by Jenika Snow
I ran my hands over the lounge pants I’d put on. The air seemed especially chilled right now, and I felt my nipples harden under the plain white T-shirt I wore. I was nervous, although I tried to tell myself that there was no need to be. This was Felix, and whatever happened, things would be fine … right?
I’m making something into nothing.
I lifted my hand and knocked twice. A second passed before I finally heard him.
“Yeah, come in.”
I pushed the door open and saw him sitting on his bed, his back to me, his upper body nude. I could see he still wore his jeans, and my heart beat faster. I stared at the tattoos he had on his arms. He’d had them before we moved, mainly having friends of friends who made deals in exchange for his ink if Felix didn’t have the money for them. There had been plenty of times he’d had to work on cars to repay for the tattoos, but I knew to him it had all been worth it.
It didn’t matter if he was covered from head to toe with them or didn’t have any ink on his flesh.
I’d love him no matter what.
But it also just so happened that I really enjoyed looking at him with the lines and shapes and the story he had written on his hard, muscular form.
“I wanted to make sure you were okay.” I swallowed, my throat dry, my heart beating fast. I didn’t know if this situation was the right time to just come clean. It could make things a hell of a lot worse, and far more uncomfortable if Felix didn’t reciprocate my feelings.
“I’m fine,” he said softly, his back still to me. I was so nervous. I knew telling him I loved him, and that I wanted him to desire me just as much, might drive this wedge between us.
I’m afraid.
He rose from the bed, ran a hand over his hair, and after several seconds he finally turned and faced me. I saw the way his body tightened, watched the play of muscle under his skin. He lowered his gaze down my body, and I felt like he was actually touching me. I knew my nipples were hard, could feel them poking through the material of my too-thin shirt.
“You’re probably pretty freaked out about …” He cleared his throat.
“I think you’re more freaked out about it than I am.” We didn’t move, didn’t say anything else for long seconds. I hated this weird silence. We’d never been like this before. “This seems so silly,” I finally said, playing this off like it didn’t affect me.
But it does.
“But it’s not, Maggie.” He paused a second, staring right in my eyes. “It’s pretty fucking serious, to be honest.”
I knitted my brows and shook my head. “So you were hard.” I shrugged, although a flush stole over me. “I’m sure it happens all the time. It’s natural.”
He smirked, but it didn’t look like he was amused.
“I mean, I hate how that one thing has made this awkward now. It shouldn’t be like that with us.” I took a step closer. “I’m sure if I was a guy, I would have popped a boner, too.” I tried for a little humor, but Felix looked serious.
And then he started moving toward me, and the expression on his face had my throat tightening. He stopped when he was only a few feet from me, his big body making me feel even more feminine. Having him so close had me so heated I couldn’t even breathe.
“I want us to be the way we were, Felix.” I swallowed the lump in my throat. My words came out tight, and I wondered if he could tell how aroused I was.
He shook his head. “I don’t want us to go back to the way things were.”
“I don’t understand,” I whispered, although if I was being honest with myself, I hoped he meant exactly what I wanted.
Felix
Just say you love me back.
I’d waited my whole life for this moment, for the balls to come clean about how I really felt for Maggie. I could have done this a long time ago, just been a man and told her the truth, said to hell with any repercussions that might have come from it.
But I’d rather have Maggie as a friend than nothing at all.
Then why am I saying anything right now? Why risk it?
Because I was sick of having to hold myself back, of pretending there wasn’t anything more than a close bond of friendship. It was eating me up inside, and having Maggie feel my arousal for her in all its hard glory was just the kick in the ass I needed, I guess.
She stared at me, looking so damn gorgeous, so damn innocent. She made it seem like my boner pressed to her belly hadn’t affected her. But it had. I know it had. I just didn’t know if it leaned more toward the bad or good side of it all.
“You look … conflicted,” she said, and I could see how nervous she was. I didn’t blame her. She was probably freaked out by all of this.
You sure you want to do this?
Yeah, I needed to.
“I don’t want us to go back to the way things were,” I said again. I watched the emotion play across her face. “I love you.”
She smiled at me, this sweet, beautiful smile that lit up the whole fucking room. “I love you, too.”
“I’m in love with you, have been for as long as I can remember.”
I felt the air change in the room, sensed it get hot, then cold, over and over again. I tried to gauge her emotions, what she might be thinking by the expressions on her face, but what came out the strongest was shock.
I took another step closer to her. “I love you so damn much, Maggie.” I stopped when I was only a foot from her. I inhaled deeply. She smelled so good. “And no matter how much I try and push it down, no matter how much I try and keep this on a friend level—” I shook my head. “I can’t. I can’t pretend I’m good with being just your friend.” I reached out and cupped her cheek. I was pleased she didn’t move away. “And as much as I want you in my life and will take you however you will have me, I have to be true and honest with myself.” I looked right in her eyes. “But above all else I need to be true and honest to you.” I was trying to remain calm, to act collected. I didn’t know how she’d react once this really settled in.
The silence stretched on, and I couldn’t grasp if it was a good kind of silence. She looked down, and I wanted desperately to know what she was thinking.
“Maggie, talk to me,” I finally said. My throat felt tight, my heart racing. “I know this is probably confusing you, maybe even scaring you, but I can’t keep it in anymore.” She lifted her head and looked at me then. The quiet that came from her had my heart jumping to my throat. “And what you felt downstairs—” I swallowed hard. “I don’t want you to think I’m some fucking typical guy that can’t control himself.” I tried to feign calm. “But the fact is whenever you’re near, whenever you say anything, hell, whenever I think about you, my body just reacts.”
“Felix.” She said my name softly, moving a step closer. We were now just inches apart. She put her hand right on my chest, over my heart, and I knew how strongly she could feel it beating.
It beat for her. It always had, and it always would.
“What is it, baby?” I couldn’t stop myself from saying the endearment.
I wanted to know what she thought … desperately.
“Felix, I am so in love with you.”
And just like that the world stopped, my heart stalled in my chest, and fuck, the damn planets aligned.
Chapter 6
Maggie
“Say it again,” Felix said.
I couldn’t believe this was happening, but it was, and I didn’t want to let this situation between us pass. I didn’t want this experience to be just an “in the moment” thing. I wanted this to be the realest thing I’d ever experienced … that we’d ever experienced.
“I love you, Felix.” I swallowed, needing to be strong. “I am in love with you, have been for years.”
He closed his eyes and rested his forehead on mine. For long seconds neither of us said anything. Then he pulled me close and just held me.
“You have no idea what it does to me to hear you say that.” His words were right by my ear, whispered low, heated.
I felt his
erection pressed against my belly, and this intense heat filled me. I grew wet between my legs, my entire body lighting up for Felix. He ran a hand over my back, up and down, slow and easy. But that gentle touch did something wicked to me, had me wanting things I’d only ever dreamed of with Felix.
I knew where this was headed, and I wasn’t going to try and rationalize that this might ruin things between us. I wouldn’t allow myself to be afraid of it anymore, of being with the only person who looked at me like I was worth something important.
“I love you, Felix,” I said again and heard him groan.
“You’ll never know how good it feels, how perfect and right this all is to me.”
“I know exactly how it feels.” I pulled back and looked into his face.
I saw the way Felix looked at my mouth, could feel his need for me, and it was in that moment that I realized so many years had passed where we could have been together.
“It’s always been you for me, Maggie. Never was there a time when I questioned how I felt, or thought this wasn’t what I wanted.” He stroked my cheek with his thumb. “You’re the only one I love, the only one I’ll ever love.”
When he lifted his gaze to my eyes, my heart jumped into my throat. I didn’t know what to say in that moment. In my head I screamed out for him to kiss me, to hold me, and to tell me he loved me over and over again.
“You understand what I’m saying, Maggie?” He moved his thumb along my skin in slow, gentle sweeps. “I’ve been in love with you since before I even knew what that was. I was in love with you before I even knew your name, before you even said one word.” The smile he gave me was sweet, genuine. Just for me. “I knew that you were it for me even at that young age.”
I felt tears prick at the corners of my eyes.
“I didn’t want to say anything and ruin what we had. I guess I needed a kick in the ass to express what needed said.” He kissed the center of my forehead. “I didn’t want to screw up what we have.” He leaned in close again, and I closed my eyes. The scent of him was purely male and slightly spicy.
“To know you’re mine, that you want me, too…” His big body shuddered.
“I didn’t want to say anything either,” I admitted.
This is really happening.
“And even if you hadn’t said those three words to me, Maggie, I still would have stayed by your side.” He added the slightest pressure to my face, maybe showing me that he was right here with me.
My heart was in my throat. I lifted my hands and gripped his biceps. His flesh was warm, smooth, and I curled my fingers gently into his skin. Felix had always been so strong and had always looked out for me.
“What we have, what we share, that’s as real as anything else in this world.” He was now eye level with me. “You’re the realist thing in my life, and I won’t let you go.”
He wanted me the way I wanted him, and I was done waiting, done trying to pretend I could live without him in the way I desperately needed.
“Be with me,” I whispered.
I felt him playing with the hair by my ear, and chills raced up my spine. I’d anticipated this, was excited for the possibilities. I also felt like I’d just fallen down this black hole with no chance of finding the bottom.
But I was okay with that.
“For me, it’ll only ever be you, Maggie.”
He looked at my mouth again, and I felt the tips of his fingers brush along the side of my neck. Every part of me was on fire. I parted my mouth and sucked in a breath.
He moved impossibly closer, but I wanted him pressed right up against me, so there was no denying we were here and about to do this.
Are we about to do this?
I should have felt slightly embarrassed by the sound that left me. It was needy but also filled with pleasure.
And his cock … I couldn’t even breathe. He was so big, so hard.
And it’s all for me, because of me.
Chapter 7
Felix
Only with you can reality be this good.
To say I felt like I was dreaming was an understatement. Not only did my girl love me the way I loved her, but I could feel what was about to happen. I could sense her arousal for me, her need for me.
“Can I kiss you?” I whispered.
“You don’t ever have to ask.”
I groaned aloud, her words spearing me deep.
I looked at her pink, full lips and wanted to get lost in the sensation of our mouths pressed together. I wanted to kiss her so she couldn’t breathe, so she was gasping for air, clutching at me for stability.
I wanted to kiss her so she truly knew what it meant to be ravished by the man who loved her.
Hell, I wanted to be so lost in her I didn’t even remember my name.
From the moment I saw her, it had only been her for me.
“We can go as slow or fast as you want.” I lifted my hand and cupped the side of her neck, pulling her head slightly toward mine. We were just an inch apart, sharing the same air, the sweet scent that saturated her filling my head.
“How about we start with you kissing me?” Her voice was low, heated.
I didn’t stop myself then. I tilted my head, and slanted my mouth on hers. A groan was ripped from me instantly. She was so perfect, so soft … so mine.
Maggie loved me.
The one girl I would die for wanted me.
The way she gasped against my mouth and let me have my way with her had me so fucking turned on. I had no doubts I’d come in my jeans like a damn teenager.
“Hold on to me, baby,” I couldn’t stop myself from saying.
She lifted her arms, wound them around my neck, and rose on her toes so she was totally flush with me. There was no spot on her I wouldn’t eventually touch.
My cock jerked behind my jeans, and I wanted more.
I needed more from her.
The rope in me started to unravel, and knew if I didn’t grapple with my control, I could lose it and ruin this. I didn’t want to go too fast, didn’t want to be too rough with my passion.
I wanted to make sure she felt good, that she was right here with me.
She dug her nails into the flesh at my back, and my entire body grew tighter, hotter.
“I need you so bad,” I said and found myself walking her backward, toward the bed.
I tangled my hands around her hair, tugging at the strands.
“Don’t stop,” Maggie gasped against my mouth.
I groaned again. “I have no fucking plans to.”
I thrust my tongue into her mouth, this guttural sound leaving me. I used my other hand to span her back, keeping her close.
I stroked my tongue along hers and pulled it deeper into my mouth. She moaned for me. I found myself pressing my dick against her belly, the softness of her stomach against the rock hardness of my dick making my balls draw up tightly.
“You have no idea how much I want you right now.” I pulled back and looked into her pleasure-filled face.
“Probably about as much as I want you?”
My heart jackknifed in my chest.
“I want you to be my first and only, Maggie.” I wasn’t ashamed or embarrassed in the slightest to admit I’d never had sex. I’d saved myself for this girl, for the chance to show her with my body what she meant to me. No other girl had ever compared to her, never even crossed my mind. Maggie was it from the very beginning.
I was possessive of her, obsessed with her, and there was nothing in this world I wouldn’t do for her.
“Let me show you how special you are to me.” I stared into her eyes.
“I want you to be my first, too, Felix.”
I breathed out harshly.
“I’ll be your only.” I claimed her mouth again, kissed her, and stroked her tongue with mine. “I can’t stand the thought of you with anyone but me.”
“I don’t want anyone but you,” she said against my mouth. “It’s only ever been you.”
I closed my eyes and groaned
.
I crushed her to me again, speared my hands in her hair, and kissed her until we were both gasping for air. I had my hands on the sides of her neck, holding her still as I mouth fucked her.
That was the best term I could come up with for the possession I took of her mouth.
She arched into me, her breasts pressing into my chest, letting me feel how hard her nipples were. Damn, I wanted her naked, wanted her bare chest right up against mine. My cock jerked again like a motherfucker.
I forced myself to pull back and break the kiss. I didn’t want to, but then again this moment needed done right. If I didn’t get some control this would be over before it even started.
Maggie deserved better than that.
Burying my face in her neck, I inhaled deeply, getting intoxicated from the way she smelled.
“Take me to bed,” she whispered.
We were right by the mattress, so it was easy enough brining her down onto it. I covered her body with mine, wanting the clothes she wore gone. I pulled back and braced my hands by her head. My forearms were straight so my upper body was off hers and our chests were no longer touching. All I did was stare at her.
She was perfect.
And mine.
“I want to go slow with you, to make this last, but I don’t know if I can, baby.”
Maggie rose up, and before I could comprehend what she was doing, she had her top lifted and pulled over her head. And then I was staring at her breasts.
“Come closer to me,” Maggie said softly.
I’d walk over burning coals if I knew it would make her day.
I’d cut off my own arm if it meant she was safe.
I’d do whatever it took to make sure this woman always looked at me with love in her eyes.
“I want you as close to me as possible, Felix.”
I was on her a second later. “Shit, baby.” I rested my forehead on her chest, hearing her heart beating right below the surface of her skin, feeling her warmth spread to me.
“We should probably get fully undressed, right?” There was this teasing heat in her voice.
