by Shilpa Suraj
He didn’t actually believe she thought he was beneath her, did he? She had to apologize but how did you apologize to someone who wouldn’t even look in your direction?
She stood with the rest of the family listening to the doctor give them an update on her uncle. Vivaan’s entire family including Arjun, and Alisha’s own father had arrived in time to hear what he had to say. Of Pooja there was no sign. She was still not picking up her phone and hadn’t called back either. Alisha had sent her a dozen messages with no success.
More than a little worried at the lack of response, Alisha had just been pulling out her phone again when the doctor arrived. With Vivaan. Who was ignoring her.
The good news was that her uncle was stable. The not-so-good news was that he was going to need a triple bypass. Feeling her aunt start to tremble next to her, Alisha wrapped an arm around her shoulder and held on tight. The doctor stopped his crisp recitation of the facts of her uncle’s case to ask if they had any questions.
“Is it risky?” The quaver in her aunt’s voice had Alisha tightening her grip around her shaking shoulders.
“Aunty,” Vivaan stepped closer to her. “Bypass surgeries are no longer what they used to be. They’re being done every day with increasing ease and both the prognosis and recovery rate are very good. Having said that, it is major surgery and Dr. Sinha is just making you aware of the risks involved. There are always risks but you need to keep in mind that they are calculated risks.”
Shouldering Alisha aside, he wrapped a strong arm around her aunt and smiled, “Uncle needs this surgery. After it’s done and with your tender, loving care he’ll be on the road to recovery before you know it.”
With one last hug and another few clinical statements by Dr. Sinha, they left. Both heads close together in discussion. Neither one gave them a backward glance. Well, Dr. Sinha didn’t have to but Vivaan….
Shame had a way of making you feel the size of an ant. Actually, she felt more like the size of an ant’s foot. He was right. She’d been a bitch for absolutely no reason. Well, that wasn’t exactly true. She knew the reason. She just didn’t want to acknowledge it.
Thirty three years of sitting on the sidelines and watching her friends and family tumble from one relationship to the other. She’d rejoiced, celebrated, sympathized and consoled all of them without once truly understanding what they were going through.
She’d joked about never feeling the squiggle, about not knowing what everyone moaned and groaned about and wrote poetry about but now that the squiggle had invaded her life, she felt like shit. Not a very romantic sentiment but it was true. The squiggle made her feel like shit.
Shit, shit, shit. She was still repeating the word in her head when someone tugged at her ponytail. Snapping out of her shitty internal monologue, Alisha looked up and into Arjun’s eyes. Oh damn. Arjun. The guy she was supposed to be thinking about.
“Are you okay?”
His quiet, steady gaze made her feel, if possible, even worse.
“Yes. Thank you.”
Her mother, thankfully, rescued her from the moment by calling out her name.
“Yes, Ma?”
“They’re going to keep Uncle Kamal under observation in the I.C.U for today and shift him to a private room in the morning if he’s still doing as well as he is right now. I’m taking Maasi home to get some rest. Have you heard from Pooja yet?”
“No, ma. I’ll try some of her friends now and see if they know where she is.” She moved away from the group to start making calls only to find a message from Pooja on her phone.
At the mall. Phone was on silent. What’s up?
Fifteen calls, ten messages telling her to call back immediately and this was what she came back with? What’s up? Alisha’s temper went from simmering to a slow boil. Of all the irresponsible, immature, idiotic things to do, this had to take the cake.
She tried her number again and got a busy tone. Furious now, she typed out a message telling her to call immediately and hit send.
The entire family was busy discussing who would stay at the hospital and when. Alisha volunteered to take the night shift overriding objections about how she should get her rest as she has work the next day.
“I could give you company.”
Arjun’s quiet offer had her shaking her head. “No. You have work tomorrow too. You should really get some sleep. I’m bringing my laptop and I can use the time to catch up on work.”
“Okay. Call if you feel differently?”
“Sure.” She smiled. He really was a nice guy. Life would be simpler if she just gave in and married him. Simpler was good, wasn’t it?
---***---
Chapter 15
Later that night, Alisha coaxed the night nurse into allowing her to sneak into the I.C.U for a visit. Luckily Nurse Dragon was no longer on duty. Reassuring herself that her uncle was sleeping peacefully, she pressed a soft kiss to his forehead before leaving. She thanked the nurse and headed back to the visitor’s lounge.
Choosing an uncomfortable chair out of the sea of uncomfortable chairs, she opened her laptop and sat down. It took the better part of an hour to finish drafting the C.E.O appointment press release. Once the final draft was ready, she emailed it to her manager for approval.
After checking in with the nurse about her uncle’s health, she asked for directions to the nearest coffee machine. She had some interview responses to draft and needed to kickstart her brain with caffeine.
She followed the nurse’s instructions to find herself standing in front of what was quite possibly the oldest, most dilapidated coffee machine in existence. Surely the other models manufactured at the same time were residing in a junkyard right now.
She placed a cup on the bottom and pressed a button on the panel that had CAPUCCINO written in sketch pen. Nothing happened. After waiting a moment, she jabbed at the button again. Still nothing. Leaning in, she inspected it and found nothing wrong with it. Trying her luck, she hit it with more force just as someone tapped her on her shoulder.
Alisha shrieked in fright at the same time as the coffee machine let out a piercing whistle and coffee gushed down the front of her clothes before waterfalling into her right shoe. When she saw Vivaan standing behind her, she cursed with a fluency that had his eyebrows shooting up.
“Did it occur to you to try the canteen?” The mild question had her glaring at him. If looks could kill and all that, it was a good thing they were standing in a hospital.
“The damn nurse sent me here,” she snarled.
“Were you bonding with her the way you bonded with the sister on duty in the morning?”
Ignoring the sarcastic question, she asked, “What are you doing here?”
“I heard you tell the family that you would take the night shift and I just couldn’t stop myself from coming here to spend time with you.”
Startled, Alisha took a quick step back from him.
A hard smile touched his lips. “Relax. I was just joking. You’ve made your feelings on that matter perfectly clear. I work here, remember. I’m here to see a patient of mine.”
“Oh.” Feeling foolish, Alisha added, “Uncle Kamal is doing well.”
“I know. I looked in on him. I’m just coming from there actually.”
An uncomfortable silence stretched and ballooned between them until it took on its own identity.
Finally, Alisha said, “I should go. I brought some work with me and I should….I should get back to work.”
“Yeah….me too.” Shifting to one side, he gestured for her to go first.
She tried. She really did. But her feet wouldn’t move.
“Can I come with you?”
She wasn’t sure who was more surprised by the question.
Vivaan eyed her warily for a minute before asking, “Why would you want to do that?”
She didn’t know why either. She just knew she wanted to spend a little more time with him. Since she couldn’t tell him that, she pretended boredom.
; “It would be a new experience,” she shrugged.
After a beat of silence, he shrugged too. “Okay. Let’s go.”
They’d barely taken a couple of steps when a strange sound penetrated the otherwise silent corridor.
“What was that?” Vivaan asked, looking around.
Mortified, Alisha tried to pretend she didn’t know. “What?”
“That weird squelching sound.”
“Oh that.” Sometimes you just had to admit defeat. “That’s me.” Lifting her right foot, she showed him her shoe soaking in coffee.
Suppressed laughter shook his lean frame as he took in the sorry sight.
“Go ahead and laugh,” Alisha said, glumly. She deserved this after her bad behavior earlier that day.
Unable to control himself any longer, Vivaan collapsed against the wall and let the laughter escape him. He was still chuckling and wiping his eyes when they started forward again. His snickering provided ample background for her walk of shame.
Step. Squelch. Step. Squelch.
She wasn’t living this one down anytime soon. But maybe getting shot in the crotch trumped it on the humiliation scale? A girl could always dream.
---***---
Alisha stared at the tiny body lying in the bed and hooked up to every conceivable tube and machine. The child’s painfully thin body and bald head were a direct contrast to the big, bright smile she gave Vivaan when he walked into the room.
Grimly swallowing the tears that choked the back of her throat, she watched him work. His gentle touch and calm voice were a direct contrast to the nightmare that lived in that room.
“How are you feeling, Rupa?”
“Good, Doctor.” The words were slurred with the effort to get them out. “Did you bring it?”
“Did you think I’d forget?” Producing a doll with long, golden hair from his white coat like a magician produced a rabbit from a hat, he said, “Rapunzel in all her little glory.”
“Thank you.” Tears of joy glimmered in the otherwise pain filled eyes. “Now I can brush her hair.”
“I have something for that too.” With another flourish, he pulled out a tiny, little doll’s hairbrush.
Handing it to the child, he watched as she ran it through the doll’s hair with a hand that trembled with weakness.
“Your hair is going to grow back, Rupa,” he said, gently.
“This time Amma said I could grow it long. Just like Rapunzel.”
“I think you’re much more beautiful than Rapunzel ever was.” With that simple statement, Vivaan stole a piece of Alisha’s heart. She was in big, big trouble.
When he was done examining the frail, little girl he spoke to the mother and answered all her worried questions with a patience that seemed endless.
“Thank you, Doctor.” Tired hands clasped his in a prayerful gesture.
Emotion swelled in her at the helplessness in the other woman’s body language. Alisha left the room without another word before the tears stinging the back of her eyes could spill over. She had no business crying when the two people in that room showed such tremendous courage in the face of such endless pain.
Blinking furiously, she stared at the blank walls of the hospital corridor in front of her. He’d said he wasn’t a cardiologist and she’d never bothered to ask what his specialty was. She hadn’t bothered to really find out anything, had she?
She’d judged him without really knowing him and now that she knew a little more all she wanted was to know everything about him. But she couldn’t. Not for the reason he assumed but for ones that she could never share with him.
“Alisha?” Strong hands turned her gently towards him. “Are you okay?”
And just like that the dam broke. Burying her face in his chest, Alisha wept. She cried for the little girl inside fighting the hardest fight of her life. She cried for the mother who had to stand by helplessly in the face of her daughter’s pain.
She cried for the loss of her own innocence, for the scars she could never show anyone. She cried for the ruined potential of her life and for the glimpse into an impossible future he’d shown her.
She cried for the hopeless yearning inside her for a chance with the man who held her against him in a strong embrace. An impossible wish but one that made it harder to stop the tears.
On a shaky breath, she wrenched herself from his arms. Scrubbing her palms across her face, she fought for control and slowly won.
“I’m sorry,” she said, finally.
“No, I am. I should have warned you.”
He should have but she was glad he didn’t. She knew beyond doubt that something had changed inside of her in those few minutes in that room. Something she could never act upon but something she would always cherish.
“Why?” she asked.
“Why what?”
“Why Pediatric Oncology?”
“Because that’s where the fight is toughest,” he said, simply.
“You’re wrong, you know.”
Eyes wary, he waited for her to continue without saying a word.
“I never thought you were beneath me.”
“Alisha, don’t-“
“I think you’re too good for me.”
Speechless, Vivaan just stared at her. Was she crazy? Was she blind to the fact that he thought she was magnificent?
“Alisha-“
Whatever he’d been going to say next was lost in the sound of a new voice intruding.
“There you are.” Arjun smiled at both of them. “I’ve been looking all over the hospital and couldn’t get through on either of your phones.”
“What are you doing here?” Vivaan asked in an unconscious echo of Alisha’s earlier question.
“I couldn’t in good conscience sleep knowing Alisha was sitting up here all night,” Arjun smiled. “I figured it’s a good opportunity for both of us to get to know a little bit more about each other. I brought coffee and snacks to keep us going.”
He held out a bag to Alisha who took it silently from him. She hadn’t said a word since Arjun arrived.
“You’re pulling a double shift today?” He asked Vivaan, who nodded.
“I guess we’ll let you get back to work then.” Smiling, he looked at Alisha, “Shall we?”
Still silent, she nodded in response. Vivaan stood there and watched as she turned from him and walked away with another man.
Step. Squelch. Step. Squelch.
Chapter 16
Alisha walked into complete family drama the next morning when she went home to change. She could hear raised voices coming from the drawing room. Identifying them as Pooja and her aunt’s, she carefully skirted the doorway and ran up the stairs to her room. Already behind schedule for work, she really didn’t want to get caught in whatever was brewing downstairs.
Grabbing a short kurta and jeans that were stacked at the front of the cupboard, she went into the bathroom and locked the door behind her. It was better to be careful. Pooja wasn’t above barging into the toilet if she wanted to talk.
Sure enough, ten minutes later there was a banging on the bathroom door just as Alisha was stepping out of the shower. Toweling her hair dry, Alisha opened the door and let Pooja in.
On an angry huff, her cousin slammed the toilet seat down and sat on it. “Mom is getting on my nerves.”
Pausing in the middle of applying her mascara, Alisha raised an eyebrow at the reflection of her cousin in the mirror.
“Really?”
“Yes,” Pooja burst out. “She’s going on and on about how I was irresponsible yesterday and not there when dad needed me. Is it such a crime to want to spend a day out shopping? And how was I supposed to know something like this was going to happen?”
“Why was your phone on silent?” Curious to see what Pooja came up with, she watched her cousin’s expression.
Something that looked a lot like guilt flitted across her face before she scowled again. “I don’t know. It must have gone to that setting by mistake. How was I supposed
to know there was going to be an emergency? Why can’t she stop hassling me? Dad’s better and all of you were there with her anyway.”
Alisha stayed silent. If she said something now, the whole scene was just going to escalate. She finished applying the rest of her makeup as Pooja continued to rave and rant in the background. Running a brush through her still damp hair, she left the bathroom with the complainer trailing her.
A quick check of her laptop bag and she was ready to leave. She waited for Pooja to catch her breath before saying, “I have to get to office. I’m already running a little late. We’ll talk when I get home.” A quick hug and she made her escape.
“Alisha…” Amending that to almost made her escape, Alisha stopped reluctantly at the entrance to the drawing room.
“Yes, Maasi?”
“How was your night?”
She stepped into the room, smiling reassuringly. “Uncle Kamal is good. He was still resting peacefully when I left this morning. They’re most probably going to shift him to a private room today. The nurse said they’re just waiting for the doctor to come and sign off on it.”
“I know.” Her aunt nodded. “Your mother updated me after your phone call. I was asking about Arjun and you.”
Alisha flushed. She should have seen this coming. Shifting from one foot to the other, she mumbled, “It was nice of him to keep me company.”
A noise near the door announced Pooja’s sulking return. “I thought you were in a hurry to get to work,” she said, angrily, before throwing herself on to the sofa.
“I am,” Alisha returned mildly. “Maasi wanted a word before I left.”
Ignoring her badly behaved daughter, Lavanya stood up and came to her niece. Framing her face with her palms, she placed a soft kiss on her forehead. “I’m so glad you like him. You deserve the happiness.”
Feeling like a total fraud, Alisha stayed silent. The strap of her laptop bag slid off her shoulder snapping her out of her guilty thoughts.
“I really have to go, Maasi. I’ll see you all tonight.” She slid the strap back on and with another hug and goodbye, she finally escaped.
