by Drew Sera
My eyes quickly locked onto Sydney’s sad face and my heart began pounding. Had I heard her correctly? I didn’t even know how to react. I glanced at Anthony and he looked equally surprised. I don’t know what I was expecting, but certainly wasn’t expecting Sydney to slide out from Anthony’s arms and then stand. Anthony and I both quickly reacted and stood.
My brain wasn’t working properly. Too many unpleasant things were flooding my head and I couldn’t pick one to focus on and figure out.
“May I go to my room until Chris arrives?”
I nodded and Anthony and I watched her go upstairs; her arms wrapped around her midsection. Once she disappeared up the stairs, I glanced at Anthony. His hand was on his abdomen and he was looking downward.
“I’m sorry, Col. It’s my fault she’s upset. Blame me.”
“She just needs some time. She will come around.”
“I’ll be outside until Chris gets here,” Anthony mumbled and headed outside.
I sat down on the couch and pulled my phone out. My thoughts were on Sydney and Anthony as I answered some texts from Blake. I hate the fact that Sydney and Anthony are both hurting.
Blake was concerned but wasn’t trying to pry. He was like a father to Anthony and the news was hard for him to digest too. It was something that was speculated since that weekend, but it dug into everyone a little more when it was confirmed.
I began a search on my phone for side effects for sexual assault of males. I knew what many were for females, especially with Sydney, but I really wasn’t sure how much it differed for males. I needed to see if there was something I should be on the lookout for or maybe something I was seeing but didn’t realize it. I found several articles all citing many of the same effects: loss of appetite, nausea, sleep disturbances, nightmares, flashbacks, changes in moods or behaviors, stomachaches, chills, withdrawn behavior, jumpy/startles easily, physical pain, difficulty with intimacy…fuck.
I tossed my phone on the couch cushion beside me and leaned back. Stomachaches. His stomach was all fucked up when he came back. It’s still fucked up. I easily accepted the idea that his stomach was upset over Sydney being gone…and then the medicine. I shook my head at my own failure to see what was going on. He was exhibiting just about all of those other effects as well, yet all of it could easily have been masked Sydney’s abduction.
I glanced at my watch; Chris will be here within the hour and I decided to go check on Sydney. I understand she needed some space, but not too much right now. Everything is still very fresh.
I stood in the doorway to her room. This was a room that she could use whenever she needed time just like the present, or when she wanted to write. She had been so excited decorating it and loved being in here. She was curled up on the bright blue love seat, her tear-streaked face resting on her Batman shaped toss pillow and clutching against her tummy was the Robin shaped pillow.
“Mind if I join you, baby?”
Sydney shook her head and I made my way to the loveseat. I sat down and she sat up and leaned into my arms. I wrapped her up as tenderly as possible and kissed the top of her head.
“Doing alright, baby?”
She was quiet, but began tracing invisible shapes on my shirt. I gently stroked her upper back and arm.
“Anthony’s parents were terrible to him.”
“I know, baby.”
She was quiet for a few more minutes and continued to move her fingers over my shirt.
“His step-dad hit him with a belt.”
I dropped a kiss to her forehead and squeezed her against me.
“When he got older…older to where he could fight back…his step-dad would secure him to a beam in the garage.”
I froze. I found it interesting that her choice of words to describe what Anthony’s step-father did, was to “secure” him. As if Anthony was ever secure in his youth. Sydney kept going and I learned Anthony was “secured” to a beam in the garage by electrical cords and then beaten with a belt.
I swallowed hard and hoped my voice would come out sounding calmer than I felt. I stroked her hair gently.
“When did he tell you about this?”
“One night, when I woke up from a bad dream. In my dream that night, I told him how Howard would sometimes come over in the middle of the night. I’d wake up to him securing my wrists to my headboard. He usually did the same: hit my back with the belt until I cried and then fucked me.” I squeezed Sydney closer to my body and exhaled slowly, trying to remain calm. Sydney shrugged in my arms as if the behavior she described from Howard was acceptable. “Anyhow, Howard said he liked having sex with me when I was crying. I’d pull hard at the bindings on the headboard. It never did any good. I told Anthony about that dream and he cuddled me and told me he understood what it felt like to be tied to something, and trying to get loose while being hit with a belt.” Anger seared through me, but I remained on the couch with her, holding her close. She mentioned both of them always tried shielding their faces and ears from the flying belt buckle. Fire erupted in my heart. I helped her wipe the tears from her cheeks. “Did the sadist hit him with a belt too?”
Fuck. Anthony had so many marks and bruises on his body and while he and I haven’t talked about it, I was pretty sure Sydney’s question had a “yes” response attached to it. I know Blake mentioned that Anthony woke up from a few nightmares and was grabbing for his belt. Something obviously triggered that. Sydney was upset over the fact that Anthony potentially let the Pro Dom hit him with the belt. I wanted her to calm down and not worry about that.
“I hope not, baby.” I kissed her head again and held her quietly for a few more minutes.
Soon Sydney and I headed downstairs to answer the door when Chris arrived. I went to the patio to get Anthony and glance at my cell phone on the way back through the kitchen. There were another five texts and three phone calls from Matt. I left the phone on the counter and joined everyone in the great room.
Chris sat down with the three of us; Sydney sat between Anthony and I as usual. As I expected, Chris could tell something was going on. Anthony didn’t need any prodding and he explained what happened yesterday afternoon and he briefly mentioned that he let a sadist inflict some pain on him while Sydney was gone. Chris knew, of course, that he saw a sadist and the details were sketchy.
“Sydney, would you mind if I spoke with Colin and Anthony alone for a few minutes?” Chris asked Sydney.
She glanced over at Anthony and I before standing to leave the room. I knew she hated being alone but suggested she go upstairs to her writing room. Before she left the room, I stood and hugged her and she smiled at Anthony on her way by.
The house phone kept ringing and I had to excuse myself to turn the ringer volume off again. I told Chris that I couldn’t talk to Matt yet. He said that he understood my disposition but then followed up with asking me if I had given much thought to what Matt might have been thinking by bringing Victor here.
“No, Chris. I can’t grasp what he wanted to accomplish by bringing Victor here. Matt got physical with Anthony even though he knew that Anthony was still recovering and he did it in front of Sydney. It just wasn’t a good situation. I can’t forgive Matt for this. Maybe someday, but not right now.”
“How much did you tell Sydney about your evening with the sadist?” Chris asked while looking at his notebook.
“Fuck, I just told her I let a sadist beat on me. I didn’t go into details on the beating or anything else. Don’t worry, I’m not going to fuck her up with the details.”
Chris scribbled on his notepad for a few moments and then looked up before speaking.
“She’s obviously upset. This is very confusing and delicate for her. You’ve been protecting her from pain. You’ve been feeding her strength and she’s confused by you allowing yourself to be beat on.”
“Fuck me, I’m sorry! I’m so fucking sorry! You know, it’s not like I’ve been running around bragging about this. That fucking sadist had some change of heart or conscious
that fucking night and called Will to check on me. For fuck’s sake. Some fucking sadist he was. Just lay the leather and move on. I don’t know why he fucking called Will, who called Blake, who called Matt.”
“Anthony, he gave you a concussion, and worse was...” Chris started.
“Stop. Just please stop.”
Anthony held his hands up and turned his head, refusing to look at Chris. Chris calmed and took a different approach.
“Well, there are certainly a lot of things for us to work on. Anthony, I want to remind you that I’m here to talk with you one on one should you decide it’s something that you’d like to try. I imagine there is a lot bottled up in you and I can help you talk through it.”
Not only was Chris meeting with the three of us, but also Sydney individually and from time to time, he met with me alone. Anthony needed it and I’d encourage it. When Anthony looked at me I nodded letting him know how I felt about it.
“I’ll think about it and keep it as an option,” Anthony said quietly.
“It might help to write some things down. Anything helps. Keep it as an option. Are you feeling depressed?”
“No, I think if anything I feel worried or afraid that I could lose them. I don’t want to lose them. They’re everything to me,” he said.
“Anthony, I am pretty sure they feel the same way. The three of you are really going to have to work on talking and spending time together and reconnecting. There is a lot going on here and communication is going to be very crucial. You guys are going to have to minimize outside stress. What is your work situation like right now?”
“I took a leave of absence and Anthony is out on medical leave,” I offered.
Chris nodded and advised that I spend no more than an hour each day on work-related things. I told him it wasn’t a problem. I’d talk to Mitch and James and see to it that they understood I was going to be limited to an hour each day. It was a very small sacrifice for Sydney and Anthony.
“Physically, how are you feeling, Anthony?” Chris asked. This has been a hot button of Matt’s since that weekend. And just as Anthony does with Matt, he did the same with Chris.
“I’m fine.”
After our talk, I walked upstairs to get Sydney so she could talk to Chris. He asked her how she felt about Anthony’s news of the sadist.
“I feel sad. I feel...part to blame. If I had paid more attention to my surroundings, like they’re always telling me, then I wouldn’t have been taken.”
She’s still blaming herself for Paul grabbing her. Fucking broke my heart.
“Sydney, you can’t blame yourself for that. You can’t. It’s not healthy, hon. You aren’t to blame for Paul taking you or Anthony and the sadist or Matt getting angry yesterday.” Chris set his notebook down on the lounger and leaned forward. “Sydney, sometimes bad things happen to good people for no explainable reason. You can spend an eternity trying to break it down and ask why or what you could have done differently. You can spend a lifetime on that. Or you can try to pick the pieces up and move forward. Colin and Anthony want to help you move forward.”
“I want to move forward too. I’m trying.”
“I know. And Colin and Anthony know. Keep writing in your journal and talking with Colin and Anthony. They are here for you and will support you in every facet you can imagine.”
After his visit was over I walked him out to his car and thanked him again for everything.
“Colin, you’ve got a lot going on. You are going to need help and support. I suggest you try to mend the bridge with Matt. Matt loves you guys. I’m not defending what he did but look beyond the immediate effect that his actions caused and try to understand the why. It’s going to require you and him to sit down and talk. When you do that, is up to you. You and Matt have been friends since you were little. Give it some time and then talk to him. You were smart in ending conversation with him yesterday. It prevented things from getting worse.”
“I know, Chris. Time will heal that wound. It’s just not forgivable right now.”
“Sydney and Anthony need you and it’s going to put a huge amount of stress on you. You need an outlet.”
I looked back at the house and thought about my better halves and how much each of them were hurting. I needed to spend time with them. Reconnect us. A crazy idea just entered my head.
“I need to give the three of us time. Time away will help us reconnect. You’re right, there are a lot of things going on. Time away from here will afford us the opportunity to reconnect and concentrate on one another.”
“Where would you go?”
“I have a place on the sand in Newport Beach. Maybe the three of us just need some time away. We could spend it at the beach house. Maybe drive up the coast. Sydney’s never been up the coast. It might be just what we need.”
“It could be therapeutic, but, it could also be plagued with issues. How is their health, and do either of them have follow up visits soon?”
“They both just had them. Neither are due for a while.”
“Colin, I’m not trying to discourage you from going, but realize you’re introducing a new environment to Sydney. After spending weeks against her will somewhere, I wouldn’t suggest a new environment, but I know you and Anthony will keep close watch on her. I think it would be a good idea though if we could still connect while you’re gone. Maybe not every day, but every other day or so. Either by phone or video stream.”
“I understand. We can do that.”
“I honestly think it might do you three some good. Sometimes it’s the long, bumpy road that ends up bringing you home.”
Chris shook my hand and told me to travel safe. When I went back inside, the two of them were in the kitchen raiding the pantry.
“Let's go out for dinner,” I suggested.
A short time later we were seated at the Underground Grill looking over the menus. Sydney was sitting next to Anthony and he had his arm around her on the cushion behind her. After we placed our orders and looked up at both of them.
“We’re going away for a while. Just the three of us. We’ll stay at my place in Newport and spend time relaxing and reconnecting. Maybe we’ll take a drive up the coast. I can show you guys where I grew up.”
My idea was met with a warm reception. Anthony expressed that he thought it was a great idea and we’d all benefit from it. Sydney smiled and said she was excited because she’s never been to California. I was thrilled that they were both able to smile.
During dinner, we talked about leaving in the morning after we got up. No set schedule. We weren’t getting up early and would just go once we were ready. Sydney ate most of her food at dinner but Anthony mostly pushed food around on his plate. I knew his stomach was playing hell on him and I couldn’t help but wonder if it was the medicine or Victor that was bringing it on.
When we got home they were going to begin packing while I took care of a handful of things. First on the list was a phone call to Blake. I let him know where we were going and why. He agreed with me and thought some time away would help all of us. I gave him the address where we were staying and he told me to stay in touch with him while we were gone. I knew he was concerned and I promised him that I would make sure we remained in contact some.
My next task was to call Mitch and James. I spoke to both of them and as I would never divulge the info about Anthony, I cited the reason for getting out of town for a while was that Sydney needed more undivided attention. I knew I was putting a lot on Mitch and James by only being available for no more than an hour each day.
“What about Anthony?” Mitch asked me. I paced around the kitchen while I talked with Mitch. I couldn’t tell him much but I wanted Mitch to understand.
“Mitch, Anthony and I have been best friends for a long time. He’s been by my side since day one with Sydney. He stuck by my side while she was gone and he helped me find her. He nearly died when her abductor shot him. Anthony is coming with us. He’s my shoulder in this and Sydney does better when he’s arou
nd.” I took a deep breath. “It’s kind of complicated, Mitch.”
“No, it’s not. You don’t have to try to explain it to anyone. He just somehow fits in with the two of you. He’s calmed you for years at work. Anytime something pops up and you begin to stress, he’s got you calmed before you freak out. So, it’s no surprise that he has that effect on Sydney. That girl has been through a lot. You’ve been there for her and he’s had your back. You don’t owe anyone anything regarding it. I just wanted to know if he was reachable.”
I laughed. Mitch is a great guy and I’m lucky to have him as my business partner. He’s a great Chief of Operations Officer and the daily business will be in fine, competent hands while we’re gone.
“Anthony and I both have our cell phones and access to email. But if it’s an emergency, use the cell phone because I’m seriously only checking email once a day.”
“Everything will be fine. Be safe on your trip and I’ll see you when you return.”
I got off the phone with Mitch and felt like a little weight had been lifted from my shoulders. He knew Anthony somehow was intertwined with Sydney and I. I liked how it felt.
I headed upstairs and found Sydney standing outside of the walk-in closet and Anthony was putting things in her arms. My heart ached. She was scared to go back into the closet. We’ll work with her. It will get better. I wanted to talk to Anthony though regarding Matt. I sent Sydney into the bathroom to start gathering our bathroom items while Anthony and I sat in the sitting area of our room.
I filled him in on my conversation with Blake and Mitch. Now for the Matt part.
“Anth, I need to talk to Matt before we leave.” He stared blankly at me. I thought about what Chris had said and while I wasn’t to the forgiving part yet, I couldn’t leave town without something said. “Okay?” I asked him.
“Col, do what you need to do.” He thumped me on the arm and went to join Sydney in the bathroom. I knew that he supported me in what I felt that I needed to do. I pulled my phone out and saw the flurry of texts and missed calls. All Matt.
CE: Are you home?
