“Dean, stop,” I protested, nudging my shoulder into his.
“I’m only telling the truth. Can I walk you home?” His sexy lips curved up into the most beautiful smile. I always felt weak in the knees whenever Dean smiled. Somehow when he did, he always made me feel like the most precious and treasured girl on earth. It was almost as if that smile was made for me and me only.
“Of course you can,” I finally managed to say after my heart calmed down a little. “But I think Ian is coming out in a minute. He will want to walk with us, too.” Ian was in sixth form now, but Dean decided to work for his dad. That worried me a bit. Dean was only seventeen, and I knew his dad worked with people I didn’t like the look of.
“Okay,” he replied, gently placing a strand of hair behind my ear. “I’ll just have to capture your stare until he arrives.”
And he did. We stood there for an age just locking me with those blue eyes of his. It was so easy to get lost in those eyes.
And I never wanted that feeling to end.
*****
I woke with a start, wondering where on earth I was for a minute. Of course. The hospital. I had ended up falling asleep hunched over Jeremy’s bed again. I had been here four days now and, for four days, there had been no change. The only time I left was to go home, grab some belongings and my laptop, and hauled my ass back over to the ward. I worked from the hospital and told Suzie I couldn’t come into work because I was ill with the flu. I thought that was as good an excuse as any. I knew it had been going around the office and I kept thinking it was marvellous I hadn’t caught it by now.
The good thing about it was I could still do everything I needed to do, just without physically being there. I knew people would question why as I had never taken a sick day since I started there three years ago. I figured I was owed some sick leave by now.
The other thing I made sure to do was get Jeremy’s photos developed. I was determined for him to see them when he finally woke. I picked out the one of Jeremy and me, and got it blown up as promised, including one for myself. I bought a frame for my copy and I was determined to hang it up on my wall once I got home. We both looked so happy. It seemed like a million years ago.
The doctor came around a couple of times a day to check on him, and his vitals were getting that little bit stronger every day. I had hope in my heart because that was all I could hold onto. I told him day after day that he had me and there was no getting rid of me. He simply had to get better because I wouldn’t let him give up. I was just as much his anchor as he was mine. We needed each other. Our bond was too strong to let go of it now.
Wondering if I should move, I stirred a little. I had a feeling every bone and muscle in my body would cry out the minute I lifted my head.
“Who’s Dean?”
Jeremy’s voice startled me, making me snap my head up quicker than I had planned. I was right. It did hurt. A lot.
“What?” I asked, still a little groggy, but once my eyes fixed on Jeremy, I gasped. He looked so much better. “Jeremy!” I cried, jumping out of my seat to give him a big kiss.
Jeremy laughed. “You missed me that much?”
I nodded and gave him a little nudge. Already the tears were threatening to run. “Don’t you ever do that to me again! I was frightened out of my wits.”
Jeremy laughed. “I know. Rachael’s already filled me in. You really stayed at the hospital this whole time?”
I nodded and saw a hint of moisture in his eyes. “Thank you,” he whispered, turning his head away a little. I knew he was getting emotional and I knew he was trying desperately to keep his tears in check.
“How are you feeling?” I asked, trying to change the subject for him.
“I feel a lot better. I still feel a little tired, which is weird because I’ve been out for the last four days.” He chuckled a little and looked towards me as I touched his hand.
“I’m so sorry, Jeremy. We shouldn’t have gone out that day.”
Jeremy’s smile vanished as he tugged my hand. “Don’t you dare take that away from me. I wouldn’t have changed it for the world. It was the best day of my life. Something else to cross off my list. The only thing left now is a kiss from Julie.” He smiled.
Not wanting to remember this “Bucket List” of his, I went on to tell him what I thought. “Well, that is something for us to look into once you’re better and out of this hospital.”
Jeremy looked sad and stared at his bed. “It frightens me a little—you know, leaving here. I don’t want to end up in some kind of centre for kids my age.”
I gave Jeremy a cheeky smile. I had been planning this in my head for the last four days. It just felt right. “When you’re better, how would you like to move in with me? You could stay, get into school, and once you’ve found your feet, we can take it from there. I’m not going to see you homeless, Jeremy. No way.”
“Are you serious?”
I nodded. “As serious as I’ll ever be.”
As quickly as his smile came, it vanished and he shook his head. “I can’t. You have enough to deal with without a teenage boy hanging around your flat. It wouldn’t be fair for you. And what about your stranger? He might not like me living with you.”
I must admit, the thought had crossed my mind but, in the end, that didn’t matter.
Grabbing his hand, I squeezed it. “Don’t be silly, Jeremy. If he’s not happy, he can go and find some other apartment to eat cookies and move things around in,” I laughed. “It will be fun. I have a small room I use for work, but we can buy you a bed. I can move all my work things into my room. There’s plenty of space in there anyway.” When he didn’t say anything, I bit my lip. “Come on, Jeremy. I want you with me. I want you to know you have someone. I’m here for you now. I told you that you weren’t getting rid of me that easily.” I gave him my cheeky grin and he finally smiled.
“Fine. I’ll come and stay with you, but on one condition. No funny business. I can’t have you sneaking into my room at night, no matter how irresistible it can be.”
I laughed, but crossed my heart. “I promise.”
Listening to what Jeremy had just said about sneaking into his bedroom made me think about my stranger. I wonder if he’d been into my apartment. I wonder if he’d been getting frustrated, not knowing where the hell I was. The thought had me smiling.
“Holy shit!” Jeremy shouted. I raised my eyebrow at him. He just shrugged his shoulders. “You got to admit, this is definitely a holy shit moment.”
I smiled. “Yeah, I think I have to agree with you there.”
Suddenly, Jeremy sat up. “Now that we’re going to be roomies, are you going to tell me about Dean?”
My back straightened and my eyes widened. “How on earth do you know about him?”
Jeremy smiled. “Just before you woke up, you moaned and whispered Dean. I just figured he meant something to you. Does he mean something to you?”
I cringed. Of course he meant something to me. He meant the world to me. He was my first love, then disappeared without a trace. Something I don’t think I’ll ever get over. I shrugged. “It’s complicated.”
Jeremy wasn’t buying it. “Complicated as in you still have feelings for him?” When I didn’t say anything, he rolled his eyes. “Oh, come on, Tyler. It’s me you’re talking to. Don’t pretend I can’t see what’s really going on. Tell me. What’s your story?”
I sighed, but accepted the fact that Jeremy was now a part of me and probably knew more about me than anyone. I trusted him implicitly, and I hoped he felt the same about me.
Shifting in my seat, I began my story. “Well, when I was six-years-old, I lived in Buckinghamshire. Ever since I could remember, I was best friends with this boy named Ian. I started my second year of school and the first day, Dean arrived. We were inseparable. We grew up together, played together, went through puberty together. We all had a connection, a strong bond we thought would last until the day we died.”
Jeremy quickly cut in. “What h
appened?” He looked really interested and it made me smile a little. It also made me a little sad thinking about all I had lost.
“As I said, we grew up together and were all really close, but Dean and I were closer. We would do things together.” I saw Jeremy’s eyebrow hitch, and I swatted him. “Not like that, Jeremy. He was always a gentleman. He told me he wanted us to be together, but because he was two years older, he wanted to wait until I was at a more mature age.” I saw Jeremy smile. “Stop that. Why does everything have to be smutty with you?” I joked.
Jeremy shook his head with a smile. “It doesn’t. Please, go on. I want to hear the rest.”
I saw how serious he was, so I continued, “Dean made his intentions clear. He even hinted at marriage and flowers—”
“Flowers?”
I nodded. “Yeah, flowers. He said I was the type of woman that should have a flower brought home to her every day, and he would do that with me once we were married. He was waiting for me, and the more he waited, the more I wanted it all to be true. I loved him, Jeremy. I know that sounds crazy to say when I was so young, but it’s just something—”
“That you will never get over,” Jeremy finished.
I smiled, but nodded. “Yes, exactly.”
“So, what happened? I mean, something must have happened; otherwise, you would have mentioned him by now. Not once have you said his name. If it wasn’t for that dream, I’m guessing I never would have known about him at all.”
I laughed a little, thinking how perceptive he was for someone so young. “I’m still really good friends with Ian. We never lost touch. We went to school together, the university together, and we’re now working together.”
“But Dean?”
“Dean disappeared one day. He and his family just up and left without a word. Dean warned me he may be leaving, but I never really thought it would happen. He promised me he would come back for me if it did, but he never returned. To this day, I don’t know why he left, or why he never returned like he was supposed to. Like I said, he was my first love and someone I thought I was meant to spend the rest of my life with.”
“Did you and he...?” Jeremy asked, a smile on his face.
“No,” I smirked back. “But we were supposed to once I turned sixteen. He was determined to wait for me until at least then.”
“So he left before you were sixteen?”
“No, just after.”
“So you never had a chance.”
“No.”
“So, who did you finally lose it with?”
I sighed. “Once I had passed all my A-levels at eighteen, we all went to a friend’s house. It was a huge party because everyone was celebrating their end-of-year results. I got a little drunk and met someone. We immediately hit it off. His name was Dillon and I liked him simply because he was kind of mysterious. You see, he had a lot of hair, but I knew there was someone I wanted to get to know underneath it all. With the alcohol running through my system, I told him I was still a virgin. He was shocked because I think every girl my age had slept with at least one person by now. I was in the minority. Anyway, one thing led to another. He offered, I accepted, and the rest is history.”
“Was it good?” he asked, excited.
I winced a little, remembering that it was a little painful. “It was how I expected for my first time, but Dillon was unbelievably gentle. He was patient and kind, making the whole process more pleasurable than I could have imagined.” Why on earth I was telling him this, I had no idea.
“So what happened to Dillon? Did you see each other again? Start a relationship?”
I shook my head. “No. I never saw or heard from him again, and that was fine by me. Dillon made sure I got what I was after, and if I had to do it all over again, I would. I would much rather have it like that than some random guy who didn’t give a crap about my feelings.” I sighed, sinking back in my chair before looking up to meet Jeremy’s eyes. “Why am I telling you all this?” I asked with a laugh.
Jeremy shrugged. “It’s easy to tell all your secrets to someone who you know won’t judge you, or who has had a lot of history with you. That’s the problem with friends at times. Once they know you, they judge everything you say and do. They always have advice and always want to take over.”
I saw Jeremy’s expression and knew he had been hurt before. “I understand what you mean, Jeremy, but not all friendships are like that. You have friends so you can share experiences and offer guidance when needed, without control or judgement. Anyone who tries to take over your life is never truly your friend.” I sat silently for a moment, wondering whether he wanted me to push further with this. “Did someone sting you, Jeremy?” I asked.
He looked down and nodded. “Yeah. His name was Stuart and he was the son of one of the foster parents I went to stay with. We were roughly around the same age so we became friends really quickly. I felt like I had finally found someone I could trust. The problem was that he was just using me to get away with murder with his parents. Whenever he did something wrong, he would blame me for it. I kept wondering why I would get accused of things I didn’t do. The third time, he stole money from his parents and told them he had caught me going into his mum’s purse. When his mum and dad told me Stuart had caught me, I finally realised what he had been doing. I was never his friend. I was just his scapegoat.”
I placed my hand on his. “I’m sorry to hear that, Jeremy. I hope whoever this Stuart is got his comeuppance in the end. He was never worthy of your friendship and I hope you realise that. I also hope you realise not everyone is a Stuart. I would never, ever intentionally hurt you or let you down. You have my word on that.”
Jeremy smiled and tugged on my hand. “You look tired. Why don’t you go home and get some sleep? We can both get some sleep and you can come visit in the morning. Unless, of course, you need to go to work.”
I shook my head. “No. I’ve been working from the hospital the last four days. Tomorrow’s Friday. I may as well have the week off.” I smiled brightly. “Are you sure you’re going to be okay?” Although I was exhausted, the shock of the last four days was taking its toll. I didn’t want to leave him. Seeing Jeremy lying on the floor like that and feeling completely helpless had left me utterly shaken and bewildered.
He nodded. “Of course. It gives you an excuse to get me some Twiglets on the way in tomorrow.” Jeremy winked with an impish grin.
“Okay,” I answered, still a little unsure. “I still want to be called if anything happens. They told me what you did the morning of your birthday. I was touched.”
Jeremy gave me a shy smile. “Aww, shucks. I’m glad I could touch you.”
I gasped. “Jeremy, stop that right now.”
Jeremy laughed and I couldn’t help but laugh right along with him. “I’m so sorry. I couldn’t help that. You’re so easy to wind up. Living with you is going to be fun.”
Looking at Jeremy, I saw a hint of happiness for the first time. He looked practically radiant with it. With that thought in mind, I was determined to make sure he fought this thing because now he had me to fight it with him.
Just as I got up, Rachael came over. “I see we’re a lot better now,” she playfully scolded.
I nodded. “Oh yeah. He is definitely on the mend.” With a roll of my eyes, I shook my head.
“She secretly loves it,” Jeremy whispered to Rachael.
I laughed and looked at Rachael. “I’m going to go now.” I made my voice sound a little hard as I stuck my tongue out at Jeremy. Both he and Rachael laughed as I grabbed my coat.
“If he needs me for anything, no matter what time it is, please call.” Rachael nodded and Jeremy rolled his eyes.
“I’m right here, you know. I can hear everything you say.”
I cringed. “I’m sorry. I just worry about you. I never want to see you like that again.”
He saw the tears in my eyes and his face softened. “I know. I don’t really want that to happen again, either.”
I suc
ked in a breath, trying to get my feelings in check. “Well, we’re all in agreement then.” I leaned over Jeremy’s bed and placed a soft kiss on his forehead. “Sleep well and I’ll see you tomorrow.” I turned and started to walk away.
“With the Twiglets!” he shouted.
With a wave, I laughed and walked out of the door. “With the Twiglets.”
Once I was outside, the cold night air hit me and I gritted my teeth. It was dark and freezing, and I just wanted to get to my car. For some reason, the last four days were catching up with me and I could feel the need to burst rising throughout me.
I got to my car and started her up. I put the heat on and grabbed the wheel with a deep breath. I didn’t want to lose it here. I couldn’t. I had to get home first. I had to lock myself away from prying eyes and just be alone in my bed. It was only nine at night, but I didn’t care. The first thing I would do when I got in was shower and get straight to bed.
And that’s exactly what I did.
Chapter 30
Dean
Revenge is barren in itself. It is the dreadful food it feeds on.
Its delight is murder, and its end is despair.
Friedrich Schiller
I was wound up tight, wondering where she had been the last four days. I even found myself outside her parents’ house, wondering if she had found out who I was and decided to flee to the safest place she could think of. However, a part of me didn’t think Tyler was the type of girl to run and hide. She would face me head-to-head. I knew that because that was the girl I fell in love with all those years ago. The girl I thought I would marry. The girl who turned me into the beast I am. What Tyler didn’t realise was I would have given her everything if she had asked. She would have never been lonely, never been scared, never would have wanted for anything. I had the means to give her everything beyond her wildest dreams. Even if she wanted a trip into space to see the stars up close, I would have gone to hell and back to get it for her. The only thing I would have asked for in return was her love, affection, and complete and utter loyalty. I didn’t think that was too much to ask. Now I was a man incapable of love. A demon who sought to hurt and destroy. A beast who sought revenge.
Deviant Page 21
