‘Are you all right for a key?’ asked David.
Sir Walter smiled and opened the book he’d been carrying, revealing that it too was hollow and held a selection of keys. ‘I’m going to pop into the library,’ he said. ‘See who’s been reading me. And…’ He leaned closer. ‘I’m going to google myself. It’s fascinating to read what people are still saying about me after all these years.’ He gave Ed a proud look. ‘Last year was my one hundred and twentieth anniversary, you know. You should have seen the tributes!’ He turned away. ‘Well, see you at the Agon!’
With that he limped off across the road, looking freakishly big as he walked past a parked car. The Colonel clicked his tongue and they moved on in silence for some distance, David occasionally checking to see where Sir Walter was. Once he had gone down a side street, out of sight, David let out a long breath and said, ‘What a big-headed braggart!’
The Colonel chuckled. ‘He always did have a high opinion of himself,’ he agreed. ‘Mind you, to be fair, he does write rather well.’
‘I’m not saying he doesn’t,’ protested David. ‘It’s just that he likes the sound of his own voice a little too much.’
‘Why is he limping?’ asked Ed.
David looked awkward. ‘Oh, I… believe he had polio when he was a nipper. Terrible thing, really.’
‘But… a statue can’t have polio, surely?’
‘True,’ admitted David. ‘But it’s like he told you. We take on all the attributes of the person we’re commemorating. So if the man limped in real life, so will his statue. You’ll get used to the idea.’
Ed was about to ask something else but he broke off when he saw something weird approaching along the street, racing down the middle of the road. At a distance it looked like two real giraffes but as they drew nearer, he could see that they were actually made of lengths of black metal that had been bolted together. One was a couple of feet shorter than the other, and both had empty spaces in the middle of their necks, but it didn’t seem to be slowing them down at all. They went racing down the hill, their metal hooves striking sparks on the tarmac, their wire cable tails flicking from side to side.
‘Dreaming Spires,’ said David.
Ed looked at him. ‘Huh?’ he said.
‘That’s what they’re called, apparently. They’re usually located up on Leith Walk. Fancy name, but I’d say they are of fairly limited intelligence. It’s the same every year. When the clock strikes, they just go mad and make a run for it.’
‘One year, one of them went straight into an automobile,’ said the Colonel. ‘Made a great big dent in it. I don’t know how anyone explained that one away.’
‘So it’s every statue in the city?’ asked Ed.
‘Yes, every single one. Oh, you’ll see some wonders tonight, that I can promise you. Assuming, of course, that Charlie allows you to stay.’
Ed frowned. ‘Who is this Charlie you keep talking about?’ he asked.
‘You’ll find out soon enough,’ said the Colonel. ‘We’re almost there.’
‘Where’s that?’ Ed asked him.
‘Parliament Square,’ said David.
Six
Please To See The King!
As they approached the square, it quickly became apparent that an awful lot of statues had already made their way there. The Colonel turned Sultan off the main road and they entered the square itself, which was absolutely packed with stone and metal figures of varying sizes. They were all jostling to get a clearer view of the black metal figure of a man on horseback, posed on a central plinth. Behind him was a huge building that featured rows of stone columns. The mounted man was gazing fiercely down at the crowds around him and occasionally shouting instructions to them in a plummy English accent.
‘That’s decided then,’ Ed heard him say. He pointed into the crowd. ‘You two will lead the procession and you three will carry the flags.’ He pointed to another area. ‘Do you think you could find some musicians to accompany them? You can? Good, excellent.’
‘Is that Charlie?’ asked Ed and both the Colonel and David gave him warning glares.
‘Keep your voice down!’ hissed David. ‘You don’t want him to hear you calling him that.’
‘But… that’s what you call him,’ protested Ed.
‘Never to his face,’ said the Colonel. ‘If he speaks to you, you call him ‘Your Majesty’. Got that?’
‘OK, whatever you say… so who is he exactly?’ whispered Ed. ‘He looks like a Roman soldier or something.’
‘Whatever you do, don’t mention that!’ David told him. ‘He’s never been happy about it. He’s King Charles the Second and he’s been here longer than any of us, so his word is law. But his sculptor had some ridiculous notion of making him look like a Roman centurion, and of course, that can’t be changed now. So, mind you don’t…’
He broke off as he realised that several of the statues ranged in front of them had started glancing back over their shoulders and were staring at Ed in evident amazement. As each statue became aware of his presence, they prodded the statues next to them, who also turned their heads and after a few moments, audible gasps of astonishment began to be heard. The effect rippled through the crowd like a wave and a general buzz of conversation rose up. It wasn’t long before Charlie became aware that something was going on.
‘What’s happening down there?’ he demanded. ‘You lot need to pay attention when your king is… oh!’ Now he had seen the little human figure leaning out to look past the Colonel. ‘Oh my golly gosh!’ said Charlie. ‘What in the name of…? Is that what I think it is?’
‘It’s a softie!’ cried a voice from the crowd and this was quickly followed by a chorus of similar shouts. Ed looked around apprehensively. None of the faces that were staring at him looked particularly friendly. ‘What’s he doing here?’ shrieked a high-pitched voice and then, worryingly, someone else bellowed. ‘Get him! Bash him up!’
There was a sudden commotion and for an instant, it looked as though several statues were going to turn on Ed and drag him off Sultan’s back. But the Colonel reached to his belt, pulled out his pistol and fired a shot into the air. The loud bang echoed around the square and made every statue freeze in its tracks.
‘Just hold on a wee moment!’ shouted the Colonel, sounding surprisingly calm under the circumstances. ‘Let’s not do anything hasty.’ He gazed defiantly around, looking for opposition, and when he found none, he turned his gaze towards the central plinth. ‘Please excuse my actions, Your Majesty, but I think the lad deserves a fair hearing before we do anything rash.’
Charlie scowled down at the Colonel, his expression decidedly cross. ‘Discharging a pistol in Parliament Square?’ he growled. ‘Whatever next? A cannon?’ He waved a hand. ‘Really, Colonel Alexander, you go too far!’
‘A thousand apologies, Your Majesty.’
Charlie sighed, but seemed to relent. ‘Approach,’ he told the Colonel. ‘You too, Dr Livingstone. I’m absolutely agog to hear your explanation for this outrage.’
As if by magic, the sea of statues moved to the left and right and a narrow avenue appeared, leading directly to the plinth. The Colonel and David glanced at each other in evident apprehension. Then the Colonel clicked his tongue and urged Sultan gently forward. David walked by his side. Ed glanced nervously from side to side and saw to his concern that every pair of eyes around him appeared to be full of suspicion. Sultan finally came to a halt a short distance from the plinth and Ed looked up into the king’s equally baleful glare.
‘Er… good evening, your… Your Majesty!’ he said and an astonished gasp rose from the crowd, as though none of them had realised that humans could actually speak. ‘It’s… very nice to meet you.’
‘Very nice? It’s more than very nice!’ said Charlie with evident disgust. ‘It’s an honour, boy, one that has never been offered to a softie before, not in living his
tory. Very nice, indeed!’ He looked at the Colonel. ‘Well?’ he said. ‘I’m waiting.’
‘Your Majesty, this young lad appears to be suffering from amnesia,’ said the Colonel. ‘My theory is that this is why the usual way of things didn’t apply to him. When the clock chimed, instead of falling asleep, he… well, he woke up. I really didn’t think I should leave him wandering around Edinburgh observing what was going on, so naturally, I brought him to you.’
‘You did the right thing,’ said Charles. ‘Although I have to tell you, I do not approve of you discharging a firearm in my presence.’ He scowled. ‘The question is, now the boy is here, what’s to be done with him? It’s dashed awkward.’ He looked thoughtful for a moment. ‘I suppose I could simply order his execution…’
Ed looked desperately around. He didn’t much like the sound of this.
‘Hang on a minute!’ he cried. ‘That’s not fair!’
Again, there was a gasp from the crowd.
‘Hold your tongue,’ snapped Charlie. ‘It’s not for you to comment on my deliberations. Are you aware of who I am?’
‘Er… yes, your… Your Majesty but… you can’t just go around giving orders like that. This isn’t my fault.’
‘Not your fault, indeed! Pray then, tell me who’s fault it is.’
‘Er… I don’t… I can’t…’
David chose this moment to interrupt. ‘It would seem a very rash course of action to execute the boy, Your Majesty. We’ve had the opportunity to indulge in a good chat with him on the way here and he seems a nice enough sort…’
‘A bit simple, perhaps,’ added the Colonel. ‘Not the brightest, but then that’s only typical of the softie race.’
‘Er… quite,’ said David. ‘And being so young, it would seem very severe to… you know…’ He made a chopping motion with one hand.
Charlie sniffed. ‘It was good enough for my father,’ he observed.
‘Yes, but that too was a tragedy,’ continued David. ‘And you know the old saying, “two wrongs don’t make a right”? I wouldn’t be in a great hurry to go along that road, Your Majesty. I mean, a grown man would be one thing, but a helpless young boy?’
‘Hmm. Well, I’m not suggesting I would undertake such an action lightly. But I do worry that he has witnessed something that was not meant for his eyes.’
David continued. ‘I feel, Your Majesty, that this would be a rare opportunity for us to learn more about these strange, elusive creatures. We may already observe them from our plinths on a daily basis, but when have we ever had the chance to study them properly, to converse with them, to ask them questions?’
‘Hmm.’ Charlie seemed to be considering the point. ‘I see what you’re driving at, Dr Livingstone, but…’
‘Might I also be so bold as to remind Your Majesty that in your lifetime you were often referred to as
“the Merry Monarch?” It wouldn’t sit well with your image, would it, if you condemned a young, helpless lad to death?’
Charlie narrowed his eyes. ‘Allow me to worry about my image, Dr Livingstone,’ he said. ‘The idiot artist who decided to portray me as a Roman soldier clearly didn’t give the subject very much thought.’ He turned his gaze to Ed. ‘Well, what say you, boy? Can you think of any good reason why I should be inclined to be merciful?’
Ed swallowed hard. ‘Well…’ he said. ‘I… I didn’t ask to be here. I just woke up on a train as it was arriving and well, here I am. I don’t know anything. I… I don’t even know my own name!’
A murmur went up from the crowd at this point. It sounded, Ed thought, fairly sympathetic.
‘We’ve named him Ed,’ interrupted the Colonel, trying to be helpful, but a warning glare from the monarch shut him up.
‘I promise,’ continued Ed, ‘that I will never… ever tell anyone about what’s happened here, cross my heart and hope to… to…’ He broke off, not much liking the direction this was taking. ‘I… I think it’s really cool, by the way.’
‘Cool?’ snapped Charlie. ‘It’s August!’
‘No, I mean it’s great, you know, seeing all this and being allowed to be a part of it. It’s like… really fantastic. The Colonel here and Dr Livingstone, they’ve been like, really helpful, and I even met Sir William Scott…’
‘Walter!’ hissed the Colonel.
‘Yes, Sir Walter Scott and he was… well, he was dead nice too, once I got used to him. He helped explain how it all works, you know, the Calling and he told me all about his monument and how much it cost and everything…’
‘Now why doesn’t that surprise me?’ muttered Charlie.
‘So, I hope… I hope you’ll be OK with me being here and give me like a chance to, you know, get my head together and work out who I really am, so I can go home again… where… wherever that is.’
There was a long, tense silence, before Charlie said, ‘Well, I think I followed most of that.’ He looked around at the mass of statues below him. ‘I’m still of the opinion that we should ensure the boy doesn’t have the opportunity to tell any other softies what he has seen here. I say we should execute him!’ Another cheer went up from the crowd and Ed’s stomach turned a somersault. This wasn’t going well, he decided. This wasn’t going well at all.
Seven
The Vote
There was a brief silence and then David stepped away from Sultan and strode decisively forward to stand at the very foot of Charlie’s plinth. He turned to face the crowd, scanning the rows of faces.
‘So, our king speaks out for execution,’ he roared. ‘But this is the twenty-first century. So why don’t we put it to the vote?’ He looked up at Charles. ‘Democracy is very popular these days and I’m sure Your Majesty would wish to bow to the times?’
Charles looked aghast. ‘Well, I…’
‘Very good, Your Majesty, I thought you’d see it that way!’ David turned his face back to the crowd. ‘Statues of Edinburgh!’ he said. ‘Let me hear your thoughts on this matter. Who thinks the innocent young boy should forfeit his life for this transgression?’
A great roar went up from the crowd and Ed’s heart nearly stopped beating in his chest.
‘Oh dear,’ he heard the Colonel mutter.
David waited until the yells and whoops had died down, then he looked hopefully around the assembly again. ‘And… who would prefer to be enlightened and merciful? Who says he should be allowed to live?’
Another cheer went up and though the Colonel yelled as enthusiastically as he could, it was horribly clear to Ed that the first cheer had been by far the loudest. He felt his blood turning to ice in his veins. This wasn’t looking promising. Once again David waited for the last sounds to die away before he spoke. ‘It would seem that unlike recent historical events in this city, the ‘Yes’ vote has been the most vociferous. And so, this young lad is to face the ultimate penalty. The king has spoken and his subjects have spoken. His Majesty shall need then, one man from amongst you to step forward and actually perform the execution. Now… which of you shall it be?’
There was a long, long silence. Ed held his breath and hoped for the best.
‘Oh, come along,’ urged David, walking backwards and forwards at the base of the plinth, gazing at the crowd as he did so. ‘You all seemed so keen to have him despatched. Which one of you will volunteer for the job?’
Another silence.
‘Surely one of you?’
An even longer silence.
‘Somebody? Anybody?’
Not one statue seemed prepared to step forward. David turned his head to look at Ed and gave him a tight-lipped smile, before continuing. ‘Funny, isn’t it, that so many of us are happy to bellow our demands? And yet, when it comes to action, so few are prepared to back them up with deeds. And lucky for you, boy, that this city has never commissioned a statue of any of its famous executioners.’ He turned and lifted his ga
ze to the king. ‘It would appear, Your Majesty, that nobody is prepared to take the boy’s life. Unless of course, you’d be prepared to do it personally?’
Charles looked down at David, a glare of anger on his face. ‘I?’ he growled. ‘The king? Reduced to the role of a common executioner? I really don’t think so!’
‘In that case, Your Majesty, I would suggest that your only option is to pardon him.’
Charles narrowed his eyes and shook his head. ‘You go too far, Dr Livingstone,’ he growled. Then he seemed to soften a little. His mouth twisted into a sneer. ‘Oh, very well,’ he said. He lifted a hand into the air. ‘The softie is pardoned.’
There was a commotion from the crowd then, a mixture of anger and delight. It was clear that most statues belonged in the first camp, but it was just as obvious that they weren’t about to go against the decision of their king. ‘Now, be on your way,’ cried Charlie. ‘Go and see to the things you have to do and I shall meet with you all again tonight at the Agon, where hopefully we will enjoy a good evening’s entertainment.’ He pointed to David. ‘You and the Colonel shall remain behind,’ he added. ‘And we’ll see what’s to be done about the boy.’
Ed remembered to breathe. He sat there waiting as the crowd began to disperse, drifting off in various directions. As they trudged past, several statues threw grudging looks in Ed’s direction. David wandered back to his companions and gave Ed a wink.
‘That was close,’ murmured the Colonel. ‘For a moment there, I thought it was going to end badly.’
‘You wouldn’t have let them do it, would you?’ asked Ed.
‘I don’t see how we’d have stopped them,’ admitted David. ‘We were somewhat outnumbered.’
‘You pulled a brilliant trick there,’ murmured the Colonel. ‘But be warned, my friend, Charlie doesn’t like people getting the better of him.’
The last of the statues left the square, but then two new ones appeared from the entrance of the building behind the plinth, two naked men carrying a long wooden plank between them.
The Calling Page 4
