by Shilpa Suraj
“I’m fine. Just tired.”
“Want to go get some coffee?”
Oh Lord, not this again. Waving a hand at her laptop, she said, “I should get back to work.”
“Sure.” Nodding, he backed away from her desk.
Alisha watched him walk away feeling like the bitch she was being.
“Ajay.” She called out. It was a miracle she remembered his name. He’d been King Kong in her head from the day they’d been introduced. “Coffee sounds good.”
The smile he beamed at her made her feel even worse. Great. Now she was leading him on. She couldn’t win either which way.
“Give me a minute,” she said, pulling out her phone and typing a message to her father.
Will be late at work. May not make it to the hospital. See you at home.
She was a coward. She couldn’t face Vivaan. Not after what happened the previous day and she definitely didn’t want to come face-to-face with Arjun at the moment. In comparison, coffee with King Kong sounded appealing.
Pushing back from her desk, she slipped her feet into the slippers she’d kicked off earlier and joined the openly delighted man waiting for her.
Her father called just as she was collecting her coffee. Juggling the hot cup, she picked up.
“Why?” he asked, without preamble.
Not bothering to pretend she didn’t understand his question, Alisha answered, “I’m really caught up with work and-“
“Alisha.”
His tone had her falling silent.
“I don’t know what’s going on with you but whatever it is, it’s no excuse for bad behavior.”
Her father had a way of making her feel about ten years old when he used that tone.
“Dad,” she sighed.
“You can go back to work if you need to after that.”
Accepting defeat, she mumbled her agreement and hung up.
Looking up at Ajay, (and it was a long way up given his previously mentioned Abhishek Bacchan height), she said, “I’m sorry. That was my father. I’m needed at the hospital.”
His face fell making her feel even more of a heel.
“I could stay till we finish coffee,” she said, digging her own grave.
His smile lit up his face as he led her to one of the tables at the cafeteria. At least she was making someone happy today. Her track record hadn’t been so good until then and it wasn’t likely to improve once she reached the hospital.
---***---
She found both families clustered outside the delivery room with the notable exceptions of Pooja and Vivaan. Pooja, she was informed, was keeping her uncle company in the room. Something she assumed her mother and aunt had organized to keep her tactfully out of the Kapoor’s faces after the previous days' fiasco. And Vivaan was in the delivery room with Payal.
She’d just finished greeting everyone when he burst through the delivery room’s double doors.
“It’s a girl!!!!”
The yell had everybody erupting in cheers and whistles. Alisha squealed as Arav picked her up and spun her in a circle. Laughing, she braced her hands on his shoulders so she didn’t go flying across the corridor. After another enthusiastic whirl, he gave her a loud smack on the cheek and set her on her feet.
Head still spinning, she reached behind her to brace herself against the wall only to have her hand encounter someone’s chest. Even before she turned, she knew who it was.
“My turn,” he said quietly and pulled her into a hug. A hug that had her pressed up against him in a way that tossed propriety out of the window. The heat from his body seeped through and had her wanting to burrow closer. Except she could feel her mother’s eyes boring into her back. Squashing the longing, she stiffened in his embrace instead of melting into it like she wanted to.
Pulling back, she forced a smile to her face. “Congratulations.”
“Thanks.” His eyes searched hers for some clue to what she was thinking and found none.
“I’m feeling left out,” Arjun announced and picked her up off her feet. For the second time, in the last few minutes, Alisha found herself airborne.
Laughing self-consciously, she smacked him on his shoulder. “Put me down, you oaf.”
“I’m an uncle now. Uncles get certain liberties.” Carefully setting her back on her feet, he smiled at her.
“Really?” Making sure she kept her back to Vivaan, Alisha tried to inject some level of flirtatiousness into her voice. “Like what?”
“At the very least a congratulatory kiss?”
Acutely aware of Vivaan standing right behind her, Alisha flushed. Leaning closer, she planted a staid kiss on Arjun’s cheek. “Congratulations.”
“Seriously?” His eyes danced with laughter. “That’s the best you can do.”
“Yes,” she answered, truthfully. “It really is.”
“Ahh well. I’ll settle for it for the moment.” Draping an arm across her shoulder, he added cheerfully, “We have a lifetime to improve on that.”
His attention caught by something over her head, he asked, “Vivaan, where are you going?”
“To check on Payal.” The cool answer was in direct contrast to the hot, furious look he shot Alisha. The coward that she was, she looked away and refused to meet his eyes. When she finally found the courage to check again, he was gone. Relief and disappointment warred in equal measures within her.
“Maasi.” She waited for her aunt to focus on her before saying, “I’m going to go see Uncle Kamal now.”
Her aunt smiled in acknowledgement before going back to her conversation with Arjun’s mother.
Smiling a goodbye at Arjun and the group in general, she headed down the corridor towards the elevators. When she realized it was going to take forever to reach her floor, she decided to take the stairs instead. It was only three floors up. Lost in thought, she was staring down at her shoes and plodding along when her gaze encountered another pair of sneakers. A very familiar pair of sneakers.
Her gaze shot up, clashing with Vivaan’s furious ones. With a sigh, Alisha joined him on the step he was sitting on. They sat shoulder to shoulder in silence in the otherwise empty stairwell.
“Don’t do this,” he said, finally.
“Vivaan-“
“Give us a chance.”
“There is no us,” she burst out. “Can’t you see that?”
“No. I can’t. I refuse to.” Shoving his hands through his unruly hair, he said, “We have something here. Don’t give up on it before it even begins. Before we even begin.”
“We have nothing.” Turning to look at him, Alisha found her face much too close to his. “You could have anyone-“
“I want you,” he interrupted.
“You’re acting like a stubborn child.”
Her words lit the fuse to his already simmering temper. Framing her face with his palms, he brought her close to him.
“Give me a congratulatory kiss, Alisha.” He mimicked Arjun’s earlier words. His hot breath washed over her lips. A faint tremor racked her body and had him slowly backing her into the wall.
“Please Vivaan,” she whispered.
“Please what Alisha? Please kiss me or please let me go?” The hard words were at odds with the gentle touch still framing her face. He held her like she was special. Like she was precious.
Nobody had ever wanted her like this. Nobody had made her want like this. Closing her eyes, she said, “Please don’t make me choose.”
For a second he didn’t move and then she felt his lips against hers in an achingly gently caress that had her heart shuddering. A second later, it was over.
Breathing heavily, he turned from her and dropped his head into his hands. Alisha pushed herself up and took a shaky step when his voice stopped her.
“If I’d met you before you ever got married, do you think we would have stood a chance?”
“Since you would have been seventeen then, I doubt it.” Alisha replied.
A shaky laugh escaped him. “Than
ks. Just what my self esteem needed.”
Alisha looked at him for a long moment. “Can’t you see why this won’t work, Vivaan? You think people are going to accept an older, divorced woman as your partner? You think your family will?
“For God’s sake, Alisha, which world do you live in?”
“The real one,” she shot back.
“I doubt anyone in my family or friends thinks about stuff like that.”
“Do you also believe in unicorns and leprechauns?” she asked.
“I just don’t think these issues matter to anyone but you,” he said, dismissively.
“Really?” Alisha wanted to strangle him. “It’s easy for someone who has never had to deal with any of it to say. I’ve lived the last seven years of my life with innuendo, gossip and speculation. You have no idea what that is like. The so called well meaning advice, the probing questions, the unwanted and fake sympathy, the barely concealed glee. You don’t have a clue what it’s like to live with shit like that thrown in your face every single day.”
“Why do you think Arjun can understand?”
“Because in a strange way, he’s sailing in the same boat. Whether your partner dies or divorces you, you’re still one strike down and damaged goods in the relationship or marriage market. Although divorce is worse. Divorce means there is something wrong with you. Death is still beyond your control and not your fault. Unless you murdered your spouse. That would put you at the bottom of the list.”
“The list?” He was almost afraid to ask.
“The matrimonial prospects list. From the bottom it would go murderers, other assorted criminals, divorced folks, then widowed folks, then people over 40 who never married, unemployed, unsuccessful and finally the cream of the lot.”
“That would be?”
“People like you,” she said, simply. She saw by the stubborn look on his face that he just wasn’t willing to see her point.
“Are you going to marry Arjun?” he asked, abruptly.
“I don’t know if Arjun is going to be part of my future,” she answered. “But I know that you’re not.”
---***---
Chapter 19
He was going to get drunk. Mind-numbingly, shit-faced drunk. Vivaan stared at the beer in front of him and decided that it wasn’t going to do the trick. He needed something stronger. He signaled the bartender over and asked for a whiskey.
“Keep them coming,” he ordered.
I know that you’re not. Alisha’s words played over and over in his head like a broken reel. He swallowed half the first glass in one gulp and waited. He could still hear her voice in his head. Damn. If alcohol wasn’t going to drown her out, what would?
“Vivaan.” Someone slapped him hard on the back. “How have you been dude?”
“Ram.” Lifting his glass in acknowledgement, Vivaan ignored the question and asked, “What are you drinking?”
“I’ll have a Long Island Iced Tea.” Calling the bartender over, he placed his order. His gaze roving over the crowded dance floor, he asked, “Arav and Arjun aren’t here?”
“No.”
“Not on duty tomorrow?”
“No.”
Ram glanced at the almost empty glass of whiskey before murmuring, “Tough case?” Vivaan usually stuck to just a beer or two. Whiskey meant trouble.
“They’re all tough.” Vivaan tossed back the last of his glass before signaling for a refill.
“True that. Woman trouble then?”
It was a shot in the dark but he knew it struck true when his friend didn’t answer immediately. The look on his face was almost comical.
“Do I know her?” He settled down in the seat next to Vivaan, eager for details.
“You played paintball with her.” The whiskey had loosened Vivaan’s normally careful tongue.
Ram frowned as he thought back to that day. “Wasn’t she the one Arav was supposed to be getting to know? Dude, you’re in trouble if you’re interested in the girl meant for your brother.”
“Not her.” Another large swig from his glass and the whiskey burned a trail down his throat. If only it would make a difference. If only she would give him a chance. If only….
“There wasn’t anyone….” Ram’s voice trailed off as realization hit. A disbelieving laugh escaped him. “You’re joking, right?”
“Why would I be?”
Completely missing the edge in Vivaan’s tone, Ram drank from his glass before replying, “You can do so much better than her.”
“You think so?” He kept his voice calm. “Why?”
“Dude seriously! She’s like way older than you. Years and years.”
“Four,” Vivaan said, mildly. “Four years.”
“Yeah. Exactly.” Ram thumped his back in agreement. “She probably won’t even be able to have kids and stuff.”
“Why?”
“Dude, you know!”
“No, I don’t know actually,” Vivaan said.
“The eggs get old and stuff. You don’t want to marry old eggs, right? We don’t even want to eat old eggs.”
Chortling at his own wit, Ram drained his glass. “You know this stuff. You’re a doctor, dude.”
“And you’re an asshole, DUDE.” This time the edge was far too evident for Ram to miss. Taking a large swig of whiskey to try and get rid of the foul taste in his mouth, Vivaan stood up with a violence that toppled the bar stool he’d been sitting on.
He got it now. What Alisha was talking about. He finally got it. He’d needed the point rammed into his face to get it, but he finally understood what she’d been trying to say. To think that she tolerated stuff like this on a daily basis made him sick to his stomach.
“What’s wrong?” Ram shouted over the music. He put a hand on Vivaan’s arm to stop him from leaving.
Shaking him off, Vivaan didn’t bother to answer. He held his card out over his head to get the bartender’s attention. A minute later, the man was before him with the card machine.
Ram watched him in disbelieving silence. Once he was handed his payment slip, Vivaan strode out without a goodbye to his friend. Or ex-friend, as it were. He’d just left the noisy, smoke filled inside when Ram caught up with him on the pavement.
“Dude, what’s wrong? You can’t seriously be pissed off about what I said?”
“Can’t I?” His voice ice cold, Vivaan continued to walk away.
“You’re pissed off with me because I cracked a joke about her being older than you. That’s just a fact. Isn’t she also divorced?”
“So bloody what?” Vivaan exploded. “You’re a freaking man-whore. You’ll sleep with anyone and anything that moves and you’re judging her for a failed marriage?”
Ram stiffened. “It’s different.”
“Why?” Vivaan challenged. “Why the hell is it different?”
“Because…..Hell man, you have everything going for you. You can do better than second hand stuff.”
For a second, Vivaan didn’t move and then his brain imploded. His fist shot out and caught Ram on the jaw with a vicious crack. He staggered back, one hand clutching his face.
“Shit.” Looking in disbelief at his friend who looked more than ready to punch him again, he stepped back a couple of steps. “You’re crazy.”
“Shit.” He repeated again before backing away and heading back into the pub in a rush.
Vivaan stayed where he was for the longest time. He finally saw what Alisha dealt with day in and day out. He finally understood why she was so adamant about the way people thought and behaved. He finally understood what she’d been trying to tell him all along.
And yeah, he was crazy. Crazy about her.
---***---
Alisha was dreaming about tiny babies crawling all over her when a tinny, buzzing noise filled the room. Struggling awake, she located her phone on the side table and squinted at the display. Vivaan. At this hour? It was close to two in the morning.
Heart pounding, she answered the phone. “Are you okay?”
Silence was her only reply. Checking the phone’s display to see if the call had been cut off, she frowned when she realized he was still on the line.
“Vivaan?”
“I get it now.”
The quiet words had her flopping back against her pillows in relief. He didn’t sound like he was hurt or in pain.
“Get what now?” she asked, staring into the darkness of her room.
There was something frighteningly intimate about lying in bed, enveloped in darkness with only his voice on the other end of the phone anchoring her to the moment.
“Everything you said. About the way people think. About the way they behave.” He sounded sad. Alisha wanted to soothe and comfort but didn’t know exactly where this was going. Instead, she waited.
“I want you to know,” he stopped for a minute and then continued, “No, I need you to know that you’re incredible. That you can smile, you can laugh, God, the fact that you can love and live in the face of the incredible assholes who make up huge chunks of our society is beyond incredible.”
A single tear rolled down Alisha’s face as she let his words wash over her. They soothed her in places she hadn’t known were still hurting.
“Are you there, Alisha?” His voice reached out to her again bringing her back to the moment.
“Yes.” She could never let him know it but for him, she would always be there.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
“I don’t remember you doing anything that needs apologizing for,” she answered.
“For not taking what you said seriously. About people and society. For dismissing it the way I did.”
His words had pain knifing through her. If he finally understood, he also understood there was no future for them. A sense of loss swept through her at the thought of Vivaan no longer wanting her. It was what she’d wanted, what she’d pushed for and still….it was devastating.
“Alisha,” he whispered her name, recalling her to their conversation. “I’ve never wanted you more.”
And just like that, she was happy again. What was wrong with her? This was wrong. They were wrong. She was supposed to be sensible and levelheaded. Where did it go? Out the window?
“Alisha?” he asked again.
