by Anne Leigh
John had just entered the doorway. He mentioned that he sent me a text.
I hadn’t checked my phone. I didn’t even hear it beep.
As soon as I saw the pictures, I had the strongest urge to slam my phone against the wall.
There she was. Her glorious body on display in a tiny, yellow bikini. She was crazy hot! An arm was snaked around her shoulder. I wanted to break my phone in half. She brought out my caveman-like tendencies. She was with that Swimming Guy, Kieran. I recognized him from the College Sports Awards Night. He was one of the nominees. I guessed that was her type. Football players were definitely not her cup of tea.
She looked happy. The Swimming Dude was all smiles in the picture. I bet he was. I had to rein in my emotions. Practice was in 15 minutes.
What was wrong with me? I didn’t get bent over a girl. Ever. I was crazy. She was making me crazy. I texted her every day. I was biding my time. Waiting for her until she was ready. This picture showed that she was ready to get into something. I wasn’t even talking about a relationship. I just wanted to see her, hang out with her. Let it go, Zander, she just wasn’t into you.
Football practice sucked. My head just wasn’t in it. Coach Tanner called a couple of plays and it was my fault that the plays weren’t executed. In one particular play, I was supposed to throw the ball to my tight end, Aaron Dominguez, but I screwed up and threw it to Jason Schwan, my wide receiver. My offensive line was shocked. We had run that play a hundred times in practice. I made more mistakes after that. Coach had to pull me aside and ask what the hell was going on. I just replied, “Sorry.”
The field was supposed to be home for me. Today, I felt like a fucking stranger on it. My drive was not there. My focus was somewhere else. I couldn’t wait for football practice to be over.
After practice, the football team hung out at Hudson’s. I needed a couple of drinks in my system. I also needed to release the tension built inside of me. I was tired of Sedona’s antics. One minute, she was hot for me. The next minute, she was cold and not ready to be involved. I received a text from her after the College Sports Awards Night, which was two days ago. She congratulated me on my nomination. I wanted to respond back, “WTF? You have a boyfriend? You told me you weren’t ready for anything?”
Maybe, she was a liar. Maybe, she was one of those women who tagged men along for the ride. Maybe, I should just forget about her. It has been a while for me. Tonight, I was going to find my way towards blondes, brunettes, whoever they may be, as long as they didn’t remind me of piercing violet eyes.
Chapter Six
“Life is ironic. The sunglasses you’ve been looking for, has been sitting on your head all this time.”
Sedona
"When I get older, I want to be as pretty as you so I can kiss a boy."
Ashley, my 14 year-old patient in the Pediatric Unit, dreamily uttered those words while I was fixing her position on the bed. It tired her out to do anything strenuous. Her oxygenation saturation probe, wrapped around her right finger, reflected 98% saturation on the screen of the cardiac monitor, situated at the head of her bed. Her oxygen saturation was good. What was not good was that she was attached to an oxygen tank through her nose so that her oxygen could be maintained at that level.
I smiled at her. Her parents went to the cafeteria to grab something to eat. She was one of my 2 patients for my 12-hour clinical rotation today.
"Ashley, you're already very pretty. I think it will be you who will have to say no to all the boys who want your attention."
Her light green eyes shimmered as she sighed and asked softly, "Have you ever kissed a boy, Sedona?"
I didn't think her parents would appreciate it if they found out a senior nursing student was talking to their daughter about kissing boys.
However, when Ashley looked at me with those pleading, gentle eyes, I found myself, saying, "Yes."
She sighed again, "Can you tell me how it feels to kiss a boy?"
In two days, Ashley was going in for her 10th surgery. She was born with congenital cardiomyopathy, a heart condition that caused her heart to be enlarged, which led to multiple heart problems. Without the surgeries, she would not survive.
"Ashley, I don't think your parents will like me telling you about this."
Her green eyes dimmed, "Please, Sedona," she begged, "My mom kisses my dad and I think it's gross. But you, you would know how it feels to kiss a boy. I'm sure a lot of boys think you're so pretty."
"Thank you, I guess," I grinned at her and raised my right pinkie, "Pinkie swear, this is just between you and me."
She held up her pinkie with the hand that was attached to 3 I.V. bags, connected to a pole, on the left side of her bed.
"So, how did it feel? Was it icky?” she asked again, now with a light giggle, "Was the boy cute?"
This girl had suffered most of her childhood. She has spent majority of her life within the confines of the hospital; yet, she still managed to dream. The more I talked with her, the more I admired her courage. She viewed life as extremely full. No half glasses. Just full. If I could give her a little something to continue to dream about, then I would have given her a slice of happiness.
I sat on the chair closest to her right side. She leaned forward. The monitor beeped when she moved and after a few seconds, quieted down.
"This boy was extremely handsome. His eyes were a unique blend of blue and green and he had the most beautiful smile."
Her eyes sparkled against the light, her mouth opened into a smile.
"When he kissed me, it didn't feel yucky or disgusting. It was...absolutely breathtaking," I said softly. I suddenly realized that all the kisses I've had with my ex-boyfriend, Brennan, were nothing but fragmented memories. Yet, this one kiss from Zander, was the kiss that I still felt in my spine, in my whole body, and it was his kiss I remembered best.
"Wow," she took a deep breath, "I wish I'd find a boy like that too."
I ruffled her naturally light blonde curls that I had just fixed a few minutes ago, "Ashley, all the boys will be lucky to even hold your hand. You are a beautiful girl."
She looked up at me again, her mouth was slightly pursed, “I only want one boy. A boy who can kiss me like that, I'll never let him go."
Here was a girl, who had suffered through so much. Here she was, sharing with me what she dreamed about. Here she was, telling me that if a boy could kiss me like that...I should have never let him go.
*****
After clinicals, I was surfing the web for some research articles, when Nalee knocked on my door.
Her eyes were puffy. Again. Of course, that only meant one thing, or better yet, one person – Jerome.
“Hey, you busy?” she asked.
“Not really,” I shook my head, “What’s going on?”
“Oh, I was just wondering if you could go to the pharmacy with me,” she sniffed, “I don’t think I can drive.”
She must really not be feeling well. She hardly took any meds for anything.
“No problem,” I said.
I took my car keys and we headed to the nearest K-Greens, which was a pharmacy/grocery store/supermarket.
She talked about Jerome’s philandering ways on the drive to K-greens. She had just found out that he slept with an intern. He was such a total loser! Nalee swore this would be the last time Jerome did this to her. I wished I could believe her. She has said the same thing multiple times; yet, every, single time Jerome groveled for forgiveness, she took him back.
“Nalee, you deserve someone way better than him.” This was not getting through her head. She had massive blinders on when it came to this guy.
“I know. I just can’t help it,” she sniffed again, “When he’s good to me, it’s great between us. I can’t let go of all the happy times. He always comes back to me, you know.”
I nodded. There was no reasoning with her. She was my friend. I hated seeing her like this. But she had to be the one to decide when it was over between them. She has been Jerome’s crutch for to
o long. One day, I hoped that she would wake up and see that her life was so much better without him. For now, as a friend, I listened. She needed me. I was here for her.
We got out of my car and walked into the store. She went to the pharmacy area. I skipped to the greeting card aisle. I loved reading greeting cards. Oh, and Tanya and Kieran’s birthdays were coming up. Great excuse to buy more cards.
I was busy scanning the cards when I heard a woman’s voice on the other side of the aisle.
“What do you think of this? Do you think she’ll like it?” The woman garnered no response from whomever she was speaking to.
I kept browsing.
Her voice came up again, this time, with a hint of annoyance, “Zander, I asked you something.”
Zander? Did she say Zander?
I was rooted to the spot. I couldn’t move. What were the chances of running into another guy named Zander within the vicinity of this college campus?
Probably 1 to 1000.
With my luck, that 0.001 probability would be that the Zander this woman was speaking to, was the same Zander who occupied my thoughts for the past weeks.
I grabbed the envelopes of the cards I’ve picked and started to move.
Yes, my luck just went into the air vent of the air conditioner directly overhead of me. He stood on the other side of the rack. His blue-green gaze honed in on me.
The owner of the voice was a petite brunette with spiky heels and massive boobs. She followed Zander’s gaze and said, “I was asking you something.”
Zander shrugged his shoulders and said, “Hold on.”
He walked towards me.
“Hey, fancy meeting you here.”
My insides were shaking. I was in a constant seizure-like state with this man. I smiled at him and responded, “Yeah, just grabbing some cards.”
Nalee had impeccable timing. She stood behind Zander and his lady friend. Her eyes widened as she asked, “Ready to go, Sedona?”
“Yes, I’m ready. Nice seeing you again, Zander.” He looked like he was about to say something, but I swiftly passed him by.
I blew any chances I had with him by telling him I wasn’t ready. But he didn’t have to whore around campus to show everyone what a catch he was. For the past weeks, I received a constant stream of texts and picture messages from Tanya about Zander’s latest conquests, courtesy of Chattypepper.com. I had a pretty good idea that Zander’s quarterback skills extended beyond the football field.
In one picture, he was with a brunette wearing a mini skirt that practically showed off her underwear. Another time, he was with a redhead whose pouty lips took up half the site’s page. The latest was a blonde girl with a pierced belly button. Her barely there midriff top showed an outie belly button with piercing that must’ve hurt like crazy.
I asked Tanya to stop texting me pictures of him because he was none of my business. She just kept getting back at me with the same texts, “Denial is a river in Egypt and you are drowning in it.”
I didn’t even know why he asked for a chance with me. From the looks of the women he associated himself with; I was not even close to his type.
Zander
Damn and double damn. She was clearly my type. Apparently, my only type.
Having been to numerous dates with a bunch of women hasn’t done me any good. On the football field, I was back to my old self. My focus was back. I was doing great in school. But when it came to ‘getting it up’ for these women, I had no energy or desire.
Each night, I tried to get myself into showing real interest in these women. I went to the bars with John, Xavier, and a couple of other guys. These chicks were hot. They just didn’t do anything for me. I went home alone every single night. It was frustrating as hell; I told every, single one of them, that we would be better off as friends. It was unfair for me to lead these women on. It was pathetic. I was pathetic.
Today, I accompanied Bianca to the store. I met her last night at Hudson’s. She looked like she was a pretty outgoing girl so I asked her out for a date. She said she had to grab a card for her sister’s party tonight. Weird, but whatever. We were supposed to be on a date. Couldn’t she have bought a card before or after our date? It was cool though. The more I spent time with her, the less I wanted to hear her talk. She went on and on about her sister, her dogs, and her fascination with reality TV.
So here we were, browsing through some cards and shit at K-Greens. We hadn’t been here that long before I caught a whiff of Sedona’s unique scent. Strawberries and peaches. I thought it was another figment of my imagination. That was all I had these days. Figments of her. But no, when she raised her head and looked at me, she was for real. She was standing a few steps away from where I stood.
My date, Bianca, was farthest from my thoughts, the moment I caught a glimpse of Sedona. All I did was stare at her. She was dressed in some workout pants and a loose-fitting pink shirt. Her casual clothes did nothing to diminish her natural sexiness. I took in her exquisite toes wrapped around her pink flip flops. What I would give to be those flip flops.
My dick was already standing to attention when Bianca’s voice broke through my focus on Sedona.
Sedona’s eyes widened when she saw me. She looked like she was about to flee. I had to reach her before she left, so I said, “Hey, fancy meeting you here.” Fancy meeting you here? What kind of dumb shit was I?
It was ridiculous. All Sedona had to do was be present and all of a sudden, my absent libido showed up.
Hell.
Her body was perfect. Her lips were perfect. And when she smiled, it was downright sexy. I wanted to grab her, put her over my shoulders, and drive to the nearest hotel. Or my apartment. Or hers. It didn’t matter. For me, a 220-lb man to turn jelly inside and hard on the outside, I realized that this girl ruined me for any other girl. All she had to do was smile.
I recognized her friend Nalee’s voice behind me, asking her if she was ready to go. Again, I wanted to grab her and latch onto her. No decent guy did that, especially, if the lady was already taken. Her unique scent wafted through me as she passed by.
I hoped to hell that Swimming Dude’s dick withered in the chlorinated pool. It was fuckin’ petty and low of me to wish for another man’s dick to shrink and wither. But that was all I could do. He had what I wanted. He had her.
Chapter Seven
“Normal is good. Don’t settle for normal. Look for the exciting, the mysterious, the incredible.”
Sedona
Senior year was proving to be tough on my schedule. I had twice the amount of assignments and group work compared to last year’s. My planner was filled. My alarm went off every two hours. My friends and I barely hung out lately. We were all busy.
I promised Kieran one night this week. It was the week with my lightest load. Kieran had seen me haggardly running all over the place and took pity on me. He offered to help a couple of times with my thesis. Even if I had taken his offer, he would not know what to do with chemical equations and nursing research. He was a business major, for chrissake.
Friday night. It was Kieran’s Guys Night. I was going to say no. But I needed to get out of the apartment. School, gym, library, clinical/hospital, school, gym, group work had been my mantra for almost two weeks straight. Tanya was holding some event at her sorority place. Nalee was sleeping over at Jerome's. Hesitantly, I said yes to Kieran. Hanging out with him was not the issue. It was the fact that he was with his guy friends - that was the issue. He assured me that I wouldn't be ruining their guy's night out. It would be guys' and a girl's night out.
Kieran was slated to drive us but he got called by his swim coach to sign some forms for the upcoming National Swim Meet. I called a cab because after living a hermit-like existence for 2 weeks, I deserved a couple of mojitos and margaritas.
Duncan and Peter, Keiran's friends, were already at Bar II when I got there.
They made room for me in the U-shaped booth as soon as they spotted me walking through the bar’s entrance.
>
"Iz cool you hanging' out wid u, Zedona," his Swedish-Russian accent was evident as Duncan's green eyes winked at me.
"Yeah, it's good to have female company, instead of that chlorine-soaked dude all the time," joked Peter, obviously referring to Kieran. You would never believe Peter was a boxer. With his black hair, gray eyes, and preppy outfit, he looked more like a banker than a boxer. If Kieran didn’t regale me of Peter’s boxing prowess, I would have no idea that he was a real contender in professional boxing.
I smiled at both of them. They were nice guys. Kieran became friends with them in college.
The server came and took our orders; alcoholic drinks for the guys and lemonade for me, for now. We were having a fun discussion on the cheesiest pick-up lines. Guys, being guys, made bets on who could produce the cheesiest pick-up line. I was the judge, by default, since I was the only female at the table. The bet was that the winning pick-up line, basically, the cheesiest; the loser would have to use it on a girl inside the bar.
