I pull the keys from my pocket and storm out the front door. My mom tries to run after me, but my dad holds her back. “Let him go. He’s a disgrace to this family.”
I want to turn around and punch him, but his words burn straight to my soul. I hate knowing this man is my father.
I jump in the car and carelessly back out of the driveway, narrowly missing the bumper of my dad’s truck. Part of me wants to pull back in the drive and crash into it, but I don’t want to do any damage to my new car. I turn out of the neighborhood and head in the direction of the interstate. I’ve spent long enough in this town. It’s time to head back home and set things right with Jennifer. Hopefully, it’s not too late.
I drive, stopping only for gas and a bathroom break. I don’t even bother with anything to eat. I realize at some point I’m gripping the wheel so tightly that my knuckles are white. I try to relax, playing different scenarios through my mind of how I’m going to handle this with Jennifer, but my anger soon overcomes me again.
I get back in town after ten o’clock; surprisingly, I’m still very much awake. I pull through the apartment complex and notice Jennifer’s car is gone. Well, I know she must have made back in town, but shouldn’t she be home this time of night since it is her night off? I wonder how she got back, and if that guy from the restaurant brought her all the way home. Surely, she wouldn’t let a complete stranger take her anywhere, and I would hope he’s not stupid enough to offer. Then again, there was that male voice I heard on the phone. I finally convince myself she probably gave in and called Rebecca.
I’m not sure what to do or where to go at this point. If I let myself into the apartment and carry on like nothing ever happened, what is going to be her reaction once she returns home? I’m not sure I want to take the chance and risk possibly starting another fight with her. I should know better than to start an argument with my pregnant wife in the first place.
I sit in my parking spot for a few moments, then decide I better leave. I’m starting to get really sleepy, and here is not the place I need to be found. Looks like I’m back to my old ways again—finding a secure place to park while I sleep in my car.
The next morning, I’m awakened by the sound of my phone ringing. I quickly pull it from the charger, hoping to see Jennifer’s name light up on the screen. Disappointed, I see a number I don’t recognize. At first I don’t answer, figuring it must be a wrong number. Then, before the ringing stops, I take the chance and answer it, deciding it could be Jennifer using someone else’s phone.
“Hello?”
“Yes, may I please speak with Brian Collins?” The person on the other end asks.
Fear suddenly overtakes me. “Speaking.”
“This is Charles Sullivan with asset protection. You are scheduled to be at work this morning at nine, but I was wondering if you could possibly be here at eight. There are a few things I need to cover with you.”
A cold sweat breaks out over my body. Shit. I know I’m going to have to deal with questions concerning my former manager, Melissa.
“Sure, Mr. Sullivan. Give me a few minutes to finish getting ready, and I’ll be right on over.” I reply to him. I start to wonder what consequences I’m going to face there.
I pull across the street to the gas station and check my trunk for a change of clothes. So much for showering and cleaning up this morning. I run my hand over my facial stubble and decide to leave it be, whether they like it or not. Maybe one day I’ll just grow a beard and not have to worry about shaving every morning.
I roll a change of clothes up and tuck them under my arm as I walk inside to the restroom. No one pays any attention to me. I use the handicap stall, once again thankful it has a sink. I brush my teeth and comb my hair before leaving. I roll everything back up inside my dirty clothes and return to my car. My stomach rumbles with hunger, but it’s going to have to wait until I can get this mess taken care of at work.
I notice my phone and see I have just enough time to get to the mall.
I lock my car and take the mall entrance through the back way, since the main doors don’t open until nine o’clock. I notice how quiet everything is, but tell myself not to worry, everything is going to be okay. They are only going to ask me some questions regarding the deposits, or maybe even give me a verbal or written warning. I try to stay relaxed, but it’s not working very well.
I arrive at the shoe store and notice there’s someone at the counter I don’t recognize. I know I should have called Rodney back to get the scoop on everything, but I was so wrapped up in my own mess. I figure the guy at the counter is probably the person they’ve already hired to replace Melissa. I’m slightly annoyed that I was not offered her position; surely I should have been considered for it.
I attempt to put my key in the lock so I can roll up the doors, but for some reason, my key isn’t working. The man at the desk looks up and sees me getting frustrated with the lock and begins walking over to the gate.
“Your key’s not going to work. The locks were changed a few days ago.” He tells me.
I should have realized this. Most all places change locks when there is a change in management. “Oh yeah, right. I should have known that.” I tell him but he’s not showing any change in his facial expression.
“Please, go on back to the office.”
I do as I’m instructed, not feeling too good all of a sudden. The door to the back office is open, so I’m not sure if I should just walk right on in or knock and stick my head around the door frame. My foot stumbles on the side of a box in the stockroom, and a gentleman extends his head from the office door, hearing the noise.
“Brian?” He asks me, and I’m relieved I don’t have to make the decision to enter or knock first. I’m nervous enough already.
“Yes, I got here as soon as I could.” I stick my hand out to greet him, but he motions for me to go inside instead.
“Take a seat please.”
I’m not sure what’s going on, but my nerves are working overtime. The man sitting behind the desk looks up, and I know by the look on his face, this is not going to be good.
“Brian, I’m Mr. Sullivan. We spoke on the phone earlier.”
I sit up a little straighter in the chair. “Yes, sir.”
He clears his throat before he speaks. “Without going into any details, I know you’ve been made aware of the situation involving your former manager.”
“I found out from a text message from another employee. Can you tell me a little more about what happened?” I try to sound professional.
“Actually, Brian, I need to remind you that you are still under a probationary period with our company. Rather than drag the situation out further than it needs to be, we’ve decided to replace the entire management staff with new employees in order to deter the possibility of this happing again.”
“Do what, sir?” I feel flushed suddenly. I’m sure my face is drained of all color.
“Brian, we’ve already put the new managers in place. We will no longer be needing you here.”
“There must be some mistake. I didn’t take the money. Melissa did this on her own.” I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle.
“Brian, I’m going to have to ask you to leave now. Your final check will be mailed to you. If you’ve had a change of address recently, we need to know that information. Otherwise, there is nothing more to say concerning the matter.”
I stand from the chair, not sure how to react.
“Mr. Collins, I’ll see you to the door.” The other gentleman says.
He walks out first, and I follow. I stop just outside the office door and glance around. I really liked having my assistant manager position. I thought I was finally doing well for myself. A burst of anger fills me, and I kick a box sitting on the floor; actually, the very same one I stumbled on earlier.
“God damn box.” I mumble under my breath.
I don’t stop there. I feel like all of my built up tension is about to burst. I suddenly start kicking other
boxes, bending over to pick up smaller boxes of freight and tossing them across the stock room. I’m losing control of myself, and my actions.
“Mr. Collins.” I hear my name called but I don’t stop to see who is saying it.
I continue throwing my temper tantrum, even flipping one of tables up on its side. I’m hurt; I’m angry. I’ve been made a loser once again. I run to the front gate and see a security guard standing on the other side. Someone lifts the gate, and I’m immediately ushered to the mall’s exit.
I lean against my car, trying to calm down and regain my composure. I’ve once again lost another job. I have hardly any money left, and right now, no place to call home, either.
Lucky for me, I still have a full tank of gas since I filled up when I got back in to town last night. I ride around town having nothing better to do, looking at nothing in particular. It’s nearing lunchtime, so I stop into the sports bar to see if there are any happy hour specials this early in the day. I figure I’ll grab a pitcher of beer and take in a basketball game or two on the big television playing in the back, just above the bar. For the most part, the restaurant is quiet, awaiting the lunch crowd to come in. I take a seat on one of the stools at the bar and order my beer and a plate of wings. I get so lost in my own sorrow, I don’t realize how long I’m sitting here. The bartender brings over my ticket and asks if I can settle my tab, since the shift is getting ready to change. I know he really wants his tip before I’m too far gone to know what I’m doing.
I stand and pull my wallet from my pocket. I’m definitely drunk as hell. I hang onto the bar stool, trying to steady myself. I just hope I’m able to walk to the car without drawing attention to myself.
“Thanks, man. You going to be okay to leave?” The bartender asks as he hands me back my change. “I can always call a cab for you.”
I toss a couple of bills on the counter. “. I’m just now feeling good.” I slur my words, barely able to finish the sentence. I stumble to the door and make my way to the car. I sit for a moment noticing other people walk by. I certainly don’t want to risk getting pulled over, so I close my eyes, hoping the spinning that’s going on in my head subsides. I pass out within seconds.
When I come to, its dark out. I have a terrible taste in my mouth, and my tongue feels like it’s wrapped in cotton. I desperately need something to drink to rid my mouth of this feeling. Suddenly, now that I am able to focus more clearly, a terrible smell meets my nose. I almost lose my lunch when I realize where the smell is coming from. I pull the seat back up and notice the wet spot on the front of my jeans.
“Fuck!!” I scream, thankful no one is nearby to hear me. I can’t believe I’ve pissed my pants while I was passed out. This is almost as bad as getting sick on myself, which I’m thankful didn’t happen.
I crank the car and see the clock on the dash illuminates after ten o’clock at night. I literally slept the whole damn evening away. I shift in the seat, suddenly feeling disgusted now that I’m aware of my accident. I’ve never, in all my drunken days, had this happen before.
I decide to pull through the hotel parking lot and see if Jennifer is at work. Rather than risk being seen, I turn around quickly when I notice her car parked in her usual spot. While I’m relieved she’s at work and I know she’s okay, I now have a plan. I go to the apartment to shower and clean up. I have a few hours to decide if I’m going to be here when she gets off from work or if I’m going to leave again.
I feel so much better after a hot shower. I toss my soiled clothes in the washer and glance through the cabinet for something to eat. I decide to make myself a few sandwiches and grab a bag of chips as I head to the living room to watch Sports Center on ESPN.
Several hours go by, and I start to wonder about Jennifer and how I’m going to explain things to her in the morning when she walks in, finding me here. Are we ready to have a civil conversation with each other or is she going to panic once she sees me? At some point, I know we have to talk.
I watch the clock on the wall as it nears seven, and I make the hasty decision to get out of here; I’m just not ready to play twenty questions with her yet. I don’t have time to clean up behind me. I grab my keys and run.
I don’t glance at my phone again until it is time to leave. I pull it from my purse and notice I have no missed messages. I frown, not sure why this bothers me, but I really hoped I would at least have some reply from Todd. Oh well, I still think it was a nice gesture on his part, regardless of if I ever hear from him again or not.
Overnight, I also sent an email to my advisor, explaining to her my situation with my pregnancy as well as some personal issues I’m dealing with at the moment. I hope by this afternoon I’ll have a reply from her with some words of encouragement as to what plan of action I should take.
I grab breakfast from the hotel and head home. As soon as I turn the corner, I’m craning my neck to see the parking spots outside my apartment. I’m filled with relief to see both spots are empty. I’m not sure what I would have done had Brian’s car been parked there, but thank goodness I don’t have to worry about it right now.
As I walk inside and set my food down on the table, I look around the room, suddenly sensing that someone has been here. I go into the bathroom, and sure enough, the lid is up on the toilet, and the towel hanging on the rack is still slightly damp.
Son of a bitch. Brian has been here. He knew I would be working, and he took advantage of it. While I’m thankful he’s no longer here, I know I’ve got to deal with this eventually. I check the trash in the kitchen and find an empty bag of chips. He could have at least done a better job of covering up if he didn’t want me knowing he was here. Or was that his whole point? Did he do this just to frighten me? Maybe I should get the locks changed.
I’ve now lost my hunger for breakfast completely, but I know I need to eat, not only for myself, but for the baby as well. I think about how much this baby is going to change my life forever. I rub my small swell, and I’m saddened knowing that if I can’t make this relationship work with Brian, I will have to endure this pregnancy alone. I have not yet spoken to my parents, something I still can’t quite gain the courage to do. This Friday I have my regular doctor’s appointment, and I’m scheduled to find out if it’s going to be a boy or girl. I really don’t want to be alone when I get this news, and I instantly start to think what being there might mean to Brian.
The next few days go by, and I slowly relax a little. I’ve not heard anything from Brian or noticed him coming back to the apartment while I’ve been at work. If he did, he surely did a better job of covering his tracks. I wonder where he’s been staying and how work is going for him since his manger was fired.
On Friday morning, I come home from work and feel slightly sad knowing I’m going to have to go alone to my doctor’s appointment. I asked Rebecca to come along, but she said she already had a previous engagement. I didn’t push her to change it, not wanting to make her feel obligated. She’s already done enough as it is. Now, I’m wishing I had. I know she would have changed her plans in a heartbeat had she known how important this visit was to me.
I busy myself with little things to do around the apartment, but it only makes the time pass slower. I shower and get ready for my appointment that is still over an hour away. I pick up my phone and stare blankly at it. I pull up Brian’s name and see the message box pop up. I start typing a message and send it before I have a chance to talk myself out of it. What the heck did I just do?
Me: Dr. apt today. Finding out what baby is going to be. Can you take lunch and make it?
I want Brian to be informed of everything involving the baby, but I’m not sure I can handle seeing the hateful side of him that I had to experience on Saturday. I ask myself if I’m willing to give him another chance. Is it worth risking another pitfall again?
Almost immediately, he responds.
Brian: What time?
Me: One.
Brian: I’ll be there. Thank you.
It’s too lat
e to change my mind now. I’ve invited him and he’s accepted. I must remain as calm as I can during the appointment so as not to call any attention to myself, then maybe we can discuss everything afterwards, as long as he behaves. I need to stay strong for my baby.
I eat a light lunch then drive downtown to the clinic. I find a parking spot close by, all the while glancing around for Brian’s car. When I don’t see any sign of him, I go ahead and go inside. I’ve been in the waiting room for a few minutes before I see the door open and Brian walk inside. He’s dressed in jeans and a button down shirt. His hair looks a little unkempt, but I figure he must have driven with the windows down, since the weather has been pleasant these last few days. Or, he could simply be as nervous as I am.
My eyes lock on his and follow him over to the chair beside me. I tense up just by his proximity to me.
He finally breaks the silence. “Thanks for letting me come.”
I pause for a few seconds before answering. “You’re welcome. I know we haven’t talked, but I figured you would want to be here.”
The nurse calls my name and we both stand to walk beyond the door to the exam room. I hop onto the table while the nurse explains everything that’s going to take place today. The exam with the doctor is very brief, with the pregnancy going very well so far. We are escorted to another room down the hallway and greeted by a specialist who is going to perform the ultrasound that will hopefully show us the sex of the baby.
Brian is very quiet, tuned in to everything the nurse has to say. I lay back on the table while the nurse preps me with a cool, lubricating jelly. She begins to run the wand across my belly, and the sound of the baby’s heartbeat echoes throughout the room. It’s the coolest thing I think I’ve ever heard.
After a few swipes over my belly, she turns towards me and Brian, who is sitting as close as possible to the exam table, and asks, “So, would you like to know what you’re having?”
I feel tears build in my eyes. This is one of the happiest moments in my life. I look over at Brian and his eyes glisten with tears of happiness, too. He replies to the nurse before I can say anything. “Oh, yes ma’am.”
Don't Turn Back (Coming Home Book 1) Page 27
