by Jenika Snow
“I’m not hungry.” I set my fork down and looked at the clock. I was meeting Quinn in twenty minutes. He wanted us to hang out, to spend time together, and really talk about all of this. At least the latter was what I assumed.
“It’s for one year, Isabel,” my dad said, sounding frustrated. I didn’t care if he was annoyed. “Once you graduate, if you want to go to school here, or wherever Quinn is, that’s an option.”
“A year is a long time,” I said, my voice monotone, and I knew my expression reflected that. “Let’s not forget you’re uprooting me during my senior year, or that we have to move across the country.” I straightened, not about to cry at the dinner table. “It’s not like I’m moving to the next city over. It’s not like I can tell Quinn to go with me.”
My dad exhaled and grabbed his napkin to wipe his mouth. When he set it down, he looked me right in the eyes. “I know you and Quinn are close. And I know this will be a hard adjustment. But it’s for one year, honey, and I can’t pass up this promotion.” He said the last part a little softer. “I’ve been working toward this for the last ten years.”
I wanted to support my dad, knew he deserved this, but it was hard to feel any kind of happiness toward anyone when I was hurting so much.
“I’m sorry. I’m happy you’re getting what you deserve, but it’s … hard for me.” I stood and walked over to the table in the foyer. I gabbed my keys from the little bowl on it and stared at myself in the mirror above the table. I looked like shit, with dark circles under my eyes and this shitty expression covering my face. I might only be five minutes away from where I was to meet Quinn, and I’d obviously be early, but I’d rather sit there with just my thoughts and the silence than stay here and try and be happy when I wasn’t.
“Where are you going?” my mother asked.
“To spend time with my best friend.”
And the boy I love.
Quinn
I’d been sitting on the roof of my car for the last hour, even if Isabel wasn’t supposed to show up for a while still. I just needed to get my thoughts in order. I’d pushed everything aside that had to do with her leaving, because tonight, I wanted her to know how special she was to me, how much she meant to me.
I wanted to tell her I loved her, and that no matter where she went, or how far away it was, I would find her. Our lives would always be entwined, no matter what.
The flash of headlights had me turning and looking over my shoulder. This strip of property was out in the middle of nowhere, with cornfields stretching out in front of me for miles, and the open sky making way to the thousand of stars above.
I’d never been one of those sappy guys that cared about feelings or any of that shit. I didn’t care about any of that stuff with anyone aside for Isabel.
We’d been coming here since we were old enough to drive. It was the one spot we could talk unfiltered, without the outside world intruding.
She pulled her car behind mine and cut the engine. I’d wanted to pick her up at her folks’ house, wanted to do this right, but she’d insisted on meeting me here. My first thought was she wanted an escape route if things got too emotional or real, even if she didn’t exactly know what I planned on telling her tonight.
When she got out of the car, I slid off the hood of mine and walked over to her. Her face lit up when she saw me, and that made me feel so fucking good. All she had to do was smile at me, and I fucking crumbled.
Tonight, she’d find out that for her, I’d do anything.
Tonight, she’d find out that I’d fall to my knees and worship her if that’s what would make her happy.
I embraced her before she could even say anything, and at first she was tense, but then she melted into me. We stood there like that for so long, but I didn’t want to pull away. I didn’t want this moment to end.
“This fucking sucks,” she said against my shirt. I was so much taller than she was, her head resting right under my pectoral. I liked that she was so tiny compared to me, and that I could hold her close and nearly engulf her. It made me feel like nothing in this world could touch her, that as long as she was with me, everything would be okay.
“They keep telling me it’s only for a year until I finish school.” She pulled away and looked up at me. She wasn’t crying, but she was on the verge. I cupped her cheeks and kissed her forehead.
I was only like this with her.
I didn’t care what others said about me, or if my friends gave me a hard time and said I was too soft when it came to Isabel. I didn’t give a shit about any of that, or about what they had to say, because when all was said and done, the only person that mattered to me was looking right into my eyes.
“I’ll go with you,” I said with determination, not sure how I’d get that to work out seeing as the part-time job I had wasn’t exactly padding my savings account.
She smiled and shook her head. “That’s dumb,” she said and laughed, and I knew she wasn’t insulting me.
“I would, though, Isabel,” I said in all seriousness. The smile faded from her face. “I’d follow you to the end of the world just to make sure we stayed together.” My heart was thundering, and despite the fact we weren’t together, I wanted her to know she meant everything to me.
“As much as I love the idea of you going with me and toughing this next year out, I wouldn’t want you to do that, Quinn.” She pulled away and stared up at the sky. “Have you ever thought about how tiny we really are?” A moment of silence passed before she spoke again. “Have you ever really thought that out of the entire world, the universe, the great blankness above us, that we are just these little specks of cells and energy?”
I heard what she said, but I was too focused on her, at the way she looked staring up at the sky, at the vulnerability and sadness I saw on her face.
“It’s only a year of school before we can be together again, but it feels like someone is ripping out my heart, Quinn.” She looked at me then, that vulnerability so raw, so real, that I felt it in every cell in my body. “I know to outsiders looking in I’m being dramatic, but I can’t help it. I love—”
“I love you, Isabel,” I said, cutting her off, not about to hold this in anymore. She didn’t move, didn’t even show emotion for long moments. “I am so fucking in love with you, and have been before I even know what that emotion was.” I cupped her face again and leaned down so we were eye to eye. “Ever since I met you when we were ten, I felt something in me start to grow. As the years went on, that affection grew to what I feel now.”
I heard her gasp a little, just a tiny sound that left her lips parted, but I wasn’t going to stop. I couldn’t. Now that the words were out, hanging between us, I wanted to lay it all bare.
“I didn’t want to say anything before because I was afraid of ruining the friendship we have. Having you in my life, even if only as a friend, is what I’ll take, because the alternative isn’t an option for me, Isabel.”
Chapter 4
Isabel
I couldn’t breathe, but right now that wasn’t a bad thing. The fact Quinn had just opened himself up to me, and told me exactly what I’d always longed to hear, had the world rushing around me. I felt lightheaded, my hands shook, and it felt as though my knees would lock if I tried to step away.
“You love me?” I asked stupidly. The fact was I was shocked he’d admitted this stuff to me. For so long, I’d loved him, but I hadn’t wanted to ruin our friendship by telling him how I felt. And if he hadn’t felt the same way, there would have been this awkward wall between us.
He held on to each side of my face, his blue eyes looking intense … sincere. “I fucking love you so much it pains me, Isabel. I’ve wanted to tell you for so long.”
I wanted to cry tears of happiness, but I also knew this made things a little worse. He loved me. I loved him. The separation would be so much worse now.
But will it?
“Did I just fuck things up?” he whispered, his voice deep, filled with emotion.
&n
bsp; Shit, I hadn’t said anything in return. “You didn’t fuck anything up,” I whispered. “I’m so in love with you, Quinn. I’ve kept it to myself, too, afraid it might ruin the closeness we had if you didn’t feel the same way.”
He grinned, his straight white teeth flashing. Quinn crushed me to his body, and I closed my eyes, inhaling his woodsy, masculine scent, just letting him hold me and make things seem not so shitty. I’d agreed to come out here tonight not just to talk to him, but also to finally admit things, even if it would ruin things. Me having to move put a lot of shit into perspective.
What would it have hurt anyway? If that wedge had been put between us, it wouldn’t have mattered because we already had distance.
“You’re the only one I’ve ever wanted,” he said and pulled away to look into my face. “You’re the only one I’ll ever want.”
My heart was in my throat. Quinn was a tough guy. I’d seen him on the ice, watched as he dominated it, took down the other team. Hell, if they hadn’t been forced to play against him, I knew they probably would have parted for him, just let him have his way. School was no different either.
But right here, right now, he was so open to me. He’d also been sweet and gentle with me, as if I might break, but right now, yeah, this was a side I’d never seen.
“I’ve never wanted anyone else, Isabel,” he said softly. “It’s only ever been you. I’ve wanted you in my life not just as my best friend, but as the girl I want to give every part of myself to. It’s you I want to own my virginity. It’s you I want to share my life with.”
I couldn’t think, couldn’t even breathe after he spoke. I’d saved myself for him too, and although I’d never seen him with any girls, the truth was I’d never wanted to think too hard on it either. I’d never wanted to picture the guy I loved being physical with anyone but me.
But to know he was a virgin, that he’d saved himself for me, the same as I’d done for him, made my emotions rise up violently. I didn’t want to think anymore, didn’t want to worry about leaving or how hard it was going to be.
All I wanted to do was be with Quinn in the most basic of ways and show him how much I loved him by sharing my body.
Quinn
She was close to me already, but when she rose on her toes, pressed her chest to mine, and I felt the curved roundness of her breasts, my cock jerked something fierce. But it didn’t stop there, and as surprised as I was by her actions, I held her tightly.
She stared right in my eyes, both of us breathing the same air. My heart was beating like a freight train, and I felt my pulse slam hard against my skin. I wanted to kiss her, to have her in the ways I’d always dreamed of.
I might be a virgin, but I knew what I wanted to do with Isabel, and fuck, was it filthy.
But just as I was about to act on what I wanted, Isabel slammed her mouth against mine. At first, neither of us moved, but then I took control. I cupped the back of her head, tangled my fingers in her hair, and tilted her head so I could thrust my tongue in her mouth. I groaned this guttural sound, the flavor of her like nothing I’d ever tasted before.
I wrapped my other arm snuggly around her waist and used my strength to lift her off the ground a couple of inches, just holding her, loving that she was pressed all up against me. I knew she could feel my cock, and I wondered what she was thinking.
I stroked my tongue along hers, and when she pulled it farther into her mouth and bit down on it gently, I couldn’t help but thrust my cock deeper into her belly, digging the fucker into her softness.
“Be with me, Quinn.”
Holy. Fuck.
I froze after she murmured those words and broke the kiss to look down at her face. I set her on the ground, but kept my arm wrapped around her, wanting her close.
Her mouth was swollen and red, and a light sheen of salvia covered her lips. I felt so fucking possessive of her, and I couldn’t help but untangle my hands from her hair and run my finger over her bottom lip.
She parted her lips slightly, darted out her tongue, and ran it over the pad of the digit. “Be with me, Quinn,” she whispered again, and I felt my cock jerk. If the motherfucker could have spoken, he would have been growling his approval. I was all for being with Isabel, too, but I didn’t want to rush anything.
“Baby, I don’t want you to feel like we have to do this because you’re leaving. I’m not going anywhere.” I cupped her nape. “I told you, you’re mine and nothing will change that.”
She shook her head. “I’ve wanted to be with you like this for a long time. We’re alone, I love you, and it feels like the right time.”
God, I could have come right in my fucking jeans listening to her say these things to me. I wanted her, but I also wanted to make sure she wasn’t rushing anything because our emotions were raw and wild.
“Please, let’s make this a memory I can take with me when I have to go.”
Fuck, my heart broke, but I wasn’t about to say no either. I crushed her to me again, speared my hands in her hair, and kissed her until she was gasping for breath and clinging to me.
Turning us around, I walked us backward until the car stopped us from going farther. She had her back to the driver’s side window, and I curled my bigger body around hers, causing her to arch for me. Her breasts were more than a handful, but fit her slender body perfectly. My fingers itched to touch them, to unbutton her shirt, pull the sides apart, and just go to town massaging the globes.
“Touch me,” she whispered, as if she read my mind.
I was about to fucking come right in my jeans, no joke, but I needed to keep my cool. I might be a virgin, but I’d jerked off plenty of times to the image of Isabel in my head, enough that I had self-control down pretty damn well.
I pulled back, forcing myself to break the kiss. Before I undid her shirt, I ran my tongue over first her top lip and then her bottom. She moaned, and I couldn’t help kissing her again, swallowing the sound. Finally, I took a step back, clenching my hands into fists repeatedly as I watched the rise and fall of her breasts under the light pink blouse she wore.
“Please.” She whispered that word on a moan, and my fucking control snapped right in half.
I all but tore those little pearl buttons off, parted the material, and stared down at the white bra she wore. My mouth dry, the fucker in my pants throbbed. Hell, the bra wasn’t anything fancy, just cotton with a little lace detailing around the edges. But the fucking material was transparent, and I could make out the quarter-sized areolae. They were a darker red, and her nipples were hard and pressed against the fabric.
“Christ, Isabel.” I dragged my gaze up and looked at her face. Pleasure was clear on her expression. I didn’t want to be crude or too rough, but I didn’t know if I could control myself to be tame. The truth was that jerking off and actually standing in front of Isabel, about to be with her, was really fucking different.
No shit.
“You look scared,” she said softly, and I breathed out slowly.
“I’m not scared, baby. I’m trying not to devour you.” When I opened my eyes, she made this little sound in the back of her throat. I wondered what I looked like to her.
“Maybe I want that.” Her words were heady, softly spoken, and told me exactly how much she wanted this.
“Once I start, I won’t be able to stop.” I wanted to be honest.
“I won’t ask you to stop.”
Good. God.
“Giving up your virginity doesn’t have to be with candles and sweet words.”
My throat tightened as she spoke.
“It can be raw and animalistic.”
Was this my Isabel, the sweet and softly spoken girl I was in love with?
“Is that how you want it from me, for our first time?” To be honest, it didn’t matter how I took Isabel for the first time. It wasn’t the how it happened, just the fact I was finally having her after all this time.
“I just want you.”
If that’s how she wanted it, hell, I’d g
ive her so much she couldn’t handle it.
Chapter 5
Isabel
My body was on fire, my skin prickled, and all I wanted was Quinn. The way he looked at me was crazy, possessive, and like he was about to tear right through his skin.
That’s about how I felt right now, like I couldn’t breathe unless I reminded myself to.
But I also thought he might be nervous, maybe thinking I only wanted this because of what was going on. Yes, this was pretty sudden after just saying what we’d said to each other, but this moment seemed perfect, and I didn’t want anything to fuck it up, not even worry that I didn’t want this.
“I want this. I want you,” I said again with more strength. I needed him to know that without a doubt, this was what I wanted.
He made this low sound deep within his chest, something akin to a growl, and then he was on me, his hands on my chest, his mouth at my neck. He shifted slightly and I felt his erection digging into my belly: a huge, thick rod that had my pussy clenching. I was wet, obscenely so, and I knew that before I finally felt him deep in me, I’d only be more soaked.
“Show me where you want me to touch you, Isabel,” Quinn said, his voice a husky growl against the side of my throat.
My hands were shaking, but I lifted one of them, grabbed Quinn’s much larger hand, and slowly pushed it down between our bodies. He was breathing so hard, his warm breath moving along my skin, making me even more flushed. I don’t know what had gotten into me, but I didn’t want slow, didn’t want romantic or gentle, even though maybe I should have for our first time. I wanted to be with Quinn, the guy I loved, and I didn’t care how it transpired as long as it happened right now.
I placed his hand on my lower belly and froze. I heard my heart thundering in my ears, felt it in my throat.
“Do it, baby,” he whispered by my ear. “Show me where you want me.”
