“By being brave.”
“Are you brave?”
“Not as often as I’d like.”
She pressed her index finger into his chest. “Be specific.”
He took her hand in his and pulled her close. “There was a woman I was seeing.”
“Seeing as in dating?”
“Seeing as in sleeping with.”
“Without dating? Just sex?”
“It’s easier.”
“I guess, but lonely.”
Funny how she’d guessed the truth so quickly.
“I wanted more from her, but I didn’t say anything. I wasn’t brave.”
“She left?”
He nodded. “Married someone else. She’s happy and that’s a good thing.”
“Is she why you moved here?”
He smiled. “No. I wasn’t heartbroken. Just disappointed by the missed opportunity.”
“So your advice to me is more of a do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do thing?”
He laughed. “Yes. Very much so.”
“Okay. I’ll think about it.”
“Just like that?”
She looked surprised at the question. “Sure. You have a whole lot more experience than I do. Not only because you’re, well, old, but you’ve lived a lot more, too.”
He tugged her a little closer. They were almost touching. She had on flats, so barely had to tilt her head to meet his gaze.
“Old?”
“You keep telling me you are, so I’ve decided to believe you. In fact, now that I’m thinking about it, you’ve been standing a really long time. Do you need to sit down?”
He tugged on her hand again and she took that last half step. The one that brought her body in direct contact with his. They touched from chest to thigh...or in her case, from breast to thigh. While her figure was boyish, there were just enough curves to satisfy him.
“You sass me.”
She smiled up at him. “I do. I should be afraid of you. But I’m not. Why is that?”
“Because you want me.”
The statement was more about testing the waters than stating a fact, but Courtney didn’t know that. She flushed, started to move back, opened her mouth to speak, then pressed her lips together. Which told him everything he needed to know.
“I want you back,” he told her, right before he touched his lips to hers.
He released her hand as he kissed her. He’d never been the type who had to hold on to a woman to keep her. While he had always enjoyed women in his bed, he wanted them there willingly, even eagerly. The chase he enjoyed was intellectual, not physical. When it came to sex, he expected his partner to be his equal.
Courtney wasn’t intimidated by him, but they were still at different places in their lives. So he wanted her to be sure.
For a single heartbeat, she didn’t move. Then she eased into him and put her hands on his shoulders. He moved his to her waist.
She was warm and felt good against him. He liked how she kissed him back, tentatively at first, but then with more confidence. When she parted her lips, he allowed himself a brief foray into her sweet mouth. The feel of her tongue against his was enough to get him hard, but this was neither the time nor the place. He drew back and kissed her forehead.
“It’s late,” he told her. “I’m going to thank your mother for inviting me and call it a night.”
“That sounded a lot like a statement and not an invitation,” she said.
“You’re right.”
“What happened to wanting me back?”
“I still do.”
She glared at him. “You’re the most confusing man I know.”
“Part of my charm.”
“Is that what we’re calling it these days?”
“Good night, Courtney.” He turned and started walking away.
“Did I mention you were annoying? Because you are. Seriously annoying. And if you think you’re going to see my tattoo anytime soon, you’re sadly mistaken.”
He was still chuckling when he got to his room.
10
RACHEL WANTED TO spend the rest of her life curled up in a small, dark corner. Unfortunately, circumstances weren’t going to cooperate. She’d had a long night of alternating between shame and fury. She’d wanted to figure out who had said those mean things and confront them. She’d wanted to pack everything she owned and slink away in the night. Those hard overheard words mingled with all the things Greg had said. By dawn, she was exhausted and confused, but also clear on the fact that she had to do something. Because she’d been stuck in limbo for too long, going through the motions without a plan.
She supposed that was just how life went. However awful she might be feeling, she still had to clean the house and plan meals for the week and do laundry and put gas in her car. She also had to meet her sister for brunch. Part one of her new still-unformed plan—show up at the restaurant looking good so no one had any reason to talk. After that...well, she would figure it out as she went.
She forced herself out of bed and showered. Rather than pull on black knit pants yet again, she dug through her closet for a pair of jeans that fit, then pulled on a cheerful red blouse. After spending extra time on her makeup, she vowed she really would get one of her work friends to cut her hair that week.
Those women in the bathroom had been mean and bitchy, but they’d been right about one thing. She had let herself go. Some of it was the divorce—she’d felt so awful, she just hadn’t wanted to bother. Some of it was Greg—without him in her life, what was the point? Although that last thought was going to get her kicked out of any feminist group she might want to join. Because, jeez, talk about defining herself by a man.
She wanted to be stronger than that. She wanted to be one of those cool women who was busy and self-actualized without being married. The kind of person who would go on an African photo safari by herself. Not that she ever would. She’d yet to figure out how to eat in a restaurant alone.
She slipped into a pair of heels she hadn’t worn in years, then held on to the doorjamb of the closet while she tried to get her balance. Flats or tennis shoes would be easier, but she would be damned if she was going to let those two get her down. Yes, she’d had a few crappy days, maybe a bad year or two, but she refused to let anyone pity her. Maybe Greg had been right, too. Maybe she did have to do it all herself. But so what? She would do it better and bolder. Or at least try more than she had been.
Courtney was already at a table when she got to the hotel restaurant. She waved Rachel over. Rachel took a second to admire how good the bangs looked before crossing the room. Courtney stood and hugged her gently.
“How are you feeling? Is your back better?”
It took Rachel a second to figure out what her sister was talking about. Then she remembered the lie she’d told so she could leave the engagement party early.
“It’s fine,” she said. “I must have tweaked something, but it’s all better now.”
“Good.”
Rachel ordered black coffee and an egg white omelet with vegetables. She figured she might as well take advantage of her resolve while she could. Maybe she would lose a few pounds in the process.
“Did I miss anything exciting?” she asked when the server had left.
“No. David’s proposal was the highlight.” Courtney wrinkled her nose. “Or lowlight, depending on your point of view.”
“I know. What was up with that?” Rachel leaned toward her sister. “Do you think anyone else noticed Sienna’s panic? It was bad. She so didn’t want to say yes.”
“Oh, God. It was horrible. I mean he’s a nice guy and all, but I never thought they had chemistry.”
“He must assume they do. This is engagement number three.”
Courtney eyed
her. “You’re kind of liking her pain, aren’t you?”
“What? No. Of course I want my sister to be happy. Maybe David’s the one.”
“You really think that’s possible?”
“I honestly have no idea. Sienna’s hard to read.”
Rachel supposed that in most families, siblings connected on different levels. She and Courtney had been the close ones. Maybe because they were so far apart in age. With their mom gone a lot—working and going to school—Rachel had stepped in where she could. It had made sense that she would help with the baby in the family.
She’d done her best, Rachel told herself. She’d worked hard to teach Courtney all that she could. But she’d never been able to help her with her schoolwork. For a long time, Rachel had assumed the fault was hers—that she wasn’t doing it right. When Courtney had been held back, Rachel had been devastated, knowing she was the reason. Finding out her sister had a learning disability had been a relief. And on the heels of relief had been guilt for being glad it hadn’t been her fault.
No wonder she liked to control everything, she thought grimly. If she messed up, there was no one to blame but herself. Not that she was admitting Greg might have been right about a few things.
Courtney’s phone chirped. She glanced at the screen and groaned. “She remembered.”
“Who?”
“Mom. Last night at the party, she said she’d been thinking a lot about the wedding. She didn’t want to keep bothering Joyce, so she was going to run everything through me.” Courtney held out her phone so Rachel could read the text.
I want swans not flamingos. And a pink cotton candy machine.
“When did she want flamingos?” Courtney asked.
“Last night she talked about wanting swans, but the color was wrong.” She held up her hands. “I told her I wouldn’t color their feathers, so we discussed flamingos.”
“Oh, joy.”
The server returned with their coffee. Courtney grabbed on to hers with both hands. “Does she mean the cotton candy machine itself is pink or just the cotton candy?”
“You’re going to have to ask her.” Rachel took a sip of the hot coffee and sighed. “Did you know that she didn’t get to plan her wedding to Dad?”
“What do you mean?”
“Grandma Helen said she was too young to make those kinds of decisions and did everything her way. At least that’s what Mom told me. She had all these ideas that have been stored up inside of her. Waiting. Now some forty years later, she’s determined to have the wedding of her dreams. I tried to explain that her tastes may have changed just a little, but she doesn’t want to listen.”
“Did I say ‘oh, joy’ before, because I was thinking it.” Courtney looked at her. “I’m handling the wedding.”
“What do you mean? I thought Mom was talking to Joyce.”
“Oh, she has her meetings with Joyce, but I’m the one doing it. I did the engagement party. All of it. From the tents to the placement of the bar to hiring the DJ.”
“I thought you worked as a maid,” Rachel blurted before she could stop herself.
“I do, but I fill in when I’m needed. I’ve served in the restaurant, been a bartender, worked the front desk. A year ago, our wedding planner got food poisoning the night before a huge wedding. I stepped in and handled the day. Since then I’ve been planning some events when needed. Because this is a family thing, Joyce thought it would be easier if I did it. I’m not sure who it’s supposed to be easier for, though.”
“Not you,” Rachel said, studying her sister. Little Courtney was all grown-up. When had that happened? “Does Mom know?”
Courtney shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ve been at all the meetings. I’m her point of contact.”
“So, no.”
“She’ll be upset. She won’t trust me to handle things. She’ll worry.”
All of which was true.
“I’ll tell her after the wedding,” Courtney said. “When everything turns out fine.”
“And if it doesn’t, you can blame Joyce.”
They laughed.
Their breakfasts came. Rachel took a couple of bites, but she wasn’t that hungry. An aftereffect of the previous night? She could still hear those women in her head, talking about how she’d been a fool to let Greg go.
“Do you think I was wrong to divorce Greg for cheating on me?”
Her sister blinked. “I don’t know. You were so angry and hurt. He was a jackass for what he did.”
“But you don’t hate him.”
“He’s Josh’s dad and kind of in our lives. Hating him would make things difficult for everyone. I was mad at him for a long time, for what he did to you.” She cut a piece of her Belgian waffle. “To be honest, I never understood what went wrong. You two were so crazy about each other. I couldn’t figure out why he would do that. You were everything to him.”
Rachel thought about how much they’d been fighting all the time. With his twenty-four hours on, twenty-four hours off schedule, he’d had way too much free time. Rather than put it to good use, he’d wanted to go hang out with his friends. She would have been okay with that if he hadn’t left her with everything around the house and with Josh.
But while she wanted to say it was all his fault, she kept remembering what he’d said after the baseball game. That she wanted to be the only one looking after things. That she needed to be right. That she would rather be a martyr than ask for help.
“We married young,” she said slowly. “I’m not saying it was a mistake so much as it was an added pressure. We were hoping to wait to have kids, but then Josh came along. We had to grow up fast and Greg wasn’t ready. He wanted to be a young guy in his twenties—not a married man with a baby.”
“Sounds like you’ve forgiven him.”
“Forgive is a little strong. I don’t still hate him. You’re right—he’s not going anywhere. We have a son together. I have to keep seeing him.”
“Are you sorry about the divorce?”
Was she? Did she want things back the way they’d been before? “I don’t miss what we were like right before the end. That was ugly. We were both so angry at each other. But when it was better, I miss that.”
“Do you think about getting back together with him?”
A ridiculous idea! “That’s not an option.”
“Why? Greg’s single. You’re single.”
“We barely speak, and when we are together, it’s all about Josh.”
“Does it have to be?”
Rachel didn’t have an answer for that. Greg’s emotional dump the other day hadn’t been about Josh, and she could go the whole rest of her life without having that conversation again. She and Greg were done. Finished.
“I’ve totally moved on.”
Courtney smiled. “Um, not really. You haven’t been on a single date that I know about.”
“I’m not looking to have a man in my life.”
“Why not? You must miss the sex.”
Rachel stared at her. “We’re not talking about that.”
Her sister laughed. “I don’t want to upset you, but I’m twenty-seven. I know about the sex. I’ve even done it a few times.”
“As have I, but we’re still not talking about me having sex with other men.”
“Or Greg?”
“Him, either.”
“Okay.” Courtney took a bite of her waffle and chewed. “But I’ll bet he was pretty good in bed. Am I right?”
“Yes, and that’s all I’m going to say on the topic.”
Mostly because talking about it would mean she had to remember. Whatever other things she and Greg had had going on, they’d always found plenty of time for lovemaking. Whether it was a five-minute quickie before Josh got home from school, or two hours on a Satur
day night. They’d known how to arouse each other, please each other. Sex had never been their problem...until he’d done it with someone else.
“What about you?” she asked to distract herself. “Anyone interesting in your life?”
If Rachel hadn’t been watching her sister, she wouldn’t have noticed the slight hesitation. She was intrigued by the possibility of news and relieved to deflect the attention away from herself.
“Who?”
“No one.”
Rachel simply waited. Courtney had never been able to hold out long. Back when they’d been younger and Courtney had done something wrong, Rachel had simply asked the question, then stayed quiet. After a few seconds, the truth would come rushing out.
“Fine,” her sister grumbled. “It’s not anything. I mean there’s nothing going on, except maybe...” She cleared her throat. “Quinn is interesting.”
“Quinn? Joyce’s Quinn? Are you insane?”
Courtney pushed away her waffles. “This is you being supportive?”
“What? Sorry. No. You’re adorable and he would be lucky to have you. As for him being attracted to you, of course he would be. You’re pretty and sweet and innocent. My concern isn’t that you’re not his type, it’s that you totally are and he’s going to chew you up and spit you out.”
“That was a visual I could have lived without. You think he’s dangerous?”
“Not like a psychopath, but he’s very experienced. There have been actresses and models and who knows who else. I would worry that he would have all the power and that’s not right. You need to be the one in charge.”
Rachel was afraid she was saying it all wrong. “Courtney, I love you. You’re my sister. I don’t want him hurting you.”
“I don’t think I’m at risk. Honestly, I’m not going to fall for him. That would be ridiculous. I was thinking more along the lines of using him for sex.”
Her baby sister was all grown-up, Rachel thought. “I’m impressed. I wouldn’t have the guts. If that’s how you feel, you should go for it. You deserve a hot guy in your life, and Quinn is surely all that. Go for it, then.”
Courtney laughed. “I just might have to.”
Daughters of the Bride Page 12
