by Amy Clipston
As curious as she was, she was afraid of the answers.
“Sarah Rose,” Kathryn said, stepping into the kitchen through the back door. “You have a visitor.”
Moving to the doorway, Sarah smiled when she found Norman standing outside.
His lips formed a tentative smile as his gaze met hers. “Sarah Rose. How are you?”
“Gut. Danki.” Sarah wiped her hands over her apron. “And you?”
“Gut.” He nodded.
“I’ll let you talk,” Kathryn said, moving into the bakery.
“Have you had lunch?” he asked.
Facing him, Sarah shook her head.
“Would you like to go to the Bird-in-Hand Restaurant?” he offered. “I’m sure you’re very busy, but I promise I’ll have you back soon.”
Sarah blew out a sigh of relief. Getting out of the bakery and away from her overactive thought processes would be a blessing. She needed a nice distraction. “I’d love to join you for lunch.”
Sarah studied the menu while sitting across from Norman at the Bird-in-Hand Restaurant and Smorgasbord. Stealing a glance over the table, she found Norman’s attention fixed on her. She smiled and wondered what was going through his mind.
“Have you decided?” he asked.
She shook her head. “You?”
“I think I’ll have my usual.” He closed the menu and slapped it onto the table in front of him.
The server appeared with their glasses of ice water. Sarah lifted hers from the table and took a long drink while Norman gave his order—the Lancaster County Baked Ham.
“And you, ma’am?” the young Plain Mennonite woman asked.
“I’ll have the same, thank you.” Sarah handed her menu to the woman and sat back in the chair. “The weather has been nice, ya? I bet your herd is doing well.”
He nodded, though his eyes seemed to be concentrating on something other than her words.
Enjoying the mundane conversation, she continued to babble. “My dat says it’s hotter than usual this time of year. I really don’t remember how hot it was last year this time. It seems normal to me.” She drew imaginary circles on her glass. “An English customer the other day asked me if it was always this mild in October. I told her I thought so.” She snickered. “Don’t we always have a mixture of mild and cool weather in autumn? I guess she must’ve been from somewhere cold, like Alaska.” She smiled. “You want to know something gegisch? I’ve always wanted to go to Alaska.”
Norman took her hands into his. “Sarah Rose.”
Glancing up, she met his gaze, and the warmth of his eyes caught her off guard. “Norman? Are you all right?”
“Ya, I am.” He gave a sad smile. “I asked you here for a reason. I wanted to see how you’re doing. I remember clearly the first half year after I lost Leah. I felt as if I were on a roller coaster. Waves of grief would drown me one moment and then the next moment I’d be remembering the happier times and laughing so hard my stomach hurt.” He squeezed her hand. “How are you, Sarah Rose? How are you truly?”
Sarah licked her lips and sniffed back sudden tears while she wondered how Norman could understand her so well. The answer was obvious—he had lived through losing his own life partner, the person who was supposed to grow old with him as Peter was supposed to grow old with her.
“I’m gut,” she whispered.
He raised an eyebrow. “Really?”
“No.” Her voice croaked, and she cleared her throat. “I’m a walking time bomb, and I feel like I’ll blow any moment.”
He nodded. “I remember feeling that way. If you’re comfortable sharing, I’d be honored to listen without judgment.”
“Danki.” She bit her lip and studied her glass, silently debating how much to share. Although she hadn’t felt comfortable sharing her feelings in the past, she suddenly felt the strength of his friendship and trusted him. “My situation is a little more complicated than yours. I found out Peter omitted some information about his past.”
“I’m sorry, but I don’t understand.”
Sarah explained how Luke had arrived from Ohio, proving that Peter in fact had family.
Their food arrived, and Sarah continued her story while they ate.
“Now I’m struggling with the realization that he lied to me,” she said in between bites of ham. “It’s made my grief so much deeper. I feel like my heart has been shredded. I don’t know what to do with the pain.”
Norman sipped his water and shook his head. “I’m sorry you’re going through this. I don’t know how to help you, except to say Peter did love you. It was obvious just by looking in his eyes.”
Sarah studied Norman and blinked. “My mamm said the same thing to me.”
He gave a sad smile. “Knowing and believing that won’t take away the pain or the questions. But it may help you accept he’s gone, and you may never know the answers. Just hold onto the belief and faith in the love you shared, a love that created your zwillingbopplin.”
Sarah stared into his brown eyes and nodded. Norman was a good friend—a generous Christian man. God had blessed her with so many wonderful people in her life.
During the ride back to the bakery, Sarah lost herself in thought. Although Mamm and Norman had told her to hold onto the knowledge that her husband had loved her, their words didn’t offer her any comfort. Anger and grief still surged through her. She wanted to speak to Peter face-to-face and tell him how much his lies had hurt her.
But she couldn’t talk to him ever again.
Peter was dead. He was gone forever.
Sarah forced herself to concentrate on the scenery despite the renewed grief soaking through her soul.
“How was lunch?” Mamm asked as Sarah stepped through the door to the bakery.
“Gut,” Sarah said, moving past her to the stove. “It was nice to get out of the bakery and talk for a while. Did Beth Anne finish another chocolate cake?”
“Ya, she did.” Mamm sidled up beside her, her expression expectant. “Did you have a good talk at lunch?”
“Ya.” Sarah moved to the sink. “He just wanted to see how I was doing. He remembers what it feels like to lose a spouse.” She washed her hands, careful to keep her expression nonchalant. She didn’t want to rehash the whole conversation for fear of crying again. She’d cried enough tears to last a lifetime.
“I’m glad you have Norman to talk to. He’s the best one to share your feelings with during this difficult time. I’m glad he’s your friend. He’s a gut man and a gut father.” Mamm studied Sarah’s face. “You seem preoccupied, Sarah Rose. What’s on your mind?”
“Nothing.” Sarah dried her hands and turned toward the counter. “I best get going on the next chocolate cake. I took a long lunch and need to get caught up.”
“Liewe.” Mamm pulled her into a warm hug, then walked toward the front of the store.
Sucking in a deep breath, Sarah prayed for strength and answers to the riddle of Peter’s life.
Funny Cake Pie
Top of cake:
1 cup sugar
1/4 cup butter or lard (shortening)
1/2 cup milk
1 beaten egg
1 cup flour
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp vanilla
Pinch of cinnamon
Cream together sugar and butter. Add the milk and egg alternately with flour and baking powder. Add vanilla and cinnamon and set aside until lower part is mixed.
Lower part of cake:
4 Tbsp cocoa
1/2 cup sugar
1/2 tsp vanilla
6 Tbsp water
Mix together the cocoa, sugar, vanilla, and water. Pour into an unbaked pie shell. Over this pour the top part. The chocolate will come up around the outside edge, giving a nice crusty edge on the finished product. Bake at 350 degrees for 40 minutes or until firm (toothpick test).
8
I thought Timothy would be back in time for supper,” Sarah said while filling the kitchen sink with hot water.
“He said he had to stop by Norman’s on his way home from the shop,” Mamm said.
“Oh.” Sarah faced her mother, who was balancing a load of dirty dishes in her arms. She wasn’t surprised to hear Timothy had gone to see Norman; the two men had been friends since they were teenagers.
She thought about her lunchtime conversation with Norman. She wished she could take to heart Norman’s assurance that Peter loved her. She knew if she could put aside her anger toward Peter and get to know Luke, she could ask him about Peter’s past.
However, she was still afraid of finding out information that would hurt her even more.
Mamm shook her head and placed the stack of dishes in the soapy water. “You’re a million miles away tonight. Come to think of it, you’ve been that way all afternoon. What is wrong, mei liewe?”
“Nothing.” Sarah waved off the question with a dishcloth, avoiding the thoughts that haunted her. “Must be hormones from the babies. What were you saying?” She turned her attention to scrubbing the dishes.
“I said I guess Timothy stayed for supper.” Mamm grabbed a cloth from the drawer and wet it.
“Ya. He must’ve.” Sarah lined the clean dishes onto the drying rack. “I’m surprised Luke hasn’t joined us for supper these past few days.”
“Dat asked him that at the shop today, and Luke said he’d been eating a quick supper at the house at night. He mentioned something about working on a project at your house. You haven’t visited with him lately, have you?” Mamm asked.
Sarah shook her head.
“Why is that?” Mamm’s eyes were full of concern. “Are you worried he’ll tell you more about Peter?”
“You mean more lies?” Sarah crossed her arms in front of her chest as if to guard her already-broken heart.
Mamm’s face softened. “Sarah Rose, I can’t pretend to understand how you feel, but I can offer you the intuition I feel in my heart. I know you’re grieving, and I know you’re hurt by what Peter told you and by what he didn’t tell you. However, the only way you’re going to heal is to face Peter’s past, remembering his past came before he met you, and his future was with you and still is with you.” She touched Sarah’s stomach. “While he isn’t here to defend the choices he made by not telling you the whole truth, he left part of his heart with you and you need to hold onto that.”
Sarah swallowed and blinked back tears.
“I don’t mean to patronize you.” Mamm cupped Sarah’s face in her hands. “But it’s breaking my heart to watch you suffer so. Luke is only going to be with us for a short time. Perhaps you should give him a chance and hear what he has to say.”
“Okay,” Sarah whispered before clearing her throat.
Mamm gave her a quick hug and stepped toward the table.
Luke’s boots crunched across the rocky driveway leading from Sarah and Peter’s house to Eli’s. Covering his mouth with his hand, he blew out a deep yawn. Despite his better judgment, he planned to spend a few hours visiting with the Kauffmans on the porch instead of heading to bed for some much-needed rest.
He’d begun the day riding through Bird-in-Hand, and as if pulled by an invisible magnet, he found himself in front of Eli’s furniture store.
He then spent the rest of the day helping Elmer Yoder’s grandson, Jake Miller, build a dresser for an English customer. The store was still backed up with orders that had been placed before the fire. He enjoyed helping the carpenters get caught up since it made him feel an even stronger connection to the Kauffman family.
He’d enjoyed getting to know the family and their friends, and he felt closer to them every day. However, he still felt a chill from Timothy. The man never smiled, and he only offered one-word answers or terse instructions when he addressed Luke. Despite his best efforts, Luke hadn’t been able to get Timothy to hold a cordial conversation with him.
When they closed up the shop at suppertime, Eli invited Luke to join him for the evening meal. Luke glanced down at his dust-covered clothes and decided it would be best if he cleaned up first. He promised Eli that he would make it to the Kauffmans’ house in time for dessert.
Later that evening, Luke’s gaze moved up the back steps to the small kitchen window, and he wondered if Sarah was washing the dishes. Guilt washed over him; he knew he’d been avoiding her. He’d wanted to sit her down alone and tell her the truth, the whole truth, about who he was and also about Peter’s past. Luke knew in his heart he owed it to Sarah, but he was worried he would hurt her, just as Timothy predicted.
Luke cared about Sarah, and he worried about how she would cope without Peter. He knew her family would look after her, but he also wanted to be a part of her twins’ lives. They were the closest chance he had left to enjoying a true family.
Those feelings haunted him every day, growing more intense each time he helped her father and brothers work in the new furniture shop. While surrounded by her brothers and father, Luke couldn’t shake one thought—he longed to stay in Bird-in-Hand with the Kauffman family, even if only as a surrogate member. He’d picked up a paper during his travels through town and perused the real estate section. If he found an affordable home, he might consider staying.
He couldn’t suppress the feeling that the Lord had held him in Bird-in-Hand for a reason, and he prayed about it every night. He wanted to be a part of the twins’ lives, and he hoped to get to know Sarah. He prayed she would support his decision to stay.
Taking a deep breath, Luke sauntered up the path leading to the back porch of Sarah’s parents’ house.
The door creaked open, and his breath paused when he spotted Sarah, glowing in the low light of the kitchen behind her.
“Luke,” she said, her eyes round with surprise.
“Good evening, Sarah.” He stood on the bottom step. “Your dat invited me to come visit with him this evening.”
“Oh. He had to tend to some chores in the barn.” She smoothed her apron. “Would you like to sit on the porch and have some hot cocoa and some crumbly peach pie?”
“Ya.” He pushed his hat farther back on his head. “I’d like that very much. Danki.” He climbed the stairs. When she stepped back toward the door, he reached for her and then stopped. “How about you sit on the swing and I get the cocoa and pie?”
A sweet smile curved up her rosy lips. “And how will you find the cocoa and pie, gegisch?” she asked, her eyes twinkling with humor.
“Hmm. I guess you got me there.” He rubbed his chin, trying in vain not to grin at the surprise of being called silly. Her cautious and cold demeanor seemed to have vanished, at least temporarily. Was Sarah finally opening up to him?
“Ya.” She laughed, the sound a sweet melody to his ears. “I do. Sit.” She gestured toward the swing. “I’ll be right back.”
Luke lowered himself onto the swing, which creaked under his weight. Swaying back and forth, he breathed in the cool autumn air. His mind wandered with the idea of moving here and joining the community.
Since his father had passed away, he’d more than once considered selling his land to a developer who had been after his father to sell for years. Apparently the Troyer farm was prime property for an English housing development, but his father had never given in to the generous offering. However, Luke didn’t feel tied to Ohio now that his immediate family was gone. He wanted to be near his only remaining Amish family: Peter’s children.
The door opened and slammed with a bang, revealing Sarah balancing a tray with two mugs of cocoa topped with whipped cream, two plates with pieces of pie, forks, and napkins.
Popping up, he took the tray and motioned for her to sit. “Now I can serve you.”
Pursing her lips, she let out a sigh. “You win.” She lowered herself onto the swing. “Danki.”
He placed the tray on a small table in front of them and then sat beside her. Picking up a mug, he handed it to her. “The cocoa smells wunderbaar.”
“I hope you like it.” Sipping the hot drink, she left a whipped cream mustache on he
r upper lip. She chuckled and licked it off. “Ya, it’s gut.”
He sipped it and nodded. “Very chocolaty.”
Her eyes twinkled in the low light of the kerosene lamp on the porch railing. “I heard you’ve been helping out at my dat’s shop. Danki for that. They’ve been struggling to fill back orders taken before the fire. You’re a great help.”
He became sheepish. “I don’t mind. I enjoy getting to know your family.” He placed the mug on the table and forked a piece of pie into his mouth, savoring the rich, sweet flavor. “Wow. This is the best peach pie I’ve ever eaten.” He met her disbelieving stare. “I mean that.”
She scrunched her nose in disagreement, and he couldn’t help thinking she was absolutely adorable. “No.” She shook her head. “I didn’t get the filling right. Too much sugar.”
“I disagree, Sarah. It’s heavenly.” Taking another bite, he groaned. “Wow. You’re an amazing cook.”
“Stop.” She blushed. “You’re embarrassing me.” She sipped more cocoa and then shivered.
“You cold?”
“Ya.” She cupped her hands around the mug. “The temperature is dropping.”
Luke put his plate back onto the tray and then slipped out of his coat. “Here. Take this.”
“No.” She waved him off. “I’m fine.”
“I insist.” Draping the jacket around her shoulders, he inhaled her sweet scent, which reminded him of cinnamon and lilac.
“Danki.” She took another sip and gazed out across the dark field. “It’s finally autumn. I was just telling Norman today at lunch that it had been unusually warm. We were spoiled.”
His stomach twisted at the thought of her having lunch with Norman. He frowned at the involuntary reaction. Was that jealousy? Why should he care if she had lunch with another man? He hardly knew her. “You had lunch with Norman?”
