people we’d met last night. They all cared about him and the feeling was mutual and genuine.
Once I chipped away at the exterior, the show, underneath, Lucas was someone I could talk to. And then there had been that kiss. My toes were still curled damnit. I had felt it to the center of my chest.
But now he wanted to go back to before. Before I knew what it was like to have his hands on me. Before I knew what it was like to have his tongue coax mine into a dance. Before I knew what it was like to have his body pressed to mine.
I wasn’t sure I could do it. Well you don’t have any choice. He said it wasn’t supposed to happen. That he hadn’t meant to touch me. He said he’d gotten carried away.
What hurt the most was I’d let myself open up. I’d let myself feel with him. He seemed like it was tearing him up. But he was trying to be the good guy.
What the hell was so wrong with me that I kept picking the wrong kinds of guys.
Last night had been more fun than anything I’d done in so long that I could barely remember. Everything I’d ever said about him before, about how I didn’t see the appeal, how I didn’t find him charming in the least, and how he was really trying too hard, was lies.
All lies.
He was right though, he wasn’t someone I could entertain. I’d made my deal-breaker list. At the top of it, sincerity. Next on the list, a non-awkward situation which, hello, I was living with the guy.
Third on the list, must not be a member of court. My list was fucked. I’d made my own damn list. Why couldn’t I keep up with it? Why couldn’t I keep it together enough to remember these little rules I made for m
yself?
It said a lot that I’d never been on that kind of date. It said a lot about me and the guys I’d previously dated, though granted, it’s not like I had a whole sea of experience.
I don’t know what possessed me, but I picked up the phone and made a call.
It took three rings, but he finally answered. “Hello?”
“Braxton? It’s me, Bryna.”
There was a beat of silence. “Bryna? What the hell happened to you at the ball? Last I spoke to you, you were supposed to save me a dance at the wedding. What happened to that?”
“Sorry about that. I had to make an unexpected departure.”
“You don’t say. Well, are you in town? We should do something. Talk.”
“No, I’m in New York, actually. You know what, I just have one question.” I wasn’t sure I wanted to do this.
“Yeah, shoot.”
“Why? Why did you go out with me? Propose even. I’m realizing now you never really seemed like you were particularly interested.”
He was silent for a moment. For a second, I thought he was not going to answer me. But then he surprised me when he said, “Honestly, this isn’t to hurt your feelings or anything, but your Dad still has a lot of power. It was simple, easy even, angling for the two of us to get together. So, I just followed suit, I guess. I mean, you’re pretty and all that, but not really my style, you know? I needed someone way less uptight. And I didn’t want to get married, but the old man threatened to cut me off if I didn’t settle down, so I proposed.”
Ouch. Well, I had asked. “Uh, thanks for your honesty, I guess.”
“But hey, that was then. Maybe you’ve loosened up since then.”
“What do you mean, ‘loosened up?’”
He chuckled softly. “You know what I mean. You were always a bit, you know, serious. You weren’t really that much fun to be around, Bryna. I always figured we could have a good time if you’d ever let yourself cut loose a little bit.”
Wow. Okay, yeah. I’d done myself a real favor by calling him. “Yeah, thanks for that.”
“Anytime.”
As if he’d done me a huge favor. I hung up, wondering what I’d hoped to accomplish in that conversation. I was pretty sure at that point that I felt worse, not better.
I got ready for work. I had an early shift at the bar to do inventory and cover the lunch rush. When I arrived, Ellie was already in the storeroom. “There you are. What’s up? How is it going?”
“You know those moments when you know you shouldn’t do something, and you know it’s only going to be harmful to you, but you do it anyway, and then later you wonder what the hell you were thinking?”
Ellie stopped what she was doing and nodded. “All the time. Did you go ahead and fuck your roommate?”
I stared at her. “What?”
She blinked rapidly. “Oh, I thought that’s what we were talking about.”
“No. I did not fuck my roommate, thank you very much. I did happen to call my ex.” I left out the part about how said roommate had kissed me so good, I thought my bones might melt.
She winced. “Ouch. That’s never a good combo.”
“No, I don’t know what I thought I was going to get out of it. Maybe just some answers as to why the hell I always felt like he was doing me some kind of favor by going out with me.”
“Ugh, that’s the worst. Why did you ever go out with him?”
“I don’t know. I guess he was convenient. You know, just always there. Little did I know that he was not enthused about dating me either, which I guess is fine. I just—" I sighed. How much should I tell her? She was my only friend here, so I didn’t really have much to lose. “About Lucas…”
She grinned. “Oh boy, I knew he was involved somehow. Do tell.”
We carried our clipboards with the inventory sheets to the front of the bar, and I started with the bottles on the bottom shelf. “We hung out yesterday. It was actually fun. It was an all-day thing. We went to look for apartments for me, and then I told him that I’d never been on like a real date, you know. Everything else always felt sort of manufactured and a result of proximity, not because I was super into someone. So he offered to take me on a practice date.”
She grinned ear to ear then. “Oh yes, ‘practice.’ Did this practice end with hot boning? Because I’m a fan of hot boning.”
“No, it did not end with hot boning. I mean, we uh, kissed, but that’s where it ended.“
She groaned. “Oh my God! I cannot believe you didn’t lead with that! You’re just a tease.”
I laughed. “It didn't go further. We—uh, got interrupted. Someone was at the door. A little more time, and I’d be calling in sick from bed.”
This perked Ellie right up. “I approve of this plan. Please give a girl some details.”
I laughed. “I will say, the man can kiss. It’s illegal how good he is. That and he has really big hands.”
Ellie fake-fainted. “Well honey, I promise you, you were not the only one who went to bed frustrated. He looks at you like he can practically taste you.”
I lifted a brow. “I mean, I’m not sure why it didn’t go any further. I’m embarrassed to say it, but it was pretty clear that I wanted him. It’s not like I was playing hard to get. I wasn’t being subtle. There I was, eyes all closed, lips all parted, looking like a caricature for a romantic comedy. This morning he said we should just be friends.”
She snorted a laugh. “Oh man. Maybe he recognizes that it’s going to be awkward. You guys are roommates. Maybe he doesn’t want to screw it up.” She snorted. “See what I did there?”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “Maybe, I don’t know. The whole thing was just… I was frustrated and confused, hence I called the ex. Spoiler alert, it did not make me feel better.”
“It rarely ever does.” The door to the bar opened and Ellie called out. “I’m sorry, we’re closed right now. We’re going to open in another hour and a half.”
“I won’t be here long.” I knew that voice. I whipped around and groaned.
“Mom, what are you doing here? How did you even know I work here? You know what, never mind.”
“I was worried about you. I was worried you’d be looking for money. Imagine my surprise when you’d already found a job.” Where was she getting all this information from?
Of course, probably Lucas. “Mom, we have a lot to do, so if you could just—"
Ellie glanced between her and me, and back again. Then she said, “I’ll just um, go recount the bottles in the back.”
I gave her a tight shake of my head, begging her not to leave me, but she still scooted around me and made it to safety. I turned back to my mother. “Mom, this is ridiculous. What do you want?”
“I want you to come home. Or to the flat anyway. This is absurd. Where are you staying?”
“What do you mean, where am I staying?”
“I went back to that awful apartment of yours to try and talk some sense into you. And that horrible girl, the one with the dog, she said you moved out. She gave me no forwarding address, and I was really concerned. So then I had your father make some calls, and they led me here. This is madness, Bryna. You could be in a lap of luxury at the moment. You know, you totally look like you could use some time at the spa. Just come home.”
“That would make you happy, wouldn’t it? If I came home and had to admit failure?”
“I do not take pleasure in you failing, Bryna. But you, at a bar, a pub, or whatever they’re called these days? Honestly, what would everyone say?”
“What they would likely say is that I’m independent and that when the chips are down, I know how to figure out a solution. If they have anything to say other than that, I’m not really interested.”
“Well, at least tell me where you’re staying.”
“So you could ruin that for me too? No. Mom, you and Dad took money out of my account so that I would be forced to do what you wanted. I’m not gonna make it easy on you. Don’t come here again. If
you do, I’ll have the owner call the cops.”
That was an exaggeration, of course, but she didn’t know that.
My mother left in a huff, as was her nature, almost as if she left in a cloud of smoke. A cloud of indignant smoke, to be honest. As I watched her, it occurred to me Lucas had kept his word. He hadn’t told my parents where I was, which led me to think that maybe the reason he backed away last night was something other than him not wanting me. Maybe Ellie was right. Maybe he had his own demons to slay. Perhaps I’d misjudged him, because he’d been true to his word. Maybe I should actually look at him as a viable option. Heat pulled low in my core as if my body was saying, ‘Finally, you’re catching up to the game.’ Well, better late than never.
Bryna
My feet hurt. My whole body hurt. After my shift that morning and the unexpected visit from my mother, I went straight to class. Then I was called in to cover someone else’s shift that afternoon. By the time I trudged off the elevator, I was feeling every single minute of the day.
I met Marcus as I walked past to the garbage chute, and I gave him a smile and a wave. He waved back, but I could have sworn I saw a wince accompanying his smile.
What was his deal anyway? He and Lucas were always together, but they didn’t seem entirely close. In my head, I concocted some crazy fantasy world where Marcus was in love with Lucas. I couldn’t really pinpoint why I thought that, all I knew was that Marcus was always watching Lucas like a hawk. Lucas couldn’t even get up to go to the bathroom most times without Marcus angling himself to watch him. As far as I knew, Lucas was straight. So that was going to be one hell of a heartbreak for Marcus.
I opened the apartment door to find the smell of garlic and something delicious in the air. Immediately, I sniffed. “Oh my God, did you cook?”
My stomach grumbled, reminding me that I’d only eaten a cold slice of pizza for lunch, and I needed to eat something more substantial.
