“What did you just say?” he asked.
I took a deep breath and tried to explain.
“When you left,” I said. “I was pregnant. I didn’t know it at the time. That night, I only knew that my heart was breaking. A week later, I found out I was pregnant.”
“Oh my god…”
“I didn’t know what to do,” I continued. “Or, what I should do, but I knew I had to decide fast. I talked to my mom and to Audra. They both supported me. They said they would stand by me no matter what decision I made. When I decided to give the baby up, it was the hardest decision I ever made. I was six months along when I asked Audra to adopt the baby. I didn’t even know if it was a boy or girl. I couldn’t bear the thought of knowing and then having to give her up. Audra said she would keep her. She held me while I cried over it and she was there in the room when I gave birth.”
“So, Audra has our child?” Logan asked. His voice was soft, but I could hear the anger bubbling beneath the surface.
“No,” I shook my head. “When she was born, I held her. I held her for a long time and then they took her away. The second she left the room I knew I made a huge mistake. I started screaming and sobbing. I yelled as loud as I could until Audra and my mom came running into the room. I told them I made a mistake, that I wanted to keep my baby. They thought I was just emotional and sleep deprived. They wanted me to sleep on it, but I didn’t need any more time. I knew the second I saw her that I couldn’t lose her. She was mine.”
“Ours,” Logan corrected with a glare. “She is OURS. How the hell could you keep this from me?”
“I thought about telling you a thousand times,” I said. “But you were gone and I didn’t know how. I didn’t know what you would say or how you would react.”
“That doesn’t matter!” he said. “I had a right to know I was a father.”
“Would it have changed anything?” I demanded. “Would you have left the SEALs to be a dad?”
“What I would or wouldn’t have done isn’t the point, Piper,” he said. “You kept my child from me for five years! How could you do that?”
“I was scared.”
The truth felt like an excuse, but I said it anyway. Logan watched my face and knew I wasn’t lying. He saw how terrified I was back then. In that moment, he felt all my fear and pain.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there,” he said softly. “For you. For her.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” I said. “That wasn’t fair.”
“What’s her name?” he asked. He glanced behind me, looking at the front door as if he only just realized where he was. “Is she here?”
“She’s at Audra’s playing with her cousins for a few hours,” I said. “Her name is Lillianna. Lillianna Marie.”
“Marie?” Logan asked, his eyes widened in surprise.
“After your mother,” I nodded. “You know I always loved her.”
“You didn’t tell...” he began.
“Your parents?” I asked. “Of course not. Do you really think they would have kept that from you?”
“Maybe,” he shrugged. “If you had asked them to.”
“I didn’t,” I said. “I didn’t tell anyone outside of my family.”
“I want to see her,” he said bluntly. There wasn’t a question in his voice. It was a demand. One I couldn’t ignore.
I nodded and gestured toward the car. We climbed inside and drove through town until we reached Audra’s house. I pulled into the driveway and Logan immediately jumped out of the car.
“Wait,” I said. I hurried after him. I grabbed his arm and pulled him around to face me. “You can’t just barge in there.”
“Why not?” he demanded. “She’s my daughter.”
“But she doesn’t know that,” I reminded him. “Please, for her, just give me a minute to explain things to her. Please.”
Logan looked like he wanted to shove me to the ground and race inside the house, but he knew I was right. No matter how angry he was with me, he couldn’t put his own needs above Lillianna’s. She needed to be prepared for what was about to happen.
I stepped around Logan and made my way up to the front door. I took a deep breath and rang the doorbell. Audra opened the door with a smile.
“You’re early,” she said. “We didn’t expect you until later.”
“I’m sorry,” I said. “Um… something came up and I need to talk to Lillianna. Now.”
“Okay,” Audra frowned. She stepped aside and let me in. “Piper, what’s going on?”
“I told Logan,” I said. “He’s here to meet her.”
“Oh my God.”
“Where is she?” I asked.
“Upstairs.” Audra pointed to the stairs. She touched my shoulder as I walked by.
The kids were playing in the playroom, all of them giggling. I leaned against the wall and watched them for a few seconds. I wanted to imprint the image onto my brain.
“Hey guys,” I finally said. “Can you go find your mom while I talk to Lili for a minute?”
“Mom!” Lili said. “We’re playing!”
“I know, sweetheart,” I told her. “But this is really important, okay?”
“Fine,” she rolled her eyes as her cousins ran downstairs. “What is it?”
“Come here,” I said. I gestured for her to come stand in front of me. I knelt so I was level with her. I smiled and smoothed her curls down. She had grown up so much that there were times when I forgot how little she still was. She was just a little girl, after all. She hadn’t even started kindergarten yet.
“Mommy,” she said with a frown. “What’s wrong?”
“Do you remember when you asked me about your daddy?” I asked.
“Yes,” Lili nodded. “You said he was a brave soldier. You said he was busy fighting for our country.”
“He was,” I nodded. “He did that for a long time, but now he’s done. He’s retired and he’s here to meet you. Is that something you want?”
Lili thought about it for a second and frowned. She took a step backward and looked down at her shoes. I could see the wheels of thought turning in her five-year-old mind.
“Am I going to live with him now?” she asked.
“No,” I shook my head. “You’ll stay with me. I promise.”
“Is he nice?” she asked.
“You’ll love him,” I told her with a smile. “He’s really nice.”
“Okay,” she nodded. “Then, I want to meet him.”
Twenty- Four
Piper
Logan walked up the stairs slowly. He looked like he was heading for trial. I could see his hands shaking as he stuffed them nervously in his pockets.
“She doesn’t bite,” I promised. “You don’t have anything to be afraid of.”
“If she’s anything like you, I do,” he said softly.
“Ha. Ha.” I said.
Logan reached the top step and turned into the playroom. I walked up behind him and waited until Lili turned around to face us. When she did, her eyes went straight to Logan’s face.
“Lili,” I said. “This is Logan. This is your dad.”
“Were you really a soldier?” she asked immediately. I chuckled.
“Something like that,” he nodded. “I was what you call a Navy SEAL.”
“A seal?” Lili laughed. “Like the animal?”
“Not exactly,” Logan laughed.
“Where did you live?” Lili asked.
“All over,” Logan answered. He took a step closer to her. She kept staring at him with wide, thoughtful eyes.
“How come you never came to see me?”
Lili’s question made my stomach tighten. I waited with bated breath for Logan to answer. He didn’t owe me anything, he didn’t have to protect me. I knew I only had myself to blame if Lili got angry with me.
“I wish I could have,” he said. “But, I was so busy being a SEAL that I didn’t have enough time. That’s why I retired. So, I could spend time with you.”
“I didn’t know it at the time,” Logan said. “But, that’s exactly why I left. It was time for me to meet you.”
“That’s cool,” Lili smiled.
Logan glanced back at me with a kind look in his eyes. I had tears falling down my cheeks as I mouthed a “thank you” to him. He nodded slightly and turned his attention back to Lili.
“So,” he said. “Tell me, Lili, what’s your favorite game to play?”
“I like to play dolls,” she said. “But not Barbie dolls or princesses or anything like that. Doctor dolls.”
“Doctor dolls?” he asked. “What’s that?”
“It’s where your dolls work in a hospital saving people,” she explained.
“That sounds great,” Logan said. “Can I play with you?”
“Sure!” Lili said. She ran across the room and picked up four dolls. She hurried over and handed two to Logan as he sat down on the floor in front of her.
I stood back and watched them play. Logan’s attention was focused entirely on Lili as she named their dolls and taught Logan her game. I smiled to myself and let the tears flow freely. I didn’t realize just how much Lili was missing by not having Logan in her life. As I watched them together, I knew I could never separate them again.
Twenty- Five
Logan
Lilliana. Lilliana Marie Prewitt.
Her name played over and over in my mind while I watched her dress her dolls in hospital scrubs. She was smiling and talking so fast that I could barely understand what she was saying, but I couldn’t tear my eyes away from her.
I used to think there was no one on Earth as beautiful as Piper. I was wrong. Lilliana had Piper’s dark brown curls that fell unkempt around her face. She vibrated with natural energy and her bright blue eyes were the spitting image of her mother’s. At a quick glance, Lilliana was Piper in miniature. They looked exactly alike. But, as I watched her mannerisms and the way her smile stretched across her face, I saw small likenesses between her and me.
Lilliana didn’t have my hair or my eyes, but she had my features. Her nose was small and round, just like mine and her cheek bones were angled the way mine were. She wasn’t just a miniature Piper, she was a perfect mixture of the two of us. The longer I watched her, the bigger my smile became.
“What’s her name?” I asked, picking up a blonde doll and smoothing her hair back.
“That’s Michelle,” Lilliana told me. “She’s a nurse, but she training to become a doctor.”
“Oh?” I chuckled. “She’s in school?”
“Of course,” Lilliana rolled her eyes. “Everyone should be in school.”
“She just thinks that because she isn’t old enough to go yet,” Piper explained from behind me. I turned around and gave her a smile.
“Is that true?” I asked Lilliana.
“I start in September,” she said sadly. “Which is months away.”
“It’s not that much longer,” I said. “The more you think about it, the slower time will pass.”
“Mom always says that, too,” Lilliana grumbled.
“Who do you think I got it from?” Piper asked with a chuckle. I could hear the happiness in her voice and it filled me with a warmth I hadn’t felt in a long time. Sitting there, playing with my daughter and listening to Piper’s soft breathing behind me, I felt more at peace than I’d felt in years.
“What’s your favorite thing to do?” I asked Lilliana.
“My favorite thing?” she asked with a frown.
“In the entire world,” I nodded. “It can be anything. Anything at all.”
Lilliana thought about it for a second. Her forehead was furrowed as she considered all her options. It was amazing to watch the wheels in her head turn. I’d never seen someone so young think so intensely.
“Walk in Central Park with Mom on Sunday mornings,” Lilliana announced. “That’s my favorite thing.”
“Why?” I asked.
“Because it’s just the two of us,” Lili explained. “During the week, Mommy works a lot. So, I stay home with Mrs. Tucker. We play and she teaches me stuff. It’s fun, but I like it better when I’m just with Mommy. When it’s just the two of us.”
I glanced behind me and saw tears sliding down Piper’s face. She’d cried on and off since we arrived at Audra’s. I couldn’t blame her. My own emotions were threatening to burst free. It took all my strength to keep my voice steady and my eyes dry.
“That’s sounds amazing,” I said. “I like spending time with your mom a lot, too.”
“How come you stopped dating her?” Lilliana asked. She was busy playing with her dolls. Her question was so off-handed it almost seemed like she didn’t know what she was asking. When I hesitated, though, she glanced up and fixed her blue eyes on me.
“I had a few things to figure out back then,” I explained slowly. “I really, really wanted to become a Navy SEAL. So, when I got the chance to do that, I couldn’t pass it up.”
“Kind of like when Mommy got the chance to be a lawyer, right Mom?”
“Exactly,” Piper answered. She walked over and sat down with us on the floor. “Sometimes adults have to figure out what they want to do with their lives before they can be together. Does that make sense?”
“Are you going to be together now?” Lilliana asked.
I inhaled and waited for Piper’s response, but she didn’t speak. Instead, she just looked at me. The expression on her face was one of confusion and worry. She didn’t want to give the wrong answer and hurt Lilliana, but she also didn’t want to get her hopes up if we weren’t going to try again.
“That’s something your mom and I need to talk about a little bit,” I told her. “But, I can promise you that I’ll be around a lot. If that’s okay with you?”
“Like a real daddy?” Lilliana asked. Her face lit up with happiness and my heart melted instantly.
“Just like that,” I promised. I leaned over and kissed the top of her head. She smiled at me before she pushed a doll into Piper’s hands.
“Here Mom,” she said. “If you’re going to be down here, you have to play. You can be Tiffany. She’s the surgeon.”
We spent the rest of the afternoon just playing dolls and talking. I learned all about Lilliana’s friends back in New York and how much she desperately wanted a dog. Piper said they didn’t have room for one, but Lilliana insisted that they could just get a really, really small one. I laughed more than I had in years. My smile never faltered. For the first time since Young died, I really felt like myself again.
After a while, I sat back and watched Piper play with Lilliana. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from them. My eyes shifted from Piper’s face to Lilliana’s. I compared their expressions and their voices. They were what I’d been looking for all these years.
I left town to be a SEAL, to fulfill a dream I’d had my entire life. While I was away, I felt sure of myself. I was strong and happy until I wasn’t. When things shifted it knocked my world off its axis and it wasn’t until I saw Piper again that things began to spin normally again.
Piper and Lilliana.
They were my life.
Twenty- Six
Piper
We walked through the door of my parents’ house. It was empty, my mom and dad wouldn’t be back for a few more hours. We’d already eaten dinner at Audra’s and I knew Logan was dying to talk to me alone. Throughout the entire car ride he watched my face closely. He didn’t bother to hide it. I glanced at him briefly, silently telling him we would talk as soon as we could be alone.
“It’s been awhile since I’ve been inside this place,” Logan laughed. “It hasn’t changed much.”
“Mom and Dad are creatures of habit,” I shrugged. “Lili, why don’t you play outside for a while? Stay in the backyard and I’ll come get you when it’s time for bed, okay?”
“Okay!” Lili bounced away and disappeared through the back door. I turned to fac
e Logan who was still watching me like I was about to run away from him any minute.
“So,” I said. “Want to sit down?”
“Sure,” Logan shrugged. We sat on the couch and turned to face each other. I tucked my feet underneath me and cleared my throat. “Go ahead. I know you’re dying to ask me a million questions.”
“I’m not,” Logan shook his head. “I have questions, but I really just wanted to say thank you.”
“Thank you?” I frowned. That wasn’t at all what I expected. “For what?”
“For letting me see her,” he said. “For telling me about her. For letting me spend time with her. You have no idea how much that means to me.”
“I do,” I said. “I’m just sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. You were right earlier, you did deserve to know. Whatever else happened between us, I shouldn’t have hidden her from you. That wasn’t fair.”
“I understand why you did it,” Logan said. I searched his face for a sign of sarcasm, but there was nothing but sincerity. “I wasn’t the best person back then. I was selfish and impulsive. I loved you so much, but I couldn’t see past my own needs and wants long enough to really give us a chance. I know how much I hurt you when I left.”
“That’s still not an excuse,” I argued. I couldn’t let him take all the blame for how things ended between us. So much of it was my fault, too. “I walked out of Kellan’s that night. You were trying to tell me how you felt and I didn’t let you. I was just so angry and so hurt that I couldn’t stand to look at you for another second. When I ran it wasn’t because you did anything wrong, it was because I was too weak to face the pain.”
“We can argue about whose fault it was all night,” Logan said. “Or we can just talk about the future. What happens now?”
“What do you mean?” I asked. My stomach wiggled nervously. I knew this conversation was coming, but I wasn’t sure how to proceed. What if Logan still wanted us to run away together? Or what if he wanted custody? What did that look like?
“How do we navigate our new situation?” Logan asked. “Now that Lilliana knows about me and I know about her, I can’t stay away. I want to be in her life, Piper. I have to be.”
King (Rogue Rebels MC) Page 52
