I opted to enter. It was my library after all, and as soon as I had it fumigated, I intended to block it off if we ever had the family over again. That was a huge fucking if at the moment.
I was done with the Petries, aside from my offspring and wife. And, I was in the mind frame of changing our last name.
All Sarah wanted was to have a nice family meal. All her hard work. Dedication. Even our neighbor George could torpedo everything with another “I like dick” comment.
I audibly groaned as I swung the library door open.
To my sweet surprise, the room was empty. Nonetheless, I purposefully didn’t seek out any hidden spots.
And if she’d truly left the room, that meant Tie was on the loose again.
I fixed Peter’s bourbon and contemplated another shot of grappa.
Skipping the grappa, I repaired back to the living room.
Most of the family members were sitting or standing in small groups in the warm room with the Echo Dot now playing “Silent Night,” and it couldn’t have been more ironic. I had to force down an insane bout of giggling or I feared being committed before night’s end. Would that be so bad, though?
Sarah, with Ollie on her hip, beckoned with an almost imperceptible jerk of the head. Maddie cuddled Freddie in her arms.
I dropped off Peter’s bourbon, leaving Dad and Helen to deal with him for the moment.
“Well, isn’t this a sight?” I tweaked Ollie’s nose and enjoyed the giggling sounds she made.
Freddie stared wide-eyed.
“Anything to report?” Sarah asked.
Where should I start? Tie and George possibly canoodling in my office, aka the library? Peter? Maddie and Gabe? Ethan and Lisa? “Uh, not a thing. How goes the battle plan for the rest of the evening?” I took Ollie from Sarah’s arms. “Ollie, give Mommy a hug.”
Ollie was kind enough to wrap her chubby arms around my neck.
“You give the best hugs.” I snuggled her closer. “And you, little man, come here.” I swiveled Ollie to one hip, and Maddie shifted Fred onto my free one. One sniff alerted me to the never-ending parenting duty of toddlers. “Let me take you two upstairs.”
Sarah kissed my cheek. “Thanks, sweetheart. I was just about to do that.”
“I’ll go with you,” Ethan said.
I nearly rolled my eyes, knowing Ethan wouldn’t help at all with changing a diaper.
“Would you grab Demi?” I might as well put him to some use. I only had two arms.
Upstairs in the nursery, I placed Freddie in his crib, knowing he wouldn’t squawk about the confinement like Ollie would. Fred enjoyed time to himself. Ethan cuddled Demi.
While changing Ollie, I asked, “What was that with Tie and George?”
“Who knows? And what was with George talking about liking dick? Did he have a stroke or something? I don’t remember him being this odd the last time I spoke to him.”
“Would a stroke do that?”
“It’s been known to rewire the brain, making the person you’d once known unrecognizable. How well do you know George?”
“I’ve had a few conversations with him about the weather and stuff. You know. The conversations you have when you bump into a neighbor but don’t want to take the time to really try.”
Ethan’s observation alarmed me, and I had to admit, not for the right reasons. Now I had to worry about George and his brain health. Correction. Now, I had to worry about Sarah taking charge of the man and his brain. I couldn’t catch a fucking break this holiday season.
I finished up with Ollie, setting her on the floor to keep herself occupied with some of her toys. “Your turn, Demi.”
Freddie stood in his crib, his little hands wrapped around the bars.
Ethan freed him. “She’s so mean, your mom.”
“Yeah, I’m terrible.” I didn’t bother saying Freddie was fine. It was good to see Ethan and Fred bond.
“It’s good to admit this. Best to get things out into the open, no matter how painful.”
“Says the man hiding in the nursery with me to avoid… what? Or who?”
“I’m not avoiding George and his dick comments. I think he’s harmless. Mostly.”
“He’s something. But, no, I was thinking of Lisa.” I dove in. “Have you thought about what we discussed in the library?”
“It’s hard, ya know. Being the man in the relationship. You and Sarah don’t have to worry about—”
“Our fragile male egos?”
He sat in the rocking chair, and I handed off Demi while taking Fred in my arms. “Fredster, your turn.”
Freddie cooed.
Ollie chucked a stuffed animal into the back of my legs. “Sometimes I get images of Olivia in her teen years, and it terrifies me.”
“Casey will probably have already graduated from Harvard.”
I nodded. “Go on. Before I interrupted you about being the man.”
“It’s not easy. Not making ends meet. I feel like the answer is simple, but I can’t even see the question to know how to get from A to Z.”
“Are there expenses you can cut?”
“I’ve scaled us back to bare bones. Want to adopt our cat? She has expensive urinary tract food. And, you can’t really leave her alone much. Our neighbor’s daughter is popping in to check on her. For a fee, of course.” He groaned.
“Uh, I can ask Sarah.” Just what I needed. A high medical needs cat.
“Lisa would kill me. Sometimes I think she loves Minnie more than she loves me.”
“Your cat’s name is Minnie?” How did I not know this?
“It’s short for Wilhelmina.” He shrugged.
“Obviously.”
“I think I made a huge mistake.” His voice was soft, filled with emotion.
Fairly certain he wasn’t referring to the cat’s name, I said, “Tell me about it.”
“I should have gone with her. If her mom dies and I’m here—I don’t know how she’ll forgive me.”
Finished with Freddie, I sat on a quilt on top of the toy chest, with Fred on my lap. “Has there been an update about her mom’s status?”
His face darkened, but he didn’t answer.
“Not good, then. Well, you have two choices. Leave Casey with us and head out there, or—”
“I don’t have the money!”
Demi momentarily stirred in his arms.
I eyed him, understanding this was why he’d followed me for diaper duty. “I’m going to take the kids downstairs and drop them off for Allen and Casey to watch. Then I’m heading to the library to boot up my computer and purchase the next available flight out of Denver. With the storm, it may not be until tomorrow night, but it’s better than nothing.”
He avoided looking at me. “I can’t let you do that.”
“I’m not asking for permission, Ethan. I’m letting you know I’m putting your ass on a plane. Consider this my way of saying, you’re an effing wet blanket this holiday season and I want you out of my house.” With raised hands, I gestured it was useless to argue.
He shrugged one shoulder and casually leaned his head to swipe the dampness from his eyes as if I hadn’t noticed his swell of emotion. Proving yet again, men had such fragile egos, even highly-evolved ones like Ethan.
“Can we keep this a secret? I don’t want people to actually think you’re a good person.” He tried laughing, but it turned into a snort.
“Oh, I’m a Petrie. No worries there.”
“You should have given your kids Sarah’s last name.”
“She wouldn’t hear of it. I argued until I was blue in the face. For some reason, the woman thinks I have potential.” I gestured that was a crazy notion.
“Clearly, she’s misinformed.”
“Any way you slice it, it’s still a hideous name: Petrie.” I chuckled. “Come on. I need you to help me so I don’t misspell your name or anything. Simple things cause me enormous trouble.”
Chapter Nine
After purchasing the ticket, we
traipsed through the madness of the family room, where the twins sat at the craft table, working on some Christmassy activity given all the red and green, but the concept was beyond me.
“Daddy, we need your help.” Casey sat at a black card table with Allen, who was holding Demi on his lap, in front of the fireplace, working on an insanely difficult thousand piece Finding Dory jigsaw puzzle I’d purchased for her yesterday on a last-minute trip to the toy store. The puzzle had what seemed like a million Nemos with one Dory in the middle, so the vast majority of the pieces were orange.
“Sure thing, honey.” Ethan took a seat at the table, ruffling the top of Casey’s head.
Mickey’s Christmas Carol played on the television.
“Any progress?” I leaned over her shoulder to inspect.
“Some,” Allen said in an I won’t be beat voice.
“May the puzzle force be with you.” I waved goodbye and whizzed through the kitchen to ensure nothing was on fire. Not really knowing what I should look for besides smoke, and not seeing any, I buzzed through into the living room, where I spied Maddie cozying up to Gabe in front of the fireplace. At least that situation was smoothing out for the moment. As much as it could considering both were thinking of popping the question after dating for such a short time. They hadn’t even moved in together. Shouldn’t that be the first step?
Dad and Helen were with them.
Where were Peter and Tie?
Scratch that. I didn’t want to know.
For several blissful moments, no one seemed to notice I was in the room, and I was able to pull up my mental drawbridge and disappear inside my head to my happy place.
“Lizzie, can you help me on the back deck?”
I turned around to see Sarah’s red face, an indication she’d just come back inside. “Of course, sweetheart.”
In the kitchen, I whispered, “Everything okay?”
Sarah didn’t answer, but her expression was deadly serious.
Gandhi zipped by, with Hank right on his tail. “That’s my boy,” I said.
“The little dog doesn’t stand a chance with our cat.”
“I’d always bought into the theory dogs chased cats.”
“Not in our family.” Sarah offered a thin-lipped smile.
Considering the day’s events so far, that made perfect sense.
We arrived at the back door. “You ready?” Sarah asked, her hand on the knob.
I was afraid to inquire what I had to prepare for, exactly.
One step outside answered my question when a small clay pot whizzed past my head, landing in a pile of snow. “Whoa!” I scooted Sarah behind me, my arms out to protect her. “No throwing things!”
Tie had one arm behind her head, ready to launch another pot at Peter.
“Tie.” I motioned with both hands for her to set the weapon down. “It would be great if we could get through the night without a trip to the emergency room or the neighbors summoning the police.”
She didn’t let go, nor did she launch it. “He’s such an asshole!”
This was a completely different Tie than the one who’d whisked George off to the library. Was this the real Tie behind closed doors?
“I’m an asshole?” Peter covered his chest with a hand. “You’re insane and a bitch.”
It was Sarah’s turn to shout. “Whoa! That language won’t be tolerated.” She poked a mom-like finger at Peter and then at Tie. “By either of you. It’s Christmas Eve for fuck’s sake!”
I wasn’t sure if I should admonish Sarah for swearing. I didn’t think she was offended by all curse words, but certain ones got her feminist hackles up.
Neither of them seemed to notice Sarah’s hypocrisy.
“What’s going on?” I asked.
“I can’t take it anymore.” Tie dropped the pot onto the snow below her.
“You can’t? Try being me!” Peter lunged toward her, but I seized his arm, impeding his progress. “She’s a terrible mother!”
Peter, raised by one of the world’s worst, would know.
“You’re a terrible father!” Tie countered.
My brother hadn’t been the best sibling to grow up with, but I didn’t think he warranted this charge against his parental skills. Still, I deemed it wise not to get in the middle. More than I already was, given I literally stood between them in an attempt to prevent bloodshed.
“And you’re nothing but a cheat! In everything!” Her voiced hurled past howler monkey screech level to something that was completely indescribable.
Sarah and I stared at each other for a moment, neither of us all that keen to press for details. Inside, I could see Maddie and Gabe at the kitchen table refilling their eggnog glasses. Dad and Helen, each with a twin on one hip, joined them, laughing. Rose now cuddled Demi.
How did they not notice the Peter and Tie brouhaha? The pots were landing in snow and not making much noise, but there was shouting. Of course, the music played in the background, and the wind outside was battering the backside of the house. And Sarah’s Christmas display was blinding. Possibly they were determined to stay out of Peter and Tie-phoon’s drama at all costs. God knows I wanted to. Years ago, I barely had a relationship with my brother, and I wished that was the case right now. It was difficult for me to muster the energy to care if he had an affair. Or to ferret out if Tie was lying. Maybe it was the historian in me, wanting to see proof of this alleged bun in the oven. Or maybe my old I don’t need the Petries in my life mantra was rearing its head once again.
“Look,” I said in a tone I hoped was soothing. “This really isn’t the time for this. For the sake of everyone’s holiday, including your daughter’s.” I jerked my head toward the window and asked, “Is this a conversation you two can table for after Christmas?” I used my let’s be civil voice.
“That’s all we do. Table everything!” Peter raked a hand through his snow-splattered hair, seemingly fighting to control his emotions. “I’m through. Once the holidays are over, I’m talking to my lawyer.” He peered around me. “Get yourself a lawyer, darling, because mine is going to screw the shit out of you! And good luck trying to prove I have a love-child out there, because it’s just not true. This past year with you has been hell, and there isn’t enough Viagra in the world to help me get it up!”
That was a nugget about my brother’s personal life I didn’t need. I didn’t think it wise to verbalize the fact he planned to screw her out of everything, but I’d never been on the brink of divorce, so what did I know about how battle lines were drawn?
An odd upward twist of Tie’s lips nearly stopped my heart. “Oh, I think I’ll be the one screwing the shit out of you, darling.”
“Tie, let’s go inside.” Sarah put an arm around her shoulders and practically dragged the woman inside the house.
Peter kicked a pile of shoveled snow, immediately hopping on one foot, reaching for the other since he’d made direct contact with an ice chunk or possibly the deck railing. “Fuck!” He dragged out the word.
The evening was shaping up to be one for the history books. That was if any of us survived. I thought of Agatha Christie’s novel And Then There Were None. In the book, though, a killer was picking off people on the island one by one. The rate we were going, some type of family nuclear explosion was moments away, zapping all of us into oblivion.
Peter leaned against the railing and pulled a pack of Marlboros out of his black trousers. He tapped the filter end against the cardboard box before placing it in his mouth and used a monogrammed Zippo lighter to ignite it. With the cigarette between his reddened lips due to the cold, he asked, “You want one?”
“Nope. Those things will kill you.” Just ask Lisa’s mom.
“The sooner the better.” He inhaled deeply, looking skyward as if willing God to strike him dead. He sighed and then asked, “Have you ever had one before, Miss Goodie Two-Shoes? As your big brother, it’s my job to try to corrupt you.”
I snorted. “Now that we’re both grown and with children,
you want to be my big brother? Timing isn’t your thing, apparently.”
He shrugged. “It’s amazing when you think of it. How old we are. How in the fuck did I become middle-aged? With that thing as my wife?” He flicked his fingers, the cigarette between them, toward the house, where we could see Tie talking with Maddie and Gabe. It was as if the fight moments earlier hadn’t left an impression on Tie whatsoever, considering she was laughing and looked completely at ease.
It sent chills down my spine.
“What’s going on, Peter?”
“She’s impossible. Insane. Vindictive.” His cigarette hand mimed the list of negatives was endless, the red tip singeing a snowflake.
“Just like Mom.” I rubbed my hands together and tucked my head into the high collar of my cardigan to protect myself from another blast of wind kicking up. Unlike Peter, I didn’t have a winter jacket on, and the temperature seemed to drop one degree per second.
He bobbed his head but didn’t speak for several seconds. He blew out a plume of smoke and coughed a little. “I’m sorry. She wasn’t nice to you, and…” He shifted on his feet. “Neither was I.”
Taken aback, I stared at Snoopy’s doghouse, one of the lights flickering as if about to flame out.
He took another drag. “You’re a good person, Elizabeth. Always have been. I hope…” He looked up from the snow and leveled his eyes on mine. “I hope we can be friends at least. God knows I can use one right now.”
“O-of course.” I couldn’t think of what I should say or do. What would Sarah do? “Should we hug it out or something?” I let out a nervous bark of laughter. “That’s what Sarah would advise.”
He pulled me into an embrace, stepping on my right foot as I stumbled into his chest. “You’re lucky to have her. She’s brought out the best in you.”
Stunned, I remained quiet until we separated from the awkward hug, the first I could remember. “Does this truce mean you’re going to stop trying to steal my inheritance from Dad? I have twins, you know,” I said in a teasing voice.
A Woman Loved Page 9
