Not better than me, just more suitable to the lifestyle of an NFL star. I wasn’t meant for the limelight anyway, I hated showing off. But I didn’t mind being naked, and I know I’d done things for Drake in bed that had made his toes curl. Not weird desperate things just touched him in ways a woman apparently never had, or so his reaction and words told me.
I’d honestly thought it was the beginning of a really beautiful relationship. The looks we’d shared, that understanding, the way we’d moved together, surely that was more than just lust? That wasn’t about just getting off! And the way he’d been so determined to satisfy, so diligent in making sure he’d explored every inch of me. That wasn’t just a moment of passion. I’d thought the same thing at eighteen though and fooled myself into thinking it again now. Obviously, the feelings had not been mutual.
I don’t know exactly when my feelings for Drake turned from amused derision to total infatuation. Probably that time I found him in his room when I’d been sent up to fetch him for dinner. He’d been going through a file on his computer, pictures of his dad, and he’d had tears in his eyes. He’d quickly brushed them away of course and shot past me to the bathroom, teasing me about my hair as he went. A little part of my heart had melted.
I hated football, something I never really admitted to anyone, but I came to see that his dedication to the game, his total fascination was a way of getting past his pain, of connecting with the man that was no longer there to coach his son. There’d been other moments, moments when he’d made me laugh; others that had brought tears to my eyes, but all had joined to create this adoration and love that I still carried with me. Because beneath that callous exterior, beneath the selfishness that drove him to use me, there was a hurt little boy. One that I could never give in to again, but still, a hurt little boy.
It was taking a while to get over the whole thing but instead of giving in to the urge to order Chinese delivery with a gallon of chocolate daiquiris and an ice cream Sunday or three I changed clothes, put on some trainers, and went out for a run. Only an occasional thing now, running used to be an outlet for me, a way to work off emotions as well as excess energy. When I started work, and after Peter came along, the running had slowed down to almost non-existence but I needed it now. I needed to run off the hurt.
Drake loaded up his truck and headed out to the football field of the local high school. The junior football team he was coaching had needed new uniforms and some new equipment; he’d bought everything they needed. Football had been his escape, his savior when his father was killed and his whole life changed, he wanted to give back.
As he drove into the facility he remembered his days on the same field and the way he’d been taken under the coach’s wing when his mom moved them there. He’d been moved into a house with a man he didn’t know and a girl aching over the loss of her mother. At the time, he’d just thought she was awkward and weird but pretty, in an emo sort of way. Not his style but whatever. It had been football that kept his mind off of her most of the time, and off the pain of missing his dad.
He hadn’t planned on sleeping with Bethany the night of her graduation. He’d been young, selfish, and there had been far too many moments of keen awareness, of signals he was only just learning to interpret. She’d found him sitting alone in the backyard, the party going on in the front almost deafening. They’d walked out to her old tree house, climbing up to it as if they’d both made a decision to a question that was never asked aloud.
He’d followed her up, her round ass in that skirt she’d had on too tempting. There, under the moonlight and to the sound of drunken adults and excited kids, they’d stripped each other, exploring something they’d both known they shouldn’t be. Their parents were going to be getting married in a few months; they were all but step-siblings now. Perhaps the taboo nature of it spurred them on, maybe all those months of living together had, but in the end they didn’t care. He’d left her the next day, planning to call her but he’d lost her cell phone number when he fell into the lake and then his mom had split with her dad. Life had just got in the way and he’d moved on. He’d assumed she had as well.
“Drake! This is really wonderful, man, really. We are so grateful and I wish you’d let me take you out for dinner sometime.” The coach said as he walked up to Drake’s truck, his eyes shining brightly with happiness.
“Aw, it’s nothing, Coach Mike. I just thought I’d give a little something back to the community, you know?” Drake looked away, embarrassed by the gratitude the coach was showing him. “I had a great time as a kid playing football with my dad and this is done in his memory. He’d be happy knowing I was doing this.”
“He’d be proud of you Drake, just as we are. I know that for a fact.”
Drake looked away once again, feeling incredibly like a grown up in that moment.
“Well, it’s not going to unload itself.” He said, hoping to change the subject. “Let’s get to it.”
Drake and the coach started to unload the truck and he wondered who Peter’s father was for a moment as he thought about the little boy. He decided it didn’t matter. Bethany had made it clear she didn’t want anything to do with him. He thought they were finally getting that chance they missed so long ago but for some reason, she’d cut him off, not even friend-zoning him. She’d just cut him out of her life. He suspected it had something to do with his ex-girlfriend being at his house that morning when he’d come home but he wasn’t sure. He’d quickly kicked her out and tried to call Bethany but she’d never answered his calls.
Drake knew he’d had a few near misses with pregnancy and other problems over the years but he’d been young and dumb. It took a good friend testing positive for HIV to get him to straighten his act out. Over the last year, he’d started to leave the partying behind, had started to think about settling down. That included leaving the easy women and wild sex behind. Although, from what he’d already experienced with Bethany he knew wild sex didn’t have to go by the wayside. He chuckled for a moment but the sound cut off when he realized she didn’t want anything to do with him.
Her rejection of him hurt but he was trying to stay busy and not let it bother him. He’d tried to talk to Amelia but she didn’t know anything about what was going on with Bethany, she didn’t even seem to know they’d gone out. Amelia said she knew something was wrong with Bethany but she didn’t know what. He knew it had something to do with him but he didn’t know how he’d fucked up this time. Only she knew and she wasn’t talking.
Drake finished helping the staff unload the equipment and boxes and drove back towards his home. He wanted to stop by Bethany’s and demand an answer but saw her turning back up her road in running gear. She’d seen him and turned around. She wasn’t ready to talk. With a heavy heart, Drake kept driving and told himself next time he’d stop.
Chapter Seven
“Amelia, really! What happened between Drake and I, well, it was just a one-night stand, alright? Let it go? We aren’t going to be together, you and I aren’t going to be sister-in-laws, and things are going back to normal. Please, for me, let it go.”
Amelia had called me an hour before but she’d taken a while to work up to why she’d called. I suspected it was something about Drake but I’d hoped she’d dropped it. She hadn’t.
“But Bethany! You two are so perfect for each other. Seriously.” Amelia was starting to sound huffy. She could be that way sometimes when she wasn’t getting her way.
“Oh honey.” I laughed in a friendly way, not wanting to hurt her feelings but that was funny. “We couldn’t be any more incompatible. We live in totally different worlds, have different needs. It’s just not going to work.”
“Oh Bethany, I wish you’d change your mind. You both deserve to be happy and I truly believe you can do that for each other. I just don’t want you to end up alone.”
That stung but I had to take it, I suppose. She meant well enough. “If I do I’m good with that, Amelia. I have Peter to keep me company and one day he�
��ll have kids, maybe, and then I really won’t be alone.”
“Yeah, well, little miss all but a virgin nun over there, I know that wasn’t just a one-night stand but I’ll leave it be. It’s your business.” Amelia’s voice told me she meant it but would probably forget she’d meant it in a few days. I chuckled again and hung up, glad to finally be off of the phone.
I settled back onto my bed, wishing for the tenth time that day that my stomach would calm down. A month after the now infamous one-night stand and I had a much bigger problem to deal with. My moment of hedonistic indulgence had consequences. One that came with nausea, swelling body parts and resulted in a crying, screaming, tiny, little human at the end. I was pregnant.
At first, I’d tried to tell myself it was just my nerves, it would go away, but the other signs were there now, and the most glaring was absent. I had a doctor appointment later and I’d go after I dropped Peter off at his football practice but I already knew, I remembered all of this well. Like an idiot, I’d let myself get pregnant, again. I had no idea what I was going to do about it but for now, I just wanted to be left in peace to deal with my all-day morning sickness and fatigue. Whoever named morning sickness was a moron; mine didn’t go away miraculously with a cup of tea, toast, and the passing of the sun in the sky. It stuck around all day and I was feeling miserable.
When the doctor confirmed my suspicions later that day I was a little more prepared for it than I was the first time around. I wasn’t a young girl with little education and few job prospects. I’d have to put off buying that dream home but I’d be able to get through it, somehow. I’d have a new baby to love and spend my days getting to know, it wouldn’t be all that bad.
Over the coming months, I watched my son come to adore Drake and have his heart broke when Drake went back to his team. I knew it was coming, he was healing quickly I’d noticed when I’d go to pick Peter up. Drake promised to come back when he could and when his time playing for his own team was up for the year he’d be back to help out. I never got out of the car, just waited patiently for Peter.
When school started I bought loose clothing, stuff I could grow into and tried my best to keep it quiet. I know times are different but I didn’t want to answer a bunch of questions. People knew I didn’t date, knew I was generally responsible, but this would cause questions and would show just how irresponsible I’d been. I spoke to my boss about it, letting her know I’d have to take time off when it came time and thankfully she kept her questions to herself and didn’t spread rumors.
People started giving me strange looks as time went on and my body started to expand. I kept up my exercise, tried to maintain a healthy weight and diet, and tried to think of how to tell Peter. He’d want to tell everybody and I wasn’t ready for that yet. I wasn’t hiding my pregnancy out of some fear I’d lose my job, I just didn’t want to deal with the questions.
Amelia was the hardest to put off. As the months wore on and she started noticing my occasional bout of sickness, thankfully that had calmed down some, and my very baggy clothes, she started to ask questions. I knew she wasn’t stupid, I knew she could put two and two together and come up with Drake being the father but I didn’t want to deal with him either. Yeah, alright, he has a right to know, but I’m sure his fiancée wouldn’t like it a bit.
I finally decided to tell Peter about the coming baby when he asked me why I was getting fat. By that point, I was five months pregnant and starting to show. People were going to start asking, whether I wanted them to or not. Peter deserved to know first.
“Baby, Mommy isn’t fat, she’s going to give you a little sister soon.” I was over the moon about the baby being a girl and couldn’t wait to meet her already.
“A sister? But I’d rather have a brother. We can play fire trucks and stuff.” Peter was sitting with me at the kitchen table eating his afternoon snack. He was zooming his stalks of celery around in his ranch dressing, using slices of cucumbers as bombs on whatever the celery represented to him.
“I’m sorry son, but we have to take what we’re given.” I smiled at him but he wasn’t watching, too engrossed in his snack-play.
“Do I have to share a room with her? My friends say their younger brothers and sisters cry a lot. I need my sleep, Mom.” Peter looked up at me with the most serious face for a six-year-old I’d ever seen. I smothered down my giggles as I looked at his little face and gave him an adult look.
“No, Peter. She can have her own room. But I might need some help with her for a while, do you think you’d like to help?” I was curious to see what he’d say. He seemed to be taking the news well enough but maybe he didn’t realize what a new baby meant.
“Oh sure, Mom. Whatever you need me to do. I’ll always be your little helper!” His eyes were shining bright with promise and love. I was all he had and sometimes that made me sad but when I saw his love for me it made it all better. My son loved me dearly and that was all that mattered.
“Good, that’s settled then. For now, we’re going to keep this a secret, alright? I want to surprise everybody when I think it’s the right time, but for now, let’s just keep this between us alright?” I didn’t know how well this part would work, kids weren’t the best secret keepers, but it was too late now.
“Oh, nobody cares about babies right now Mom. Mrs. Anderson got caught in the janitor’s closet with Mr. Courts and they didn’t have any clothes on! What were they doing with no clothes on Mommy?” Peter looked confused and I probably returned that look.
“Probably cleaning them out, that’s where all the cleaning supplies are, right? I bet they were cleaning their clothes.” Quick thinking. Why hadn’t I heard about this? I taught at the same school where Peter attended pre-school. There was a special section just for teachers with children. I must have really been wrapped up in my own world lately.
“Are we going out for ice cream after dinner? I want a banana split if we are. I like all the different flavors in those. And…” Peter carried on chattering as I got up to prepare dinner, a chore I’d need help with soon enough.
I’d managed on my own during my first pregnancy, only taking time off a week before Peter was born with the aid of a few online courses that term. When I’d come back from the hospital with him Amelia had come to stay with me for a week but then she’d gone back home. Life had been hard and I’d wanted to give in and give up a few times but I knew every class I took, every student I tutored for money, was feeding us and getting us a step closer to my goals.
We’d had some tough times until I graduated but I’d applied for a position at the elementary school in my hometown once I’d got my certifications and been hired immediately. Teaching French Immersion was interesting, challenging, and a joy for me and it had provided well for Peter and I. Now it would provide for his sister as well.
I didn’t have the panic and fear this time that I had last time but I had stress. I mainly worried about Drake finding out and coming back angry because I was “trapping” him or some garbage like that. I even worried that he might try to take the baby away from me. I wouldn’t allow that, even if I went bankrupt doing it.
Settling down I spent the rest of the evening taking Peter out for his ice cream and then we went and bought a few things for the baby. He liked picking out toys the most. He seemed pretty perceptive about what his sister might like and picked a lot of things in green and yellows, only a few in pink. This wasn’t going to be so hard, after all. I hoped.
Chapter Eight
Tapping a tooth with a very short fingernail I scrolled through pages online, looking for information about Drake. I was undeniably pregnant now, almost six months gone, and my hormones were in overdrive. I was crying one minute, building cribs and folding clothes over and over again. This will be the second child I’ve had, and this going it alone was starting to hurt. I knew it was my pregnancy making me nuts because I hadn’t actually told Drake about my growing little girl but still. Why hadn’t he come to the house and demanded an answer? Sent me a
n email, or even a letter? How could he just walk away?
The days were passing quickly, far too quickly, and I felt time escaping from me, making hours turn into days that blurred by. I wanted to talk to Amelia about it all but I’d been avoiding her and honestly I felt like my world was starting to fall apart instead of coming together. A frantic emotion spurred my actions, as though I was running out of time for something but I didn’t know what. I knew the baby was coming but I don’t think that was the “it” that was plaguing me.
I was about to click on another page, probably another one with little information about Drake’s current marital status, but heard a car pulling up in my driveway. I stood awkwardly, my belly already making movement somewhat difficult, and went to the door. Shit. Amelia!
I had all the lights on and Peter had the television on in his bedroom, she’d know I was here. Plus, my car was out there. Could I pretend to be asleep, perhaps? I paced as she walked up the sidewalk and I knew I was out of time. I was going to have to tell Amelia the truth. She looked awfully determined I thought as I peeked out of the glass of the door.
Leaning back against the wall I waited. There was no way out of this without being outright rude and I just couldn’t do that to Amelia. We’d been best friends from the start and the only reason I’d avoided her lately is because she was Drake’s sister and would tell him what was happening with me. I didn’t want that, I didn’t want the headaches, the stress, the pity-parties or Drake’s resentment because he was obligated to the child. I couldn’t deal with that.
I just wanted to stand on my own two feet and take responsibility for my actions. I didn’t need the happily ever after, I told myself, I just needed to raise my children and make sure they had a loving, happy childhood without the drama, the sorrow, and the pain that I’d had to endure. My father and mother couldn’t be blamed for any of that, life dealt them a really bad hand, but I could prevent a life of “uncles” that liked to stay in mommy’s room only to disappear when one of us decided to end it. I just couldn’t put my children through that.
Jocked Up: Sports Romance (A Secret Baby Second Chance Romance) Page 5
