by Stock, L. J.
“Do you feel anything?” Alexa asked.
“No, should I?”
“There’s normally a tingling, like there’s an itch in the tips of your fingers and the edges of your mind.”
“Then nope. There’s nothing.”
“Just stay focused, and when you feel like you have a complete grip on it, push with your mind.”
That was easier said than done. I wasn’t even sure how to push with my mind. When I did try, it was a physical movement, but there was no tingling to speak of, not in my head or my fingers. I didn’t know how long I stood there shivering, my very being attuned to Damon, but there was nothing – not even an inkling of it working. I pushed mentally and physically until I ached, and there was still nothing to show improvement for my efforts.
“Okay, Cass. Time to take a break.”
“No, I want to get this,” I said, gritting my teeth.
“Listen to me. Your lips are blue. You will get out of that water now and get warm before you try again or we will quit for the day.”
Pulled out of my focus, I looked to where her voice was coming from and found her flickering in and out like a television. Whatever I was about to say to argue my case was gone when I noted the determination in her eyes. She really wouldn’t hesitate to pull the plug if I continued to be stubborn.
Damn.
Try and Try Again
I did the same standing in the river and shivering routine four more times before Alexa told me she was calling it a day. After a total of almost six hours in freezing cold water, there was no improvement whatsoever. The only silver lining was being able to work on blocking and tuning into the sounds around me while I warmed up in the truck. Considering the bad blood between Galen and Damon, Litsa seemed more than happy to help and be the extracurricular noise along with Damon.
For a while it proved to be just as frustrating as trying to translocate. She was either extremely loud or I couldn’t hear her at all, and there was no middle ground. Alexa told me this was a good start but I just got more frustrated with the lack of fruition. Nothing I did seemed to get me any closer to my goal.
By the time we got home, I only had a moment to eat before I was ready to collapse into bed from sheer exhaustion. I knew I would have no trouble sleeping considering how tired I was, both physically and mentally.
The next day wasn’t much better, but I had a rotation of time in the water to practice my translocation, and for volume control in the truck while I warmed up and tried to blot out the noises from Mortisali. There was no noticeable improvement in pushing through the veil to the other dimension, but I had managed to turn Litsa’s singing down a little after I’d unfiltered the noises. It was a small success, but considering the failure I’d had in the water, I happily took it.
For days, it was an endless struggle. Every morning I would wake up frustrated and determined to beat the process, and by the time the sun fell behind the horizon and the cold had made my teeth grind together, I was ready to fall into bed. The exhaustion never stopped me from trying when I got home and showered, but there was still no success. All I got was a stream of hot water with a fantastic view of open fields surrounding me. I was so determined that when I finally fell into bed, my mind would calculate ways of mastering translocation better while I dozed in and out, and I would end up with very little sleep. It was a lot of hard work squeezed into a short time period, and that wasn't even mentioning the continued runs and weight training every day.
I was cold all of the time, my heels were beginning to hurt and I had cuts on my feet from the rocks at the bottom of the river. My lips had started to crack and dry, and my skin had to be moisturized because of the constant cold that surrounded me. It was a never-ending nightmare on top of my failure. I was so determined not to let it beat me that Alexa more often than not called time-outs. She’d make me break every thirty minutes or so in order for me to warm up. It pulled me out of my concentration, but much like that first time, she threatened to end the sessions for the day if I didn’t comply.
These days were a constant loop with no improvement, while I had a growing obsession to get it all right. The only thing I was getting any better at was tuning out the voices I didn’t want to hear, but I suspected that was made easier by Damon’s constant companionship. Doing the same while he wasn’t around was going to be a totally different matter, but one I would have to account for eventually. Every time I was ready to quit, I made a minuscule piece of progress that would spur me on and invigorate my need to succeed. The minor progress wasn’t much more than a blinking finger or disappearing toe, but it was progress nonetheless. I knew these were signs for me to keep going, an indication that I could do this. I just had to concentrate.
Five days later and I was cold, hungry and tired through lack of sleep, and my patience was wearing thin. I was so frustrated with myself, I was once again ready to throw in the towel and tell them all once and for all that they had the wrong girl. I obviously wasn't some prophetic woman meant to save the dimensions from the asshat that was trying to destroy them. I couldn’t even get a firm finger in the other dimension of time and space.
It also didn’t help that, in five days, the weather had gone from cold to almost freezing in the mornings. Alexa had cut my time in the water down to fifteen-minute increments and suggested that we find an indoor pool we could practice in from now on. It was an okay idea, but I was so focused on the stupid river that I didn’t want to risk breaking my concentration.
I felt so worn; I had aches in places I didn’t know I could ache. Alexa had been trying so hard with me, and Damon’s seemingly endless patience, which had been a source of comfort in the past, was now making me uncomfortable. I had given it everything I had, including all of my heart and soul, and there was still nothing.
I was up to my ankles in frosty, ice-cold water, staring at Damon and his bright smiles and nods of encouragement, and I couldn't even force myself to submerge my body again. I was beginning to suspect even Alexa's patience was waning. Not that I could blame her. I was being weak and scared, and nothing I did was helping me focus on the energy I had no idea how to grip onto.
“Cass, you have to focus. Feel his life force. Try to zone in on the beating of his heart, or the color of his hair and eyes. Visualize him in your head and focus on that, then drop and go. I know you've got this.”
What I ‘got’ was the impulse to quit. I wanted to tell Alexa to take her misplaced faith and find the right prophetic person, because I sure as hell wasn't it. I couldn't, though, because no matter how frustrated I got with myself, I wanted this now. I wanted to learn how to cross dimensions and fight the bastard who had created so much of the pain I’d had to hear all of these years, and selfishly, I wanted to be a part of this family. I wanted to be a part of this bigger thing where I felt like I belonged.
“I'm right here,” Damon said gently, his arms outstretched toward me. I looked down at his hands; they looked corporeal and I knew I should be touching him, but I wasn't. He was still ethereal. He was an image – a picture bathed in the sunlight that beat down on him. “Look right at my eyes and focus on me. Forget the water, forget Alexa's shouting, and forget the cold. It's just you and me here. Focus.”
I did as I was told. I looked into those almond shaped, hazel eyes and held them, zeroing in on how they were framed with thick, full lashes. All of my attention zoned in on the maelstrom of color that changed like a stormy sky. I focused all of my energy on reaching out to him, to the hands of his that were outstretched, the warmth of the fingers that were fully extended and waiting for me to take them. I let myself think about the nights we’d fallen asleep together as children. I also remembered the feel of him in his corporeal form mere weeks ago, the muscles in his chest and the flex of his arms when he pulled me closer. I focused and reached, and imagined... and then it happened.
It felt like the pull of a magnet.
Before I even knew what I was doing, I leaned into the feeling and felt another pull in
my fingers. I ignored the sensation and pushed harder mentally, reaching for the hands waiting for mine, imagining the warmth and the sureness of their touch. I focused on the need to feel him against me again. The sensation that started in my fingertips trickled up my arms quickly and arched through my body like a tickle, or an itch I couldn't scratch. I shoved harder mentally, feeling a gentle vibration run across my skin like a thousand pinpricks.
Leaning forward, physically as well as mentally, I gravitated into the sensation and reached for the hands just ahead of me.
Falling forward like I had been shoved out from a tight space I'd been wedged into, I barreled into Damon with a rush of winded breath. His arms circled my waist the moment I was close enough and pulled me against his chest before the centrifugal force knocked him off balance and sent us both into the freezing water.
My head was under for only a second before I pushed to my knees, gripping Damon and gasping for air as my eyes widened, looking around in awe.
I was in Mortisali.
I was physically in Mortisali, and kneeling beside Damon in a freezing cold river that should have left me feeling numb. I was anything but. I could feel everything, including the tingling in my flesh from Damon’s touch, as well as the tugging of pride in my chest from finally having done what I was beginning to think was impossible. With wide eyes, I started to take in everything around us.
It was beautiful here. The sights were almost a mirror image of the place I had come from, but there were also huge and visible differences. I could see the hills clearly in the distance, their sides lined with untouched trees and the greenest grass stretching out all around us. The pure sky was more brilliantly blue than I had ever seen before, and the water that I’d thought was clear in Connecticut was crystalline here. I could see the bottom as clearly as I could see Damon in front of me.
Even the air felt clearer, the purity of it filling my lungs. The breeze smelled fresh and earthy, and the trees and grass grew wild and free, left to their own devices.
I threw myself into Damon’s arms again, laughing with joyful victory as his heat, still lingering, seemed to envelop me right along with his arms. I cupped his cheeks in both my palms and grinned at him for a moment too long before pushing from my knees to rise to my feet.
“So, this is Mortisali?” I asked gleefully, spreading my arms as I made my way through the current of the water to the riverbank. With the water this clear it became easy to avoid the stones I so regularly tripped over in my home dimension. “Looks like home.”
“You say that now.” Damon chuckled behind me. “But I'm guessing if you were to travel maybe seven hundred miles west, you'd change your story.”
“What's seven hundred miles west?” I asked, wringing out my hair and looking around for more differences.
“The Palace of King Kyros, the rightful king and ruler of Mortisali,” Damon said proudly, his smile beaming as he threw me a blanket. I accepted it gracefully and wrapped it around myself, shuddering as the high of victory slowly wore off and the chill of the river water set in bone deep. Thankfully, the sun was still beating down on us from high in the blue sky. It was different from the overcast gray that seemed to linger in the dimension I had just left.
Damon’s words played over in my mind. I tried to think about what was located at that kind of distance west of where we were in Connecticut. If my geography was correct, which was highly doubtful, I would have said Michigan, or somewhere thereabouts. It seemed like an odd place to have a palace, but then this world was different from ours in more ways than the obvious.
“This is nothing but farmland then?” I asked, shivering under the blanket. My teeth made a chattering sound, obviously ignoring my determination to bite back the chill I was feeling. Damon, ever the gentleman, reached out to me, his hands up as though he was about to rub my arms, but they dropped to his side.
Instead, he inclined his head and said through a grin, “A lot of it, actually. We’re in one of the enclaves used for farmlands.”
“Makes sense, and explains why it’s so quiet out here.” I looked around and back at him with a grin of my own. “Are we close to your hometown?”
Damon, looking a little surprised at my question, shook his head and pointed in a direction I assumed was east. Being here had me completely turned around, so he could be pointing south and I’d never have known it.
“Felgar’s on the coast, near the place where you grew up actually.”
“You’re telling me we were in the same area?”
“From what I was told, yes, I believe we were.”
“But you live in the palace now?”
He inclined his head in the affirmative and pulled a blanket around himself.
“Are there any big cities around here?” I motioned around us, my fingers moving in a circle from a small gap in the blanket. “In Mortisali, I mean.”
“In some places. I wouldn’t call them cities though. They’re just bigger villages with bigger houses and more market space. They have some businesses there. The territories farther out and across the ocean tend to build bigger and closer together.”
“You mean all the land in this dimension is run by one person? No different continents or countries?”
“Only one place here is not considered to be within the King’s realm. It’s Thánatos’ island.” Damon looked disturbed, but before he could go any further, he was interrupted.
“Cass?” Alexa called, her voice sounding the same but filled with curiosity. I had a feeling that my waterlogged clothes made it easy for her to reach me.
“Hey, Alexa.” I’d completely forgotten that the sound thing went both ways. “I did it!”
“I see that. You wanna try crossing back this way?” she asked, a slight air of bemusement in her tone.
I blushed before answering her. I'd pushed myself so hard to get here, and I’d been so focused and lost in the energy I had been reaching for, that I hadn’t thought about the reverse trip. What if I failed to get back? How the hell was I supposed to explain that it was Damon being my focal point that had made me able to translocate? Was I supposed to say that because it was Damon, I’d tried extra hard? Or perhaps, sorry, Alexa, you don't do it for me that way, I can't push myself hard enough for you.
“The first time is always the hardest,” Damon said quietly from his place next to me, pulling me from my ruminations. “It should be easier for you now. If I had to explain in so many words, I would say it's like a rip in material – if you try to push yourself through it, it has to give way to make room for you. Now that you've been through once, there's a Cass-sized shape for you to pass through.”
“Is that your layman explanation?” I laughed, flashing him a smile.
“I'm sorry. I know you're not stupid,” he mumbled, his hands balling into fists before relaxing again. “The last person I taught was seven.”
“No harm done. How about I try out that Cass-shaped hole and see if I got this?”
He nodded solemnly, not saying another word in his obvious embarrassment. I shook my head and laughed to myself as I handed him the blanket and waded back into the river, shivering violently. I took a deep breath and focused on Alexa, who was standing by the banks of the river, only her ankles submerged in the water so she could see me.
“Hurry up. I'm freezing.” She grinned.
I forced myself forward mentally, paying attention to the water and Alexa as I pushed and reached. I gave it everything I had and it resulted in a small flicker of my right index finger.
“It’s okay. Deep breaths and attention on me,” Alexa said with encouragement. “You’ve done it once. Just try to remember what you pinpointed your attention on to get there.”
I closed my eyes and let my head fall back on my shoulders. She had no idea what she was telling me to do. If I thought too much about the way Damon felt against me, I would end up closer to the riverbank where he stood watching.
“Deep breaths and mind on me.”
I did as she as
ked, taking deep, measured breaths, my eyes focused on her and her fingers. I willed myself through but it was almost as though I knew it wouldn’t work. That initial magnetized feeling was missing.
I pushed anyway and came up flat.
“Okay, when you went through that first time, something you did made your mind attach itself. I need you to find something about me you’re attached to and then you can push. It’s useless trying before that.”
I nodded. What about Alexa could I use to channel a connection? Suddenly it came to me. I thought about the way she smiled at Zander, the way she talked about him when he wasn’t there. I focused on the sadness that it sometimes gave me when I thought about being alone.
It took me a second to notice that feeling of locking onto something, that magnetic pulling sensation. Maybe that was the trick – to see something deeper than it was, to visualize and sense it, to see the edges and the surface as well as what lay below. Memorize the angles of it.
The shimmer I'd had when I reached for Damon wasn’t there this time. It had turned into static but it was still working. I continued to force myself forward, mentally and physically, and the tingling of energy running over my skin as I pushed through made the hair on the back of my neck stand on end. I stumbled forward the moment the resistance gave way, but didn't lose my balance this time. All of the pressure, and shimmering static were gone. I was through.
“Would you look at that!” Zander laughed from the riverbank his smile contagious. “You made that look easy.”
I smiled in thanks. Zander had no idea how difficult it had been. Or that it had taken a couple of tries until I’d finally realized what I was doing wrong, and even then it was difficult to focus on anything other than Damon standing close by. Still, I’d done it. That was the main objective.
“Took a couple of tries still.” I sighed, rubbing my arms to warm myself up as I waded out of the water.
