by M. Robinson
Firmly gripping onto his girlfriend’s hips with so much force, passionately thrusting into her again. He snaked his hand that was fisting her hair to the front of her neck, pulling her back against his chest by her throat. Not letting go of his hold, he used his other hand to control the rhythm of her hips. Making her sway her ass on him like they were doing an intimate, sinful dance. He was no longer just fucking her; he was now making love to her.
Seeing their bodies joined together like that, in such a familiar way, was one of the hardest things I’d ever have to see. He waited until I saw what he was doing, until he had a direct shot at my heart, until he knew I felt like I couldn’t breathe.
Until…
Until…
Until…
He started to run his nose along the side of her neck, gently trailing kisses, never breaking our connection. Controlling me in the same way he was her. It was as if he was fucking with my heart and mind while he was fucking her from behind. I should’ve expected what happened next, but I didn’t.
Finally proving to me that he really was another monster after all.
As soon as he reached her ear, he sucked it between his teeth and growled, “I love you, too, mi luz.” He called her his light.
Pulling the trigger into my heart.
Finishing me off completely.
I walked into Rosarío’s house with my girl, Evita, clinging to my arm. Nervously fidgeting with a strand of her blonde hair. It was the first time I was introducing her to my family. Between her and Rosarío constantly riding my ass, wanting to meet one another for the last year and a half, I had no choice but to finally cave. Even though it was the last thing I wanted to fucking do. Don’t get me wrong, I loved Evita—she was sweet, funny, humble. Not to mention, she was fucking gorgeous. She was five-feet-six and had legs that went on for days.
The problem laid with not wanting to hurt Amira anymore. I had already done enough of that for a lifetime. Since the night she walked in on me fucking Evita over a year ago, Amira officially backed the fuck off. She stopped calling, dropping by, and asking Rosarío about me. Anytime I’d come to visit, she either wasn’t around, or wouldn’t come out of her room. When she did, it was like I wasn’t even there. I was no longer the center of her world, and I had no one to blame but myself.
There was only one thing that became fucking clear after she got off the boat, over two years ago. The only way I could protect her was to stay the fuck away from her. She was safer without me constantly in her life, fantasizing about me in situations that would never happen in reality. There was no way in hell we could ever be together. My life revolved around Emilio Salazar, and I tried for too fucking long to make them both coexist in my life. I was so goddamn selfish. I greedily took the light that only she could provide me, but didn’t stop for one minute to see what I was actually doing to her. Exposing her to more danger than keeping her safe.
My protection for Amira now was to push her away, even though it almost fucking killed me to do so. I didn’t expect her to show up at my school that night. It only proved that she was still fighting a battle she never had a chance of winning. After her blatant display of not backing down, no matter how cold or shitty I treated her, I knew I had no choice but to put an end to it all.
Her memories of me.
Her illusions of what we could never be.
Especially the love and devotion she still felt for me.
I was completely aware that Amira would show up at my apartment later that night. I knew her like the back of my fucking hand. I would never forget the look on her face when she saw me purposely fuck Evita in front of her. I hated having to use another woman to destroy Amira, but she left me no other choice.
I never claimed to be anything I wasn’t. I always told Amira—I was just another fucking monster taking up space in her life. Finally, proving it to her that very night.
Besides, from day one, I gave her Rosarío. Her guardianship was all she ever needed.
She was her family.
Not me.
As much as I wanted to chase after Amira when she ran out of my room and out of my life forever, I couldn’t. I was done being the man she needed me to be.
In the end, it all worked out. Emilio stopped sniffing his nose where it didn’t fucking belong. My father didn’t dare to mention anything to anyone about Amira, including me. And meeting Evita, allowing myself to care and love another woman, who wasn’t Amira, for the first time in my life.
I met Evita at school, purely on accident. We bumped into each other at the library one night when we were both studying late. She was reaching for a book on the top shelf, and I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going. Colliding into the most beautiful girl on campus. She was naturally flawless and innocent, much like Amira. I was instantly drawn to her, probably because she reminded me of the little girl I had once saved. Her family had died in a tragic car accident when she was a teenager. Leaving her an orphan and completely alone. We bonded over a similar darkness, the way Amira and I had.
Evita knew from day one what I did every day when I wasn’t in school. There was no point in lying to her about it. She never judged my decisions or questioned my actions. Instead, she fell in love with me almost immediately. I wish I could say the feeling was mutual at first, however it wasn’t. I cared for her deeply and would do anything for her. It was hard not to. We’d been officially a couple since the first time I fucked her, after a whole month of dating upon her request. The longest thirty days of my fucking existence. I was the second man she’d ever been with, and she wanted to wait. On day thirty-one, she finally agreed to let me fuck her twelve ways to Sunday. I swear we didn’t leave my bed for a week.
By the time Amira showed up at my school, we’d been together over six months. The first time I told Evita I loved her was when Amira was staring into my dark, soulless goddamn eyes.
I was a fucking monster.
Evita couldn’t have been happier hearing those three words that night. When all I could think about was Amira’s face as she rushed out, leaving behind her broken heart that I would eternally hold in the palm of my hand.
I’d spent the rest of night out on the balcony with Yuly in my hands, while Evita slept in my bed. Needing to feel close to Amira the only way I knew how. The water would always be our connection to one another. She loved it as much as I did. Along with the night sky after she told me the Andromeda and Perseus love story all those years ago. On nights like these I’d catch myself searching for their constellation, thinking Amira was staring at the same sky at that exact moment. Thinking back to before everything went awry.
I knew the very next morning after she kissed me, I was going to have to show her the man I’d always been.
Except, I allowed myself to walk back into my bedroom to fucking hold her one last time. She wasn’t sleeping when I sat on the bed next to her, so I waited until her breathing evened and I knew she’d passed out. Not wanting to fuck with her head any more than I already had, knowing what I was about to do would destroy her. I pulled her toward me, placing the side of her body right on my chest, desperately resisting the urge to kiss her again. Touch her, fucking devour her. I was content in just holding her against me. Rubbing her back like I had done so many damn times before. Still feeling her everywhere, especially in my dark fucking heart.
Of course, I fucking loved her. I always knew it, but it was easier to deny such feelings until I couldn’t do it anymore. She almost knocked me on my ass when she kissed me, never thinking she would have the balls to do that. Which was one of the many reasons I loved her. She wasn’t scared of me, she’d never been fucking scared of me. Soon that would change, and she would hate me. Nothing would ever go back to the way it was between us after that night. I never hated myself more for what I did to her. I swear on everything fucking holy, all I wanted to do was to make it right by Amira.
Knowing I would never be able to do just that.
One thing inside of me did change after that n
ight, I allowed myself to actually fall in love with Evita. Closing one chapter of my life to open another. She deserved it, earning my trust. I thought maybe I could start making love to her and finally let my guard down in that way.
I couldn’t.
Not that I didn’t try. It was just something that would forever be a part of me, no matter how much I wanted to set it aside. Evita loved it when I fucked her, dominated her, controlled every last part of her body, mind, and soul. So it wasn’t an issue.
At least not for her.
“Damien! There you are! Late as always,” Rosarío greeted when she saw us walk into the living room, pulling me into a tight hug.
I kissed her cheek, backing away. Evita’s grasp tightened around my arm. Tugging my hair away from my face, I announced, “Rosarío, this is—”
“I know who this is,” she interrupted, grabbing Evita’s shoulders to take a good look at her. Thank God, I warned her that Rosarío was like my mother and she was as affectionate as they came. “I have heard so much about you, Evita. You’re just as gorgeous as I knew you would be.”
“Thank you so much. I’ve heard so much about you too. It’s so wonderful to finally meet you,” Evita replied, kissing Rosarío’s cheek.
“We have much to catch up on. I’ve been telling Damien for months to bring you over, but you know him… stubborn as a mule.”
Evita smiled, glancing over at me. “So I’m not the only one who thinks that?”
I glared at her, making them both laugh. Trying to mask the desire to look around for Amira, silently hoping she wouldn’t be here, but at the same time, wishing she was. I couldn’t even remember the last time I saw her. I stopped by for her seventeenth birthday, but she was nowhere to be found. As if she knew I was coming.
Eternally feeling me too.
“I know Damien said not to make a big deal about you coming over, Evita, but I’m sorry… I couldn’t resist. I invited some friends, I may have a pig in the oven, and there’s possibly some torticas de moron baking in there as well. I mean, I’m just saying.”
“Rosarío—”
“Oh, it’s fine, Damien,” Evita cut me off, placing her hand on my chest. “I would love to meet more of your friends and family.”
Rosarío beamed. “I like her already, Damien.”
“At least one of us does right now,” I scoffed, earning myself a smack on the back of my head by Rosarío.
Her friends arrived shortly after and spent the rest of the afternoon in the kitchen, drinking entirely way too much, eating and talking all about me. Evita asked too many fucking questions about my childhood, from how I was raised, to what I loved doing the most, to God knows what else. Rosarío and her friends were all too delighted to oblige. I was waiting for Rosarío to pull out the album of baby pictures, but I think she knew better. I tuned them out after a while, aimlessly staring out at Amira’s garden as I leaned against the sliding glass door. All her Mariposa flowers were dead, withered away like no one had taken care of them for months.
“Babe… what are you doing all the way over here?” Evita slightly slurred, throwing her arms around my neck. “You look all Damien-like. Lost in thought.”
“You’re drunk,” I simply stated, grabbing ahold of her waist to help hold her up.
“I thought you liked it when I got drunk, so you can do naughty things to me.”
“I don’t need you drunk to do things to you, Evita.”
She smiled, loudly replying, “I want you to do things to me now!”
“Shhh, enough of that.”
“Oh, come on, babe. I love Rosarío! I love all her friends, and I love you so much!”
“Evita, I mean it. Enough.”
“Hey!” She stepped back, out of my arms. “Rosarío would be more than excited if we had babies!” She glanced back at her. “Wouldn’t you, Rosarío?”
Rosarío took one look at me and then back at her, narrowing her eyes at us. Waiting for the other fucking shoe to drop. As soon as I stepped toward Evita to shut her mouth for her, she drunkenly blurted what we weren’t going to announce yet.
“I’m your fiancée now! Everyone will want us to make babies!”
Before she even got the last word out, my eyes inadvertently shifted to Amira’s garden. Locking eyes with my Muñeca. It was like she appeared out of thin air at the worse time possible. My heart fucking stopped from the expression on her face, rendering me fucking speechless. Knowing she’d just heard everything from the open slider door.
“Oh! We weren’t supposed to tell you yet! Shit!” Evita exclaimed, stepping into my arms again. Looking up at me through her long lashes, she said, “I’m sorry, babe. The wine, the excitement, and everyone got the best of me. How could I ever make this up to you?” She nervously laughed, trying to bring my attention back to her. Though it was solely focused on the girl frozen in place, a few steps in front of me.
“You’re engaged?” Rosarío called out, and even her voice couldn’t tear me away from Amira’s intense gaze.
“Yeah!” Evita replied, turning to face them. “He asked me to marry him a few weeks ago. I said yes! It was probably the only reason he finally let us meet.”
“Oh my God!” Rosarío excitedly screamed, and everyone followed suit. Uncorking bottles of champagne.
What happened next was one big blur. Everyone faded into the distance as they celebrated our engagement. No one noticed the tsunami of emotions drowning both Amira and me. My whole world seemed to come crashing down on me in a matter of seconds.
Everything I thought I knew, everything I wanted to believe in, all of it…
Gone.
We stayed there lost in time with each other for I don’t how long. I needed to snap out of it, but I couldn’t tear my eyes away from her. She had matured so much since the last time I saw her. She was almost unrecognizable. No longer a girl but a woman. My boots were cemented to the spot I was standing in while chaos erupted all around us.
And I wasn’t talking about the celebration.
My control…
Was long fucking gone.
“Amira!” Rosarío shouted, making everyone turn to look at her.
She was the first to break our trance-like state of mind, shaking her head as Rosarío rushed over to her. “Hi, Mama Rosa.”
“Mamita, are you okay—”
“Of course,” she breathed out, falsely smiling. “I just thought I’d stop in to say hello to everyone on my way to the movies. From the noise, I guess it’s a good thing I did.” She gazed back over at us, and it was only then I realized Evita was in my arms, looking over at Amira. Making the situation even more awkward.
“I hear congratulations is in order!” she coaxed, walking over to us.
I could see the distress written over her face and the change in her demeanor, as much as she tried to hide it. There was no way she could hide from me. She was still hopelessly in love with me, and I would be lying if I said I didn’t already know she never stopped.
“You’re Amira?” Evita asked, when she was standing in front of us.
“I am.”
“So nice to finally meet you! Damien told me you’re Rosarío’s niece.”
“Mmm hmm.”
“You’re beautiful! Oh my God, Damien, why didn’t you tell me she’s a knock out! I bet you make the boys crazy!”
“Not boys. Just a boy,” Amira retorted, almost knocking me on my ass.
“What boy? Rosarío never told me you were dating anyone,” I questioned, trying to conceal the hard edge in my voice.
“Oh, Damien,” Rosarío chimed in, moving to stand beside us. “He’s always been so protective over her. He still can’t see that our Amira isn’t a little girl anymore. I mean look at her, do you see? She’s a woman now.”
“Oh, I see,” I gritted out, seeing fucking red.
Amira cunningly grinned, aware of the sudden tension in my tone. “Actually, I don’t think he’s considered a boy anymore, Evita. He’s twenty-one, I think that makes him
a man. He’s a soldier like you, Damien. Maybe you know him.”
“Who the fuck—”
“I’m supposed to be meeting him at the movies, and I don’t want to keep him waiting. So congratulations, and welcome to the family,” Amira interrupted me, pulling Evita into a hug and she happily returned the gesture. When they pulled away, Amira peered over at me, placing her hand over my heart. “You should probably start on that baby-making thing. You are getting kind of old.”
Everyone burst out laughing. Everyone but me.
“Anyway, congratulations, Damien. I’m sure you and Evita will be very happy. You have that effect on women,” she snidely spoke, hugging and kissing Rosarío next. Telling her she wouldn’t be home too late before leaving without so much as another glance my way.
I spent the rest of the evening with my blood boiling and my temper igniting. Neither of which were ever good when it came to Amira. I was a ticking fucking time bomb, about to explode with every second I had to sit there and pretend like I wasn’t plotting the murder of her goddamn boyfriend.
By the time we said our goodbyes and I dropped Evita off at her house, it was well past eleven o’clock at night. I lied to my fiancée, telling her I had an early morning meeting and needed to take off. She understood, not paying me any mind. It wasn’t the first time I couldn’t spend the night because of Emilio.
I drove back to Rosarío’s like a bat out of fucking hell; I couldn’t get to Amira fast enough. I parked my car on the street in front of the house. Right when I stepped out of my car, I heard a slight echo of what sounded like a moan. It was coming from the direction of the small park a few houses down. Putting a halt to everything in my crazed mind, I made my way over there on pure compulsion. Realizing very fucking quickly that the sounds were coming from the backseat of a piece of shit car.
Call it instinct.
Perception.
Fucking madness.
I knew it was Amira who was underneath the motherfucker who was about to die.
Rage quickly took over every last fiber of my being. I took off, hauling ass toward the car like a possessed man. Needing to confirm my suspicions.
