“I told her you were in the hospital. She didn’t say anything about coming to see you.”
Judd nodded slowly, his eyes now on his daughter. “You don’t sound happy about her calling.”
Amy bit her lip, trying to compose her thoughts, her emotions, surprised at her father’s calm. “I just want to know what took her so long. Why didn’t she ever call. Not once. Not even for birthdays or Christmas…” Amy stopped talking as her anger rose. “And why doesn’t she want to visit you?”
“Guilt. Guilt is a soul-destroying emotion.”
Amy wondered who he spoke of. He looked grief stricken.
“I made a mistake…” Judd hesitated. He sighed and straightened. “If she doesn’t want to come for a visit, I understand. Tell her I said that.”
“She might not phone again.” Amy thought of her response to her mother and wondered if Noreen would even want to try.
Judd crossed his arms and looked away. “How does Rick like his job?” her father asked, abruptly changing the subject.
“Loves it.” Amy retorted, glad to move to a less-emotional topic. “Comes home late, tired, dirty and happy.” Amy wrinkled her nose, unable to imagine that he would prefer working with cold hard metal instead of warm animals and soft grass.
“So what are you going to do about Rick working out?”
“Not much I can do. Keep plugging. Prices look good for the fall, so I’m hoping we can buy a round baler this year. Then I can feed the cows myself.”
“That would make things handy.” Judd looked at her, his face suddenly concerned. “It’s not too much for you, is it, with Rick gone?”
“Now that I quit my job, I can manage. It’s going to be a bit tight financially until we sell the calves, but after that it will be okay.” Amy shrugged. “It will be less hectic once you’re home and Tim and I are married.”
Judd nodded slowly.
“What?” Amy frowned at her father. “You don’t look like you believe me.”
“No, that’s not it.” He tapped his fingers together. “I just don’t know if it would be such a good idea for me to live with you and Tim when he moves onto the ranch. I don’t want to see you doing all of this just because you think you have to look after me.”
“Don’t be silly, Dad. Of course you’ll stay with us. Especially now. Where else would you go? What would you do?”
“I don’t need much, Amy.” Judd grinned at Amy. “Just a television and a remote control. I’ve got my disability pension, I could live on my own.” He paused a moment, looking down. “The ranch is a lot of work for you.”
“It’s not a burden to me.” Amy laughed. “I love the work. I can’t imagine living anywhere else.”
“And Tim won’t mind driving to work every day?”
Amy looked at her hands, twisting her ring around her finger as she remembered the conversation she’d had with his mother over his work and his prospects. “He has never complained about it.”
“That doesn’t mean he wouldn’t mind.”
Amy shrugged. “He’s not henpecked yet. I’m sure he would have said it fairly clearly if he minded.” Amy reached over and patted her father’s arm. “Don’t worry, Dad. It will all work out just fine.”
Chapter Eleven
Amy stepped into Tim’s car. As she leaned over to give him a kiss, she caught the unfamiliar whiff of a different scent. “New aftershave for Sunday?” she teased, sniffing his cheek.
“Gift from my mom.”
Amy fell back, puzzled, as she mentally ticked off any possible reasons for the present. His birthday wasn’t for another four months. They’d already received engagement gifts…
“Relax, Amy,” he said with a smile as he drove out of their yard. “It was one of those ‘just because’ things my mom likes to indulge in at times.”
“Thank goodness.” Amy laughed. “I’m down to my last few dollars. I’d have to knit up some socks if I wanted to get you something.” She wrinkled her nose. “I don’t miss cashing at the grocery store, but I sure miss the paycheck.”
“Speaking of paychecks, when do you figure on shipping your calves?”
“I’ll have to do it earlier than I figured—October instead of November. I won’t have to buy as much hay then.”
Tim only nodded, his forehead creased in thought.
“What?” Amy asked. “Do you think I should wait?”
He lifted one shoulder, as if unsure. “Do you think the income from the spring calves will give you enough money for the winter? You’ve got the heifers and you’ll have to buy hay. Your expenses are going to be higher over the winter. Things could get tight.”
“I know,” Amy sighed, disturbed by the serious tone of his voice. “But as I’ve said before, the price looks good. And if we can weather this winter, by spring, I’ll have another crop of calves to sell and things will really roll.”
Tim pursed his lips as he stared at the road ahead. Amy didn’t like that look, either. It usually meant “Time to talk about your financial statement.” All those people who teased her about the advantages of having a banker for a fiancé, didn’t understand her frustration with discussing financial planning on dates—or planning honeymoons around banker conventions.
“It’s Sunday, Tim,” she added. She needed time to let the worries of the week lay at rest, to remind herself to trust in God.
“You’re right.” He glanced sidelong at her. “I’m sorry.”
Amy winked back at him with a smile of forgiveness. But she couldn’t seem to shake the sense of unease his words brought up. The discussion wasn’t finished, just postponed, and she wondered what he really wanted to talk about. They drove in silence, the thrum of the car the only sound.
Amy let herself relax against the seat, disturbed at the tension that dogged their relationship the past week. Neither she nor Tim brought it up, but for herself it dated back to the trip to Vancouver and her future mother-in-law’s comments.
She had tried to broach the subject of his career on the way home from Vancouver but he had been evasive.
And it hadn’t helped that Rick had talked about Paul on their arrival. Tim had been extra touchy where Paul Henderson was concerned. Amy wanted to get Tim’s jealousy out in the open so she could reassure him, but Tim disliked talking about Paul even more than he disliked talking about Noreen.
And that was another thing she wanted to tell him but didn’t dare. She was hoping to bring up Noreen’s phone call this morning, but he looked a little tense as it was.
Amy reached out to smooth his hair, her fingers lingering on his shoulder, wanting to reassure him, to show him. He smiled then, tilting his head toward her.
“Are you still heading off to Vancouver this afternoon?” she asked, seeking for a touchstone, something that would draw them together. The wedding plans always managed to be common ground.
“Stanley managed to get some time off work, as well, so I thought we could pick out our tuxedos tomorrow.” He smiled at Amy. “You really should have had your dress picked out long ago. It’s getting closer. Have you had a chance to look through those books my mom bought?”
Amy felt a prick of guilt as she thought of the heavy, glossy magazines lying on the couch in the living room. Shannon had glanced through one while Amy was making supper, oohing and aahing over some of the styles. Amy managed a quick glance over her shoulder, but couldn’t seem to work up enthusiasm for the lace and sequined confections that Mrs. Enders had earmarked for Amy’s consideration. They looked expensive and totally out of her reach. “The dresses in there are lovely…”
“But…”
“Out of my price range, I think.”
“How many times do I have to tell you, my parents will gladly help out.”
“I had thought I could sew my own dress…”
“You won’t have time for that.” Tim reached over and folded his hand over hers. “You barely have time to buy one. So don’t get all proud on me. For once in your life take what someone is off
ering and don’t think you have to either earn it or deserve it. After all, the future wife of an M.C.S. has an image to keep up.”
“M.C.S.?”
“Manager of Commercial Services. It’s a promotion.”
“Tim, are you serious?” Amy whirled on him, grabbing at his shoulder. “You got a promotion? When? Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
Tim grinned at her exuberance. “I only got the phone call a couple of days ago.”
Amy sat back, pleased and very proud of her future husband. “I can’t believe you got promoted over Bob Delaney. He has more seniority than you.”
Tim’s expression became serious and Amy felt a small tingling of dread. “I think you should know…” He wrapped his fingers around the steering wheel, rotating his wrists. “The promotion isn’t for the branch in Williams Lake.”
Amy swallowed, her heart beginning a long, slow thump. “Where is it?” she asked quietly.
Tim bit his lip, took a deep breath and glanced sidelong at her. “Vancouver.”
“What?” Amy’s mouth fell open as the single word registered. She sat back, staring at Tim, as her whole world rearranged. “Vancouver? Why there?” she asked stupidly even as his mother’s comments came back to her with aching clarity.
“I know for a fact I’m not going to get anywhere at the branch in town, Amy,” Tim said hurriedly. “I’m the least experienced accounts manager, and talent isn’t recognized as quickly in a small place. Seniority is what counts. This chance came up in Vancouver, and I know I’ll be able to go a lot further than if I stayed here.” He looked at Amy, his gaze pleading. “I can’t turn it down, Amy. It’s a great opportunity.”
Amy slumped against the seat as his words washed over her, clear, sensible and so very destructive. How could he do this without asking her? How could he just assume she would go along with this? First Rick gets a job and leaves the ranch, now Tim gets a promotion and wants to leave town. Was God trying to tell her something? Or was his mother, she thought unkindly.
Over and over it seemed doors closed on her, limiting her options, pushing her into corners. Was she being selfish to ask him to take her needs into consideration? She hadn’t known he was unhappy in Williams Lake, he’d never said anything before, had he? She didn’t think she was that blind. “And what about my father and the ranch?” she asked when her thoughts finally settled down.
Tim bit his lip as his hands continued massaging the steering wheel. “I’ve been thinking about that one long and hard.” He threw her a pleading glance. “Don’t think it has been easy for me to set aside what I know you want.” He looked straight ahead again, hesitating. “I think you should sell it, Amy. Your father doesn’t seem interested, Rick’s got a job…”
“And you don’t want to live there,” Amy finished for him. She looked away. She truly hadn’t known. What his mother had said was the first inkling she had of where he wanted to go. “Do you have any other surprises you want to spring on me before we get married?”
“I’m sorry, Amy. I thought I would be happy here. But every time I go back to Vancouver, I realize what I’m missing. In the bank here, there’s only so far to go. We would have been moving sooner or later, anyhow. This is just sooner.”
Amy nodded slowly, his words slowly sinking in, heavy and ominous.
“I know you’ll be able to sell it. Your dad had often said he wanted to live in town, and now with his diabetes…”
“Please,” Amy put up her hand, then let it drop idly into her lap. “Can we please not talk about this right now?” For a moment anger surged through her, but she pushed it aside, drawing in a deep breath. She sent out a quick prayer for trust and that God would turn this into good.
They drove in a heavy silence, and this time Amy didn’t seek to dispel it. She wanted to get to church where more people would dilute the atmosphere that was so heavy between her and Tim.
How could he do this to her? Why didn’t he tell her? She was sure his parents had talked him into it. And if that was so, why didn’t he consult her? She hadn’t known he would have preferred to live in Vancouver.
Did she have the devotion she would need to follow him to Vancouver?
She wanted to. She wanted to be a faithful wife and do what was best for him. But could she give up her dreams to help him follow his?
Okay, Lord. You put me in this. I really need You to help me out right now. I need to be at peace with this. Even though I can’t, she added to herself as she stared sightlessly out of the window.
Tim pulled into the parking lot of the church and without a backward glance, Amy stepped out and almost ran up the church steps.
“It is with great joy that we announce the return of Mark and Sheryl Andrews’s twin girls from Kamloops Hospital to home.” Pastor DeJonge smiled at the congregation. “We thank God that all is well with the babies and that they could finally go home to Sweet Creek. Mark and Sheryl wish to thank the congregation for your prayers.” He paused a moment to adjust his glasses as he looked down. “Of course we’d like to continue to remember the Danyluk family as Judd is still in hospital.” Pastor DeJonge looked around the congregation. “Are there any other prayer requests?”
Amy swallowed, wishing she could slow her beating heart, wondering if she should ask for what truly lay on her heart. What would Tim say if she asked the congregation to make him change his mind? And was that what she really wanted?
She stole a sideways glance at Tim who looked down at his folded hands. What would he say if she stood up? What would he think about her request?
It shouldn’t matter.
She bit her lip, and unbidden, her glance turned sideways to the Hendersons’ pew and found herself looking directly into Paul’s eyes. For a moment their gaze held, and Amy felt a well-known tingle. When she first stepped into church the sight of his blond head both frightened and thrilled her. He had said he was going to come up this Sunday, and she didn’t think he was serious. Until she saw him sitting in the pew. She bit her lip, remembering his phone call.
You know exactly why he’s here, Amy. The thought pushed its way through all the other difficulties of her life, all the other sorrows and burdens, and for a brief moment she clung to it.
Then Paul winked at her, and the moment evaporated. What was she thinking about? Amy suddenly stood up.
“My mother…” She faltered and cleared her throat. In her peripheral vision she saw Tim frown. “My mother phoned me a few days ago,” she continued, her voice sounding so small, almost lost in the full church. She clung to the pew in front of her and drew another breath. “I’m struggling with forgiveness, and I ask for your prayers.” Amy hurriedly sat down, looking neither to the right at Tim nor to the left at Paul. She closed her eyes, folding her icy hands tightly under her chin.
There was a general silence, and then Pastor DeJonge invited them to join him in prayer.
Amy felt a wave of peace softly soothe her ragged thoughts and as she slowly released the tension in her body, she gave her problems to the Lord. His strength washed over her, renewing and strengthening. Thoughts of Noreen, Tim, Judd and especially Paul, and all the emotions that came with them, slowly slipped away.
Thank you Lord, she silently added after the minister said Amen. Thank you for your peace.
Slowly she looked up, taking a cleansing breath. They stood for the last song, and when its notes faded away, she felt Tim clutch her elbow.
“Amy.” His voice was quiet, his tone admonishing. “Why didn’t you tell me your mother phoned?”
Amy turned to look over her shoulder at him, hurt at his intrusion. She found it ironic that he should demand disclosure from her so soon after his own surprising news. “I’m sorry, Tim. You always seem embarrassed when I talk about her.” She clutched her handbag tighter, drawing on the peace she had just felt. “I didn’t want to bring it up.” Given what he had sprung on her in the car on the way up here, she was surprised that he would be chiding her over withholding a much-smaller piece of inf
ormation than he had.
“But I should know these things before you get up in church and ask for prayer requests.” Tim bent over to pick up his Bible and put the song book back into the rack, his words considerate, but his tone chastizing.
Impatience coursed through her. Impatience and a residue of anger at his quick dismissal of her needs. She knew they should talk, but they could hardly have it out here in church. Silently she turned and stepped into the flow of people, head down, unwilling to see if Tim followed.
“Careful, Amy,” a deep voice behind her cautioned. She looked up just in time to prevent herself from bumping into Mrs. Masterson, shuffling along behind her walker.
Amy slowed her pace and risked a backward glance. She saw the broad expanse of Paul’s white shirt, slashed vertically by a black tie. Paul shoved his hands in the pockets of his charcoal dress slacks, looking down at her with concern in his deep blue eyes.
“How are you doing?” he asked quietly.
She turned away. Her emotions were still in a turmoil. It didn’t help that Paul had come as he’d said he would in his phone call. What if he came up every weekend? What would she do?
It doesn’t matter, she reminded herself bitterly. The way things are going you’ll be gone in November, anyways.
She bit her lip, wishing she could find a way to graciously slip by Mrs. Masterson, needing to find a quiet place to gather her wits. But the dear, elderly lady chatted amiably to her neighbor who had slowed her pace to match. Short of rudely pushing past, she couldn’t get away from Paul as easily as she eluded Tim.
“I saw your dad yesterday. He seemed pretty good.” Paul spoke quietly.
Amy nodded, unwilling to get drawn into conversation with Paul. It was all too easy to end up confiding in him, something she should be doing with her fiancé. Always, in the back of her mind, Paul’s declaration hovered, preventing any confidences.
“Are you and Tim visiting him today?”
She shook her head, watching Mrs. Masterson’s feet drag slowly along the carpet. Amy wished she could escape, but short of pushing past the dear old lady, was stuck answering Paul’s quiet questions. “I am, but Tim has to run into Vancouver to make arrangements for the wedding.”
Ever Faithful Page 16
