His lips quirk upward as he muses over something. “You know, if I was Zay or Jax, I’d give you a big lecture about how you’re going to obey the rules. But I’m not them, so I’m just gonna let it slide on by and say thanks for agreeing not to rat me out to big brother.”
“Yeah, but if you were Zay, we probably wouldn’t be in this situation,” I retort, a grin pulling at my lips. “Since, from what I understand, he won’t kiss anyone on the mouth.”
This I can do. The joking and teasing. It’s all the heavy stuff … and the kissing … that makes me feel like I’ve fallen off a cliff and will never land. Or I’m going to land soon and end up breaking into a thousand pieces.
“True.” He starts to smile, but it fizzles when Zay honks the horn at us. He sighs, seeming disappointed. “I guess that’s our signal to head back to the car.”
I nod and start to turn for the car, but he tugs at my hand.
“I’m not gonna force you to tell Zay and Jax what happened to your side,” he tells me again, “but I really wish you would. They’ll be understanding with this. I promise.”
He’s promised me a lot of things over the last few minutes, and while I like his promises, I’m not sure if I believe them. Not with how many false promises have been thrown at me over the years.
Trust, it’s a complicated thing that I’m not even going to try to pretend to understand.
I promise you’ll be okay.
I promise you’re gonna have a great life.
I promise things’ll get better.
I promise you’ll make it through this.
I promise I’m not going to hurt you.
Yeah, from what I know, promises are about as empty as my memory.
Raven
Jax gets out of the car as we wander back to it. He doesn’t ask any questions when he sees us, just glances between Hunter and I, his gaze dropping to our interlocked fingers.
Hunter gives my hand a squeeze then casually pulls away. Part of me is relieved he does it while the other part of me longs for that skin-to-skin connection I’ve rarely felt in my life, ever since my parents died basically.
Since I killed them.
Murderer.
You’re a monster.
Sometimes I can still feel the warmth of their blood on my hands and smell the scent of death in the air. It’s weird that I can remember that part yet I can’t remember what actually happened.
“You good?” Jax asks Hunter as I’m ducking into the car.
“Aren’t I always,” Hunter replies amusedly, but I think it might be a bit forced.
It grows quiet after that as we all climb back into the car. I put my I-don’t-give-a-shit-about-anything mask back on and my guard goes back up, but inside my stomach is twirling with regret as what happened in the trees catches up with me.
Why did I show Hunter my wounds and scars? Why did I expose myself like that?
I’ve never really thought of myself as the kind of girl that loses herself when a hot guy is around, but maybe I am. Although, I didn’t really show Hunter the wound because I thought he was hot. I did it because him showing me my scars made me feel connected to him.
“That took you two a long time,” Zay mutters as he steers the car back onto the road.
“Worried you’re gonna be tardy?” I joke as I sit back in the seat, pretending to be chiller than I am.
He narrows his eyes at me in the rearview mirror. “Do I seem like the kind of guy who’d care about that?”
“Well, you didn’t seem like the kind of guy who’d jump into freezing cold water to save me, but you clearly are, so …” I lift a shoulder.
His grip on the wheel constricts, his knuckles whitening. “So you and me are gonna keep dancing like this? Good to know.”
“Dance?” I question. “Don’t you mean me handing you your ass?”
His nostrils flare, and he starts to turn around to do who the hell knows what.
“Zay, focus on driving,” Jax orders as he pushes a few buttons on his phone.
I find it a little bizarre that neither one of them have asked if I told Hunter what was wrong with my side. With Jax being so demanding about it, I thought he’d bring it up again. And Zay hasn’t brought it up either, which again, is strange.
The only thing I can think of is that Hunter somehow told them without me knowing. But that doesn’t seem possible since they haven’t been alone together … unless he managed to send them a text without me knowing. If he did, that means he lied to me.
I sneak a glance at Jax, who’s still looking at his phone, reading something on the screen. Suspicion builds inside me, and I’m about to go all interrogation on them when he sets his phone down.
“We need to talk about the rules,” he announces, sticking his hand out toward Hunter. “Before I do, though, give me the box.”
Hunter’s eyes light up. “Shit. I almost forgot about that.” Grinning at me, he opens the glovebox. “It’s present time.”
“Is it someone’s birthday?” I ask, glancing at the three of them.
Hunter shakes his head as he collects a small box from inside the glovebox. “Nope. This is an apology present.”
“No, it’s not,” Jax insists as he snatches the box from Hunter. “She just needs one. That’s all.”
“Aw now, come on, Jax. You can at least call it an apology present for breaking hers,” Hunter tells him, closing the glovebox.
“Calling it that would mean I feel sorry for breaking it, and I don’t.” He hands me the box. “Besides, the one I threw out the window was a pile of shit.”
Wait …
I glance at the box he’s holding out for me to take. A box that holds a fancy looking phone.
Confusion twirls in my mind. “You bought me a phone?”
“You don’t have to sound so sad about it.” Zay turns onto a wider road that’s lined sparsely with houses. “In fact, you should be saying thank you.”
“Why? You guys broke my old phone.” I toss Jax an accusing look. “Or you did, anyway.”
The corners of his lips quirk for a microsecond, but the look quickly evaporates. “Yeah, I did. But like I said, I’m not apologizing for it. You shouldn’t have tried to call someone.”
“Yeah, because it’s so insane of me to want to try to call for help when three guys force me into an SUV,” I quip with an eye roll. “I’ll make sure to make a mental note of that for next time that happens.”
“No,” all three of them say, startling the crap out of me.
I suspiciously glance at them. “Why do you guys all look like you’re planning on rehashing what happened yesterday?”
“We’re not.” Jax fiddles with a piercing in his brow, twisting the barbell a little. “But there’s a risk that someone else might try to do that to you. It’s how Honeyton works.”
“Because of the whole five mafia families?” I ask, though it’s not really a question. I figure that’s probably the reason.
Jax nods then urges me to take the phone. “This, though, is going to help protect you.”
I don’t take the phone, still a bit suspicious. “Why? My old one didn’t help protect me from you.”
Again, his lips barely, barely quirk. “Only because it was a pile of shit. This one”—he drops the box onto my lap—“has a tracking app, something your old phone didn’t have.”
“I’m pretty sure that ancient piece of crap didn’t even have the capability of getting apps,” Zay remarks as he pulls into an old-school looking diner with flashing neon signs.
I’m not sure why Zay is parking in front of the diner, unless he’s getting breakfast. Hopefully, he makes it quick, or else I’m going to be late for school, and then I’ll have to walk into first period while class is going, something I in no way, shape, or form want to do.
“It didn’t,” I clarify, still not picking up the box. I feel like the moment I do, I’m silently agreeing to some sort of commitment with their little circle. And yeah, I know I’m being stubborn, bu
t I still haven’t decided if I want to do that—commit to them and follow their rules, commit to getting close to someone, to trusting anyone. “But it’s the only phone I could afford. And it made calls and texts, which is all I really need.”
Hunter glances over his shoulder at me with his brows knit. “What about your social media accounts?”
I snort a laugh. “That’s the funniest joke you’ve told yet, Blondie.”
His lips part, and then he tilts his head to the side. “Did you just call me Blondie?”
Huh, I think I did. I guess I’m not opposed to nicknames.
“Yep. And I think it’s pretty fitting.” Grinning, I wink at him.
He narrows his eyes, but it’s a playful move. “Why do I get the feeling you’re secretly making fun of me?”
“How can it be a secret if I’m doing it right in front of you?” I bat my eyelashes innocently at him.
Instead of retorting, he smiles. “Aw, look. You did listen to what I said earlier.”
I’m beyond confused. “Huh?”
His grin widens. “When I told you that if you batted your eyelashes at someone, you could get whatever you want.”
I crinkle my nose, realizing he did say that to me. “That isn’t why I batted them. And I wasn’t even trying to get anything.”
He muses over what I said, resting his arms on the back of the seat. “You’re right, but still, I think you should get something out of it for looking so damn cute. So, what do you want? New shoes? A car? How about a unicorn? I think you mentioned something about that yesterday.”
I make a big show of rolling my eyes. “Yeah, Blondie, I did, yet I still don’t have one. Guess you’re not as badass as you thought.”
His smile is so bright I swear he’s about to throw up rainbows all over me. “Give me a few days, and I’ll make it happen.” He flashes me one final grin before turning around, opening the door, and hopping out of the car.
Zay climbs out, too, as Jax flips up the seat but pauses before he gets out. “Take the phone out of the box and bring it in with you. We’ll help you set it up while we’re taking care of this other shit.” Then he gets out without waiting for me to answer, as if expecting me to do what he says.
Part of me wants to leave the box on the seat, wants to keep my ass planted where I am, wants to put up a good protest, be badass, stubborn Raven. Because, while I’ve spent a lot of time being lonely, I’ve never wanted to be the sort of girl who just follows other people around. I was taught to be tougher than that.
Like how my dad taught me how to throw a mean right hook, he also taught me how to be independent, to not rely on people, which has come in handy over the years.
But as I get out of the car, I start to wonder if maybe I was just really good at being by myself because it was my only option. Or maybe I’m just curious about these guys. Or maybe the loneliness has finally broken me.
Broken.
My uncle hasn’t carved that word into my flesh yet, but it probably belongs there.
Raven
“Holy crap, it smells amazing in here,” I say as I follow Zay and Hunter into the diner with Jax trailing along behind us.
The place is pretty empty, except for a waitress standing behind the counter and an old man drinking coffee in one of the leather corner booth. The air smells like coffee and waffles, and I breathe in the scent as I wander farther inside with my new phone in hand, waiting for it to power up.
I felt kind of stupid when I had to ask Hunter how to turn it on, but it’s way fancier than I’m used to and I couldn’t figure it out. Hunter smiled when I grudgingly asked for help and made a remark about me being cute before showing me which button to hold down.
I’m quickly realizing that, out of all of them, Hunter’s the one who’s going to be the nicest to me. Although, he does have a mean streak. I briefly witnessed it when we were at the bridge. But I don’t think he’s nearly as intense as Zay, and definitely not as intense as Jax. And unlike Jax, Hunter is a rulebreaker. I can still feel him on my lips when he broke the rules only a handful of minutes ago.
Zay seems like a rulebreaker, too. And I definitely am, which makes me question what’s the point of even having rules. Not that I’ve even agreed to attempt to follow their circle’s rules. Or to even be a part of their circle. At least, that’s what I keep telling myself. But deep down, I’m starting to grow curious. Curious about them. About their group. About what it would be like to have friends. Or, well, people to talk to.
As I wander inside the diner, my phone screen lights up with a message about entering the login info for my account. Since I don’t have one, I move to tap the new user button, but Hunter lightly swats my hand away.
“Jax already set one up for you when he purchased the phone and linked it to our account.” He drapes his arm around my shoulders. “We’ve got you, little raven.”
I scrunch up my nose. “But, doesn’t that mean you can, like, see all the calls and texts I make and monitor stuff on my phone?”
“Yep. Which is exactly how I want it.” Jax steps up beside me, stuffing his phone into his back pocket. Then he looks at Hunter. “Help her set it up while you guys order. I gotta talk to Quinn for a few minutes.”
Hunter snickers. “By talk, don’t you mean fuck with her head and body?”
Jax shrugs, his gaze briefly zeroing in on Hunter’s arm over my shoulders. “Make sure to keep your hands to yourself,” he warns before heading past the scuffed-up tables and red leather booths and toward a hallway tucked in the far back corner near the labeled bathroom area.
I arch a brow at Hunter. “He’s going to have sex with someone in the bathroom?”
Hunter removes his arm from my shoulders and takes my phone from me. “Kinda.”
Question marks swirl through my mind. “How can you kinda have sex with someone?”
He pauses from typing in my login info and glances up at me then at Zay. “You wanna handle this one? Or should I? ’Cause, while I love talking about sex, I’m not a fan of explaining the fucked-up complication that is Jax’s sex life.”
Zay rolls his eyes. “Like yours isn’t complicated?”
“I never said it wasn’t. I just said that I don’t want to explain Jax’s to her,” he says with a shrug. “Besides, I got account info to put in, waffles to order, and a unicorn to find. It’s gonna be a long, hard day for Blondie.” He flashes me a grin, and I shake my head but smile.
Zay grimaces, irritation masking his expression. “Fine, I’ll try to explain it to her.”
“Or you could just not,” I suggest. “I don’t really need to know.” But I’m kind of curious. Not that I’m going to admit that aloud, because yeah, that’d be fucking weird.
“Actually, you kind of do,” Zay tells me while Hunter wanders toward the counter.
I shake my head as Hunter says something to a woman standing behind the counter. She isn’t dressed in a waitress uniform so I’m unsure who she is. “Ever heard the term TMI?” I tell Zay.
“Yeah, but if you’re going to be living with us, you’re going to have a lot of questions when night rolls around.” He draws the hood of his jacket off his head and scrubs his hand over his short brown hair.
With his hood off, the scar on his jawline is more visible, reminding me of the dream… memory… whatever the hell it was that filled my sleep last night.
I need to find out what it is. Somehow.
“Why would I move in with you?” I ask. “That’s crazy talk right there.”
“Like Hunter didn’t already make you the offer.” Zay puts his hand at the small of my back and urges me to follow Hunter as he walks away from the counter and swings around the tables, heading toward a corner booth.
I frown. “How do you know he did?”
“Because we discussed it last night,” he says as he steers me past the empty tables. “And we know everything each other has done or did.”
“That sounds weird and complicated.”
“It is. Ev
erything about us is, including you. And it’s going to be really fucking complicated when you move in with us.”
“Just because you guys discussed it, that doesn’t mean I’m just going to move in with you. It’s too … weird.” Weird might be an understatement.
“Weird or not, it’s going to happen,” he states matter-of-factly. “You’ll want to eventually. And when you do, you should be prepared for the shit that goes on, ’cause we’re not going to tone it down just because some girl’s living with us.”
My brow curves upward. “Worried I’m gonna ruin your bachelor pad?”
His eyes darken. “No, I’m worried you’re going to freak out when you hear screaming in the middle of the night.”
“I don’t freak out that easily.” I pause as what he said registers. “Wait. Screaming in the middle of the night? You guys got some sort of torture dungeon in that mansion of yours?”
“Kind of.” He scans my expression then leans in, putting his lips beside my ear. “It’s probably not the kind of dungeon you’re thinking of. It’s more of a playroom for Jax’s complicated sex life.”
“You know, I think you’re trying to shock me right now, but it’s not working,” I tell him as I slide into the booth with Hunter, putting myself directly across from him.
Zay sinks down beside me and drapes an arm along the back of the seat just behind me, the smell of cigarettes and cologne mixing with the scent of breakfast lingering in the air. “I doubt that with how innocent your mind is.”
I roll my eyes as I scoot over and put a bit of space between us. “I’m far from innocent, and I think you know that, considering you read all about me and my messed-up mind.”
“Yeah, you’re definitely messed up in the head,” he agrees. “But in some ways, you’re really innocent. You’ll have to get over that, though, if you’re going to be part of our circle.”
“Again, I never agreed to be part of your circle.” I eyeball the menus on the table as my stomach grumbles, but since I didn’t bring any money, I don’t pick one up.
Apparently, Hunter finds my stomach grumbling amusing because he glances up from my phone with a big old grin on his face. “Hungry? Or did you eat a baby gremlin this morning?”
The Raven (The Raven Four Series Book 2) Page 8
