She’d felt pain when she parted ways with Michael, but the pain she was experiencing now was like nothing she’d felt before. She was heartbroken, but also angry and worried. Angry that her body had failed her, and worried she might never carry a child to full term.
Tessa leaned her head back and wiped away her tears with a crumpled tissue. She was tired of crying. She wanted to stop, but each time she thought her tears were all dried up, they’d start again with renewed fervour.
Her mother had assured her that despite the grief she was feeling right now, she would get over it. Eleanor had suffered a miscarriage in between Tessa and Elliott, and she knew what Tessa was going through. “Believe me, Tessa honey,” Eleanor had assured her, “the pain will slowly decrease until one day you’ll be able to think about the lost baby without crying.”
Margaret had visited and given Tessa a list of Scripture passages she thought would be helpful and promised to keep praying for her. Fraser Stanthorpe and his wife had also visited. “No-one really knows why these things happen, Tessa, but you shouldn’t believe that your baby dying was God’s doing.” Fraser’s eyes were full of compassion and understanding. “He’s suffering with you, Tessa. He knows exactly how you feel, because he watched his own son die in the most horrible of ways.” Fraser squeezed her hand. “Be comforted with the knowledge that your baby is now safe in his hands and one day you’ll be reunited.”
Tessa was grateful for the outpouring of support and love she’d received from her friends and family, but she needed time to sort through her own thoughts. Ben and Jayden had left to pick up a few items she needed from the grocery store and had taken Sparky and Bindy for a walk at the same time. She closed her eyes. The doctor said the baby was a boy. She tried to picture what he would have looked like. What would she and Ben have named him? If he’d lived, how would he have changed their lives and who would he have become in the future? She’d never have the chance to know him or hold him in her arms, but a great love for the life she’d lost swelled within her. Fraser’s words had comforted her to a degree. She liked the thought that their baby was in a better place, surrounded by angels, and being watched over by Christ Himself.
Tessa dabbed her eyes and picked up the Bible laying open beside her. “I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope,” she read aloud. “Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”
Tears poured down Tessa’s cheeks as warmth filled her heart. She drew in a long slow breath and bowed her head. “Oh God, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for not seeing the bigger picture but instead blaming both yourself and me for the loss of our baby. Lord God, I know you love me, even when I fail and when I ignore you. Thank you for your great faithfulness and your love. I will trust you to heal the pain in my heart, and to care for our dear little baby boy until we meet him face to face in heaven with you. In Jesus’ precious name, Amen.”
The faint ringing of the phone from inside the house interrupted Tessa’s quiet time. She jumped up and ran inside, and picked up the phone just in time. Her heart skipped when she heard the familiar voice on the other end. “Stephanie! I’m so glad you called. I’ve been wanting to talk with you.”
“No, Tessa,” the voice said. “This is Stephanie’s mother, Vanessa.”
“Oh, I’m sorry, Mrs Trejo, you both sound so much alike. I still can’t tell your voices apart after all these years.” Tessa let out a small laugh but at the same time her chest tightened. Why would Mrs Trejo be calling? Not more bad news, please, God. I can’t handle it.
“Tessa, Stephanie’s in the hospital. She was in a bad car accident last night.”
Tessa’s heart skipped a beat as she gripped the phone with both hands. “How…how bad is she?” Tessa could barely speak.
“She’s not good.” Mrs Trejo’s voice caught in her throat. “She’s… she’s got several broken bones, including a fracture in her spine.” Mrs Trejo broke down. “She might be paralysed for life.” Tessa’s heart began a freefall. Stephanie, paralysed for life? This can’t be happening.
Tessa fell into the nearest chair as Ben and Jayden returned with the groceries. Ben dropped the bag he was carrying and rushed to her side. “What is it, Tess?” Ben’s eyes had widened, and his voice was full of concern.
Tessa lifted her watery eyes. Her heart felt like it was breaking. She sucked in a breath and gulped as she held the receiver to her chest. “Steph…” She took another breath and steadied herself. “Steph was in a car accident last night.”
The colour drained from Ben’s face. He sat down beside her and put his arm around her. Tessa lifted the receiver to her ear. Mrs Trejo was still talking. “You girls have been friends for years, so I knew… I knew you’d want to know.” Her voice had recovered a little but was still tight.
Tessa squeezed her eyes shut and steadied her breathing. “I’m so sorry, Mrs. Trejo. I…I don’t know what to say, except that I’ll be praying for you...for you both, and I’ll come as soon as I can.”
“I appreciate that, Tessa, I really do.” She paused. “The police think it may have been deliberate.” Mrs Trejo let out a fresh wave of sobs.
Tessa sucked in a breath and straightened, her heart racing. “Deliberate? Why would they think that?”
Mrs Trejo blew her nose. “It was a single vehicle accident. She wasn’t under the influence of drugs or alcohol, and the weather was good.” She cleared her throat. “They think she drove her car off the road on purpose. But Stephanie would never do anything like that.” Mrs Trejo’s voice strengthened. “I know my daughter. She just graduated, and she’s got a great job, and—”
“She didn’t tell you?” Tessa’s voice came out soft and quiet.
Mrs Trejo sucked in a breath. “Tell me what?”
Tessa let out a shaky sigh. “She lost her job a few weeks ago, Mrs Trejo. She was really upset about it.”
“No, I...I didn’t know.” She paused. “Maybe that’s why she came to visit. I thought it odd, but she didn’t say anything. I don’t understand why she wouldn’t have told me.”
Tessa hurried to defend her friend. “I think she was afraid to disappoint you.”
“Stephanie would never disappoint me.” Vanessa’s voice dropped to a whisper. “I know I pushed her sometimes, but I could never be disappointed with her. Everything she did made me proud, Tessa. I hope what you’re saying isn’t true, but if it is, I have only myself to blame. I hope I didn’t push her too hard.”
“I don’t think you did, but she was very distraught over losing her job. I’ve never seen her so upset.”
“My poor girl. If only she’d told me.”
“She thought being at home with you would help. I’m sure she wouldn’t have done this on purpose.”
“I hope not too. Thanks for letting me know about her job, Tessa. I’ll let you know if anything changes. And please feel welcome to come whenever you can.”
After hanging up, Tessa buried her face in Ben’s chest and let him hold her. Neither spoke for some time. How could Stephanie be lying in a hospital bed, possibly paralysed for life? Harder even to process was the possibility Stephanie may have tried to take her own life, the last thing Tessa had imagined Stephanie would do. The scripture she’d read earlier came to Tessa’s mind, and she clung to the promise that God’s compassion would never fail, and that his faithfulness would see them through. Just right now, his faithfulness seemed to have eluded them.
Chapter 23
Before returning to the clinic, Tessa took a few days’ leave to visit Stephanie. A change of scenery would do her good, plus she desperately wanted to see her friend.
Vanessa Trejo lived a three hour drive north of Brisbane, on a hobby farm she and her husband had bought ten years earlier when they said they needed a ‘tree change’ from their overly busy city lives. Sadly, Roberto, Stephanie’s father, passed away after only two years of
moving there. Roberto might have avoided his massive heart attack if he’d sought medical advice earlier. After the funeral, Stephanie’s mother decided to stay on and look after the farm on her own. “It’s only ten acres after all,” she’d said to the girls one weekend when they visited. Stephanie had encouraged her mother to return to the city, but Mrs Trejo was determined to stay and run the farm on her own.
Now, as Tessa steered her car through the winding roads of the lush, green Mary Valley, she considered the real benefits of living in a place as beautiful as this, away from the hustle and bustle of the city. A place where you could slow down a little. A place where kids could grow up enjoying the freedom of country living. A lump formed in Tessa’s throat. Would she ever have children of her own? The loss of her baby was still so fresh and real, and the very thought of it brought tears to her eyes. “Oh God, please heal my hurting heart. And please be with Steph and her mum. I don’t understand why all this has happened, but Lord I trust you to work it out. Thank you for this beautiful place. I pray that this time away will draw me closer to you.”
The thought began to grow in Tessa’s mind that maybe she and Ben and Jayden could move out here. She could easily get a job as a country vet, and it wasn’t that far to the nearest town where Ben would no doubt find a job. But would Jayden like living in the country? Away from all his friends, especially Neil? Tessa sighed. Probably not. Maybe one day…
Ten minutes later, Tessa pulled into the Trejo’s farm. A sign reading ‘Misty Morn’ hung on the wrought iron gates bordered on either side with rambling vines and overgrown bushes. Beyond the gates, a gravel driveway led to the cottage Stephanie’s parents had just finished renovating before Mr Trejo suddenly passed away. Mrs Trejo loved flowering plants; the front porch was a mass of colour. Baskets overflowing with soft pink petunias, red geraniums and brilliant blue salvias lined the edge of the bull-nosed verandah, while soft pink azaleas and white daisies nodded in the garden below.
As she stepped out of the car and stretched, Tessa breathed in the fresh country air. Yes, she could live here.
Mrs Trejo ran down the steps and gave Tessa a big hug. “Thank you for coming, Tessa.” She smiled at Tessa with moist eyes.
“Thank you for having me.” Tessa smiled warmly at her friend’s mother. They chatted easily about the garden and the farm as Mrs Trejo showed Tessa to her room and put the kettle on. Not until they were sitting on the verandah with a cup of tea and freshly baked scones with jam and cream made from the milk of Mrs Trejo’s favourite cow, Mildred, did Tessa ask about Stephanie.
“How is she, Mrs Trejo?” Tessa drew in a slow breath as she carefully placed her cup back onto its saucer and lifted her eyes to meet Mrs Trejo’s.
Mrs Trejo’s eyes moistened again. “She’s on a lot of pain medication, and she’s still in traction, but the doctors believe she won’t walk again.” She could hardly speak as tears flowed freely down her cheeks.
Tessa gripped her hand. Words weren’t required.
Two hours later, Tessa entered Stephanie’s hospital room. Stephanie’s eyes were closed, so Tessa sat quietly on the chair beside her. Mrs Trejo was talking with the nurse. Tessa took Stephanie’s hand and squeezed it. How had this happened? Tessa inhaled slowly. “Stephanie, can you hear me?”
Stephanie’s eyes blinked and slowly opened. “Tess…” Her voice was thin and raspy.
“Don’t speak, Steph. It’s all right.”
Stephanie closed her eyes.
Tessa held Stephanie’s hand and gazed at her friend. Her heart was heavy, and she wondered what good could ever come of this. She sighed deeply. “God, I really don’t understand why this has happened, but I have to trust that your grace will be sufficient. Please be with Steph, and heal not only her body, but heal her spirit and mind as well. May she draw on your strength at this difficult time, and know your peace in her heart despite the pain in her body.”
Memories of another hospital bed came to Tessa’s mind as she sat holding Stephanie’s hand. Not that long ago she’d sat in a chair, not too dissimilar to the one she was sitting in now, holding Michael’s hand and praying for his quick recovery. She didn’t know why God hadn’t answered her prayers at the time, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t trust God to answer her prayers now. God had still been working in Michael’s life, even though it took longer than she’d hoped. She squeezed Stephanie’s hand.
“God, I pray Stephanie handles this better than Michael did. Be her strength when she has none, give her hope when all seems hopeless, and every moment of every day, may she be aware of your love for her. Bless my dear friend, Lord God, I ask in Jesus’ name.”
As she sat there, Tessa thought about the brief reply to her email Michael had sent. He’d congratulated her on her marriage and wished her well, but he hadn’t mentioned how he was feeling. She wondered if she’d ever see him again, but somehow it didn’t worry her anymore. She hoped he’d meet someone special, someone he could enjoy life with, grow old with. No doubt if she ever bumped into Sabrina again, she’d hear what he was doing.
Mrs Trejo entered the room and took Stephanie’s other hand. Stephanie’s eyes fluttered and then remained opened for several seconds before closing again.
“This is what’s she been like for days now.” Mrs Trejo’s eyes held a deep sadness.
“She’ll come round.” Tessa tried to encourage her. “What did the nurse have to say?”
“They want to move her to a bigger hospital.” Mrs Trejo sighed wearily. “I’m not sure what’s wrong with this one. They seem to have everything.”
“I guess they just want to give her the best chance possible.” Tessa let out a small sigh. If she were Mrs Trejo, she’d be doing everything she possibly could for her daughter.
Mrs Trejo nodded, but didn’t look convinced.
“You’re worried about how you’ll manage, aren’t you?”
Mrs Trejo drew in a breath. “Yes, it’s difficult to leave the farm for more than a day at a time, but I want to be with Stephanie.” She ran her hand over Stephanie’s brow and gazed lovingly at her.
“I’m sure one of your neighbours could care for the animals if need be. It’ll work out, you’ll see. Try not worry about it.”
Mrs Trejo nodded again as tears welled in her eyes. Tessa couldn’t start to imagine what Mrs Trejo was feeling, seeing her only child lying in a hospital bed like this, and being told it was unlikely she’d ever walk again.
Tessa spent the next two days with Mrs Trejo. They visited Stephanie twice a day and stayed with her for hours at a time. Stephanie slowly became more lucid, but whenever the pain became too much, she’d be given more drugs and she’d fall back into a deep sleep. Tessa hated seeing her like this, and was concerned about the amount of medication the doctors had prescribed.
Mrs Trejo agreed to have her moved to the Spinal Unit at the Royal Brisbane Hospital, where she would receive expert care. The doctors were hopeful she might regain some movement in time. One of Mrs Trejo’s neighbours agreed to care for her animals while she was with Stephanie, and she could stay with her sister in Brisbane as long as needed.
With Stephanie in Brisbane, Tessa could easily visit as often as she wanted, and on the drive home the following day, she felt more at peace than she had since losing the baby.
When she returned to the clinic after the week’s absence, Tessa determined to be more positive about her role. Maybe God had put her here for a reason, and she should embrace the opportunity to grow and learn, and not run away from it.
Late that morning, a knock sounded on her office door and Harrison entered. “I don’t mean to bother you.” He stood awkwardly in front of her, and looked down at the ground. “I heard about your loss. I’m sorry.”
Tessa’s eyes widened. It was the last thing she expected him to say.
Harrison lifted his gaze and looked uneasily at her. “I know I’ve caused you a few problems, but I actually think you’re doing a good job running this place.”
“
Thank you, Harrison. On both accounts.” She gave him a warm smile. Was this an opportunity to speak to him about his mother? Tessa’s heart thumped at the thought of addressing the issue. God, I’ve already prayed about this, so please give me the words to say. She drew a slow breath.
Harrison turned to leave.
“Wait.” Tessa gulped.
Harrison paused and turned to look at her.
“I’ve…I’ve been meaning to tell you this for some time, Harrison.” She gulped again. How would he take this? “Your mother and I are good friends. We attend the same church and the same Bible study group.” Tessa held her breath.
Harrison stiffened. “You don’t know anything about our relationship, Tessa.” His eyes narrowed.
“No, You’re right, I don’t.” Tessa paused and steadied herself. “But she did tell me how saddened she is you haven’t spoken in years.”
“Did she put you up to this?” A vein in his neck bulged as he held her gaze.
“No, not all.” Tessa sighed. “It’s just that my best friend was in a really bad car accident recently, and it reminded me of how short life is. You never know when you might lose a family member or friend.” Harrison turned to leave. “Harrison, please listen to me. Your parents aren’t going to be around forever. You might not have next year or even next week to get things right with them.”
“I don’t have anything to get right.”
“Cutting them off, ignoring their phone calls, refusing to meet them, not sharing Christmas or birthdays…” Tessa sucked in a breath and stopped herself. Had she said too much? Her voice softened. “Don’t you see anything wrong with that?”
A moment of silence passed between them before Harrison gave a careless shrug. “I’ll give it some thought.”
“Please do, Harrison. For both your sakes.”
Tested Love: A Christian Romance (The True Love Series Book 2) Page 13
