by Anna Brooks
The doorbell rings again, and Declan’s voice echoes somewhere. “Mimi?”
I’ll leave you with the best memory of me, you stupid cunt. Larry’s belt falling on the floor by my head seconds before rolling me over onto my back.
Another ring, but I can’t move. I’m broken. “Honey, what’s wrong?” Declan’s voice gets louder, but I can’t find him.
“Amie.” A hand touches my shoulder, and I scream, then Clover’s cry pierces my ears. “Shh, it’s okay.” Dec’s soothing voice calms her and me at the same time. “Amie, honey, look at me.”
I blink and look over to find him assessing me with concern. He’s slowly bouncing Clover, but his eyes don’t leave mine. “I’m going to get the pizza, okay?”
“Okay,” I say with only the shape of my mouth, no words escape.
He pries my hand off the knob and gently pulls me aside, then opens the door to take care of the delivery guy. When the door closes, he sets the pizza on the table right inside the entryway, takes my hand, and leads me to the couch again.
I sit, and the TV screen becomes blurry. “I thought I was going to die.”
“Shit,” he curses and sits next to me, resting a hand on my thigh. “He’s not going to hurt you again, Amie. Understand me?”
“I lay there thinking that I’d die, and you’d never know. That you’d always believe I cheated on you. I’m such an idiot.”
“No, you’re not.”
I sniffle, and unashamed, I wipe the snot from my nose with the back of my hand. “I ran into him at the movies a few years ago. I was with a couple of other teachers, and he only said hi to me. A few weeks after that, I saw him again at a restaurant. We sat at the bar after our friends left and just talked.
“He didn’t seem like the same asshole from high school. I thought he’d grown up, and I was desperate for anything at that point. It’d been about fifteen years since I was with you, and I just didn’t want to die alone,” I murmur.
“Honey, you’re killin’ me. Jesus.”
My tears dry up, and I turn to face Declan. “After our second date, he started to be an asshole, and I kept telling myself that he was the best I’d ever get, so I kept going with it. He was a prick from that point, but I never thought he would leave me for dead… I’m not that stupid. You have to believe that.”
Declan’s face twists in pain. “Amie, I know you’re not stupid. God, I fucking know.”
“Okay.”
Clover kicks her little feet, and Dec shifts her in his arm a bit.
“I’m sorry. It was just the pizza, and I freaked out and—”
His hand digs into my thigh. “Don’t you fucking apologize. Don’t you dare say you’re sorry for that cocksucker.”
“But—”
“No. You don’t need to apologize, and you don’t need to feel bad for being fucking terrified. I wish I would have killed the motherfucker when I had my hands on him.”
“Declan,” I screech. He’s a lover, not a fighter. He saves lives, doesn’t take them.
“Don’t Declan me. He hurt you, Amie. You know that’s not okay with me. It never has been.”
“No, it hasn’t.”
Lucas leans over and pulls the petri dish closer to him. “Sorry,” he says as his arm brushes against my breasts. “Those things get in the way.”
I gasp and pull my cardigan tighter.
“Come on, Mimi, don’t be such a square.”
“Don’t call me that.” Declan’s the only one who calls me Mimi. I close my book and ask permission to go to the bathroom.
As soon as I’m in there, I rush to the last stall, sit on the toilet, and take a few deep breaths. Nobody’s ever talked to me like that aside from Declan… Everyone in this school knows we’re together, and nobody wants to piss off the star wrestler. After taking a moment to realize that Lucas is new and doesn’t know any better, I gather my composure and head back to class, sitting as far away from him as I can.
When the bell rings, I take off and run into Declan. “Hey.” He kisses my forehead and throws an arm around my shoulder then walks me to my next class. I don’t tell him about what Lucas said, and I go about my day, hoping that it was a one-time thing. I can take care of myself, despite Declan always trying to stick up for me and be chivalrous as if we lived in the black and white TV days.
Every day for the next two weeks, I endure some nasty comment from Lucas. He says something about my boobs. He tries to touch my hair. Good thing only a few days are left of the semester. Otherwise, I would ask to switch lab partners. I know I should say something to Declan, but I’d rather just finish this class and never have to talk to Lucas again. I don’t want the drama, and I don’t want Declan to get in trouble for doing something to Lucas.
Dec picks me up at eight, and we go grab some food then head to a house party. I stick by his side, tucking my hand in his jeans pocket or hooking my thumb through his belt loops. He kisses my cheek or my temple every few minutes and talks to his friends, most of whom are on the wrestling team with him, while his fingers run up and down my side.
I get along with all of them. Aside from Declan, I don’t really have many friends, but his always welcome me and are nice to me. I think part of the reason is that my parents are older, and being raised by them was just… different than most people my age. Not better or worse, just different.
I excuse myself to go to the bathroom, and he pulls me closer to lay a wet one on me before I walk away. The guys all cheer, and I roll my eyes at their immaturity. As I’m coming out of the bathroom, Lucas startles me, and I gasp. He sways as he walks toward me, and I try to dodge him, but he reaches out and grabs my arm then presses me against the wall.
“What the fuck? Let me go.” I struggle to get free, but he pushes his body against mine. His beer drops to the floor and splashes over my bare legs all the way up to my skirt.
“You’re such a little bitch.”
“What? You’re crazy. Get the hell off me.” I push him, and he stumbles back. I make my way toward the living room where Declan is, but I can hear Lucas getting closer behind me. I stumble as he grabs my shoulder from behind and we both tumble to the floor, a yelp leaving me as my head collides with the floor.
“Get off me.” I push at him but he doesn’t move; his eyes steady on my chest.
“God, your tits are nice.”
“You’re dead, asshole.” Declan’s murderous voice sounds right next to me, and the next thing I know, Lucas’ weight is lifted off me, and his body is slammed against the wall.
Nik leans down to help me up, and I wince as Declan punches Lucas in his face. His fist flies again, hitting him in the same spot, and blood splatters on the wall when Lucas’ neck snaps to the side.
“Dec, stop. Lucas is drunk.” He might be a jerk, but Dec’ll kill him.
I take a step over to Declan to stop him, but Nik grabs my arm. “Stay here.”
“Nik, stop him,” I plead, just as Declan lands a solid blow to Lucas’ gut.
“Not yet.”
A crowd has gathered around, and I scream when Declan throws Lucas to the ground. He lifts his foot to kick him, and that’s when Nik finally steps in and pulls him away. “He’s had enough. Go to your girl.”
Declan’s head whips around to my direction, and he wipes his hands on his jeans, then tosses an arm over my shoulder before we walk out. People part for us as we make our way outside, and after Declan opens my door for me and I sit down, he starts the car and turns to me. “Nobody hurts you.”
I nod. “I know.”
“Ever, Mimi. You tell me if someone ever tries to fucking hurt you again, okay?”
“’Kay.”
“Promise me.”
“I promise.”
Chapter 16
Declan
AMIE SLEEPS, AND I watch her as I do Clover. Looking for signs of distress, I make sure she’s still breathing, covering her up with the blanket when she throws it off. I lean down, kiss the top of her head, and close the door
on my way out.
Clover is zonked out, and I’m about to pass out, so I head to my bed and fall face first into the mattress. Thoughts of Amie in a hospital bed invade my brain until they give me nightmares. I look at the clock and groan when it reads almost four in the morning, because that means Clover’s going to wake up soon.
I cover my head with a pillow and close my eyes… An hour is better than nothing.
“Declan. Dec.” Mimi whispers my name, and her cold fingers shake me by my shoulders.
“What?” I sit up in bed. I’m still groggy, so when I open my eyes, Amie looks almost blurry.
Her beautiful smile is void, and in its place is an evil frown. “How could you?”
“What? How could I what?”
“Stephanie Stonebrook.”
Her name causes a rock to form in my gut, and I reach for Amie’s arm, but she pulls it out of my reach.
“Mimi, it didn’t mean anything, I swear. It was—”
“How can I ever trust you again?” A sad smile makes her eyes squint a little bit. “At least I was honest with you and told you. You were going to hide it forever.”
“I didn’t want to hurt you. I was stupid. It was stupid.” Frantically, I kneel on the bed and reach for her. My hands graze the cotton fabric of her tank top, and I yank her to me. “I’m sorry. It was a long time ago, and I swear to you it never meant anything. Absolutely nothing. I was so mad at you, and I was a fucking idiot—”
The sting of the slap across my face registers before her trying to get away does, and it’s too late… I watch her walk out. Right before she closes the door, she mouths goodbye.
I hop out of the bed and run to the door, but it won’t open. I yank on it and pull, screaming her name. My hands bleed, and I hold them up to see blood streaming down my arms, but I ignore the pain, grab the handle again and tug. This time it opens, and water surges in, pulling me under its current. I gasp for breath, but the salty ocean water makes its way down my throat. I try to cough, but my lungs burn with the effort.
“Declan.” Amie reaches for me, her soft hands barely grazing my fingertips as she floats in the water like a mermaid.
“I’m sorry,” I yell.
“Dec!” She floats in front of me and grabs my shoulders, shaking me. “Declan.”
Her slap makes the water fly out of my mouth this time, and I cough, reach for her and drag her to me. I bend my arms around, and she flails, but I don’t let go.
“Declan! I can’t breathe,” she wheezes, but I don’t let go. If I let her go, she’ll leave me. I can’t let her leave me. “D, let me go,” she screams, then begins to cry like a baby.
Wailing, piercing cries pound in my ears, but it won’t make me let her go. I’ve lived too long without her, and I’m not about to let a stupid mistake I made take her away from me.
“Shh.” I hold her wiggling body even tighter. “It’s okay, Mimi. I love you. I’m sorry. I love you, only you. It’s always been just you.”
“Clover,” she whispers.
“What?”
“Clover.”
My eyes fly open, and Amie’s beneath me, wide eyes, and an open mouth with nothing coming out. I let her go and hop out of bed. She gasps for breath and sits up, coughing and rubbing her arms.
“Holy fuck. Are you okay?” I take a step closer to her on the bed, and she nods her head.
“Yes.”
Clover cries, and my heart hammers in my chest a little faster and a little louder. “What the fuck? What the fuck?” I run my fingers through my hair and sit on the end of the bed.
Amie gets up, and I reach for her arm but notice red marks there already. “Oh, my God. Did I just do that?”
She crosses her arms to try to hide it, but it’s too late. I already saw them.
“Let me get Clover. Just relax. You were having a nightmare.”
“That doesn’t matter. Fuck!” I have never, ever touched her like that before. Ever. You’d have to kill me before I’d put my hands on her like that. “Amie,” I croak, my throat tightening as guilt squeezes around my neck.
She takes a step closer to me, but I hop up off the bed and take a step away from her. “Don’t. I don’t trust myself right now.”
“Declan.” She follows me until I bump into the wall, and she puts her cool hands on my sweaty face. “It’s okay. Just relax. Take a breath.”
I do the opposite when she leans in and kisses me, her soft lips barely grazing my own, and I finally let out the air in my lungs when she walks out of the room and closes the door behind her.
Nausea climbs up my throat, and I put my hands on my knees and bend over to try to regain my composure. What the fuck? I’ve never had a nightmare like that before, and I don’t get why the hell I just did.
Clover’s cry stops, and that snaps me back into the reality of right now. I need to be there for her. I can figure my shit out later… but my daughter needs me. I walk to my attached bath and splash water on my face before I go to her room and find it empty.
When I get to the kitchen, I lean against the wall and watch Amie so instinctually take care of Clover. She rocks Clover gently while waiting for her bottle to heat up. Amie’s body sways naturally, and when she kisses the top of Clover’s head, I have to squeeze my eyes together to prevent me from crying like a little bitch, my nightmare quickly vanishing from my thoughts.
This is what I always wanted. With that woman.
She holds Clover and expertly tests the temperature of her formula. Without a look in my direction, she heads for the living room and sits in the corner of the couch. Amie puts a pillow under her arm and feeds Clover, humming and just… admiring her.
When Clover’s little head falls heavy and the nipple falls out of her mouth, Amie drops the bottle to the floor and continues looking at the beautiful bundle in her arms. I walk over and kneel in front of her to do some admiring of my own at the two most important girls in my life.
“I got a job once at a daycare center working with the babies.” She smiles at Clover while a tear rolls down her cheek. “But it was too hard. I thought being around babies would make me feel better about not being able to have one of my own, but it just did the opposite.”
I put a hand on Amie’s thigh. “I wish I could have been there for you.”
“I quit one day… just walked out. I ended up by the lake, and I went to our spot.”
My mouth automatically lifts at the thought of our spot and the memories we have there. Hours and hours of just holding each other, talking about our hopes and dreams, making out like the horny teenagers we were, and sitting up to watch the sunset, sad to see another day together gone.
“I knew that no matter what I did, I would never be happy. But I knew that I wanted to do something with kids… I needed that in my life. So I went to school to get my teaching degree.”
“I bet you’re a great teacher.”
“The kids are great. They make me happy, and I’ve been able to focus my energy on them.”
“That’s good, right?”
She sighs. “It was until it wasn’t. I tried to drown myself in work to avoid my reality.”
“I can understand that,” I agree, knowing exactly what she’s saying.
“I went through different stages and varying degrees of depression. I’ve seen therapists and I’ve joined support groups, but nothing has helped. I tried it with Larry, hoping for another distraction in my life, thinking it could take away some of the loneliness, but… well, you know how that turned out.”
My fist clenches on her leg when she mentions his name.
“But this, this little girl,”—she kisses Clover’s chubby cheek—“she makes it better. And you,”—she sets her hand on top of mine—“you take it all away. You make me happy.”
My own eyes blur, and my head falls forward before I have the strength to pick it up again. “I love you, Amie.”
“I love you, too.”
“Never stopped, honey.”
“Me either
.”
I help her stand and follow her up the steps then close Clover’s door behind her when she walks out. My lips find hers, and she moans into my mouth, stirring my conflicted cock. She’s emotional and vulnerable… The last thing I want to do is take advantage of that, but I can’t not be with this woman. So much of our relationship was built on intimacy.
We learned everything together. She taught me how to be a good lover, and I taught her how to tell me what she wanted without being embarrassed. We spent entire weekends together with just the two of us sneaking out of our parents’ houses. We’d lie about where we were going so we could get a hotel and spend forty-eight hours together with no clothes.
I missed Amie. So much. And I missed making love to her. I missed watching our bodies linked on a level so much further than just sex.
“Make love to me, D,” she whispers into my mouth. She nips at my lip, sliding her tongue against mine.
“You sure?”
“Yes.”
I lift her by the backs of her thighs, and she wraps her legs around my waist, our mouths entwined the entire way to her bedroom with the larger bed. She lets go when we reach the mattress, and she flops down, a bright smile on her face.
I lift my shirt off, and she does the same with hers. Her full breasts bounce, and I pounce on her, dying to get my hands and mouth on them again. She giggles when I motorboat her, and I growl against her soft flesh. “God, I missed these.”
She widens her legs, and I fall between them. My hard dick pokes through the top of the boxers I sleep in. I rock my hips so I hit her in the right place, and she arches her back when my length slides against her sensitive skin covered by a pair of white cotton panties.
I hold a finger in front of her mouth. She sucks it in then I use the wet tip to circle her nipple. It immediately stands, and I blow on the light pink bud. Using my other hand, I do the same thing to her other nipple. “Mimi,” I mutter against her stomach, as I make my way down between her legs.
