Maybe the nights in the meadow, staring at the stars, had meant something. She recognized beauty in the galaxies above. Stargazing had to account for something, didn’t it? God knew she recognized Him in the stars, even if she wasn’t exactly sure. How could He not be up there, she thought?
She wondered about Him now. Maybe she’d always believed but never quite knew. It was time to take another step, but was she brave enough?
Masie Auburn prayed—surprisingly enough—and she did while in school.
She did not get down on her knees, of course. Here, in Mr. Hardale’s algebra class, kneeling would’ve been foolish. She could do it discreetly without anyone knowing, though. Kids would think she was trying to catch up on sleep was all.
Masie closed her eyes. She leaned back in her chair, studying the classroom with one cracked eyelid, making sure no one was watching, and folded her arms across her chest.
In her mind, she began:
Dear, God. Hi. This seems kind of stupid, I mean…I’m sorry. I don’t mean that. Hello? I just…wait…let me start over.
Praying was harder than she’d thought. She tried again, taking a deep breath:
Dear God. I don’t know what this is, or what I’m doing exactly. I’ve never done this before. But…I don’t know…I just want to understand some things. I guess, you could say I’m worried. I bet You get that a lot, when things aren’t going right for us little people down here.
But I am worried.
I’m worried about Seth, for this town. Things don’t feel the same suddenly. I want to believe and understand there’s a reason for it all, but I can’t make sense out of anything. It just seems...senseless, You know? So, my question is: Do You have a plan? Is there a reason You’re doing this, or allowing it to happen? Will things ever go back to normal? Is Ellishome and the people here even a part of Your plan? And is there anything You can do at all?
Okay, that was more than one question. Sorry.
But…I’m scared, and I know I’m not the only one. This is all so strange. Can You just give us some peace, some comfort, ease our minds down here? If there’s anything I can do, I’d like to know. Do You want me to do anything? Is there anything I can do? Please tell me. Or just help me.
She paused, not knowing what else to say.
Feeling awkward, she closed with:
Please. Amen.
Masie took a deep breath. Funny, she thought. She did feel better, or was she imagining that?
Students sat around her talking before the bell rang. Jeanie and Rheanna were in separate classes of their own. The pits about high school, she thought. She wished she could have every class with Jeanie and Rheanna.
Masie sighed and looked around her, making sure no one was watching.
She realized she’d forgotten to give a silent prayer to the McCall’s, to comfort and strengthen them in their time of need. Masie closed her eyes again, and in elementary fashion, voiced, ‘And please bless and strengthen the McCalls.’
She opened her eyes again. It felt awkward, but a part of her—yes?—felt different. Her mind, at least for the moment, was at ease. Another part of her brain, however, completely reprimanded her:
Just what the hell are you doing? You think He’d waste His time on someone like you? You think He hasn’t anything better to do? Quit wasting your time and His!
Shame overwhelmed her. Maybe the voice was right. What was she thinking?
When school let out for the day, a familiar calm took hold of her again. The feeling was present when she walked out the front doors of Centaurus High School and saw the white church across the street. Masie saw the church everyday since she’d attended high school, but it had never lured her, never tugged at her heartstrings like it did now. It didn’t beckon, she thought. It just sat there, enjoying a silent contemplation with itself and the rest of the world, aware of her, but paying no attention. The white church, in fact, seemed to shrug.
Doesn’t matter to me. I’ve been here the whole time. I’m not gonna force you to buy into anything you don’t want to. I’m not gonna bite. Others will come along. But hey…I’m here if you need me. Company is always nice.
No, she didn’t think it would bite, either, not a harmless little church like the one across the street. How did she know, though—once she got involved—that she wouldn’t turn into another fanatic? Religion did the same to others, she knew. Rheanna’s mother, for instance, was a zealot in every sense of the word. What was the point when religion was all you could talk about, when you forgot how to enjoy life because you were worried about what Jesus thought all the time? That sounded trying, to say the least. Maybe they just wanted money for the collection plate.
Skepticism is perfectly natural, said a voice.
Masie smiled.
The day was cloudy, a hint of autumn in the air, a cool breeze sending gooseflesh across her arms. Yes, autumn was on its way.
She wanted to go over to the tiny white church now. Something pushed her toward it, even. On the other side of her mind, however, something else tugged with equal ferocity:
Don’t go. You won’t find what you’re looking for. They can’t tell you anything you don’t already know yourself. Quit trying to be a hero, for God’s sake!
“No pun intended,” Masie said, aloud. A boy looked at her, raising his eyebrows. Masie ignored him.
Sunday was the only day they held services anyway, right? It wasn’t as if anyone would be there today. So, what was the point?
There is no point, another voice said, one arousing detestable feelings in her. What are they going to do, help Bimsley track an invisible killer? You really are a stupid girl.
Obviously, the voice wanted to mislead her, but forcing it to shut its fat, stupid mouth, Masie marched boldly down the steps of the high school.
Take that, she thought, and smiled.
Kids hurried down the steps alongside her, anxious for home. Others milled about in groups, talking. The stoners and Goths were on the south side of the school, smoking. Jocks drove away in muscle cars. No one paid attention to Masie. She mapped the path to the church in her mind.
She’d never even seen anyone over there, either. She’d never seen a single person come or go.
That’s because you never pay attention.
Why would anyone be there on a Tuesday anyway? Maybe the church wasn’t even in service. Maybe the building was abandoned.
Masie didn’t understand the war in her mind, and forced every negative thought from her brain. She continued down the steps along the sidewalk, across the wide expanse of lush, green lawn.
A light tickle touched her scalp. She cocked her head, trying to listen…
Sometimes, all you have to do is look this way, just once. See me every day. It doesn’t take a lot. You’d be surprised.
It looked so tiny and out of place. A simple sign on the church lawn read, Full Gospel Fellowship.
When it reached out, Masie reached out in return. Something waited for her. Did God want her to investigate? Was He speaking? Did God want her to join a church, attend a few meetings? It wasn’t as if she had to turn fanatical. She was simply curious.
Who knows, she thought, smiling to herself. It might be the best thing that ever happened to you.
The thought surprised her. It wasn’t like Masie to think like that. She spent too much time with Jeanie and Rhee. She felt younger than she was, suddenly, saw herself praying frequently. She was anxious to learn and wanted to read the Good Book. The idea, quite simply, felt right.
And with that, a new thought entered her mind: If it was God, how could she go wrong?
You’re under no obligation. You don’t have to sign a contract, and it isn’t going to kill you. You can cancel anytime.
Something was reaching out. It was thrilling and frightening at the same time, maybe because she wasn’t used to it. Maybe she was being deceived.
Don’t you see? That’s the beauty. You can know. You’ll see.
And if she didn’t wa
nt anything to do with it…? Would God hold it against her? Because she had thoughts of her own? Wouldn’t He, of all people, understand why she made the choices she did? She didn’t agree that she would burn in hellfire for having her own ideas. Was she expected to change the way she felt even if it had nothing to do with God or religion?
Masie had more courage now.
She pulled the sleeves down of her hunter green sweater. She stopped for a second, looking around, and hugged her books to her chest. More kids hurried by. She wanted to make it across the lawn, across the street, and over to the church without anyone noticing. Mainly, Jeanie and Rheanna.
Going to church now, Mase?
Gonna have a white wedding.
Why didn’t you ask God to come into your life before? I know this reeeall cute guy…
If she went over there now, someone would see her. The only way to avoid suspicion was to walk up the block along Main Street, turn down one of the side roads, and double back, coming into the parking lot at the rear of the church.
Jeanie was still in the hallways, undoubtedly, leaning against a locker, trying to get the attention of one of the football players. Jeanie didn’t waste time once school started.
Ashamed to walk into the house of God? Scared you’ll embarrass yourself in front of your friends?
She shouldn’t care what people thought, she knew.
Because, she answered. Because I just don’t want to hear it. That’s all. I just don’t want to hear it. I want this to be our little secret, ’kay? Isn’t that enough?
Silence is acceptance, she’d once heard, and Masie heard nothing but silence then.
Not minding the din of the students or whoever else might be watching, Masie Auburn walked across the lawn of Centaurus High School toward the Full Gospel Fellowship. She had to go through a stretch of trees before she got to the road, but if anyone—
“Hey Mase!”
Masie closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She opened her eyes and turned.
Rheanna stood at the top of the steps, waving at her, holding her school books in one arm. “You want a ride home?” she called.
Now, everyone knew who she was, where she was, and where she was going.
Sometimes Rheanna-ole girl, Masie thought. You can be a real pain in the butt.
“I got some stuff to do in town,” Masie said, waving Rheanna away. “Thanks, Rheanna, but I’ll be a while!”
Rheanna gave a nod and waved in return. “I’ll call ya!” she said, putting her hand to her ear in the shape of a phone. “We’ll do something with Jeanie!”
Masie nodded. Rheanna smiled, turned, and said something to a boy standing next to her.
Masie hurried across the grass. She glanced behind her, making sure Jeanie wasn’t among the crowd. Waiting for a break in traffic, she jogged across the street.
No one was watching. But, she sensed…
Masie shook her head. She headed north, moving farther into town. Once on Blossom Road, she turned right, and walked a full block before making another right on Candlewood Way. A man was standing next to a white Ford truck parked in the driveway of one of the houses. He saluted her with a can of Coors Light. A woman with jet-black hair and fair skin opened the door and said, “Honey, can you help me with the Fiesta ware! I can’t lift the boxes.” The man turned to Masie, shrugged, smiled, and headed inside. Masie smiled and kept on walking. She turned right into an alleyway, then into the church parking lot.
Again, she had a feeling someone was watching.
Quit being paranoid, she thought.
The back door of the church was open. A small, red and silver Dodge truck was parked with its tailgate down.
Masie’s eyes widened, thinking the church was being burglarized. When she stepped onto the asphalt, a short man with a white beard, mustache, and silver-rimmed glasses stepped out of the back of the church. He wore a red and white button-down shirt, the sleeves rolled up to his forearms. He was carrying a turntable. Her first instincts proved true. The church was being burglarized! Her second thought referred to the turntable:
Do people still use them things?
“Well, hello!” the man said, brightening. His next phrase made it seem he was reading her thoughts. “It’s not what it looks like. Honest.”
Masie laughed, relieved. “Hello,” she said, holding her books to her chest.
“Can I help you?” the man asked, setting the turntable in the back of the truck.
Masie thought it funny: the truck bed was otherwise empty except for the small, dated turntable. If the man was a burglar, he certainly needed to upgrade his criminal activities.
It was funny, though. He had friendly, bright blue eyes and a warm, welcoming smile. Countless movies portrayed priests and men of God as corrupt, greedy villains, but she got the opposite impression now.
“My name’s, Masie,” she said. “Masie Auburn.”
The man stuck out his hand. Masie shook it awkwardly, shifting her books to her other arm.
“Jasper Bellows,” he said. “Pastor of this grand edifice before you.” He motioned dramatically to the church.
“Nice to meet you, Mr. Bellows.”
“Oh, Jasper does just fine,” he said.
Masie’s mind went blank. She’d spent the entire day wondering about God, the existence of souls, asking a million questions, and now her mind was an empty slate. She shuffled her feet, looked at the ground, then at Jasper. “I feel like I should call you Father or something,” she said.
Jasper chuckled. “I’m not that kind of pastor.”
An awkward moment passed between them, and Masie shuffled her feet again.
“So,” he said, “what can I do for you?”
Masie tried to smile. “Well,” she said. “I’m not religious or anything, I just…I don’t know. This seems so…weird. I feel so stupid coming to you like this, but…”
Jasper smiled. Did strangers accost him for the same reasons, she wondered?
Clouds passed, covering the sun.
Jasper leaned against the tailgate and focused on her, crossing his arms. “First of all, Miss Auburn,” he said, “you’re not the first person to corral me out of the blue like this. I’m gonna take a stab here…you’re confused and maybe even a little frightened by what’s been happening in town lately. Am I right?”
Masie’s eyes widened. “How did you know that?”
“Well,” he said, looking up at the sky. “I’ve had my share of visitors and phone calls this past week. You’re not the first.”
What he said disappointed her. She didn’t know why.
“Sorry,” he said. “I’m just trying to make you feel more at ease. Sometimes I end up scaring them away instead of bringing them home. Not the kind of work the good Lord expects, I think. But hey, even pastors make mistakes.”
Masie bit her lip and looked at the ground. She didn’t know what to say. What came into her mind seemed childish, but she’d made it this far already. Why back out now? “How do you know…?” Masie said, choosing her words carefully. “I mean, how do you become convinced there’s a God?”
“Yes,” he said. Jasper smiled and nodded. “I had a feeling that was your question.”
He paused for a minute and continued:
“Of course, everyone should ask that question,” he said. “It’s a good question. So, Masie Auburn, let me ask you a question. How do you know you’re Masie Auburn?”
Masie frowned, puzzled. What was that supposed to mean? She bit her bottom lip again and frowned. “I…I don’t know,” she said. “I just know. That’s what my mother named me. That’s who I am.”
Jasper raised his eyebrows. He did not stop smiling. He was enjoying himself, Masie saw. He probably lived for this kind of talk. What had he said? His job was to guide and lead them home.
“You know you’re Masie Auburn because you just know, right?” Jasper said.
Masie nodded. She thought she understood.
“You know God lives,” he said, �
�because you just know. It’s a feeling inside. You know your family loves you. Same thing.”
Masie nodded, but frowned.
“It’s not enough, though, is it?” he asked.
“It’s just…not very solid,” she said, shrugging.
“Well,” he said. “It’s not my job to force you to believe. All I can do, Miss Auburn, is point you in the right direction. Faith is a tricky thing. You can’t see, touch, taste, or even smell it. But you can feel it, and that’s important. I can promise He loves and cares about you. He wants you to feel joy. He doesn’t want you to be confused or unhappy. He wants the best for you and everyone around you. He wants the best for everyone. Most of all, He wants you to find Him. That I can promise you. But it’s up to you. He’s not gonna open the door unless you come knocking. But…” he said, pausing again, “here you are knocking.”
“And here you are,” she said, smiling.
Jasper, caught off guard, blushed.
“So,” Masie said. “How do I do that? How do I know?”
“I think you know already,” Jasper said. “You’ve probably already started. Prayer. Ask Him. ‘Knock and it shall be opened,’” he quoted. “Read Mark, Chapter Four.”
Masie mulled over what he said. She didn’t even own a Bible.
“You will never run out of questions,” Jasper said. “The Lord expects much from us, perfection from some, perhaps. Depends on your faith. It may seem impossible. We’re not perfect, but shouldn’t we try, at least in our own ways? Religion has a bad rap. People tend to think that God is associated with just one religion, and people take their own liberties with the Bible. That’s just silly. God is more than we can comprehend, more than what is written in a book. That I do believe. It’s easy being tempted, giving in, being callous, cruel, and self-indulgent. But try some charity, some unselfishness, a good deed, and people throw a fit. It’s human nature. We all have a choice. The choice is good or evil. The choice is in trying to be good, in choosing good. Of course, some people don’t think you need God to do that. That’s the atheist argument. But I’ll tell you something, Masie. Life is a whole lot sweeter, more enjoyable, and meaningful with a sense of spirit in your life than without. It’s all pretty obvious to me.”
Snapdragon Book I: My Enemy Page 20
