by S. J. Sylvis
I fucked up. I went against everything I’d told myself over the years. I let her in, and now there was no turning back.
I wanted to make her mine.
I wanted to protect her.
I wanted to wrap my hands around every last person’s throat who dared make her feel inferior.
My heart was strumming behind my chest, my ribs cracking as I thought about how scared she was when she heard her father and mother arguing. The strong-willed ex-queen of English Prep was replaced with a fragile, fearful girl who took my heart in her shaky hands and squeezed the life out of it.
My mom was right.
Madeline wasn’t the one to blame.
I glanced out the window just as the sun was beginning to rise. Oranges, reds, and yellows started to streak the darkened sky, letting me know it was time to untangle myself from her soft limbs and leave the room. I glanced down at her delicate cheek, wanting to kiss her one last time before leaving, but I refrained.
She’d been sleeping since around one in the morning, and I didn’t want to wake her up. Mostly because I didn’t know what to say or do, but also because she needed sleep.
Her lean body was snuggled up to me, making it hard to disappear. One of her legs was hooked over mine, her head resting just below the beating of my heart. When I’d inched over to the side, her leg clamped down, trying to trap me. Her arm moved just below the button on my jeans, and my dick got hard within one second.
Great.
I locked my jaw, slipping out from her quickly before I flipped her on her back and woke her up like I truly wanted to—with my head in between her legs.
She and I crossed over a line last night, throwing caution to the wind and letting our hormones do the talking for us. I’d tried telling myself that Madeline was fragile, whether she wanted to admit that or not, and that I needed to hold back on my impulses, but the way her body sung when I touched her caused my brain to misfire. It was much too dark in the closet to truly see her, but she was so fucking hot. I was pretty sure I could still taste her tongue on mine.
After glancing out her window and realizing I’d likely break the drainpipe she used to shimmy down when sneaking out of her room, I peeked my head out her bedroom door and listened.
It took a few seconds before I heard shuffling down the hall. Part of me wanted her dad to find me in here. Maybe he’d take a swing at me and then I’d have an even better excuse to rip his head off. Sure, her father may have been a little bit bigger than me, but I’d been picking fights for as long as I could remember. Even Christian and I had gone a few rounds.
Rage had a way of making you stronger than you really were. And I’d be raging a lot more than him if we ever came face to face.
Madeline wasn’t his little princess as he called her last night. She was mine.
My foot teetered back and forth over the threshold of her soft carpet and the hallway, waiting for him to come strolling out of the bedroom I’d been in just months prior, watching his wife get nailed by my father, but the shuffling from a few seconds ago turned into low moans.
The repeated thumping noise was all too familiar to me.
Madeline’s mother was moaning even louder now. Too loud. I’d say she was faking an orgasm.
I almost laughed as I walked toward the stairs, but the thought of leaving Madeline made me antsy, even if there was no other choice. I couldn’t kidnap her from her house just because her father was a misogynist abusive ass to her mother, but I wanted to.
The worry was already eating away at me. I didn’t like the idea of leaving her in a house with a man like that, which was exactly why I was already trying to figure out a way to see her tonight.
As soon as I made it down Madeline’s front steps, I grabbed my phone out of my car and shot her a quick text, asking her to let me know when she woke up, and then scanned the group text from the night before.
Christian- Where did you go?
Ollie- I bet I know where.
Christian- Quit ignoring us. Are you with Madeline? Dude, don’t do it. Don’t get mixed up with her.
Ollie- For real. You’ll likely get cat scratch fever.
Christian- This is Hayley. Don’t listen to them. Do what you want.
Ollie- Or who you want. *devil emoji*
Christian- If you’re fucking her, fine. But don’t get wrapped up in her. Madeline is as unattainable as they come. She will burn you and laugh as your skin singes. And make sure you use a condom. I heard a rumor she fucked Benny Cline from Oakland High. He gets around.
I stopped walking. Was that who she fucked after everything?
Ollie- How do you know he gets around, Christian?
Christian- Stop while you’re ahead Ol. I see where this is going.
An hour later, Christian texted again.
Christian- Eric, why are you ignoring us? Afraid I’ll talk you out of fucking the girl you swore you hated?
Ollie- You swore you hated Hayley, and look at you now, big bro. Ready to propose.
Christian- Damn right I am. And you have no room to talk. You and Piper are the same.
Ollie- Da, da, da-dum. Da, da, da-dum.
Christian- Why are you so annoying? Even in text?
Ollie- Da, da, da-dum. OH! CAN I BE THE FLOWER GIRL???
Christian- You do not exist anymore.
I chuckled and continued reading the next texts, which came a couple hours later.
Ollie- ERIC! Someone stole your mom’s vase. The one that sat on the mantel.
Ollie- OH MY GOD. NOW THEY’RE PLAYING HOT POTATO WITH IT.
Ollie- And… it’s broken. Sorry, man. We tried.
Ollie- Okay, he must not have his phone. He would have flipped if he knew someone was messing with his mom’s shit.
Christian- Or he knows that we would break their arms if someone touched shit they weren’t supposed to.
Ollie- Truth. Alright, Eric. We’re done texting you. Have fun fucking Madeline even though you’ll deny it in the morning.
I shoved my phone in my pocket, ignoring my two best friends and their incessant texts, and started the trek back over to my house, which was a grand total of four yards away. Ollie and his wise cracks were nothing unusual, and I knew he probably didn’t give two fucks if I was involved with Madeline. But Christian was a different story. He wasn’t making light of the situation. He didn’t trust Madeline, and he was letting me know every chance he could. He knew I’d do what I wanted in the end, because that was who I was, but he also wanted to put the warning out there. I respected that. Christian was the king of English Prep, but I was the furthest thing from noble. I didn’t take orders from him. I did my best to turn off my feelings when he and Madeline were together, because he was my best friend and my ignorance for her turned into hate, but now things were different. They weren’t together anymore, and I didn’t hate her.
Madeline was fair game.
“Funny seeing you this early.”
I snapped my attention to my porch, finding my mom smiling into a steaming mug. I glanced back to the driveway and saw her SUV parked behind my Range Rover. When did she get home?
“I thought you were working an overnight shift?” I slowly started to walk up to the porch, my shoes shuffling over the steps with ease.
“Slow night in the ER. I have overtime, so I was the first to go.”
“Ah, gotcha,” I said, nodding as I sat beside her on the swing. It creaked as it dipped down, and my mom let out a laugh, eyeing the springs.
“So,” she began, taking a small sip of her coffee. Once she was finished, I shot her a half-grin, and she rolled her eyes, handing me the mug. The warm Colombian brew coated my tongue, and for a moment, I was a little resentful that it replaced the taste of Madeline. “Where were you?”
I slid the mug back over to her, and she took it gracefully.
“Why ask a question you know the answer to?” I lifted an eyebrow, and she grinned into her mug again.
“Is everything okay with Madeline?”r />
I thought back to a few days ago when I’d given her very minimal details about Madeline’s screaming-in-my-bedroom ordeal. She didn’t ask many questions, but I knew she was concerned.
Glancing back to Madeline’s house, I answered with integrity. “Not really.”
“Anything I can do?”
My chest burned, and it had nothing to do with the hot coffee I’d just drank. I felt myself splitting in two, like a torn piece of notebook paper. I was getting a slight glimpse of how Madeline felt when she’d found out my dad had cheated with her mom. It would have been difficult to ask me to not say anything in fear that her father would find out. Just like it was difficult that I was about to ask my mom that same favor. “Yeah.” I ran my hands down the front of my jeans. “Can you not say anything to Madeline's dad? You know…” I gulped, unable to meet her eye. Was it right for me to ask this of her? “That her mom and…Dad…”
My mom’s hand landed on my clenched fist, unbundling my fingers from digging into my palm. “Eric.” I couldn’t meet her eye. I felt like shit. It wasn’t fair that I was asking this, but it also wasn’t fair that Madeline was in the situation she was in. “Do you really think I’d do something like that? Their marriage is none of my business.”
“No,” I rushed out, locking eyes with her. My mom was a saint. There was nothing vindictive about her. “I don’t. But I just had to say it, just in case.”
She nodded slowly, her face morphing into worry. “What’s going on, baby? You’re worried. I can tell.”
I wavered for a moment, looking over at Madeline’s house again, eyeing her father’s Jaguar in the driveway. I wasn’t sure what telling my mom would do, but it seemed unhealthy that no one knew what Madeline was going through. I wanted to come to her defense for some reason. I wanted to prove that Madeline wasn’t this awful person everyone thought she was. I wanted to prove her worth to my mom.
But I kept my mouth shut as my phone vibrated in my pocket.
Maddie- I know you’re back to hating me, but please don’t tell anyone about last night. No one can know, Eric.
I wasn’t sure if she was referring to her dad or the part where she came all over my hand.
Me- Tell your mom you’re staying with a friend tonight.
She texted back instantly.
Maddie- Is that supposed to be some joke about me not having any friends?
I chuckled under my breath, eyeing my mom from the side who was staring directly at me.
“Movie night tonight? And do you care if I bring a friend?”
She smiled. “Tell Madeline it’s a pj party. No pjs, no admittance.”
I laughed, shaking my head. She and I used to have pj parties all the time when I was younger, especially when my father was on a work trip. It’d obviously been a long, long time since we had done something like this, but it sounded just about perfect for Madeline. She needed a little normalcy in her life, and she needed to get out of the house and away from her parents’ fucked-up marriage.
Me- My house, 7pm. My mom said you have to wear pjs.
Maddie- …what?
Me- See you at 7, and don’t even try to make up an excuse. I know where you live, and I will come get you if I have to. Father home or not.
I slipped my phone back in my pocket, knowing she likely wouldn't text back. My mom nudged me with her shoulder, handing the cup of coffee back to me.
“I’m here for you when you want to talk about it, okay?”
I didn’t answer her. Instead, we both sat on the porch in silence as I tried to sort through my thoughts which all revolved around the girl next door that I swore I’d never ever let back in.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Madeline
It baffled me how my father could morph from monster to hero in a matter of a few hours. How he could sip on his coffee with a radiant smile, ruffling my hair and wrapping his arms around my mother’s waist like she was his own personal home.
She was stiff, unbeknownst to him, but her posture was nothing near relaxed. She stood at the sink and stared through the window as my father sat with me at the table and had breakfast like he hadn’t smacked my mom around the night before.
When I’d woken up this morning, the first thing on my mind was Eric. I could smell him on my covers and feel his kiss on my lips. My body felt sated and relaxed. Full of light. Until I remembered what led me to that feeling.
I shot out of bed, almost toppling over onto the carpet, and ran to my window. Dread weighed heavy on me when I saw that my father’s Jaguar was still there, which meant last night wasn’t the start of a nightmare that turned into a blissful dream. It meant that my father was home, and I had completely lost it in front of Eric.
It was probably wrong what we did. I knew, deep down, that I’d be the one hurt in the end. For all I knew, Eric was only fucking with me. Playing me. It could be part of his game. After all, he did say he’d ruin me.
But I didn’t care. The pain was worth the high. Eric made me feel so good and safe. I was full to the brim with emotions. He was all I could think about as I ate breakfast—until my father smacked his hand on the table.
I jumped as the silverware clanked together and looked at him. His bright-blue eyes were beady, but they softened at the last second, little crinkles forming around the edges. “Princess, I asked you a question.”
“Oh, sorry,” I muttered, looking around the sparkling kitchen for my mom. Where’d she go? “What did you ask?”
He shifted uncomfortably in his chair, his shirt unbuttoned at the top. “Have you noticed any new friends of your mom’s? Anyone coming over recently?”
I didn’t miss a beat. “No. Why?” I took a big bite of my pancakes, giving me time to spare before answering another question. I sat back in my chair, appearing bored.
“Are you sure?”
I swallowed, placing my fork down. “She’s been home except for a few meetings at the club here and there and the normal things she does, like grocery shopping.” It didn’t faze me even a second how effortlessly the lie came out. I'd been practicing these lines for years.
He didn’t seem satisfied with that answer, but he let it go. “Okay, well, I’m taking her out tonight, but I have to leave early tomorrow. Would you like to go too?”
Absolutely not. Please just go.
“Why don’t you two just go and have a date? It’s been a while since you’ve been home, Daddy. She misses you.” Sell it, Madeline. Make him think he’s her world. Just like she told you to do. If they can just get through tonight, things would go back to…normal.
He smiled as his eyes glossed over. “It’s been a while since you’ve called me that, princess. And you’re right. It has been a while. Don’t worry, I’m changing that soon. I’ve almost turned the entire company around. I’ll be home more when things settle.”
My cheeks continued to lift, but on the inside, I was completely frazzled. All I wanted to do was go back into my cocoon of thinking about Eric so I could pretend that reality—this awful reality full of fear and hate—was nonexistent.
How was I ever going to go to college when I knew my mom would be locked away with him?
I forced the rest of my pancakes down without ever breaking conversation with my father. Playing make-believe was second nature when he was home, but I was getting really tired of being the princess he thought I was.
When I’d found my mom later on in the afternoon, she was in their bathroom, putting on her red lipstick that my dad had always loved. Her mouth was puckered, the red stain effortlessly gliding over her lips.
“Getting all dressed up for a date?” I hated how disapproving my voice sounded. She didn’t deserve that.
My mom found my eyes in the mirror and nodded. “Yes, he’s taking me to his favorite restaurant.”
No surprise there.
I nodded, pushing my hair behind my ear nervously. I glanced behind my shoulder and quietly shut the bathroom door. “Dad is on the phone with a security place. He’s in
stalling cameras.”
Her head dropped, but I said nothing more. We both knew why he was doing that. He’d threatened it in the past but had never followed through, probably too afraid there would be proof that he hit my mom.
“He found me on a date last night,” she whispered.
I walked farther into their expansive bathroom, propping myself on the edge of the tub. “I know. I was home.”
She nodded. “I thought so.”
Silence rushed in, both of us unable to say what we wanted to say, too afraid he was outside listening. That was how he was: sneaky and unrelenting in his ability to gain control. So, instead of saying anything, I stood up and walked over to her. I wrapped my arms around her from behind and rested my head along her back. Her Chanel perfume hit me head-on. “Leave him, Mom. I know how well I can play the good-daughter-who-adores-her-father role, but I would never ever choose him over you. He may be my own flesh and blood, but he is incapable of love.”
Her shaky hand sat on top of mine as she breathed heavily through her nose. “There’s a lot that goes into it, Madeline. I’d have nothing if I left.”
I hugged her tighter. That’s not true. “You’d have me.” I wasn’t sure that was enough for her, but I said it anyway.
Her chest shuddered, but I quickly left her before the conversation turned into anything else. I didn’t want him to suspect anything weird. I didn’t want to set him off. Before I left their bathroom, I whispered, “Just…stay safe tonight. We both know how he can get.” In other words, love him like your life depends on it.
One slight nod was all I got before I left and went to my room. I sat on my bed and stared at Eric’s house, not even needing to reread our texts from this morning.
I wasn’t sure if he was playing games with me, but I didn’t care. I’d likely do anything to get out of my house for the night. When my father was home, it felt like my house was a battlefield with live mines all over. One wrong look, one wrong move, and the beautiful illusion that everything was rightful would be destroyed in a second.