He shrugged. “I learned how to fit in.” He should have chosen the beatings. He’d have learned how to fight back.
He’d learned eventually, anyway. In detention.
“By the time I was a freshman in high school they were seniors, and getting in trouble a lot,” Jon said, his jaw tense as he drew his finger back and forth over the grain in the table.
“We were picked up a few times for trespassing, being out after curfew, little things.”
“So that was it, then?” Lillie’s touch on his hand drew his gaze to hers. Her smile was sad. Compassionate. But growing, including him in a way he didn’t recognize.
He wanted to take her to bed, lose himself in her goodness and hold her. He’d probably sleep if she was there in his arms, keeping the world in balance.
“No, that wasn’t it,” he told her, knowing that she wasn’t going to be as sympathetic when he was through.
“One Thursday night, a week before Thanksgiving, they decided to rob a convenience store. It wasn’t the first time. Or the first store. This particular one had been family owned since the beginning of time. The proprietors were close to eighty and lived upstairs. They were both half-deaf and the plan was to hit the store as soon as their lights went out upstairs that night. I had to stand outside to watch my brothers’ bikes.
“When they came out, they threw a bunch of stuff at me and asked me to shove it into the empty backpack I’d brought. Watches and cigarettes. Candy and cash. A load of cash. And as much alcohol as they could fit in the satchels. They told me to ride to the back lot behind our house and they’d meet me there. They were going in the opposite direction, in case anyone saw them.”
He glanced up. Lillie’s forehead was creased, her lips tight. But her eyes were still warm.
“I did what I was told, figuring they’d kill me if I didn’t, but I swore to myself that that was it. I was getting out even if it meant I had to run away, leave town, make it on my own.”
“You were what, fourteen?”
“Yeah. I headed to the back lot but the guys weren’t there. It was dark and I was sitting there with all that loot and I got scared. So I opened one of the beers, proving to myself that I was as much of a man as anyone. Drank the whole thing down and opened another. Ten minutes later the cops show up.”
Lillie’s hand covered his again, picking it up this time, holding on. “Are you about to tell me that your time behind bars started when you were fourteen years old?”
“Yeah.”
“And when was the last time you were in jail?” She sounded like it really mattered. But it didn’t. Time wasn’t the issue. The choices were.
“I was only ever there the one time. Because I didn’t get out until I turned eighteen.”
“For stealing some stuff from a convenience store and underage drinking?”
Jon shook his head. “I didn’t know it, but my foster brothers beat up the old guy. He’d heard them and come downstairs. He almost died. They pinned the whole thing on me and there was no evidence to prove I didn’t do it. I’d have been convicted, anyway, just for having been a part of the whole thing and not doing anything to stop them.”
“When did you graduate from high school?”
“While I was in detention.”
“So you’ve been out, what, nine years?”
“Yep.” It seemed like no time at all. Nothing like the seemingly endless four years he’d spent behind bars.
She knew the rest.
Except that he knew about her money now, too.
“Answer me one thing.” Lillie’s voice was dead serious as she stared him down.
“What?”
“Did you break into the homes here in Shelter Valley?”
The question was fair. The fact that she was still there, in his home, said a lot.
“No.”
“That’s what I told the sheriff,” she said. “I just needed to hear you confirm it.”
She smiled.
And surprisingly, so did he.
But he knew that the moment was just the calm before the storm.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
“I WANT TO HELP.”
“Help how?”
“I have no idea,” Lillie told the man who’d changed her life. And for that she owed him. “Whatever you need. Money, help with Abe. It doesn’t matter.”
“Money.” He looked over at her. “I hear you have a lot of it.”
“What? Who told you that?”
He told her about her father-in-law contacting the sheriff.
“I had no idea.”
“I think that was the point.”
“And Greg told you about it? But―”
“He was warning me off, Lil. Letting me know that even if I somehow escape this charge, which I will, others will be after me.”
Standing, she moved behind him and started kneading the broad shoulders that were, even now, tempting her to lay her head down on them. “Listen to me, Jon. Just listen.”
He was silent and she had no words. Nothing made sense. She felt like someone in the vortex of a tornado—the spinning of her own mind making her somewhat sick. Lillie needed to touch Jon to stay grounded.
“I... Oh, my gosh,” she said as she watched scenes from her life pass before her mind’s eye. Looking different than they had before.
“I’ve been so selfish.” Dropping her hands to her sides, she fell to her chair. “All this time, I’ve been... I knew about Kate...knew how you felt about being not good enough...and I didn’t do anything to reassure you.”
“I didn’t expect you to.”
Of course he hadn’t. And that was the point. “Ever since Braydon...maybe even before that...maybe Kirk’s infidelity really was my fault....”
It was all making sickening sense. As she’d sat there, listening to Jon, feeling his struggle, she’d been taken wholly out of her own perspective. For the first time since, possibly, ever. Certainly since her parents had died. She’d been removed from herself because she loved Jon. Completely.
He’d become a part of her as much as her own soul—somehow tangling with her most intimate feelings until there was no clear separation between hers and his.
Somehow, Jon had found a way past all of the barriers she’d unknowingly erected—something Kirk had never been able to do.
Barriers that had been shored up by Kirk’s infidelity and Braydon’s tragic death.
She gave people what she wanted to give them, what made her feel good. She gave her time, her knowledge, her compassion.
But not her.
Jon had given her everything. Even that which he valued more than himself. He’d given her Abraham. “No one knew about the money, Jon. I didn’t want it. Didn’t ask for it. I came from a middle-class home and, believe me, we were far happier than Kirk and his family have been with all of their money. I don’t use the money. It’s in a trust. And the interest it collects is donated to the children’s heart foundation.”
His eyes flickered, but he didn’t speak. “I swear to you,” she said, taking his hand in both of hers and holding on. “I didn’t deliberately not tell you. I trust you, Jon.”
“Have you ever heard of Clara Abrams?”
“Abrams? Isn’t that Kate’s last name?”
“Yeah.”
“No. Should I have?”
“She didn’t hire you to check up on me?”
She dropped his hand. “Of course not.”
For the first time since he’d walked in the door, Jon smiled. A real smile. “I didn’t think so,” he said. And then, after he’d told her about Clara’s efforts to take Abraham from him, he added, “We’re a pair, aren’t we?”
This time he picked up her hand. Held it between both of his. And Lillie f
elt scared to death again.
But warm, too.
“Two strong people scared of what the future might bring,” he said softly.
And her world fell calmly into place. Tragedy happened sometimes over time and sometimes in an instant. And so did joy.
“I’m not afraid of the future anymore,” she told him. “Because it’s going to be me and you facing it together.”
“No, it’s not.”
She wasn’t wrong about this. “You asked me to marry you, Jon. I’m accepting.”
“That was before—”
“You don’t want to marry me anymore?” She didn’t believe that. Because she knew him.
“No.”
“Then I’ll hang around until you do,” she said.
“I mean it, Lillie.” Turning, he looked her right in the eye. “I don’t want you tainted by your association to me. You’ve got a life you love here, the respect of everyone in this town. I can’t let you jeopardize that.”
“Too late,” she said. “I’m already in as deeply as I can be. And it’s my choice, Jon, not yours.”
Jumping up she massaged her hands up the back of his neck, across his shoulders and down the middle of his spine. He’d let her touch him before. And he did then, too.
Which gave her the answer she needed.
“You’re that sure of me?”
She couldn’t lie to him. “I’m that sure that I have to see this through,” she said, working on his upper arm. “Let’s go into the other room.”
Jon didn’t argue. Taking their glasses, he led her into the living room.
“Lie down on the couch.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“How else am I going to get your lower back and legs?”
She couldn’t have sex with him. They weren’t a couple just yet. But she could still find the physical connection she was craving—and knew he needed. It wasn’t about pleasure or orgasm. It was about closeness.
Feeling the life in each other.
And maybe, infusing him with some of the same strength he’d given her.
* * *
LILLIE’S HANDS WERE driving him crazy. Turning him on beyond anything he’d known before. Even with her.
What if this was his last night of freedom?
Panic rose. Her fists ground into his calves. And he had to have her.
“Stop.” The word was as painful as it sounded to his ears. Strangled and desperate.
“Am I hurting you?” The soft warm flesh left his body, leaving him bereft.
“No.” Rolling over, Jon didn’t even try to hide his hard-on pushing against the fly of his jeans. “Just the opposite. You’re making me want you so badly I’m in pain.”
Her eyes were smoky. Darker than usual. Her hair fell forward, whispering against the skin on his forearm.
Lillie leaned forward, bringing her lips down to his, opening her mouth to caress his tongue.
“Lil? I’m not strong enough to do the right thing tonight.”
“What’s the right thing?”
“Leaving you alone to get on with your life. I’m no good for you, not long-term. And certainly not short-term.”
“You’re perfect for me.”
“I can’t do this to you.”
“It’s not like we haven’t had sex before,” she said, grinning and sounding serious, too. “Not that long ago, as a matter of fact.”
It seemed like years. Months. And, as he caught a whiff of her shampoo, merely hours.
Lifting one hand, he slid it up inside her scrub top. Cupping her waist, he ran his hand across her midsection, and then up and around to undo her bra.
“No strings attached,” he reminded her. “I’m not going to hold you to any promises you make tonight.” If he went down, he wasn’t taking her with him.
Or Abe, either.
He wasn’t going to run. Not anymore. He was innocent. He had a lawyer who wanted to help him. And he was going to go the course.
Because it was what he’d have Abe do, if his son was ever falsely accused. He couldn’t subject the little guy to a life on the run.
Or teach him that when life got tough, the thing to do was run.
Lillie’s faith in him, her willingness to stay regardless of the consequences, meant more than she’d ever know. She was giving him what he should have given himself.
Faith in himself. He was a good man. He knew it. And he had the right to live like it.
Moreover, so did his son.
He had until morning to live as a free man. After that, who knew? “God help me, if you’re willing, I need you to help me get through the night.”
“I’ve got news for you, Jon.”
He stopped.
“I need you to help me get through the night, too.”
Choked up, and turned on all at once, Jon pulled Lillie up on the couch on top of him, pressing his body upward into hers and covering her mouth at the same time.
Lifting her head, Lillie kissed his lips gently. “You’ve taken a vacant space inside me and filled me with life, Jon. You’ve changed everything about me for the better. Made my eyes see better. My ears hear better. I notice smells and tastes more acutely. That’s why I have to help you through this, no matter what.
“I don’t want tonight to be commitment-free. I want it to be our contract, our promise, to spend the rest of forever together.”
The unfamiliar lump in Jon’s throat made it hard for him to speak.
But he had to.
Because he loved her that much.
“I can’t sign on that line tonight.” He’d known the pain would be unbearable. “Not with the possibility of my being arrested. I can’t do that to you. I won’t do it to you. And if that means I sleep alone tonight, that’s okay. Tonight and every night. Because I will not have you spend your life as the wife of an Arizona state prison inmate.”
It wasn’t going to come to that. He hadn’t done anything wrong.
But life had a way of surprising him. And she was too precious for him to take a chance with her.
He’d waited too long to find her.
“Okay, Jon, you win,” she said, but the finality of her words didn’t match her tone. Or the sexy smile on her lips. “For tonight, it’s just sex. But tomorrow, I’m going to be right here. And the day after that, too. Until our forevers are here and we’re still together.”
Sounded to him like she’d just brought them right back to that contract, couched in different words, but Jon couldn’t afford to be picky.
Tonight he was a beggar. Not a chooser.
CHAPTER THIRTY
LILLIE WENT TO the door when the knock sounded early the next morning. Dressed in the cotton pajama pants and T-shirt she’d brought over with her and thrown on when Abraham woke up, she looked through the peephole, and wanted to bolt.
To grab Jon’s duffel and run out the back door with the two people she loved, who were currently in Abe’s room getting Abe’s diaper changed.
The knock sounded again.
You took Bray, you can’t have Jon, she silently told the fates that seemed to be always knocking at her door.
Reminding herself that she had choices and will, and would fight this thing until they won, she pulled open the door.
“Lillie.” Sheriff Richards’s face was grim as he glanced at her casual dress and then away. “Is Jon here?”
Of course he’s here, Sheriff. Where do you think he’d be? On the run? Well, he’s not. He’s with me. And Abe. Because he belongs to us. With us...
Her thoughts raced as she stood there, garnering her strength. Her instincts were telling her she was going to need a lot of it.
She would not let Jon down again. She
had a heart full of love and she was going to find the courage to give every bit of it away.
“Is he here, Lillie?”
“Lillie? Is someone at the door?”
Dressed only in his cartoon pajama pants, Jon came around the corner with Abraham on his hip. And froze.
His eyes were slightly wild looking as he glanced at her, spurring her to action. Hurrying to his side, she took Abraham, settled him on her hip and slid her free hand up Jon’s side, landing directly over his heart.
“I’m going to dress Abraham and take him to the day care,” she said lightly. “You take care of the business at hand and I’ll call Addy.”
His color ashen, he glanced at the sheriff, who’d stayed outside the screen door, listening to the exchange.
“Jon?”
He looked down at her again and, as she’d taught him to do with Abraham, she got right up into his face until he couldn’t help but focus on her.
“I’m right here,” she said. “I’m not going anywhere. You found me, Jon. You go with the sheriff for now, and you believe.”
Sheriff Richards cleared his throat. Jon swallowed.
“Promise me, Jon,” she said, a hand on his arm holding him back with her.
“Promise me.”
“I promise.”
He said the words, but they sounded empty.
Lillie held back her tears until he was gone.
* * *
THE SUCTION IMPRINTS had been an exact match with the ones taken from Lillie’s glass door. In a court of law the findings were as good as fingerprints.
By eight o’clock that Tuesday morning, Jon had already been charged with six counts of burglary, one count of robbery for the home invasion involving the elderly lady in the home, impending an investigation, and various other trumped-up charges.
Some of the counts would be dropped, but a conviction on only one of them would mean prison time.
Believe, Lillie had said.
He wanted to. He just didn’t know how.
The Shelter Valley jail had two cells, the one he sat in and an empty one off to the left of him. He had a cot, a sink and a john.
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