Shaking my head, I looked around and only then remembered Ian was coming around later. Fishing out my phone, I texted Ian to let him know I was running late, and that I should be back at around eight-thirty. I had a task to complete and the anticipation was running through my veins.
When it got closer to eight, I thought it was now or never. I didn’t know whether Dean would be there, but I had to see for myself. I had to at least find out more, if I could.
I walked into the building, passing by the odd person or two leaving their offices for the day. I got in the lift, alone, and pressed the top floor. It was the worst elevator ride I had ever experienced. It seemed to go on and on with no end in sight. I wondered whether my Dean would be the same. The thought frightened me. What if he was determined never to set me free?
With that thought coursing through my pumping veins, the lift doors opened, revealing a dim room. All the lights were off, apart from the dim overhead ones—some of which were flickering a little. It just seemed to somehow add to the suspense.
My heart drumming, I walked past the vast array of desks towards the one room I had been dreading and longing to visit all day.
I stood outside, realizing there was a shadow in the darkened room, looking across the horizon. Closing my eyes, I inhaled a deep breath, realizing it was now or never. I opened my eyes to meet the name on the door. My stalker, my stranger, my Dean, was none other than Andrew Walker. And now he stood in the shadows, hoodie over his head, and I knew just where he was planning on going tonight.
But I beat him to it. I had become the stalker and my stranger, the unsuspecting victim. It made me laugh a little, knowing I had regained some power. I wondered what he would think once he saw me here now. I knew he would be shocked, but for me, it was all about answers. I needed answers as to why he wanted to hurt me so badly.
Turning the knob as quietly as I could, I entered the room and stood staring at the back of my Dean. Tears threatened to run at the thought I had finally found him, only for him to be ripped from me once again.
I was still determined, though. I was still resolute in seeing this through without a tear, without my despair. I couldn’t let him see that he had won. I had to hold onto my dignity with all my might.
For a long time, I stood there, speechless. At first, I didn’t know if I should say anything, or just let him take his time before he turned around. I didn’t have to wait too long. He turned, and the hint of those steely blue eyes I remembered as a kid locked onto me with a force unknown to nature. It was him at the mansion. The man who stole my breath away. Why did I not see that it was him at the time? How could I have ever forgotten those beautiful eyes of his?
Trying not to think too much on it, I just took the moment of silence to gauge his reaction. He was good at hiding things, I’d give him that. I still saw it, though…the surprised look on his face when he saw me. It was ever so slight, but it was there nonetheless. It almost made me smile. I wasn’t sure where this little bit of triumph in me came from, but it was there, bubbling away on the surface.
“Surprised to see me, Dean?” I thought I would end up breaking the ice, considering he was always the one that ended up getting the first and last word in.
Dean sighed and shook his head with a resolute smile. “So, now you know,” he whispered with that sexy, raspy voice of his.
I nodded my head. “Now I know.”
He pushed the hoodie off his head, exposing the full beauty of his features. He was exactly as I remembered as a youngster, just older. He was very different in a sense, too. His normally soft nature was gone now, replaced with this hard, unforgiving man in front of me. But what was there to forgive? I just couldn’t understand it all.
“I must admit, this wasn’t how I had planned things, but you were destined to find out soon enough.”
He pulled out his chair and sat down. I knew then that he was ready for a conversation. I wasn’t going to say no, but I was determined not to settle in the chair opposite him, either. This wasn’t about my work anymore. This was idle chitchat about the day’s events. This was my stranger, my Dean, and he was determined to break me. I certainly wasn’t going to cosy up to that.
Instead, I stood still, gazing down at his beautiful blue eyes like it was the last time I would ever see them. And this would be the last time. I knew this was the day that determined my fate as a journalist here. I knew this was the last day I would ever see the light of day in this office again.
“Why?” was all I could ask. It was all that needed to be asked. That same question had been bouncing around in my head for the last thirteen years. Until last night, it was for different reasons, but I still asked it. I still wanted to know why me.
He dipped his head, sighing with a smile. “You know, the funniest part about this whole thing is that you don’t even know what you’ve done.”
My anger flared. “I don’t know what I’ve done, Dean, and unless you fucking tell me, how am I supposed to defend myself?”
He banged his fist on the desk, making me jump. “You don’t come in this office and swear at me like that.”
I breathed out my frustration before I responded. “I’m not talking to Andrew Walker anymore. I’m talking to Dean Scozzari. Someone I had considered my best friend once. Someone I had considered the love of my life once. My first love. What happened to him?”
He stood up, eyes blazing with fire. “You happened, Tyler! You and your whole fucking family happened!”
I gasped, rearing back in shock at his outburst. “My family? I don’t understand.”
Dean’s expression was fierce. “Don’t act like you don’t know, Tyler.” He looked at me, his expression searching my face for answers. But he must have seen something in my face as his eyes widened. “You really don’t know, do you?” He started laughing, and it just made my blood boil.
“Know what, Dean?”
He stopped laughing and looked at me with a smile. It wasn’t a nice smile. It was cunning. And I wanted to wipe it off his face. “Your parents got my parents killed, Tyler. They were supposed to help but, instead, they sent a letter to that fucking scumbag Pinzano, telling him where we were.”
I shook my head, unable to comprehend what he was saying. “Letter? What letter? I don’t understand.” I really didn’t understand. Panic was radiating through my body.
“My parents are dead because of your mum and dad, Tyler. And I was left alone. At the age of eighteen, I was left with nobody. At first, I lost you when I found you kissing Ian that fucking day. I came back for you because I thought in my stupid, little immature head, we still had something. I didn’t care if it put me in danger. I had to see you and I had to make sure we were okay. I didn’t believe when I heard you could have anything to do with what happened to my parents, so I had to see it for myself. But the minute I saw you, Ian had his arms around you and you were kissing him. I had only been gone a couple of months, and the moment my back was turned, you went to be with him. I knew then that my parents must have been right all along.” He looked at me with disgust, but all I could stand there and do was try and wrap my brain around what on earth he was talking about. I knew Ian and I have fooled around, but it was never anything more than that.
I thought back to all those years and remembered a time shortly after Dean disappeared. Ian was telling me outside this shop that this guy he despised said he would never get a girl like me. This guy, who was a complete arsehole, was there, so Ian asked me to kiss him in full view of everyone so he could witness the kiss and end up looking like the dumb ass that he was. I did it as a favour to Ian. I did it because that’s what friends do for one another. I had never felt anything for Ian, other than friendship, and Dean should have known this.
I closed my eyes in frustration. If this was the incident he was thinking of, it was totally innocent. Yes, I kissed him, but it was only to help out a friend. We were all friends back then. We were all close. We would have helped each other out through thick and thin. We even
used to play Truth or Dare on occasion. Could he not realise that was what it was at the time? Could he not have just stopped for one fucking minute to ask?
“You don’t understand,” I blurted. I wasn’t sure why I needed to explain myself. Dean was obviously shooting first and asking questions later, and that was fine. He would only see for himself eventually.
“I understand perfectly,” he retorted, cutting me off. “What I don’t understand is why you’re not with him yet? You’re with him, but you’re not. Do you two just fuck each other? Actually, hold on. No, I would know if you had. I’ve known your life for too long now.” He sat there and pondered his next question for a minute. “Let me put it another way. Did you let him fuck you the minute I was gone?” He started laughing at his own joke before shaking his head. “In fact, scrap that. I know you didn’t.”
He was being crass and he knew it. Every breath in my body wanted to scream out in protest of this man. I had an explanation for my actions, but he didn’t want to hear it. He was blaming me for something I never did, but he was also blaming my parents for his mum and dad’s death. Nobody knew that they were even gone. My whole family, Ian, and I were completely left in the dark. I couldn’t understand how he could begin to think my parents could ever be directly, or even indirectly, involved in their murder. And I did mean murder. I wasn’t stupid. I had a feeling his parents were up to no good. They were always sneaking around, always making sure I never came around at certain times, and they were always talking to people that made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. I never said anything because I loved Dean and I didn’t want him to hurt, but I wasn’t completely clueless to their way of life. They never seemed to go to work, yet they had the latest fashion, cars, accessories, you name it. It didn’t take a genius to work out what was going on.
“I’m not going to answer your fucking stupid questions anymore because, no matter what I say, you’re going to twist it around so it fits whatever morbid notion you have going around that sick head of yours. All I will say is that my parents had nothing to do with your mum and dad’s death. I had nothing to do with your mum and dad’s death. I didn’t know and I’m sorry for your loss, but I’m not going to stick around any longer and let you abuse me and accuse my family and me of such ridiculous allegations.”
Dean laughed and it made my blood boil even further. “Maybe you just don’t know your parents as well as I do, Tyler. They obviously kept things from you. They tried and failed to keep me away from you. But, even still, you couldn’t seem to keep that mouth shut of yours about me. That’s what led to their death, Tyler.”
I huffed out my frustration. “I never told them anything!” I shouted. “I didn’t fucking know anything. I know my parents never liked us together, Dean, but they would never have been so vindictive. They would never have put your parents in harm’s way. There is no way in hell I will believe that. They were just trying to protect me from you. They were just making sure you never took advantage of me.”
Dean laughed. “They couldn’t keep you away from me forever, Tyler. You want to know how I know you never fucked Ian once I left? I took advantage of your innocence long before you, or they, could realise.”
Frowning, I couldn’t fathom what he was talking about. “What do you mean?”
Dean shook his head with a smile. “Remember when you were eighteen and, at a party, you told a boy named Dillon you were still a virgin?”
Throwing my hand over my mouth, I gasped. Shaking my head, I could almost feel the tears pooling in my eyes. “No…,” I protested.
“Yes,” Dean replied. “You always wanted me to be your first, Tyler. I was just granting that one wish for you—”
“What?” I interrupted. “Before you came back, stalked me, and tried to ruin my life?”
Dean nodded. “Something like that. I was out to ruin you, yes, but only because of what you did. I could have given you the world, but all you did was shit on me.”
I had enough. I wasn’t going to stand here and listen to this any longer. “Goodbye, Dean. I hope I never fucking see you again.”
Dean banged the desk again but, this time, I didn’t jump. I was determined to not let him affect me. “Get back here, Tyler. You and I aren’t fucking done yet.”
I walked towards the door and was on my way out when I suddenly turned. “We are fucking done, Dean. This is where it ends. I never want to see you again.” I turned around to walk towards the lifts when I remembered something. “And another thing,” I said, turning my head a little. “I quit!”
With my head held high, I marched towards the lift and got in. There was probably hardly anyone in the building by now.
When it got to the bottom floor, I walked out with a sigh. I knew I was strong back there, but it took everything in my willpower to hold it together. My first love, the one I thought I would spend my life with as we got older, had turned from my superhero into my villain. How on earth could it have turned out this way? He didn’t even think to stop and ask questions. He just assumed, and I knew that the word “assume” made an ass out of you and me. I laughed a little at that analogy. I had made an ass out of myself. I had let Dean in, my stranger, when he was just there to hurt me. All the while, he was there to cause me pain. But the crux of the whole thing was that Dean was my first in the end. He was determined to take my virginity and hold onto that as the first part of his revenge—the first part to ruining my life.
He was never like this when he was younger. He was innocent, carefree, sweet, and caring. Thinking that my parents or I could have been involved in his demise made my skin crawl. I couldn’t even believe he thought I would betray him like that. He was the love of my life. Even now, the memory of him held strong. He would always be the love of my life. No matter how much I hurt, I would never be able to escape that. I would never be able to escape him.
Without thinking, my hand immediately sought out the necklace he had given me all those years ago. It was something I had always wanted to keep with me just to cling onto him somehow. I had always hoped that, one day, he would return, but I never envisioned it would be like this. Subconsciously, I had even broken off relationships because I had this silly notion that, one day, my Dean would come by on his white horse and whisk me off into the sunset. I guess life had a funny way of showing that it had a sense of humour. Dean wanted to make his point, and he certainly made it with a fucking cherry on top.
It was the daydreaming in the car that stopped me from realizing I was nearing the turn to my apartment. I had driven all the way back from work without even noticing. How on earth did that happen?
I indicated left to turn into my car park and parked my car in my spot. I was determined to not let him win, even now. Walking into my apartment, I had barely enough time to get my coat off and place my things down when the doorbell rang.
Sighing, I reached for the door and opened it a crack. I saw Ian standing there with a big smile and two bottles of wine: one red, one white. Shit, in my haze, I had completely forgotten all about Ian coming over.
Undoing the latch, I opened to door to find Ian inhaling, then his face fell. “Hold up a sec. Why can’t I smell the distinct aroma of Spaghetti Bolognaise?” Ian turned his head to catch my eyes and when he did, his smile disappeared. “What’s wrong?” He walked in and I closed the door. What was I going to tell him? I suppose everything, now that this had happened tonight. Ian was just as big a part of Dean’s life as I was, so I had to tell him he was here at least. Not only that. We had both been working for him for the past three years. With that, amongst other thoughts whirling around in my head, I motioned towards the sofa.
“I think you need to sit down,” I suggested with a half-smile. I really didn’t know how I was going to tell him, but I knew I had to try.
Ian gulped a little, but did as he was told. “You’re frightening me,” he finally said, reaching the sofa and sat down. I sat down next to him and took a deep breath. I wasn’t sure where to begin, so I started
from the beginning. I told him all about my stranger, the things he did around the house, unwittingly knowing it was Dean all along. The only part I left out was what he told me about my parents. I would elaborate if he asked, but I was too drained to carry on once I had finished.
After I told him that Andrew Walker was Dean all along, Ian sat there, dazed for a moment. “Shit, Tyler,” he finally spluttered in disbelief. “I can’t believe he did that.”
I shook my head. “Me, either.”
Ian’s face was a picture. You could tell he was shocked and you could tell he must have had a million questions flying around his head. We were all such good friends. We shared everything together. Our hopes and dreams, even our darkest fantasies.
Once Ian calmed down a little, he saw my defeated stare and motioned me over. “Come here. Let me give you a cuddle and a good old-fashioned massage to help you unwind. You’re never alone with your best friend. I was always there for you.”
I smiled and manoeuvred myself into Ian’s arms. He gave me a warm hug, then pulled me up so he could massage my shoulders.
I moaned my appreciation. “Thanks, Ian. You’ve always been a true friend.”
“A true friend who is determined to get into your knickers by the time we reach thirty.”
I chuckled at his running joke, but I wasn’t really in the joking mood tonight. “I’m sorry about the Bolognaise, Ian. Maybe we could get takeout instead?” He rubbed some more, showing me his support.
“Hey, don’t worry about it. Just sit back, relax, drink some wine, and we’ll order something once you’ve calmed a little. Your shoulders are so tense.”
I shut my eyes, murmuring “Thank you” as I let him carry on rubbing my shoulders. I was beginning to relax. Today was still coursing through me, but it was easing a little bit now that I had Ian here to support me. Even though I never had Dean, Ian was the one true friend I counted on through thick and thin. He had always been there for me as much as I hoped I had been there for him.
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