“Surprise me.”
Gabriela jumped down from the sofa happily and froze as Sophia sighed and shifted on the bed. She bit her lip and looked up at him, sheepishly.
“Go on,” he whispered. “I’ll meet you outside in five minutes.”
She grinned and bobbed her head as she tiptoed silently through the room with lots of ideas churning in her mind.
Chapter 14
09.08 a.m.
Alistair was more than enchanted by the little girl. She had asked for the breakfast to be extra special, so the maids had prepared an array of delicious food served on Sophia’s best china and silverware, arranged over a white embroidered towel and a vase full of yellow and orange daffodils that Gabriela picked from Sophia’s garden.
As they sat down to eat, the little girl told him about Narcissus’s legend. She truly believed that the young Greek man had drowned himself in the small pond in their garden and that was why the daffodils grew there. And when Alistair chuckled at the story, she shook her head at him with lips pursed sternly, her pigtails bouncing around her small face.
“All right, all right. I have to agree with you,” he conceded, as he checked on Sophia through the open glass door. When his gaze returned to Gabriela’s face, he noticed she had stopped eating her scrambled eggs and was eyeing him intently, her teeth digging in her bottom lip.
“What is it, Fairy?”
Her delicate eyebrows lowered when she chastised him, “You didn’t answer my question, you know?”
He composed his face restraining the smile that wanted to curl his lips up. “What question, sweetheart?”
“Are you going to marry Mama?”
Jesus, Mary and Joseph! Alistair decided to play safe for the moment. “Do you want me to?”
Gabriela’s face glowed as she answered, “Yes.”
Christ. What now? I can’t tell her I want to marry Sophia too. He drank his tea while he tried to put his thoughts and feelings in order. His gaze swung back to Sophia. An idea took form in his mind. “Do you want to go to Craigdale again, Gabriela? Today? We could spend the weekend there.”
“Is Lachlann going to be there? We could look for fairies again.”
“Very well, then. Wait here, I’ll be right back.” He rose from the chair and went into the bedroom to grab his cell phone and returned in a moment.
He called Tavish asking if he could go with them. He wouldn’t be in peace if he took Sophia to Ardaneaskan without a doctor or a nurse. When his brother instantly agreed to the trip, he called MacKeenan asking him to inform his crew they would depart from London City Airport to Craigdale Castle at one o’clock.
“Can we invite Ariadne?”
“Anyone you want, sweetheart.”
She squealed and immediately put a hand over her mouth. Alistair chuckled as he called Alice and invited her too.
He finished the call and turned to Gabriela, “All set.” He glanced at his watch. “I think we’d better wake your mother. She has therapy in an hour.”
Before he rose, Gabriela put her small hand over his. Her pretty face was serious when she asked, “Can I tell you a secret?”
“I’m all ears,” he smiled.
“But you can’t tell Mama. Promise?”
“Fairy.” Alistair grimaced and covered her hand with his other one. “I can’t keep secrets from Sophia. And you shouldn’t either. But I will promise you this,” he put two fingers over his heart, “if it’s something Sophia doesn’t need to know, then we can keep it between us. Okay?” He’d learned the hard way that some secrets did more damage than good, but he did want Gabriela to trust him.
Gabriela bent her chin to her chest, avoiding his stare while she thought about Alistair’s counterproposal.
“You can trust me. But Sophia is your mother. She loves you and she’s your best friend-”
“I know. That is why you can’t tell her. It’s going to make Mama sad.”
What? “Hmm. Very well. Tell me your secret.”
She stared at him with her beautiful blue eyes and whispered, “Sometimes... I miss my Daddy. I don’t cry anymore, but I still miss him.”
Alistair swallowed with difficulty. His hand gently squeezed her little one, giving comfort.
“Alistair, if you marry Mama, would you be my father?”
“If you wish,” the words rasped from his throat as a lump formed in it.
“Then can I call you Daddy?”
Daddy! Even now, Alistair could hear Nathalie calling him. The memory was raw and the pain, fresh. It was too much for him to bear stoically. He looked down at their hands, so she wouldn’t see the tears that gathered in his eyes. His chest hurt when he breathed in deep and his voice was loaded with emotion when he said, “I’d be honored to be your father, Gabriela.” He could hardly speak without revealing his strong emotions. “Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me.”
9.21 a.m.
Gabriela’s kiss awoke a still groggy Sophia. Despite everything that had happened yesterday, she was feeling refreshed. When she stretched out lazily and opened her eyes, Gabriela sprinkled kisses on her cheek.
“Wake up, Mama,” she said impatiently, so excited she was practically bouncing on the bed. “We are going to Craigdale.”
That made Sophia blink and fully wake up. She rubbed her eyes and pushed up, seeing Alistair standing by the edge of the bed, “Hey, good morning. We’re going to Craigdale? Today?”
“Aye,” he sat by her side. “After your therapy session. I’ve spoken with Dr. Colton-”
“You’ve spoken with Dr. Colton,” she repeated dryly, tilting her head to study his face. Sophia didn’t know if she should be irritated with the way he had decided everything without consulting her. She wasn’t used to having someone else make the decision. “When?”
“He called about ten minutes ago. He wanted to know how you spent the night.” He tucked back a strand of her hair behind her ear. “Tavish Uilleam is coming with us, you don’t need to worry.”
Sophia smiled, amused. He orders everyone around.
“And Alistair let me invite Ariadne, Alice, Michael and Leonard,” Gabriela complemented. “Everyone, Mama! Can I choose your clothes?”
Sophia’s smile couldn’t be contained anymore. Gabriela’s happiness was her priority in life and if Alistair made her daughter happy, she would put up with some meddling in her life. Right now, it was the lesser of her problems.
Kensington. Dr. Guilhermina Kent’s Office.
10.14 a.m.
Guilhermina Kent opened the door to her office and smiled, welcoming Sophia in with a kiss on each cheek. She was Columbian and looked thirty, despite being forty-five years old. She had olive skin, very short brownish hair and brown expressive eyes. She didn’t dress conservatively; she didn’t talk pompously; she used just a hint of makeup. She encouraged her patients to call her by her nickname, Mina, and she talked - really talked - during the sessions. And smiled a lot. No stern looks or frowns from Dr. Kent.
Edward was the one who had referred her. Based solely on her appearance and demeanor, Sophia would never have guessed she was a psychiatrist, who graduated from Stanford University, with a doctorate in psychoanalysis from the University of Essex.
“How are you, Sophia?”
“I’ve been better,” Sophia sat in the armchair instead of lying on the couch. She preferred to look at Dr. Kent’s face and the doctor was very comfortable with this arrangement.
Dr. Kent’s trained gaze swept over Sophia’s face. “You look better than yesterday. Much better.”
“I’m trying to convince myself of that as well,” Sophia said wryly.
With her lips twisting ruefully, Dr. Kent sat in her armchair, facing Sophia and crossed her legs.
“You know, Sophia, you are human. You don’t have to punish yourself because you can’t always live up to the high standards you set for yourself.”
High standards? You have no idea. Sophia grimaced, “People expect me to behave according to the hig
h expectations I’ve always set. I have always had a perfect and model behavior. I- Sophia, the lawyer, the teacher, the heiress, even the widow and the mother... We are myths, hiding our dark secrets under fairy tales.”
“We are here to deconstruct these myths you have created for yourself and shed some light on those supposedly dark secrets of yours.”
“People see what they want to see and they will react to me based on who they want me to be.”
Dr. Kent smiled then and put her elbows on her knees. “And who do you want to be, Sophia?” she asked quietly, resting her chin on her enlaced fingers.
I don’t know. Sophia didn’t answer.
“Secrets,” Dr. Kent mused, “they weigh on us. How much are you carrying on your shoulders?”
“A lot,” Sophia breathed.
“You know you need to unburden yourself of your secrets, don’t you?”
“Once secrets are told... their power to wound becomes greater.”
“What hurts more, Sophia? The one time confession of a sin or an unconfessed sin that festers and rots?”
Sophia exhaled a gush of air. “Mina, if one of your patients sat right here in this armchair and told you they had committed a crime - a murder - what would you do? Would you report them to the police?”
Dr. Kent reclined slowly, resting her back on the chair and scanning Sophia’s face. She was very good at reading Sophia’s emotions, because she held nothing back in therapy. But, for the first time, Dr. Kent was puzzled and intrigued by how blank Sophia’s face was, even though her question gave much away. “Sophia, it’s not my position to judge or report a patient. And, without taking circumstances into account, I cannot examine what has led to this supposed act. Tell me, when you take on a new case, do you condemn the person at first sight?”
“Touché,” Sophia smiled. But her smile was gone as quickly as it had come. Sophia took a big envelope from her Hermès bag and handed it to Dr. Kent. “I’ve killed eleven of the men in this photo.”
Dr. Kent had to make an effort to stop her mouth from dropping open. She calmly surveyed the photo, lifted her brown eyes, pinning Sophia with her stare. “You killed these men. Very well. What kind of fantasy is this?”
Sophia looked away from the doctor and broke down sobbing. The words spilled from her mouth as she vomited the whole story. At least, the parts of it she remembered.
“Sophia, sometimes the guilty one is not the person who has committed the crime, but the person who has created the possibility for it to be committed.”
Dr. Kent tried to tell her about how nature’s laws were bendable, breakable even, if done for the right reasons and that not all laws were good. She tried to reason with Sophia that other people were responsible for the dark night itself.
“Many times, criminals think they have committed a crime bigger than the crime itself, because of their own guilt,” reasoned Dr. Kent.
“Are you trying to tell me that I am not guilty?” Sophia asked, drying her eyes and face. “That the men that were killed are responsible for their own deaths?”
“No, Sophia. I’m just saying that what happened was a consequence of their odious act. And that you think you’ve committed a crime worse than you have just because you have been nurturing a guilt bigger than it should be.”
Sophia could relate to the thought that some souls are full of guilt. “So...”
“Sophia, anyone who knows you and this wretched story will tell you that you have repented. I agree with Edward’s words. You are doing everything you can.”
“I was angry. I wanted to harm them. Don’t you understand, Mina? I wanted to make them suffer for everything they did to Gabriel.”
“Feeling angry is a part of us. It’s a natural response to being attacked, insulted, deceived or frustrated. They killed Gabriel. They made him suffer.” When Sophia started to shake her head, Dr. Kent held up her hand. “Let me finish, Sophia. Excessive anger is only a symptom of mental health problems, when it harms you or people around you. This can depend on whether you express your anger, and how you express it. Something happens that makes you angry, you express your anger and then move on. Something very serious happened. You knew the criminals wouldn’t be punished. That made you angry and you expressed it and then moved on.”
“So you are saying that anyone is allowed to take justice into their own hands?”
Dr. Kent shook her head firmly. “No. Never. I’m just saying that what you did is psychologically justifiable. You have to come to terms with it, Sophia or it can have serious negative consequences in the long run.”
Scotland, Highlands, Ardaneaskan, Loch Carron.
Craigdale Castle.
3.08 p.m.
“This is ridiculous.” Sophia stomped her foot on the hall marble floor. “I’m not going to bed in the middle of the afternoon. I want to go riding with the kids. I don’t see why-”
“I said no. No riding. No running.” Alistair frowned at Sophia, crossing his arms over his chest. “Up to the bedroom, Sophia.”
“Stubborn man.” She crossed her arms and frowned up at him, imitating his stance.
“Stubborn woman,” he hissed back.
“Lord Pot meets Lady Kettle.” Lachlann chuckled and grabbed Gabriela and Ariadne by the hand. “Let’s go girls. Michael, come on. Those two will be here all day.” Alistair’s father left the hall toward the stables, with the children beside him.
“Alistair Connor, that’s a bit over the top, don’t you think?” Alice shook her head at Alistair, amazed at his overbearing protection.
Alistair whipped his head to frown at Alice this time. “Medical orders. Don’t interfere.”
Tavish went to Sophia’s aid, “I’m the doctor here. And I say-” He interrupted his sentence, when Alistair stepped in his direction. “Err, I’m going to make a suggestion.”
“Suggest with caution, Tavish Uilleam,” Alistair admonished.
“We could go rowing and then have a picnic by the loch. Sophia could use some fresh air and sunlight. Tomorrow afternoon we could go riding.”
Alistair looked at Sophia and she smiled at him, pleading with her eyes. He couldn’t resist. “Rowing it is then. I’m going to change. Say... In fifteen minutes, by the loch?”
Tavish winked at Sophia and made a face at the back of Alistair’s head. Alice and Sophia walked out of the hall, giggling and whispering conspiratorially.
Leonard, who was silently observing the whole exchange, let out a chortle and slapped Alistair on the back, saying cryptically, “Keep trying, Alistair. Keep trying.”
5.01 p.m.
“I need to talk with my father.” He kissed her quickly on the lips as they arrived from the loch. “I’ll head to the sauna after and you, my lady, are going to bed for an hour, at least, before dinner. I’ll meet you later in our room, all right?”
“All right.” Sophia stood there admiring Alistair’s well shaped butt as he disappeared behind the double doors to the Laird Library.
“Sophia! Sophia!” Sophia turned her head to see Michael bolting across the great hall toward her with the two girls behind him.
“What are you doing, kids?”
“Will you go outside and play with us? Will you, Sophia?” Ariadne begged. “Uncle Tavish Uilleam, Mummy and Daddy are on their way to the Spa.”
Sophia looked around and asked Gabriela, “Where is Maria?”
“She went to get a ball with Flannagan. But I want you to come, Mama. Please?”
Sophia hesitated.
“It’s still light out. We can play in the Elm Courtyard and Maria and Flannagan can come along, too,” Michael suggested. “It’ll be fun.”
“Okay, okay,” she said, laughing as the children jumped and cheered, around her. “Just for a little while then.”
The children’s faces lit up, the girls grabbed her by the hands and Sophia ran along with them.
5.33 p.m.
“What you want is immaterial, Alistair Connor. You shouldn’t rush her into making a l
ife changing decision so quickly. Besides, she has a daughter to consider,” Lachlann muttered, rubbing his nape as he watched his son intently. “It’s too soon.”
“I can’t wait. I’m afraid of losing her. And I can’t lose her. Or Gabriela, for that matter,” Alistair countered, gazing sadly at Nathalie’s photograph on his father’s desk. “I waited too long once before and lost everything.”
With these words ringing in his ears, Lachlann rose from the chair. “So be it. You have my blessing. And, I’m sure, your mother would give hers too.” He walked to a cabinet and opened its door to reveal an enormous safe. He punched in a code, unlocking the safe. He motioned for Alistair to approach. He looked up into his son’s green eyes, “When you got married... Well, my son, Katherine and I were very disappointed in your choice. For many long nights, we talked about what we would give you as a wedding present. We know you were surprised that we didn’t give you your share of the jewels, as well as the properties, like we did with Alice.” He waved his hand at the bottom shelves. “You can have them now. I’m sure Sophia will be steadfast and will bring you the happiness that has been missing in your life. Sophia is everything your mother and I have always hoped you would find.”
Lachlann didn’t notice his lapse but Alistair did. He hugged his father, the absence of his mother pressing on his heart. “Sophia already makes me happy, Father.”
“Good.” Lachlann cleared his throat as he picked up an old little green jewel box from the upper shelf and caressed it reverently. “If I could chose the engagement ring for you... It would be this one.”
As Lachlann opened the box, Alistair saw that it was his mother’s favorite ring. The one she used every day of her life. Alistair closed the box, putting his hand over his father’s. “It will be this one, then.”
“Take the jewels with you on Monday.”
Alistair nodded, “I will. Thank you, Father.”
A loud knock on the door interrupted them. Tavish Uilleam opened the door and complained, “It was supposed to be a five minute talk. Leonard and I are waiting. Come on, Alistair Connor.”
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