“Candace?” Jameson shifted to look at her wife. Candace’s eyes seemed distant. Jameson smiled. “I know what you’re thinking.”
“You do?”
“Yes, I do. You’re feeling guilty about Cooper and about the kids.”
Candace sighed. “Sometimes, Jameson, I wonder if it was fair of me to want them so badly when I had so many other things I wanted to do.”
“I know. Not one of the kids feels that way.”
Candace sighed.
“Candace, they don’t. Listen to me for a minute.”
“I’m listening.”
“Look at you.”
“Me?” Candace questioned.
“Yes, you. Your mom was home all the time.”
“My mother never longed to have children.”
“How do you know that?” Jameson asked.
“Jameson, you know how my mother was.”
“I do, but maybe part of that was because she never felt she could have other things too. I don’t know. I’m just saying that being home all the time doesn’t make someone a better parent.”
“Maybe. I can’t help that I wonder.”
“I think I understand that.”
Candace nodded. “Melanie’s pregnancy got you thinking some more.”
“It did. Not the way you might imagine.”
“Care to share?”
Jameson sat up and took a deep breath. “I think that part of me is always going to wish we had that together, Candace—a baby.”
Candace listened. Me too.
“But I don’t think that’s our path.”
Candace nodded.
“You look disappointed.”
“I am,” Candace said. “That doesn’t mean I don’t agree. Jameson, I love you so much. How could I not wonder about that?”
Jameson smiled, leaned over, and kissed Candace sweetly. “There are so many people right now that we both want to give to. Cooper needs the time we have to give.”
“Yes, he does.”
“And, Candace? I could never love any baby more than I love Coop.”
Candace smiled. Cooper meant the world to them both. He’d given them something that neither had expected to share. He was the light of their lives. “Neither could I.”
“That’s what I mean. He needs us. The kids need us. As much as I know I will always look back from time to time and wonder, I think we need to focus on the family we have. I don’t think it’s done growing,” Jameson said.
“Safe bet.”
“And, Candace?”
“Yes?”
“Remember when we first talked about this? Back when Marianne had me knocked up before we’d even gotten engaged?”
Candace sniggered. “I seem to have a vague recollection of that, yes.”
“Do you remember what I told you?”
“I do.”
“I have to share you with the entire world. I don’t think I want to split any more time than I have to.”
Candace held Jameson’s face in her hands. “Are you sure about this?”
Jameson nodded. “I can’t tell you it doesn’t hurt a little.”
“You don’t have to tell me. I already know.”
“When Mel and I were talking, she told me she thinks Shell misses me.”
Candace grinned.
“You think so too?” Jameson asked.
“She does,” Candace said.
“Did she say something? Because Mel seems to think my relationship with Marianne and Jonah has changed things.”
“It has,” Candace said.
Jameson sighed and closed her eyes.
“Jameson, that isn’t something to feel badly about.”
“Have I been blowing off Shell?”
“No,” Candace said. “I think sometimes she misses the way it was when we were first together. She didn’t have to compete with Marianne and Jonah for our attention—for your attention.”
Jameson sighed again. “Fuck.”
Candace chuckled. “It’s not easy balancing everything and everyone.”
“No. I need to focus on the family we have, Candace.”
Candace kissed Jameson in reply. “Thank you.”
“For?”
“For reminding me why I love you so much.”
“Candace, if you want…”
“What I want? Jameson, I have more than anyone has a right to enjoy, much less want. Sometimes, I worry that I will let you all down.”
“Never.”
“I hope you’re right.”
“Candace, we love you because of who you are.”
“And, we love you because of who you are. You are an incredible mother, and not just to Cooper.”
“I’m not…”
“In every way that matters you are. I couldn’t do this without you—not this. I wouldn’t be where I am, Jameson. I don’t mean the presidency. I mean my life. I’ve told you this before; I need you to know that I mean it. If you come to me tomorrow and tell me that you’ve changed your mind, about having children, I will move heaven and earth to make it happen.”
Jameson smiled. Candace’s voice carried both emotion and resolve. “I know you will. I won’t change my mind.” She fell into Candace’s arms. “So, you’re okay with me asking Shell?”
“More than okay. And, Jameson?”
“Yeah?”
“You can ask me for help too.”
“You have enough…”
“Nothing takes precedence over you in my life.”
“There is something else I wanted to talk to you about.”
“What’s that?” Candace asked.
“Pearl.”
“Pearl?”
Jameson sat up and took a deep breath. “What would you think about asking her to come with us to Washington?”
Candace stared at Jameson with disbelief.
“Bad idea?” Jameson asked.
Candace couldn’t seem to form any words.
“I have to say, this is not the reaction I expected.”
“Of all the things I might imagine you wanting to discuss, that was nowhere on the list.”
“There’s a list?” Jameson attempted to lighten the mood.
Candace sighed. “Jameson, I don’t know if Pearl…”
“You won’t know if you don’t ask.”
“Pearl’s entire life has been here, Jameson. I can’t imagine she’d want to change that now.”
Jameson considered her reply before speaking. Pearl missed Candace sorely. Candace was a confident woman. Confidence didn’t mean that Candace never needed encouragement. Pearl understood Candace in ways that no one else ever would, not even Jameson. Jameson could listen to Candace, hold her, make love to her, make her laugh, and support her as a wife. When things became tense between them, Pearl was Candace’s rock and shoulder to cry on. Jameson understood that most people looking in had developed a fairy tale concept of her marriage to Candace. People forgot that every fairy tale had its challenges—moments of doubt and darkness. She loved Candace more than life itself. Love did not equate to perfection. The pace of their lives, the number of people competing for their attention, even their age difference at times caused friction. No one’s life and no relationship existed without some turmoil. Working through those periods is what gave the happy times the most meaning. Jameson had come to understand that since meeting Candace.
Candace was about to embark on a mission that carried the literal weight of the world. Jameson had a front row seat. Listening to the press, one could easily develop the idea that Candace Reid was a colorfully programmed robot; a person always in control of her feelings and her destiny. It’s not that Candace hid her emotion from the public. Leading required that she exhibit assuredness, and instill a sense of calm in others in the face of crisis and tragedy. When the cameras clicked off and the door closed to their room at the end of a day, Jameson witnessed the toll it all took on her wife. Candace was not made of stone. Even stone was made of sand. Jameson thought that peo
ple lost sight of that fact. A stone was millions of grains of sand pressed together. Hit a rock hard enough and it shattered back into all those fine grains of sand. Things are not always as they appear on the surface. Jameson pondered that thought often.
“Candace,” Jameson began cautiously. “You said it yourself; the kids are adults now. Pearl’s boys are away. Think about it; when Jeffery is here in the states, he tends to be in DC. He has to block time to visit Pearl here in New York.”
Candace’s emotions were running along the surface of her being, threatening to spill over at any second. Jameson’s revelation that she did not want to have a child had torn away a small part of Candace’s heart. The reaction surprised her. She agreed with everything Jameson said. It still hurt. Feelings weren’t rational; they simply were. She should be relieved. Some part of her was relieved. She also knew they would revisit the decision over and over throughout their lives as a couple and privately. Security briefings, staffing concerns, speeches—none of it had affected Candace as deeply as the happiness she felt hearing Melanie was expecting or the tug she felt at the realization Jameson had made a decision about having a baby. Life never stopped. It rolled along in the face of loss and upheaval. Pearl had been the steadying hand in Candace’s life for nearly all of it. Would she want Pearl to move to DC? She would.
Jameson made an excellent point. Candace’s kids were grown. They loved Pearl, but they had lives now that didn’t require her constant presence. Pearl’s younger son, Jeffery worked for The State Department. He was overseas most of the year. When he did come home, the majority of his time was spent in Washington DC. Excellent debate points, but would Pearl even consider a move?
“Maybe. If you were thinking about this, why didn’t you say something before we offered Jonah and Laura the townhouse?” Candace wondered.
“I wasn’t thinking that Pearl would live in the townhouse.”
Candace’s brow furrowed.
“I thought she could live with us.”
Candace was speechless—again.
“Okay? Bad idea?”
“In the White House?”
“That’s where we’ll be; right?” Jameson asked lightly.
“Jameson…”
“Candace, the third floor is ours to use as we choose.”
“I thought you wanted to keep that room Marion created upstairs?”
“I do. There’s still plenty of room for Pearl.”
“I don’t know.”
“Because you don’t want her to live there or because you’re afraid to ask?” Jameson wanted to know.
“Of course, I want her there.”
“So, you’re afraid to ask.”
Candace sighed.
“I think it’d be good for both of you, but I think we should tell her the truth.”
“Which is?”
“We need her,” Jameson said.
Candace sighed again.
“We do. Coop needs some consistency. We both know he’s going to miss Marianne like crazy. If I had to bet; I’d bet that he’ll miss her more than he does Spencer.”
Jameson’s words brought a smile to Candace’s face. She was incredibly grateful for the closeness Cooper and Marianne shared. Her bond with Marianne had strengthened in ways she’d never dared imagine a few years ago. She would miss all her children and her grandchildren. If Candace were honest, it would be Marianne she would miss most of all. Cooper sought either Marianne or Pearl in Candace and Jameson’s absence. Pearl’s presence would ease the transition for Cooper.
“That’s a bit devious,” Candace said.
“What?”
“Using Cooper to get Pearl to agree.”
Jameson shrugged. “I’m using Pearl too.”
Candace chuckled. “I don’t know. I’m not sure she’ll want to make that move.”
“We won’t know if we don’t ask.”
“You’re serious about this?”
“Completely,” Jameson said. “I think it’d be good for all of us. Change can be good sometimes.”
“Yes, it can,” Candace agreed.
“I assume you have a plan here?”
“Only to ask Pearl if she’ll consider it.”
“And, Pearl’s house?”
“The kids can keep an eye on it.”
Candace shook her head. “I don’t know.”
“The worst she can say is no, Candace.”
Candace nodded.
“Do you want her to come?”
“Now that you’ve suggested it, more than you know.”
Jameson smiled. “So? Let’s talk to her.” She pulled Candace into her arms. “What’s meant to be will happen.”
“When did you become such a fatalist?”
“I’m not—not really. Whatever happens, we’ll make it work. We always find a way.”
Candace closed her eyes. “Thank you.”
“I love you, Candace.” Jameson let her head fall onto Candace’s. “I want this to be the happiest year ever for you.”
Candace inhaled Jameson’s scent. No one could sustain happiness forever. She knew that better than anyone. Jameson would move the heavens and battle the demons of hell to take care of Candace. What more could anyone want? “Happy New Year,” she whispered. “I love you too.”
CHAPTER SEVEN
January 1st
“To what do I owe this dinner?” Pearl asked.
“Since when does Candace need an excuse to make lasagna?” Jameson asked.
“Candy makes lasagna when someone’s upset, she feels guilty, or when she wants you to pay some attention to her.”
Jameson rolled her eyes. “You spent too much time with 007 last week.”
Pearl grinned. She’d taken to affectionately calling her son, Jeffrey, 007 because of his travels abroad. “Am I wrong?”
“That there’s a conspiracy afoot with Candace’s lasagna?” Jameson laughed.
“I’m not wrong. You’re buttering me up for something.”
“There’s no butter in her lasagna. I watched her make it.”
“Very funny,” Pearl said. “Now, give it up; who’s pregnant besides Mel?”
“No one that I know,” Jameson said.
“Okay? Who is getting divorced?”
“What?” Jameson rolled her eyes. “You need to stop watching Lifetime so much.”
“I like Lifetime.”
“I know.”
“Jameson, you are worse at hiding something than Cooper.”
“What makes you think I have anything to hide?”
Pearl crossed her arms and leaned back in her chair.
Jameson sighed. She had intended to wait for Candace to return from her conference call to talk to Pearl. Pearl could sniff out a plan from a million miles away. “Fine. You have to promise not to say anything until you hear me out.”
“I’m waiting.”
“And, you have to know that this was my idea.”
“Still waiting.”
Jameson took a deep breath. “How would you feel about coming to DC with us?”
Pearl’s gaze narrowed. “Last I knew, I was going to stay with you the first week you spend in that behemoth of a house you’re moving into.”
“Yeah, what if you didn’t leave?”
Pearl held Jameson’s gaze silently.
“What if you moved with us?”
“Why?”
“What do you mean; why? Why not?”
“Where did this idea come from?” Pearl asked.
Jameson decided to lay all her cards on the table. She glanced toward the doorway to ensure Candace was still in her office. “Pearl,” she said. “We both want you to come. That’s the truth. We also need you.”
“You don’t need me, Jameson.”
“Yes, we do. We all do,” Jameson said. “I’ve been over it a million times.”
“It?”
Jameson sighed. “I could tell you that it would help with Cooper, and that wouldn’t be a lie. It would help. I would feel
better knowing you were there when we have to be away.”
“But?”
“No but. Let’s be honest; we all miss each other. Candace misses the kids. I miss the kids.”
“They miss you.”
“Yeah, but they all have families to take care of—marriages that demand their attention. That’s life. That’s the way it should be. We have that too. We also have…”
“The world to think about?” Pearl guessed.
“Something like that. I could tell you that having you in DC would help keep Candace steady. That’s true too. It would mean the world to Candace to have you close. Those aren’t the only reasons I’m asking.”
“Go on.”
“I miss my parents, Pearl. The last few months, I’ve felt out of balance.”
“I know. It’s that baby thing.”
Jameson nodded. “Partly; yes, it is. I don’t see that in my future. Cooper needs us more now than ever. He’s had so much change in his life already. He has to come first. We agreed on that when we decided to adopt him.”
“And?”
“Having someone close that I know understands Candace and me—together; that is something we both could use. And, it would be a benefit for Coop. He needs to feel secure. No one knows us like you do, Pearl—no one.”
Pearl nodded. “Jameson, you have never lived with me.”
“Close enough. Besides, you’d have your space above us. You wouldn’t have to be with us all the time.”
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