That was unforgivable.
I had to be stronger and I wasn’t. I’d failed. And if she knew what I’d done, she would be absolutely disgusted with me. I couldn’t blame her for that. I deserved her repulsion and hatred.
Opening my eyes, I stared at the ceiling. I’d done this before. On purpose. I’d had a goal, to awaken Alex ahead of schedule. It was how I learned I could feed on aether that way. I hadn’t known that I could when it first happened. There was another time I should’ve done better and I hadn’t.
History was always on repeat.
Disturbed, I stepped away from the wall and walked back into the living room. Josie hadn’t moved. I knelt beside her and reached out, my fingers stopping a mere inch above her flushed cheek.
I didn’t . . . I didn’t deserve this with her.
I didn’t deserve her in general.
As I stared down at her, I had to wonder what in the fuck I was thinking. From the beginning I’d known getting close to her was a bad fucking idea. I’d done shit things in my past and was sure to keep doing shit things. No future to speak of. I wanted aether like a damn daimon, and I couldn’t be trusted.
And I had not been able to stay away from her.
I’d needed to, but I hadn’t wanted to.
Need. Want. Back by popular demand.
Drawing my hand back, I clasped the edge of the cushion. Mindful to not disturb her, I bent over and kissed her parted lips. As I drew back, there wasn’t even a flicker of an eyelash. Josie was beautiful as she slept on.
I rose and turned slowly, looking around the room. I knew what I had to do, and for once in my life, I was going to do the right thing.
Josie
When I pried my eyes open, my brain was full of fog and the webs of sleep clung firmly. It took a couple of moments for me to realize I was lying on the small couch. I felt like I’d slept for a billion years—a billion years curled up in a fetal position.
Wincing, I stretched out my legs and could hear the bones popping. I had no idea what time it was, but I figured if I’d overslept, Seth would be here, shaking me awake.
Seth.
“Oh God,” I murmured, placing my hands over my face. My cheeks felt hot as what we’d done in public did an instant replay, in vivid detail. A strangled giggle escaped me as I dropped my hands to my stomach. “Wow.”
I turned my head to the right and remembered the fries. Holy crap, I fell asleep eating fries. When had I ever fallen asleep before finishing what I was eating?
That was one hell of an orgasm.
Totally one-sided orgasm. He’d taken me to paradise and I’d passed out on him, halfway through a basket of fries before I could do what I’d planned to do to him. Which was a lot, and definitely included getting him naked and me naked and actual intercourse occurring.
I rolled onto my side and squinted at the clock. Holy crap! Adrenaline shot through my veins. Jerking up, my legs got tangled up in the blanket. With all the grace of a demigod, I fell off the couch, my knees cracking off the floor.
“Shit,” I grunted, pushing up.
It was past nine in the morning! What in the hell? Scrambling to my feet, I hopped around the coffee table, kicking my left foot free of the blanket. Why hadn’t Seth woken me up? I slowed down as I entered the bedroom, tugging my hoodie off my head and tossing it aside. Obviously he felt like I needed the rest, but man, I hated being late.
Loathed it.
After the quickest shower I’d ever taken in my life, I twisted my wet hair up in a bun, shoved a million bobby pins in it, and then changed into fresh Covenant-style training attire.
The first place I headed was the room across the hall. I knocked on Seth’s door, waited for a couple of minutes, and when there was no answer, I power-walked my late butt out of the dorm and toward the training arena. Since my schedule was flipped now that Luke was moving into summer classes, I figured that was where Seth would be.
It was slightly warmer outside, which felt like barely above freezing, but the sun was out, and bright, golden light reflected off the marble sidewalk.
Rounding the corner, I stepped to the side as I passed a group of students heading toward the dorms. The school year at the Covenant was similar to the University I’d attended, except they went year-round, with their class schedule changing three times over the course of a year. It ended up shortening the length of time they spent here, but I couldn’t help but wonder what the point was for them. I mean, why get degrees in botany or whatever? Most of the pures lived in the communities and didn’t really interact with their mortal world.
I was halfway down the walkway when the tiny hairs along the back of my neck rose. Instinct drove me to look over my shoulder. The small group of students was openly gawking in my direction. Eyes wide. Mouths hanging open. One of them, a tall brunette, was whispering to the other girl, who appeared to have lost the ability to blink. At first I didn’t get why they were looking at me like they stared at . . .
They knew what I was.
Word had finally gotten out, or maybe I was just now noticing it. Either way, I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do. Wave at them? Be cocky like Seth and smirk? But I couldn’t really smirk. I tried. I looked like a deranged crack addict when I did. Or just ignore them?
I settled for the latter, shoved my hands in the front pocket of my hoodie, and kept walking. It was weird, but I didn’t have the brain space for that right now.
Pushing open the double doors to the training building, I hurried down the hall and hung a right, throwing open the windowless door. I skidded to a halt, scanning the room.
“Um . . .”
Luke and Solos stood together, by the mats, and Luke looked like he always did when we were training, but Solos was dressed just like him. I’d never seen Solos wearing track pants and a T-shirt.
And they were the only two guys in the room.
“Where’s Seth?” I asked, walking toward them.
Luke glanced at Solos, and when the older Sentinel pursed his lips, I stopped walking. Knots formed in my stomach.
“Where is Seth, Luke?”
“I’m guessing he didn’t tell you.”
My heart started pounding like it did when I had to run. “Obviously not.”
“This is awkward,” Solos said, rubbing the bridge of his nose with his index finger.
Luke’s shoulders tensed. “Seth’s not going to be training you anymore.”
Chapter 10
“What?” My shriek echoed to Olympus, shrill and painful to my own ears. “What do you mean he’s no longer training me?”
Solos exchanged another long look with Luke, and I nearly lost my shit, right then and there.
“Stop looking at one another,” I demanded as anger burst out of me. A current of wind whipped through the sealed room, rattling the daggers hooked to the back of the wall. “And answer my question.”
“All right.” Luke lifted his hands. “Simmer down. No one wants to end up accidentally on fire. I know I don’t. How about you, Solos?”
Solos shook his head.
My eyes narrowed. I was seconds away from lighting someone’s ass on fire on purpose if I didn’t get a better explanation, because I simply didn’t understand what in the world was happening.
“I don’t know what’s going on. I assumed you’d fill me in,” Luke explained. “All I do know is that Marcus summoned me to his office this morning and told me that your training would be changing. That Solos would be helping out with the physical stuff and that he was going to pull in someone to help you with the elements.”
I stared at Luke, not sure I was hearing him correctly over the blood rushing in my ears. “What?”
Solos started talking, and I was pretty sure he was repeating what Luke said, but his words made no sense. Nothing made sense. Was I still dreaming? Was a nameless Titan going to pop out from underneath the heavy mats on the floor? I didn’t understand. A cold numbness drenched my skin and seeped into my bones and tissues. I was flas
h-frozen, unable to move. I wasn’t even sure I was breathing.
Something was so not right about this. I backtracked to yesterday—to the argument with Seth outside and then what happened afterward. Him. Me. Epic orgasm. Everything had been okay. Normal . . . except for those few moments afterward, when Seth had been worried that he’d hurt me.
Everything rushed back at me—sounds, voices, feelings—they all came back, snapping to the forefront.
“Where is he?” I asked, cutting off Solos.
“I don’t know,” he said. “Not my day to watch him.”
Luke frowned. “Come to think of it, I think it’s actually Alexander’s day to watch him.” He paused as I spun around and stalked toward the door. “Hey, where are you going?”
“I’m going to find Seth,” I said, not waiting for a response.
Throwing open the door, I hung a right so I could exit through the front of the building. The first place I was going was the Dean’s office. Yes, a bit crazy of me to bust up in there, but I already knew Seth wasn’t in his room and that was the next place I knew to check.
I was barely aware of the bright glare of the morning sun as I hurried across the quad, toward the tall and imposing building where the Dean’s offices were located. I’d only been in there once, when I first arrived, and I had the same sinking feeling I had the first time.
Two students walking down the pathway skidded to a stop when I neared them. With wide eyes, they stepped aside, allowing me to walk right down the center of the sidewalk. I really didn’t have it in me at that moment to really care.
Stomach twisted in knots, I entered the main building, passing the intricate designs etched into the floor and the walls—designs that appeared to be embellished in gold. Like, real gold. Goodness. I didn’t walk down the center of the lobby, like the first time I’d been in the building on the night Seth and I arrived at the University. I knew that the Dean would most likely be in his office, and that was up the ridiculous staircase. I climbed that thing like a champ, and at the very top, all the way at the end of the wide hall, I saw the Guards dressed in white, standing in front of titanium double doors.
One of them, a short-haired blonde, eyed me as I approached them. I stopped, breathing heavily. “I need to see the Dean.”
“Do you have an appointment?” she asked, blue eyes icy and voice just as chilled.
I shook my head. “I don’t even know how to make an appointment with him, but I need to see him.”
“I’m sorry,” she replied, her voice level. “But he’s busy.”
Of course he was. “Well, then I’ll just sit out here until he’s not busy.”
The male Guard’s dark brows knitted. “That won’t be necessary. You can leave your name and we will—”
“I’m not leaving my name, or leaving in general.” With each word I spoke, my voice got louder and that current of wind hit the hall, lifting the hairs around the blonde Guard’s face. “So, I’m just going to plop my ass down here, right against the wall and I don’t care if you have a problem with that—”
The heavy doors behind the two white-garbed guards suddenly swung open, and the Dean of the Covenant appeared, standing in the middle. He was a tall man, the definition of sophistication. Dark brown hair groomed back from a handsome face. I could never peg down his age. He only had a few lines at the corners of his eyes and faintly graying hair at the temples.
Right now, his expression was carefully blank. “You may come in, Josie.”
As I walked forward, I shot the blonde Guard a look that I would probably feel bad about later, because she was just doing her job. Marcus stepped aside, and the moment I entered the large room, my already-racing heart jumped into my throat.
Seth was sitting in the chair in front of the large desk, his back to the door. His shoulders were stiff and as straight as a board, and he didn’t turn around—didn’t look in my direction even though he knew I was there. The knots in my stomach tightened painfully.
“I don’t think you’re looking for me,” Marcus said, closing the door behind him. He walked past me and took a seat behind the desk.
I shook my head. “I want—”
“Don’t,” Seth said.
Blinking, I stared at the back of his golden head. “Excuse me?”
“I know why you’re here,” he added, his voice exceptionally level. Scarily so. It was as if he could care less about what he was saying. “It’s about training, and there’s nothing to be discussed. It’s done and decided.”
My mouth moved, but there were no words as heat crept into my cheeks. Marcus—the freaking dean of the University—was watching us, watching me, and possibly searching Seth down to this room had not been a good idea. “I . . . I don’t understand what’s going on.”
Seth didn’t turn around, and I stared at him, totally unbelieving of what was happening. A hole opened up in my chest, split wide open, because I knew—oh God, I knew deep down—this wasn’t just about training. Seth wasn’t just pulling back on that.
He was pulling back on us.
“Solos is going to take over with Luke’s help,” Marcus stated, folding his hands on the desk. “He is an amazing Sentinel, and his experience will be invaluable.”
I bet Solos was a badass ninja. I mean, he knew how to use nunchucks, so he had to be awesome, but he wasn’t Seth. And before, Seth hadn’t wanted Solos training me. What had changed?
“He will be . . . perfect for you,” Seth said in the same flat voice.
I inhaled, but the air got stuck in my lungs and my chest seized. “Why?” I whispered.
Seth continued to stare face forward. “It’s just for the best. That’s all you need to know.”
All I needed to know?
“Laadan will be able to help you with the elements. She cannot control all of them, but it’s the best we have right now,” Marcus continued. “At least until Apollo returns. If he comes through with what Seth has informed me, then another demigod can surely help you.”
“But we don’t know when Apollo is returning or who he’s bringing,” I argued. “Am I supposed to not work on akasha until then?”
“Yes,” Seth replied coolly. “That would be it.”
“That doesn’t make sense.”
“It makes perfect sense to—”
“How about you actually look at me when you talk to me?” I snapped as anger shot through my system like an out of control arrow. Papers on Marcus’s desk rattled. “I don’t like talking to the back of a head.”
“Well,” Seth said, drawing the word out as he slowly twisted sideways in his chair. Cool amber eyes met mine. “I also don’t like talking to the wall.”
My eyes narrowed as I stepped forward. “I can totally sympathize with that, especially right now.”
“This,” Marcus said quietly, almost to himself. “This is so entirely familiar to me.”
I didn’t get what Marcus had meant, but Seth closed his eyes briefly, squeezing so hard that the skin puckered at the corners. “Exactly,” he muttered.
“What is that even supposed to mean?” I threw my hands up. “Everything was fine yesterday and now it’s not? I don’t get what—”
“Don’t make this difficult, Josie.” A heartbeat passed, and his lean body tensed in the chair. “Don’t embarrass yourself.”
Sucking in a shallow, messy breath, I drew back as if I’d been slapped right across the face. “Don’t embarrass myself?”
He said nothing, but the muscle along his jaw began to tick.
My face was burning like a wildfire. I was embarrassed to be having this conversation in front of the Dean, to stand here and have Seth talking to me like he was.
Like I was absolutely nothing to him. As if he was in the position to scold me. Embarrassed wasn’t the right word. Humiliated came to mind. Hurt did too.
It was like earlier, when I was frozen in the training room. Everything shut down for a long, stretched-out moment as a deep crack lit up my chest, sharp and unbelievabl
y real.
I swallowed past the rapidly growing lump in my throat and saw Marcus. His attention was turned to the window, and it hit me once more that we had an audience for this.
Seth’s gaze shifted away from me, to the wall. I drew in another breath and it got stuck. There was nothing else for me to say right now. Nothing at all.
Squeezing my hands closed until my nails bit into my palms, I glanced at Marcus. “Sorry to, um, be a bother. The . . . the training situation is fine.”
Seth’s gaze flew back to mine, but I forced myself to turn around. I walked out of the room, each step stiff. I had to leave before I embarrassed myself further, because I was seconds from either screaming at Seth or crying, and those were two things I didn’t want to do in front of Marcus. Or anyone.
I put one foot in front of the other and kept walking—kept going until I was all the way downstairs and then outside, the whole time my head a whirl of questions and confusion. I blindly headed toward the dorm, because there was no way I was going back to training. Not today. No way. There was a horrible burning sensation in my eyes.
“Josie.”
My heart stuttered, along with my step.
“Josie!” Seth called out again, his voice closer. “Hold up.”
Part of me wanted to keep going, but I couldn’t. A tiny spark of hope flared to life. I turned around, stopping under the cluster of olive trees. “What?” I said when he drew near. “Did you follow me so you can scold me again?”
Seth slowed, stopping a few feet in front of me. “I didn’t scold you.”
“Bullshit,” I snapped, latching onto the anger, because that was better than the confusion and hurt. “You scolded me in front of Marcus. Told me not to embarrass myself. Except you were the one embarrassing me.”
The Power (Titan #2) Page 8
