by J. H. Croix
“So, I’ve ordered pizza, and Emma is bringing the wine,” Jessa explained. “Susie and Hannah will be here shortly, and Tess said she’s on her way.”
Within short order, our pizzas arrived, and Emma showed up with wine, declaring she’d offered to get it so she could vicariously enjoy it since she couldn’t drink. She was looking awful ready to burst at this stage in her pregnancy.
Once we were all settled in and chatting, Tess asked, “So, did you have fun at the fundraiser?”
“It was great,” I replied. “Your fundraisers always do well. Alaska is lucky to have you.”
Tess had come to Alaska on vacation and fallen for Nathan while she was here. Although Alaska was much more spread out and sparsely populated, she did a bang-up job of managing fundraisers online and traveling to the larger communities.
“I didn’t mean that,” Tess said with a slight smile. “I meant did you have fun with Elias?”
It felt as if all of my friends rotated to look at me. I took a swallow of my water. I wasn’t drinking because I needed to drive myself home.
“It’s fine, but we’re on a little hiatus while I get my shit together.”
“What do you mean?” Tess pressed.
Emma immediately chimed in. “Let’s not pressure her. We kind of have a crowd tonight.”
“It’s okay,” I offered. “Long story short, I kind of had a meltdown after that thing with his ex-girlfriend showing up. It’s fine. Turns out she needed him to do a paternity test, not because she thought he was the father of her son. It was because the actual father, his old friend who fooled around with her behind his back, died. His family was contesting her getting survivor benefits for their son. They claimed they thought Elias was the father.”
“Oh, that sucks,” Tess said.
Jessa reached over from where she sat beside me and squeezed my hand. “That’s what we call all-caps awkward. But, what’s the deal with you two?”
I took a bite of pizza before answering, “Well, I kind of flipped, thinking he was covering something up. And, we hadn’t even really figured out what we were doing. It’s not a shocker, but my baggage is recent and kind of heavy. I just told him I needed some time to get a grip.”
“Have you gotten a grip?” Susie pressed.
I narrowed my eyes at her. “I’m working on it.”
Susie opened her mouth to say more, but Emma cut in, “Pressure doesn’t usually help anybody. It certainly didn’t help you when you and Jared were trying to figure things out.”
Susie had the grace to look sheepish and cast me a rueful smile. “Sorry. I’m just rooting for you two. It seems like he’s pretty into you.”
Conversation moved on to other matters, and the group slowly broke apart a little while later. Emma lingered after the others left.
I was finishing up wiping down the table where we’d been gathered while she helped quietly. We were putting the towels in the laundry area behind the kitchen when she commented, “It’ll take the time it takes for you, you know that, right?”
Glancing to her, I said, “I’m not sure what you mean.”
“Figuring out when you’re comfortable trusting yourself.”
I felt as if I’d abruptly found the missing piece to a puzzle, but I wasn’t sure where it went. “Trusting myself?” I prompted.
“Yeah. Trust isn’t just about trusting someone else, it’s about trusting ourselves to know when something feels right. My gut tells me you do trust Elias, but you’re not so sure about you.”
My chest hurt. There was a tight, pressing feeling, but when I took a breath it began to ease.
“It’s hard to know when relationships start,” she added.
“I don’t even know if we were starting a relationship.” I tossed the last towel in the bin for the load of laundry I would start in the morning. I was already developing a routine here. When I glanced her way, I saw her rub her lower back. “You need to sit down,” I ordered.
Emma cast me a tired smile. “I’ve been sitting more than I prefer. I’m at that stage where nothing’s too comfortable.”
“Remind me when your due date is. It’s soon, right?”
“May tenth, so I’ve still got a few weeks.”
“You sure you don’t need to sit down?” I prompted.
Emma nodded firmly. “Yes. Now, back to you.” Much as I didn’t really want to talk about Elias, I didn’t mind because the last thing I wanted was to think too hard about how much I wished I could be pregnant and expecting a baby. I hated wishing for something so hard and feeling like it might never happen. I also wanted to focus on my joy for my friend, but it was hard not to think about babies when someone was expecting a baby.
If she noticed my internal tumult, Emma decided to ignore it. Her blue eyes held mine. “Maybe you weren’t planning for a relationship, but it sure seems like that’s what happened. Talk to him. You can trust yourself and still have people do shitty things. You did absolutely nothing wrong before. Joel or Brad, or whatever the hell his name was, lied to you about who he was. It’s no good to go through life assuming everyone’s going to do that. If there’s one thing I can tell you, that’s miserable.”
Emma had gone through her own hell in an abusive relationship years ago. Even if I didn’t know the intimate details, I knew she’d had to find her way through to the other side of it and come out whole.
“Let me ask you something.” At my nod, she continued, “What would you tell a friend in the same situation?”
Another puzzle piece fell into place. “I mean, obviously I wouldn’t blame them. I just can’t believe I didn’t realize he was lying.” I faltered, wanting to explain more about all the reasons I couldn’t trust myself, but Emma’s steady gaze dissuaded me. It felt as if I were clinging to something that didn’t make sense.
“Let’s set aside the fact that you totally have the hots for Elias.” Her lips twitched, and her eyes held a glint. “Would you tell a friend they could trust him?”
My head was nodding before I even thought about it. Because I knew without a doubt Elias was worthy of trust. Even when he used to be cranky with me, I knew he was a good man.
“Absolutely,” I whispered.
Chapter Thirty-One
Elias
I had stopped to get coffee at Red Truck Coffee and was currently battling a sense of disappointment that Cammi wasn’t here this morning. While she’d replied to my last text, I had heard nothing further.
I had things to tell her, and I was torn between respecting the space she’d asked for and not wanting to lose the opportunity to let her know how I felt. I was still grappling with how far and how fast I’d fallen for her. And yet, I supposed I’d been falling for her the entire time I was coming to her little coffee truck.
“Hey, Elias,” a voice said over my shoulder.
Glancing back, I found Emma and Trey Holden. Trey was a fellow pilot, and Flynn had just bought out his single plane business, absorbing the plane, as well as his customers.
“How’s it going, man?” Trey asked with a quick smile.
“Decent. I’m on my way out to fly. I’ve got a delivery run this morning and then a glacier view trip with some tourists this afternoon,” I explained.
Emma smiled. “I’m so glad you guys bought his plane. Now he’s got more time to be home and not headed into an insanely busy summer.”
“I’m sure you’ll enjoy having the extra time,” I commented to Trey. “Remind me when the baby’s due.”
Trey grinned. “May tenth.”
“I’m hoping I beat that date,” Emma offered with a light laugh.
Emma’s pregnancy was what had prompted Trey to sell to begin with. He ran a small law practice as well. When he was doing that and flying, I imagined his schedule had been on overload in the summer.
“I hope it’s early for you then,” I said with a chuckle.
“Who’s next?” Amy called.
I lifted my hand. “You know my order.”
Am
y cast me a sheepish smile. “Actually, Cammi’s the one who’s good at memorizing everyone’s orders. I think I need a reminder.”
“Don’t feel bad,” I replied. “That’s a lot to remember.” I quickly gave her my order and glanced over my shoulder. “I’ll cover you two. Go ahead and tell her what you want.”
“You sure? “Trey prompted.
“Absolutely. I’m gonna give her the money for your order anyway, so at least tell her.”
Trey chuckled, just as Emma chimed in, “Just tea for me.”
He finished their order, and we stepped to the side while Amy got our drinks ready.
A few minutes later, we were walking toward our trucks. Trey was parked right beside me. He was climbing in on the driver’s side and the passenger door was facing my driver’s door. Emma lightly caught my elbow just as I moved to open the door.
“Yeah?” I glanced to her.
“Cammi’s painting Misty Mountain Café after hours.”
“Oh?” I wasn’t sure what to make of that.
She nodded. “She could use a little help.”
Because I was a man and could be a little slow on the uptake sometimes, I asked, “Are you trying to tell me something?”
Emma sighed, and I heard Trey’s low laugh from the driver’s seat as she held the door open before she climbed in.
“Dude, she’s obviously trying to tell you something,” he called over.
Emma nodded firmly. “I’m definitely trying to tell you something. Good luck.”
Bemused, I left and went to spend my day flying. That evening, I decided to take Emma’s direct hint and aimed my truck toward Misty Mountain Café on the way home from work. When I pulled into the small parking lot in front of the coffee shop, the only vehicle there was Cammi’s. She didn’t have the outdoor lights on, but I could see her working through the windows. The entire front of the old Quonset hut that had been transformed into this coffee shop was windows. She was wearing a skirt and a T-shirt with tennis shoes as she stood on a ladder and carefully painted the upper edge of the wall behind the register.
I waited until she had lowered her arm because I didn’t want to startle her and then knocked lightly on the door. She glanced over from the ladder, her eyes widening when she saw me there. She set the paint brush down and lifted her finger, indicating I should wait, before she slowly climbed down the ladder.
A minute later, she was opening the door, and my heart was thudding so hard in my chest I thought it might crack a rib. Fuck, I had missed her.
She had a smear of paint on her cheek, and her hair was pulled back in what I thought was supposed to be a ponytail, except most of it was falling loose.
“Hey.” Cammi’s melodic voice spun around me with only one syllable.
“Hey.”
I realized I was standing there like a fool when her brows hitched up in question. “Can I come in?” I asked.
“Of course.” She stepped back, gesturing me through the door and closing and locking it behind me.
I scanned the space. It looked mostly like I recalled, but in all honesty, I always got my coffee at Red Truck Coffee, so I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been in here. “Are you repainting the whole space?” I asked when my eyes made their way back to hers.
Cammi nodded, brushing a loose lock of hair away from her forehead with the back of her wrist. “One wall a night. I figure that’s all I can get done at once.”
We faced each other, and my pulse kept on humming while need tightened every fiber in my body. God, I wanted to kiss her.
“How does it feel to own this place now?” I forced myself to focus on anything but the feel of her lips underneath mine.
Her eyes did a quick arc around the café. When they landed back on me, she shrugged. “I’m not sure yet. I never expected this to happen, and now it’s here.”
“I missed you.” I abruptly changed the subject without planning on it. My feelings apparently decided they needed to be heard.
She looked at me quietly, and a sense of burgeoning filled the air. Her cheeks went a little pink and her lips kicked up at one corner. “I missed you too. I was going to call you.”
Needing to make sure she knew I wasn’t pressuring her, I added, “I wasn’t saying that so you would. You can still have the space you need, but I was hoping I could let you know something.”
She was quiet for several echoing beats of my heart, and I started to wonder if I was barreling forward to quickly. “Hey, I didn’t mean—”
Cammi shook her head, and I quieted immediately. “I was just trying to figure out how to say what I wanted to say,” she began. “I miss you. My freak out was more about not trusting myself than not trusting you. I know you’re a good man, and I know you weren’t hiding anything from me. I’m sorry I kind of…” She circled her hand in the air before dropping it. “Freaked out. It’s also kind of took me by surprise.”
Joy was spinning inside the lust she always elicited. “I took you by surprise?”
“Well, you were all, you know, kind of grumpy and distant as long as I knew you. We never talked about what was happening, or what we were to each other. I didn’t want to make any assumptions. Things happened fast, but then, I already knew you.”
I took a step to close the distance between us, reaching for her hands. God, it felt good to touch her again, just to have that link of contact. “So that explains it. I already knew you.”
“Yeah,” she said slowly as if I was missing something. “What do you mean that explains it?”
“That explains why I fell in love with you. It didn’t happen that fast. It happened in slow-motion, and then my heart finally got the memo and caught up real quick.”
Her cheeks went bright pink, and her mouth dropped open as her eyes went wide. “Do you, you—” she sputtered before she shook her head and snapped her mouth shut.
“I’m just telling you how I feel. Rumor has it I might’ve been a little slow on the ball with that. I know the whole thing with my ex-girlfriend—”
This time, it was Cammi who shook her head. She freed one of her hands from mine to place her finger over my lips. “You didn’t do anything wrong with that. If I hadn’t had such a weird, fucked up thing happen in my last relationship—if I can even call it that—I wouldn’t have reacted the way I did. Is everything okay with that, by the way?”
She finally dropped her hand, and I immediately caught it in mine again as I nodded. “It’s fine.” If I had it my way, I’d never let her go. There was the inconvenient fact that life didn’t make it possible for me to hold onto her all the time, but I would take what I could get.
Her pretty blue eyes searched mine and then she leaned up and pressed a kiss just under the edge of my jaw. When she pulled away, she said, “I guess I’ve been falling for you too and I just didn’t know it.” She swallowed and took a fast breath. “Actually, I love you.”
My heart gave a rounding kick, and I moved to pull her closer, but she gave her head a little shake. “There’s one more thing.” Her brow creased, and she blinked a few times, looking suddenly nervous.
“What is it?”
“I want to have kids.” Her words came out in a rush. She took a gulping breath. “A lot.” Another pause and another deep breath. “I just need you to know that’s really important to me. If you don’t want kids, then you should tell me now.”
Her eyes were bright, and she swallowed audibly. For a few seconds, I was startled. Not because she wanted kids, but because I suppose I hadn’t expected to discuss it now. I took a breath and thought for a few seconds. The thing was I hadn’t ever thought I’d fall for anyone again. But that was the only reason I hadn’t thought about having kids. Before I’d let bitterness twine like a vine around my heart, I’d imagined having a family. The idea of that with Cammi? Well, that was easy.
I traced my knuckles along her jawline. “I haven’t thought about it much, but that’s only because I didn’t expect to fall in love. If you really want kids, t
hen I’m on board.”
She stared at me—hard. I didn’t realize she’d been holding her breath until it came out in a whoosh. When she tipped her forehead to rest on my chest, I finally wrapped her in my arms, in a full body clench. “I’m going to get paint on you,” she murmured against my shoulder.
“Sweetheart, I’ve been flying and I’m probably filthy. I don’t care about paint.”
I loved the sound of her giggle. Of course, it was me, and Cammi was in my arms, so while I was trying to be romantic, my body had other ideas. Just when I was thinking I should step back to try to get some kind of a grip, I felt one of her hands slide up under the hem of my T-shirt. The feel of her palm on my skin set me on fire.
Another breath later, we were kissing, and I was taking deep sips from her warm, sweet mouth. We broke apart, breathless and laughing together.
I spun her around, lifting her and sliding her hips on the only clear space I could find on the counter. “Elias!” she gasped as I slid my palms up her silky thighs, letting her skirt bunch around her hips.
“What?” I dipped my head, trailing hot kisses along the side of her neck, satisfaction rolling through me when she arched into me and let out a little whimper.
“Somebody might see,” she murmured when I lifted my head.
I brushed a wayward lock of hair off her cheek, letting my thumb trace her lips. I glanced over my shoulder. Looking back to her, I shook my head. “No, they can’t. From the door, all anybody can see is that giant ladder and the sign blocking the view. We have to christen your new café,” I coaxed.
Cammi’s tongue darted out to glide across her bottom lip. She peered over my shoulder. “Okay, you better make it quick,” she said with a sly grin.
“No problem with that. I don’t think I can last long anyway. I missed you too much.”
And then, I was pushing the damp silk out of the way between her thighs and tugging her hips closer to the edge of the counter. She made quick work of my fly, and I let out a rough growl at the feel of her silky palm curling around my shaft and sliding up and down in a teasing stroke.
