I’d found my only means of survival—rather, the show’s survival—was to hide in my own room during the day, only meeting Melanie in the production room when we had film to go over.
I won’t lie, the last few days had made me happy. Aaron’s obvious reluctance to be intimate with any of the girls wasn’t good for the show, but it was good for my ego. It made me smile every time he pulled a face and glared at one of the girls when she giggled madly. Or every time they tried to flirt with him and he pulled away, or refused to meet their eyes with his.
It pleased me, and yet I knew it wasn’t what the viewers would want to see, so I had asked Melanie to pull out all the stops today to get him to react.
My professional, logical side was happy she’d gotten results, but my passionate, lustful side was filled with rage if she was right, if he had behaved like that with one of them.
“He was amazing, I can’t wait until you see this. It’s seriously perfect,” she smiled, hitting play.
We watched the usual round of him avoiding eye contact and being basically kind of a dick to them. I smiled to myself and had to look unhappy when I caught Melanie staring at me.
“Okay, this isn’t good, Reagan,” she hissed, catching on. “No matter how much you want to bang our hot male lead, you have to accept the fact that he needs to step up his game.”
“I don’t want to bang him,” I glowered back, lying through my teeth. We both knew I was lying.
“Oh, come on!” she replied. “Seriously? You’re gonna play it like that? Okay, let’s say you don’t want to get up and ride his dick like a pony, let’s say you haven’t been fantasizing about him since you met him…we still need him to do shit so the show is a success. We both need this win pretty bad, you know that.”
“I do,” I sighed. “Okay, let me take notes for editing, and we’ll get to the part he comes alive, like you said.”
“Sounds good,” Melanie replied. “I just need to know that you’re a hundred percent behind this.”
“I am,” I lied again. “I totally am.” I figured the more I said it, maybe the more real it would become and the more I’d believe it myself.
We watched the rest of the day’s footage, and I made my notations for the guys who did the final edit. After a couple hours of staring at Aaron on screen and trying desperately to cool my overheated loins, we got the to part Melanie was excited about.
“Here it is, this is amazing,” she said as she grabbed my arm.
I was silently as Aaron did his seductive thing with Tiffany and as it came to an end, I realized my fingernails were buried so deep into the palms of my hands that they left reddened half-moons when I loosened up.
I had to do it to keep from screaming, though. My first response when I saw how undeniably freaking hot Aaron could be was to scream. To scream that he was mine, then to run and claw Tiffany’s eyes out.
Jealousy wasn’t an emotion I was used to, and I wasn’t sure how I was going to process it.
“Wasn’t that ah-may-zing?” Melanie asked.
“It was pretty good,” I said woodenly. “I think you might be onto something. Keep up the good work, and maybe we’ll get some steadier footage for the viewing audience.”
“Listen, I know this is hard on you. It’s hard on him too. You guys so obviously want each other but come from such different worlds you don’t know how to handle it.”
“It’s not that, I’m just tired. It’s weird sleeping without sirens and traffic noises, you know?”
“Oh yeah, I hear ya there. I don’t mind it most of the time, but when I wake up and it’s totally silent, it really creeps me out.”
“Exactly,” I replied. “That’s all it is. I just miss the city.”
“Okay, as long as this can go on without you exploding in a giant horny mess, we’re going to get the show we want.”
“Oh, ha ha,” I laughed. “I’ll be fine.”
I got up and left her alone then, because I wouldn’t be fine.
And I didn’t know how to fix that.
* * *
A few days went by, and Aaron’s heat level skyrocketed. He pulled the same seductive moves with a few of the girls, and Melanie was ecstatic.
I wasn’t, of course. I was angry and could barely stand to watch the footage every night.
I decided the only way I was going to get over it was to be there in person while they filmed it.
It hurt too much to watch it after the fact, to be able to rewind and see the moment over and over after missing the real thing.
I somehow convinced myself it would be easier to watch it live, but damn, I was wrong about that.
The afternoon date Aaron was on went well enough. The girl was gorgeous and tall, with curves that made me look like a beach ball, but there was zero chemistry.
Melanie decided to have a group hot tub. They had to eliminate another two girls today with the axe ceremony, and Aaron was hesitating. They all were equally appealing, according to him.
I sensed his underlying frustration—he didn’t want to axe any of them because he didn’t think any of them were better or worse than the others.
This was good for me on an emotional level, but bad for the show.
And it was all about the show, so I decided to step in when the hot tub started to fizzle.
“Hey girls, do you think you could crowd closer to the lumberjack? You all want to win, and he’s the prize, remember that,” I said, popping out from behind the cameraman.
Aaron seemed shocked to see me there. I hadn’t made it really obvious that I was watching this scene. His surprise made my heart swell with pride—he clearly shut down toward the other girls when he knew I was on site.
“When did you get here?” he grumbled, trying to avoid touching the group of girls crushing toward him in the bubbling hot water.
“I’ve been watching for a while,” I said, “it’s good for me to get an idea of how the show is going. You’re doing good, you know. Right after that date with Tiffany, you improved dramatically.”
“Oh, that,” he said, he suddenly seemed to get uncomfortable with my presence.
“Can you tell him to loosen up?” One of the girls complained. “He’s so much harder to deal with than any of the bachelors I’ve filmed with.”
“We know,” I replied with a look right at him. “He needs to simmer down and enjoy the fact that there are six gorgeous girls all vying for his attention.”
“Yeah, when is that ever going to happen again?” Melanie chortled.
“Unlike a lot of men, I only need one woman at a time,” he said with a growl. “As long as it’s the right girl, I don’t need a fucking harem.”
I sighed, but inwardly, I was thrilled at his words. I had to maintain my professionalism in front of Melanie and the crew though. “I get that, but all we’re asking is for you to find your one and have a little fun along the way.”
“Fun? You want me to have some fun?” he growled even more deeply. “Like this?” He reached out and grabbed the breast of the girl next to him, his huge hand enveloping the little triangle of her bikini top. I felt a red flash of jealousy rise up in the back of my head and some inner voice screamed at me to pull her off my man. But I didn’t flinch. I couldn’t let anyone see how much it angered me in spite of the fact that my jaw hurt from grinding my teeth to keep from yelling at him to stop.
“Or more like this?” He pulled another girl onto his lap and began to fondle her breasts from behind.
The worst part of it was that she seemed to really enjoy it. He locked his eyes on mine and played with her nipple, squeezing it until it pebbled under his touch and she squirmed on him, giggling and breathless.
“That’s exactly what I mean,” I pressed on defiantly. “Now if you could kiss them or even sleep with a couple of them, that would be perfect.”
My eyes didn’t leave his, and nobody said a thing. Even the girl on his lap froze, they all sensed the insane tension that was building between us, and nobody wan
ted to be the reason one of us snapped.
Aaron didn’t say a word, he just slid the girl off his lap and stood up out of the water. It rolled off him, almost reluctantly, as if even it didn’t want to let go of his incredible form.
I fought to keep my jaw closed now that I felt my gaze slide over his body. His broad chest was lightly haired, and a trail of black hair intersected his perfect abdomen, pointing down into the area beneath his swim trunks.
His stomach was cut into a sharp V that dipped into the same region, the area I desperately tried not to look at, I didn’t think I could contain my jealousy if he was erect.
And we’d be able to tell if he was aroused, I remembered that monster from running into him in the hallway of my apartment.
I couldn’t help it. My eyes dipped lower, and I was relieved to notice nothing. Having the girl on his lap hadn’t turned him on.
“I can’t do this,” he said, climbing out of the hot tub. “This fake-ass bullshit is out of my pay grade.”
With that, he stormed off.
It took me a moment to react as he stomped away.
“That guy is such a dick,” one of the girls in the hot tub murmured.
“He’s hard to work with,” another agreed.
“It’s a good thing he’s so fucking hot,” a third chimed in, and they all giggled and agreed.
“You okay?” Melanie asked me carefully. “That was hella weird.”
“I know,” I replied. “And I’m fine. He might not be, though.”
“Give him some time,” she assured me. “Give yourself some time too. Go cool off and maybe stay away from filming for a while.”
“Yeah, that’s probably a good idea,” I said, rubbing my eyes, turning, and walking away.
I was going to go to bed, but decided to get a glass of wine before I went to my room.
Or a bottle and a glass, take it up with me, and drink the stress away. I know, not exactly healthy or mature, but I didn’t know what else to do just then. I had been completely unable to go through with my little plan to find a guy to keep my mind off Aaron. Every single man I saw these days held nothing for me, I wasn’t attracted to anyone but that frustrating, undeniably perfect lumberjack. And even that pissed me off, so wine had become my best friend.
I was deciding on a bottle when I heard the back door slam shut. I peaked out the side window and saw Aaron stalking off into the woods beside the mansion.
Without thinking, I set the bottle on the counter and raced off after him.
“Aaron! Wait! Hey!” I called out after his retreating form. He’d gotten dressed and somehow managed to look even hotter in a plaid shirt and form-fitting jeans. Damn, that ass of his really sent my heart pounding.
He paused but didn’t turn around. He waited until I caught up before saying anything.
“What do you want?” He asked.
“I want to know what the hell that was back there. That wasn’t professional at all!”
“I’m not a professional,” he said flatly, finally turning to face me. “I’m not a natural faker like you and the rest of you city folks. This is new to me, and I’m sorry, but I can’t pretend to want a woman when I don’t want her.”
“You need to work on that, Aaron, that’s the whole point of the program,” I said. I was surprised at how easily my logical, professional side was protecting the wild emotional part of my brain that was freaking out just under the surface.
“I don’t see it as a problem,” he said. “I should have never agreed to this stupid project in the first place.”
“That’s your problem, then, you lack impulse control.”
“What the hell do you mean by that?”
“I mean you running out here to these woods just to get away from filming, just like signing up on a whim. You’re impulsive, you do stuff without thinking about the consequences.”
“If that’s what you mean, then I have excellent impulse control,” he glowered at me, his brows knit together and his full lips pursed in a straight line.
“Oh really? Why on earth would you think that?”
He took a step towards me, and I stepped back until I was against the thick bark of the massive cedar behind me. I felt dwarfed, by both Aaron and the ancient trees surrounding us.
He leaned in close until I could smell his masculine scent, a heady mixture of wood and musk. In a low, forceful tone he said, “Because if I lacked impulse control, I would be fucking you hard against this here tree right now, Miss Black. I would be buried so deep inside you, we wouldn’t know where I ended and you began.”
My heart bounced around in my chest like a ricocheting bullet, sending my blood pressure sky-high and stilling my breathing.
I managed to breathe out only a single word in the face of his declaration. “Oh.”
“That’s it? That’s all you’ve got to say?” he barked. “I finally admit what we’ve both been thinking and all you’ve got is ‘oh’? I finally have the fucking courage to tell you what I’ve been feeling and that’s all you can get out? I’ve been going fucking crazy being close to you, wanting to fuck you since LA, since that morning in your hallway, and I’ve been using my impulse control to keep myself from taking you a thousand times since then.”
Everything flooded my mind at once: his grumpiness, his unwillingness to work with the cameras, even his unbelievable sexiness. It all suddenly made sense, why he’d been such an asshole to me and to the girls on the show. I straightened my back, looked him right in the eye, and blurted the words I never in a million years would have expected to come tumbling from my lips.
“Then why don’t you? Just do it, right now!” I challenged him, my eyes narrowing and locking with his.
I saw a tic forming on his temple, a sign of the tension that must have been streaking through his body too.
“Why don’t I?” he replied softly. “Because if I do, I’m never gonna want to stop, Reagan. And if I don’t stop, then there will be nothing left to hold us back from calling this what it is.”
“What is it?” I demanded, still standing strong.
“Oh, I think you know exactly what it is, princess,” he said in a low voice that was thick with lust instead of his usual grumpiness. He reached up and brushed my cheek with his rough fingers, and I was a goner. I watched as if in slow motion as his moved closer, his huge hand clasping the back of my neck, and he kissed me.
His beard tickled, but felt amazing against my soft skin. He tasted incredible, and his scent filled my nostrils until all I could think about was Aaron Remington, the sexiest, most annoying man alive.
And he was right. I knew exactly what was happening between us.
Something unexpected and alarming, something neither one of us had predicted would ever happen. Something that I realized I’d wanted from the moment I’d met him. Something that could destroy my career and send his world spinning on its axis out of control.
We were falling in love.
And I didn’t want it to stop.
12
AARON
She tasted sweet like honey, but I could also taste coffee on her tongue.
It was a good thing I liked coffee.
She was as delicious as I’d imagined, and every bit as fiery, but her little moans and sighs of pleasure were unexpected and nearly drove me wild with desire.
Her body folded against mine, and she felt perfect in my arms, as if we’d been sculpted into two halves from the same stone. Her face tilted up towards mine when our mouths met, and I bent over to cover her with my kisses.
She made me feel powerful, like I alone in the world could protect her and keep her safe from harm.
She made me feel like a caveman, like I was one step away from dragging her by the hair back to my home and making her mine forever.
Her little hands crept up and cupped my face as we embraced, and I felt weakened by her, as if one wrong move would leave me shattered in her grasp.
All at once, I was as tall as the mountains and humble
d by her presence.
I knew what had been happening then, I knew that our push and pull had been in response to the one thing that we had both been resisting too long.
It was a force that was undeniable and incomprehensible at times, something I thought I’d felt before, but I’d been so wrong. It was like comparing a gentle summer rain to a hurricane, and Reagan was the hurricane tearing through the landscape of my heart.
Kissing her felt like home, like everything I was supposed to do, like everything right in my life.
I thought about the seconds and minutes of my life stretched out behind me, and how empty every single one of them seemed at that moment. How lonely and isolated I’d been without Reagan filling up all the spaces of silence between the moments, without her completing me as she was at that very second.
And I thought about how full my life seemed in front of me, rolling into the horizon, bursting with joy with Reagan by my side.
And I’d be lying if I told you I wasn’t afraid, as if the idea of something as big as our love didn’t terrify me. It was like standing next to a colossus, a great giant of ages long past, and feeling completely inconsequential next to it.
We broke apart, and she looked up at me with those damned eyes of hers, those bright blue eyes that had drawn me in from the first moment I’d seen her. I locked mine on hers and felt myself falling farther than before, diving into the beautiful tempestuous ocean of them.
“Wow,” she let out in a breath, lifting her finger to trace her lips where I had just been kissing her.
“Wow indeed,” I replied with a soft smile. “I’ve been wanting to do that for a while.”
“Me too,” she said, and her cheeks flushed red. “I mean, I haven’t been planning it, but I’ve thought about it. A lot.”
“Me too,” I chuckled. “And more. God, I want to do more…”
Her eyes darted down to where my cock was pressed against my jeans, desperate to escape and finally feel her heat clench around me as we joined as one at last.
Lumberjacked Page 7
