I couldn’t help but stifle a laugh, but I tried to be sympathetic. “I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s okay, just a tiny mom complaint. But it’s true, you sound happy.”
Suddenly it occurred to me that I’d spent the better part of two weeks with Riot and hadn’t told her yet.
“Yeah, about that…”
“Spill, woman,” she demanded.
“Riot and I are together.”
She was silent for a moment and I wasn’t sure if it was good silence or bad.
“Okay… and?”
“And things are good.” I offered. I knew between her and Megan, Ella was definitely the more even-keeled sister, but she was literally giving me nothing.
“Good, like, you talked and made nice, or good, like, you get to be horizontal with him?”
I laughed, feeling the pinch of the drying masque on my face. “Oh, we’ve been horizontal. Every chance we get,” I said, trying to waggle my eyebrows but getting nowhere. I heard clapping and whooping, and then I heard Ella’s mom voice and I knew she was talking to Mattie when she said, “That’s right, Auntie Kalli is gonna give you an Uncle Riot, and then Mommy and Aunt Megan get to look at him forever.”
Distantly I heard a distinct and strikingly male voice call out, “I heard that.”
“You better watch yourself,” I warned through laughter.
“Pshh. Porter’s an alpha. I’ll pay for that later, but I’ll enjoy it.” Then after a few seconds she said, more seriously, “Is it good, Kal? I mean, I know it’s good, but I mean, are the two of you good?”
“It’s wonderful,” I said, sounding just as sappy as I felt. “He was really great in the beginning, took it really slow, let me make all the decisions, and then we just kind of stopped being apart.”
“That’s the best,” she said, her voice knowing. “So, will he be coming with you for Thanksgiving?”
Oh crap. Thanksgiving. In two weeks.
“We haven’t talked about Thanksgiving. His parents live in San Francisco. I don’t know if he was planning to go up there or not. I’ll have to talk to him.”
“Okay, well, you’ve got a room here at the beach if you want it. We’d really like to see you. And Riot is more than welcome to come along. But I totally understand if you go to San Francisco with him.” She paused, then added, “But I have to say, Mattie told me yesterday that she’s starting to forget what you look like.”
Ah, the baby guilt trip. I didn’t really need one; hearing Mattie’s gurgles and baby talk through the phone was enough to make my heart hurt.
“That was low, Ella,” I laughed. “How are you doing?” I asked after a moment.
“Good. Great, actually. I mean, besides not having slept more than four hours in a row in six months, everything’s great. Porter’s work is slowing down a little now that winter’s just around the corner, but both the shops are picking up so it’s kind of perfect.”
“And how’s Megan?” Even as I asked the question I knew I should call her soon.
“She’s good too. Still in the honeymoon phase. Patrick just got a promotion. They’re thinking of selling their condo and buying a house. Just, ya know, life.”
“Yeah, life.” I sighed as I said the words, thrilled on the inside that for the first time in months, life was just life, and it was good.
“How’s your fancy job?”
“It’s not as fancy as you’d imagine, but it’s good. Riot is on the soundstage right next to mine and we’ve been able to spend lunches together, so that’s been nice.”
There was a moment of quiet between us, then she said, “I know you’re a strong woman, Kal. And I know you could have gone to LA and done just fine on your own. But I’m really glad you and Riot worked it out. You deserve to be happy.”
“Thanks,” I said, my face seriously cracking from my smile.
“Okay, well, I’m gonna go put this little one to bed, then take my punishment from Porter.”
“Sounds terrible,” I said sarcastically.
“Being with him is such a hardship.” We both laughed at that. “Let me know about Thanksgiving, okay?”
“Will do, and thanks for calling.”
“Anytime.”
I heard her end of the call disconnect and let out a sigh. I knew I was lucky to have met Ella and Megan, knew all along we were all brought into each other’s lives for a reason. And in that moment, I was so happy knowing I’d always have their friendship.
After my bath and nightly face ritual, I’d gone to bed a little earlier than normal, realizing I was bored without Riot there. One week of his presence and I was already at a loss without him. So I’d curled up in bed with a book I’d been trying to read for months, but fallen asleep after only a few pages.
When I woke, it was because Riot’s strong arm, which was draped around me at the waist, was pulling me closer to him and his nose was nuzzling the back of my neck. I smiled, then rolled toward him, pressing my front as close to his as I could get, letting my face find that perfect spot between his jaw and his shoulder that seemed to have been made exactly for me to lay my head to rest in.
“I missed you,” I whispered sleepily against his skin, and felt his arms wrap tighter around me.
“Sleep, baby,” he whispered back, kissing my hair.
“Mmmkay.”
The next time I woke up, it was to the sound of Riot’s deep breaths, the rhythmic movement of his chest under my cheek, and the bright sunlight filtering through the blinds in my bedroom. I was warm, still wrapped up in his arms, and more comfortable than should be possible. Besides the one time I’d woken earlier that night, I’d slept deeply and long. I was well rested and wide awake.
I slowly lifted my head and took a moment to stare at his face. There was no denying, by anyone, that Riot was attractive. You didn’t get lead parts on network cop dramas if you weren’t. He was becoming somewhat of a household name and heartthrob, and only a few episodes had aired. He was tall, dark, and stupidly handsome. But lying in my bed, holding me close, he looked adorable. His face was almost childlike when he slept. With his dangerously sexy eyes closed, his face took on a wholly different, peaceful quality, which was quite nearly innocent looking.
I knew he’d worked late the night before, or even early that morning, and I didn’t want to wake him, so I tried to sneak out of his grasp slowly. I’d made it almost out of the circle of his arms before his voice startled me.
“If you leave, I won’t be able to sleep,” he said with his adorably cute, sleepy voice. My body went lax where I’d been stopped and I leaned over, resting my head against his stomach.
“That seems a little extreme.”
“Are you calling me a liar?”
“No, I’m only saying, we’ve spent just as many nights together in the last week as we had in our whole relationship almost. It’s brand-new. You can’t be that reliant upon my presence for sleep yet.”
Riot knifed up in the bed, grabbed me, and then, suddenly, I was on my back and he was above me.
“I spent so many nights without you because it’s what I thought you wanted, what I thought you needed. If it had been up to me I never would have left your side, I would have been there every moment to help you through your mourning. But you told me to go. And that’s okay. I understand. But I’m not going to lie to you and tell you it was easy for me. It wasn’t. Every night I lay in my bed wishing I could hold you, hoping for just a faint waft of your shampoo from the one pillow you used, which I slept with every night. I hoped you were okay. Prayed you were eating enough, that you weren’t alone all the time, that someone was there to make you laugh every once in a while just to remind you that it wasn’t all darkness everywhere.
“So, yes, the last few nights I’ve not only gotten used to you sleeping next to me, it’s given something back to me that I thought I might have lost forever, and I’m not ready to take it for granted yet. So, unless you’ve got somewhere pressing to be, please, just lie with me.”
“Okay,” I said, nodding slightly. He let out a large sigh, rolled off me, then pulled me to his side again. I found my special place made just for me and tentatively snuggled in. A few moments passed, thick with silent tension. I slowly reached up and placed my hand on his chest and when his hand came up to cover mine, I let out my own thankful breath.
“You know it wasn’t you, right?” He didn’t answer my question, but I felt his chest stop moving, so I knew he’d heard me. I continued anyway. “I didn’t push you away, I was hiding myself from you. From everyone. Everything. It’s true that seeing you was difficult, but only because it ate at me that I was with a man when Marcus had his accident. Or, more to the point, that I wasn’t with him. Right after his death there was an enormous part of me that was eclipsed by guilt. As the guilt waned, rationality came back, and I understood, mostly, that it wasn’t my fault, but I still struggle with that sometimes.
“But aside from that,” I continued, “the whole experience sort of fit into what I’d pretty much built my entire adult life around. I’d told myself that I wasn’t ever going to be in a committed relationship with a man, that I wasn’t meant to have that as a part of my life.”
“And now?” he asked, still not looking at me, breaths shallow, hand still clasped around mine.
“Now I know that I was standing still before you, tethered to a good life with Marcus, but never reaching for greatness, never looking for anything more.” I leaned up on an elbow to look at him, my hand pulling away from his but smoothing over his chest and trailing down his rib cage. “You set me free, Riot. I’m never tied down with you, never stifled or smothered. The only thing I want to be tied to, is you.”
“You know I’m bound to you too, right? Being away from you was unbearable, but I knew it was something you needed. I knew that if I forced myself into your life, if I didn’t let you figure it out on your own, we’d never stand a chance. But I was never whole without you.” His hand came up and cupped my face, his eyes never wavering from mine. “That all being said, it’s Sunday morning and I want you in bed with me.”
I smiled at that. “Okay.” I leaned down and gave him a small kiss, then snuggled back into my place. A few minutes later, when I knew Riot hadn’t gone back to sleep, I asked, “Do you want to go to Ella and Porter’s beach house for Thanksgiving?”
“Sure,” he said immediately.
My brow furrowed. “You don’t need to spend Thanksgiving with your family?”
“Can we do Christmas there?”
“Sure…”
“Then it sounds like it’s settled.”
Chapter Fourteen
Park Place
Kalli
Thanksgiving at the Oregon Coast was, by far, the best way to spend the holiday. Ella and Porter’s house was full, but not packed. Megan and Patrick were there, along with Tilly, and Ella’s parents. All the parental units were only there for the day, and it was nice to have mom hugs from Tilly and Susan, but it was also great to spend time with Megan, Ella, Patrick, and Porter and not feel like the fifth wheel.
Riot, of course, was loved by all. Tilly nearly fainted when he walked in the house, Susan blushed as she introduced herself to him, but Patrick and Porter just shook his hand, offered him a beer, and then invited him to watch football in the living room with them and Richard.
I tried my best to help with the meal prep, but lucky for me, being the person who lived farthest away and saw her the least often, I got put on Mattie patrol, so I spent a good portion of the day playing with the sweetest and most adorable little girl ever.
“I think her cheeks have grown to twice their previous size since I saw her last,” I said, making faces at Mattie as she tried to fist my hair and shove it in her mouth.
“It’s not only her cheeks. The chub is everywhere,” Ella said, chopping something on the other side of the kitchen.
“You guys are going to give her a complex. She’s perfect,” Megan added.
“When are you going to have a baby?” I asked with a smile, knowing she would glare at me.
“That’s what I would like to know,” Susan said from where her head was buried in the refrigerator. It was then that Megan sent me the glare I was waiting for.
“I’ve told you all this before; Patrick and I are in no hurry to have kids. We have a perfect niece we can spoil whenever we want, then her return to her parents and go home to sleep all night. We’re just starting our careers. We’ve got plenty of time.”
“She’s right, you know,” Ella chimed in, coming to Megan’s defense. “Porter and I already had our careers all figured out before we got pregnant. I can’t imagine trying to do this at Megan’s age. Give her a little while to figure life out.”
“Are you and Riot going to get married?” This came from Megan and then she stuck her tongue out at me. I laughed while rolling my eyes.
“Now, that’s something I can get behind,” Susan said, emerging from behind the door of the fridge, eyebrows reaching for the sky, dreamy smile on her face.
“Yes,” Tilly agreed, expertly hand-mashing some potatoes. “Or you could just use him for his body until you get bored.”
At that, Ella, Megan, and I exchanged surprised glances until we all busted up laughing at the same time.
It was hours later, and Ella and Porter had walked her parents to their car, Tilly had left a few minutes before, and the rest of us were all sitting in the living room.
“We could watch a movie,” Megan suggested.
“I think if we sit on this couch any longer, I’m going to fall asleep, babe,” Patrick said, running his hand up and down Megan’s thigh. “It was damn good turkey.”
“Well, I’d say we could go for a walk on the beach, but Mattie’s asleep and besides, it’s cold as crap out there,” Ella said, locking the door behind her. “I know,” she said, rushing to a closet right off the dining room. “We could play a game, and drink!”
Ella obviously needed a reason to drink.
“That sounds fun,” I offered. Riot reached his arm behind me, resting it on my shoulders, and I leaned into him. We were both sitting on Porter’s large couch, our feet up on his coffee table which he insisted “was made for feet.” Everything about their house was gorgeous, comfortable, and handmade if possible, like his coffee table.
“Hey, give me some sugar,” Riot whispered in my ear. I turned to look at him, smirking at his request.
“You want some sugar?” I asked. “What are you? Fifty? Who says that?”
He grinned. “I say it. You gonna give it to me or not?” He curled his arm, bringing my face closer to his.
“I’ll give it to you when you ask like a normal person.” He kept pulling me closer and closer until our mouths were just barely touching, but I was resisting, a smile still playing on my face.
“Fucking kiss me, Kalli,” he growled.
“See?” I said, running my hand through his soft hair, and using only the tip of my tongue to trace his bottom lip. “That’s all I needed.” He then trapped my tongue by capturing my mouth with his. I was well aware of the fact that we weren’t alone in the room, but I couldn’t stop myself from enjoying him taking the kiss from me. He asked for it, wanted me to give it to him, but in the end he ended up taking it, which was more his style.
“You guys better hurry up with the game. Kalli and Riot are going to have sex on your coffee table soon.”
“The table was made for feet, not sex,” Porter said, coming back into the room after checking on Mattie.
Riot pulled away, but not far, his breath panting across my face. “That was some good sugar, sugar.” I couldn’t help but smile.
“Okay, teenagers,” Ella called out, obviously referring to us. “The only game we have that six people can play is Monopoly.”
“I love Monopoly,” Megan cried, and out of the corner of my eye I saw her shoot up off the couch, Patrick following, albeit slower.
I, on the other hand, froze in place, my hand still in Riot’s hair, his face
just inches from mine. He must have felt it because his hands went from being wrapped around my body to framing my face.
“Just breathe, Kal,” he whispered.
I couldn’t. My lungs were like blocks of ice in my chest, frozen and unyielding, even for the air they were starting to burn for. My hands were shaking, my throat closing, and my vision was blurring.
“Kal, look at me,” he said, a little more urgently.
“Is she okay?” Someone asked from behind me, their voice laced with concern. I tried to focus on Riot, but felt my eyelids fluttering closed.
“Kal, damn it, breathe for me. In deep and out slow, okay?”
I looked in his eyes, the only thing I could focus on, and tried to take in a breath. It dragged in, as if I were pulling in air through water, as though I were drowning on dry land.
“That’s good, baby, now out.”
I pushed it out, concentrating on his face.
“In, again.” He turned and I wanted to yell at him to turn back to me, to not abandon me in the middle of it, and I heard him yelling, “Get me a glass of water.”
Finally his face returned to my vision and he said, “Deep, baby. Get in as much as you can. Good,” he said as I tried to do as he was asking. “Now push it out slow.” Slow wasn’t a problem, the air was coming in through water, but I was pushing it out through sand.
He continued to remind me to breathe for a few minutes, which seemed like years, until I could breathe easier, until I didn’t feel like I was on the very edge of death, about to topple into its depths. When I was breathing on my own, head resting against the back of the couch, brow sweating, I heard Ella’s voice.
“Should we call someone? Take her somewhere?”
“She’s okay,” I heard Riot answer, then felt his lips on my forehead as he gave me a quick kiss. “She just needs a minute.” His hand was at my face then, thumb sweeping over my cheek. “Baby, I need you to open your eyes and take a sip of this water.”
I did as he asked, but when my eyes opened they found his and never moved from them.
Never Tied Down (The Never Duet Book 2) Page 15
