He didn’t know if Susanna liked beer. He didn’t know much about her at all, really. Not Susanna, the adult. On a deep breath and holding the beers as a peace offering, he exited the house and walked the short distance to his neighbor’s house. Rapping his knuckles lightly on the screen door, he waited.
It took a minute for her to open the door. She stood behind the mesh screen, her eyes focused somewhere between his neck and shoulders. “Hi.” He kept his voice low. “Is Ally sleeping?”
“Yes, I just finished reading to her and she’s out.”
He smiled to himself as the image flashed of Susie sitting next to Ally on her bed, getting cozy and snuggling together. He gestured to the porch. “It’s a nice night. Wanna sit out on the steps?”
Her gaze flew toward the hallway and she listened for a second. “Okay. If I keep the door open, I can listen for Ally in case she wakes up.”
“Sounds like a plan.”
She stepped outside, and quietly closed the screen door. Casey waited for her take a seat. Of course, she hugged the farthest side of the porch steps. Casey took his cue and sat on the opposite end. Three feet separated them. It probably hurt her shoulders to sit so stiffly. She hugged her arms around her middle and focused her attention on the sky, a slice of the moon, the large cottonwood by the sidewalk. Anywhere but at him. “Would you like one?” he asked, lifting a beer her way.
“Oh, uh,” she glanced at the bottle. “Sure.”
She reached for it and his finger brushed hers as they made the exchange. Casey met her eyes in that moment and she shifted her gaze to the ground. “How was your day?” he asked.
“Busy, but good.”
“Get all your deliveries made?”
“Yeah, I did. Worked on the books and made a few more batches of muffins and cupcakes this afternoon.”
“For?”
“I have online orders too. I package them up and send them locally to three other counties. There’s just a handful of customers right now but I’m hoping to...” She shrugged. “Never mind.”
“You’re hoping to expand?” Casey guessed. She was passionate about what she did. Her nerves and whatever anger she held toward him couldn’t disguise her excitement.
“Open my own shop one day.” She raised the beer bottle to her lips and took a big gulp.
He nodded and took a swig too. “I remember you liked cooking. You were always helping your mother in the kitchen, but how did you get into this business?”
“I fell into it really. When Dad’s multiple sclerosis got real bad, I quit college and came back home to help my mother care for him. My mom was working part-time back then and she just couldn’t do it all. I could see the strain on her face and it was getting worse every day. My dad had good days and bad days. MS is like that. Every day was a new experience. On the good days, we’d do whatever he felt like doing, playing checkers, watching movies, occasionally we’d go on an outing. On the bad days, when all he could do was stay in bed, I’d dabble in the kitchen and come up with recipes for cupcakes. When visitors stopped by, I’d offer them one of my creations. Everyone seemed to love them and they began asking me to bake for their children’s birthday parties or special occasions. After Dad died, I—I—uh, sorry,” she choked out.
Her eyes clouded up with tears and she didn’t finish her sentence. One tear fell onto her cheek. Oh, man. Why’d he have to ask her about her business? Audrey had already filled him on some of her story. But was it a sin to try to get her to speak to him? Or even look him straight in the eye? Protective urges warred inside his acid-drenched gut. It was all he could do to keep from reaching for her to give her the comfort she needed.
To help make the sadness go away.
He knew the pain of losing a parent. When he was a teenager, a deadly storm had taken the lives of both of his folks. The ache never fully went away. It was there and sometimes a random memory would come out of nowhere and shatter him.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
She straightened and pulled herself together, using the back of her hand to wipe moisture from her eyes. “I will be. I...I don’t usually do this. It’s just that...sometimes it hits me all over again.”
“I know the feeling.”
A sigh wobbled from her lips. “I know you do.”
Keep her talking. “Audrey told me after George died, you continued living here to help your mother adjust.”
“Yeah, I did.” Susanna leaned forward, braced her elbows on her knees and cradled her face with her palms. Gazing straight ahead, she went on, “Mom was a mess. She needed me, so I stayed, but I had to earn a living. We’d been scraping by and we really needed the money. That’s when Sweet Susie’s was born.”
“You put your life on hold for your dad and mom.”
She shrugged. “I wanted to do it. To me, there was no other option.”
She wasn’t his sister’s silly young friend anymore. Her loyalty and dedication to her family was admirable...and rare. Just when she had an opportunity to branch out on her own, she’d taken Ally in because the child had nowhere else to go, as Audrey had put it.
If only he wasn’t noticing how Susanna Hart had grown into a pretty sensational woman all around.
He studied her profile. Her chin was delicate, her cheekbones high, her skin dewy soft. Her ponytail hung loose. Long wispy strands of hair framed her face, the color reminding him of autumn leaves right before they turned, golden in some spots, red in others, blending naturally into something phenomenal.
His gaze dipped to her soft shoulders exposed by the cotton tank top she wore and then farther down to where her top dipped into a smooth valley covering her breasts, which were round and amazingly full for her small stature. She had to be five-foot-four to his six-foot-two. Because he was a glutton for punishment he gave her legs a quick once over. She was wearing shorts. It wasn’t her fault it was summer and she had long, gorgeous, tanned legs. He tried his damnedest not to stare at them.
Ten years ago, those legs had wrapped around him. She’d fit him perfectly and it hadn’t been awkward making love to her. No, the awkwardness had come immediately afterward, once he’d realized what he’d done.
Crap. He had no business going there. No business stirring up trouble in his head.
He took a swallow of his beer and pulled his gaze away, looking out at the same aggravating tree she’d been focused on since she stepped out of her house.
No one said another word.
Casey sipped his beer quietly and put his thirty-five-year-old hormones on notice. He’d be damned not to say what he’d come here to say to Susanna. His mission was clear. First he needed to break the ice and gain her friendship back. He saw no way around it.
He set his bottle down, stretched out one leg and pivoted his body toward her. “We should probably talk about it, Susanna,” he said quietly.
Her eyes squeezed shut. She made no effort to conceal her dismay and when she opened them again, that damned tree still held her attention. “I don’t think it’s necessary.”
“I do.”
“Why? It’s in the past.”
“Because we’re neighbors again and you haven’t looked me in the eye since I got here.”
“Have too.”
“Not for more than a second and only when you had no other choice.”
Her mouth twisted and she turned sharply, forcing her eyes to his. “I’m looking at you now.”
He nodded. “That’s a start.”
* * *
“A start?” she asked.
Her heart beat wildly in her chest, her pulse pounding in her ears. Casey had no idea what he’d done to her that night. Or how hard it was for her to face the man she’d wanted for so long. That night, he hadn’t taken her virginity. She’d offered it to him without words, but with every emotion she�
�d held inside. She’d wanted him to be her first. She’d needed his comfort and his body and hadn’t felt an iota of guilt about what she’d done.
But she’d had no idea that he would rebuke her so harshly right afterward. She had no idea how many years the hurt would linger.
“We were friends once,” he said.
Her eyes begged to narrow, her lips warred to tighten but amazingly she kept composed. “You want us to be friends again?”
There was a long pause before he nodded. “Yeah.”
Why had he hesitated? This meeting had been all his idea. Was he allowing the idea to sink in with her? Or was it something else?
“Is it because Audrey and I are friends?”
He gave that some thought. “Partly, but mostly it’s because you ran out that night and we...I’ve always felt badly about the way things ended up between us. When you came looking for Audrey that night, I saw how upset you were. All I wanted to do was comfort you in Audrey’s absence. I wanted to help. I never thought it would lead to...to—”
“I get it, Casey. You gave me pity sex.”
“Crap, Suse,” he shot back as if she’d set him on fire. “I didn’t say that.”
His eyes darkened, but she didn’t back down. He didn’t intimidate her. He wanted this conversation and now he was going to get it. “You thought you took advantage of me? You feel guilty as hell about it, don’t you?”
“Hell, yeah...I do. I called you that night to apologize. To make sure you were okay.”
Susanna took a deep breath. “I wasn’t okay.”
Casey shut his eyes and rubbed at his temples. “Oh, man...I know.”
“You don’t know, Casey. You haven’t got a clue.”
“I know I hurt you...I spoke harshly to you afterwards. I was mad at myself more than anything and everything I said to you that night came out wrong.”
“You got that part right.”
“I should’ve known better. I mean, you and I...we weren’t anything but—”
“But what?” A short gasp escaped her throat. “We were never really friends. I was your little sister’s good buddy and you mostly tolerated me.”
“Not true. I liked you. Those last few years, we hung out. You, me and Audrey.”
“You treated your sister like a baby and so you thought of me in the same way.”
“I know I was hard on Audrey. I tried to raise her right, but what the hell did I know about raising a kid? A girl, no less. She was so much younger than me and I felt I had to protect her, even if I did bully her sometimes.”
“I was eighteen when we were together, Casey. I wasn’t a kid. I didn’t need your protection. I knew what I wanted.”
“You didn’t want me....You came over looking for Audrey. She would’ve made you feel better about your dad. She would’ve had the right words for you. What I did wasn’t right. There’s no way to take it back, but I’ve been sorry ever since.”
A fiery spear singed her heart and burned its way through her body. She fought to keep from sagging. Her throat thickened, his words of regret ringing in her ears.
He’d been sorry about laying her down on the sofa, comforting her with kisses that healed her open wounds? He’d been sorry about his whispered words that brought her joy and then he’d been sorry about joining their bodies...in a gentle and beautiful way that had made her forget her heartache? Making love with him had been a magical, wonderful experience in her life. She’d been infatuated with her neighbor since age fifteen and had dreamt about being in his arms, having his lips on her and giving her body to him.
For Casey, it had all been one gigantic mistake.
Images from ten years ago seared her memory.
Susanna remembered the shattering sound that had filled her ears that night. She’d rushed into the kitchen. A ceramic mug lay shattered in pieces on the floor. Luckily, there hadn’t been steaming coffee bubbling out of it like the last time her dad had a clumsy spill. George Hart stood in the middle of the mess and his bewildered stare hit home. He hadn’t been himself lately. Her mom’s gaze stayed on her dad and he gently nodded to her. Then her mother asked Susie to sit down. There was something important she needed to know.
“Dad’s had the condition for two years, honey, but we felt you didn’t have to know. We tried to spare you some worry. But it’s time now to tell you the total truth.”
Susanna’s whole world had crumbled. Now she understood their motives for holding back the truth, but back then she’d been devastated that her father’s death was imminent and that both her parents had lied to her about it. Their betrayal had struck deep and she was angry at them, angry at the world. She’d marched defiantly out of the house, but the second she stepped outside, she broke down and sobbed and sobbed.
“You don’t have be sorry anymore, Case. Or feel guilty.”
A wince drew his mouth down and his eyes filled with grief. “That’s not easy to do, Susanna.”
“It’ll be easier when I tell you the truth. That night, I knew Audrey wasn’t home. She was volunteering at the animal hospital and they’d needed someone to stay until midnight. I didn’t come to your house looking for Audrey, Casey. I knew she wouldn’t be there.”
Casey leaned way back and blinked. “What are you saying?”
She stopped short. His sharp question had her doubting herself. But she’d gone this far. He needed to know the truth. Her chin up, she pressed on. “What I’m saying is I knew you’d be there alone. I came for you. You just assumed I was looking for Audrey.”
He began shaking his head as if absorbing what she’d just revealed. Well, hell...he’d brought the subject up. Now, he wasn’t happy with the truth?
A car cruised down the street and briefly shined light on her house as it passed by. They both watched the driver turn into a driveway at the end of the block.
Casey sighed.
“So you see, you didn’t take advantage of me. I came looking for comfort.”
“Don’t try to make me feel better about this, Susanna. My comforting got outta control.”
“I didn’t see it that way,” she whispered.
Casey sighed again. “I just made things worse. You ran away crying. And things have been weird between us ever since.”
“It was an emotional night for me.” She’d been crazy about him and the instant he’d touched her, she’d been ready for more. She’d wanted him—the forbidden, brooding rodeo rider—for years. Maybe it was just infatuation but at the time she’d thought it was love, and he’d made her gloriously happy that night. For that brief bit of time, she’d forgotten about her father’s illness and the dread that had crawled up inside her.
“I’m sorry about it, Susanna,” Casey said in a low rasp. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
She bobbed her head up and down. He’d humiliated and rejected her. The searing ache had festered inside of her for years. Maybe too many years. Could she be using Casey, breaker of her heart, as a scapegoat for her real loss? Had it been the idea of losing her father, not Casey’s behavior, that had really devastated her? Was it time to let Casey off the hook? Maybe he was right in confronting her and making them talk it out. He had a point. They were going to be neighbors again. How on earth could she keep Ally from the adorable pup next door? All day long, the little girl had begged to see Charger again.
Susanna’s breath caught whenever she looked at Casey, but she could control that, couldn’t she? He wasn’t that irresistible. Having this talk cleared the air. Accepting what was done was done would make life so much less complicated since Casey was her best friend’s brother.
“Okay. I accept your apology. What happened between us was a long time ago. I’ve almost forgotten about it,” she lied.
His brows lifted and he smiled. “That’s what I was hoping for.”
A g
nawing ache pinched her belly. His enthusiasm wasn’t easy to take. She would forever hold dear the first time she’d made love to a man...a special man whom she might very well have loved. Those memories would never leave her.
“Then we can move on? Start fresh?” he asked.
“I think so.”
But she would’ve been happier if he’d never come back to town.
Three
Susanna put two dozen double chocolate muffins in the oven, set the egg timer and then spread her palms over her apron, smoothing it out. One more batch to go and she’d be done this morning. She strode to the kitchen window and gazed out at the sun-soaked street. A scorcher, the weathercaster had warned. She didn’t doubt it. Beads of moisture already trickled down her neck. It was going to be a steam-rising-from-asphalt kind of day.
She spotted a tall figure running up the street. Instead of backing away from the window, she strained to focus on Casey doing his daily exercise. His strides were long and efficient and smooth. She sighed. Why was she punishing herself by searching for him?
As he approached the house, she took a few steps back, out of view of her window. Good. His run was over. He’d go inside his house now and let her get on with her day.
Then she heard footfalls on her driveway, quickly followed by a light rapping on her door. It had to be Casey. He was the only person on the street as of three seconds ago. Apparently, starting fresh started early for Casey. “Darn it,” she muttered.
Last night they’d parted as “friends.” What on earth did he want now?
She opened the door. He stood on her doorstep, hands on hips, chest heaving up and down, wearing black nylon running shorts and a round-necked T-shirt. A headband kept blond locks from falling onto his face, which was coated in a sheen of sweat. He put up a finger, silently asking her to wait until he caught his breath. The dog was nowhere in sight.
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