by Rita Hestand
They rode off toward the new house.
"I could smell those enchiladas for a mile, Maria." Cord chuckled as they walked in and washed up.
Maria smiled. She was a beautiful Mexican woman barely five feet tall, with black hair that hung to her waist. "You work hard; you need much food."
"Thanks," Cord sat down and rolled his sleeves down.
"Did I hear shooting?" Maria asked.
"The Dubs, yeah, you heard?"
"Si, why they shoot at you?" Maria asked.
"We've got a score to settle and until we do, I want you and the kids to stay around the house, not wander off. It won't be safe until I settle this. Understand?"
"Si, we will do as you ask." Maria nodded as her kids came to the table and everyone bowed their heads while Maria said a prayer.
"And bless Senor Cord that he does not get shot. Amen."
"Amen." the children echoed.
When Cord lifted his head, he smiled at the three kids staring at him. "Well, your mama made us some real enchilada, they look wonderful."
The boys dug into the food and watched Cord.
But Pedro was staring at him. Cord looked up into his worried face.
"They want some kind of showdown with me. And they'll have it, at the right time…"
"Why?"
"Because I killed their Pa and they haven't forgotten it. I've been expecting it, but they sure took their time about it."
"They are a menace to the town." Pedro shook his head. "There are three of them, and only one of you."
"That's why I'll pick the time." Cord assured him.
"I would want to be with you at that time." Pedro insisted.
Maria frowned, "But Pedro…"
Pedro raised his hand to shush her, "Cord has made his home our home. He has helped us build a place of our own. I owe him, and his mother…"
"It's more like the other way around. You were here with my mother when she needed me, I think I owe you."
"You don't owe me anything."
"I see it differently."
Juan the oldest boy looked at Cord, "I can help too!"
"No…" Pedro shook his head. "Cord and I can handle it, son."
Juan looked disappointed. "But I want to help, Papa…"
"Si, and when you are older, you can. Until then you can be a ranch hand around here, since you can ride well."
"I can?" Pedro puffed up with pride. "But you taught me to shoot the rifle, Papa."
"Yes, but until you are much older the only thing you will shoot is animals to eat, understood?" Pedro frowned at his son. "And you must learn that you only shoot what you can eat."
"Yes Papa." Pedro shrugged.
Cord waited until Pedro and Juan had settled the matter before announcing his trip to town. "I think I'll go into town tomorrow, maybe talk to the Sheriff. I want no misunderstandings when it comes to a showdown. And it will come to one. Is Joel still Sheriff?"
"No, Doug Freeman."
"Doug Freeman huh? He's pretty fair, don't know him all that well though. Well, unlike last time, I don't intend to bear the brunt of blame for what happens. I won't go after them, but I won't allow them to pick their own time either."
"That would be a good idea, as the Sheriff has done nothing to stop them from harassing people when they go to town. He's not much different than Joel. He would blame you too, unless you talk to him."
"He's gotten better, but that's because he's do for re-election."
"Well, at least he'll be warned of the danger and that it will come to that."
"He's not a bad sort and if he knows what is going on, he'll take care of it." Pedro's voice sounded as though he wanted to be fair.
"Well, at least he'll get a warning from me, that's more than they will give him." Cord said.
Cord looked at Juan who seemed interested in their line of talk. But Cord knew Juan wanted to head him in another direction so he grinned at him. "You know Juan, since you are going to be helping around the ranch, I'll have to give you a small salary."
Juan's eyes rounded, "You will?"
"Si, now, we have chickens that need feeding, cows that need milking, stalls that need haying. Can you handle that?"
"Is that all?" Juan looked disappointed.
"Until the spring, yes, then you can help in roundup. How's that?" Cord smiled at him.
Juan nearly jumped out of his seat he was so excited. "Thank you, Senor Cord."
"Charlie is going to be coming out here to live with me, and maybe you and he can do the chores together." Cord informed him.
"Si…that would be good…"
"Good. Maria, I understand congratulations are in order." A small glint of humor flickered in Cord's eyes as he glanced at her.
"He told you?" She shot her husband a raised brow.
"You can't keep something like that secret." Cord laughed. "At least not long."
Maria broke into a smile, "I guess you are right."
"I am very happy for you both." Cord told her.
"Muchas Gracias."
Cord watched as Carlos the youngest, Louisa, and Juan climbed down from their chairs, took their plates in the kitchen and went outside to play. "You have a nice family Pedro." His voice held a longing older than time.
"Perhaps when you and Lilly marry you will have a bigger family, also?" Pedro eyed him impishly.
Cord's expression relaxed and his eyes lit with a warmth of being surrounded by good friends. "I hope you are right about that, Pedro. That would really be nice."
Maria's expression grew with surprise, "You and Lilly…are going to be a family, no?"
"Yes, that's what I'm hoping for." Cord assured her.
"That is wonderful news, Senor Cord. Lilly is such a good person. She has been a friend forever it seems. She has had much sadness too…"
"Well, I aim to see the sadness stop. My plan is to make her very happy."
Cord found himself day-dreaming about his life now, something he'd never indulged in. And when his thoughts wandered to Lilly, he felt himself heat up. How long had he loved her, he wondered? The fact was, he did love her, had always loved her, and right now he was wondering just how deep that love would run. But secretly he knew the answer to that too. Lilly was the only reason he stayed here.
He was in love with her, and he finally admitted it to himself.
The fact that he realized it, shocked him. Why hadn't he known all those years ago? Was she the reason he'd never fallen for any other woman? Was she the reason he came home?
He smiled now. Now that he admitted it to himself, it felt good. But admitting it to her…that was something he had to find the right time and place for. He wanted it to mean something to her.
He'd never contemplated marriage or family before now, but ever since that unexpected welcome from Lilly, he let himself day-dream. Deep down he knew he wanted a relationship, had always wanted it, but he'd never found the right woman. Could Lilly be that right woman? Could she have been the right girl all along? Yes! His heart shouted it. The need to be with her was so strong, the need to protect even stronger. She was the only woman that had ever meant anything to him except his mother. Through the years he'd thought of her often, always fondly. And now, even more so!
Chapter Ten
The familiar smell of a saloon wafted the air as Cord entered through the swinging doors. Music played above all the noise and conversations. But Cord's gazed landed on the prettiest girl there. She was at the bar, pouring drinks, smiling and talking to customers. Strange, but there were other women there, but it was Lilly he sought.
It was a regular Saturday night. The saloon was full of people.
Cord approached Lilly slowly, his eyes never leaving her. Without a word, he came behind the bar, took Lilly's hand and led her into the dark recesses of a hallway.
"What are you doing?" She smiled at him, as a question lingered between them.
"This…" His husky voice drifted away as he planted a more than inviting kiss to her lips. P
assion flared like a flame out of control, as his lips massaged the ache to have her.
"Cord…" she gasped as he moved his lips along her jaw. "I've got customers…"
"You've got a barkeep…he'll manage." he murmured.
"But you can't just come in here…and…"
She seemed to go limp against the wall as he placed his hands there, above her head and stared into her sparkling eyes.
"You're rushing me…I've missed you too…but." She managed as his lips grazed her chin, then went to capture her lips once more. The eagerness of her response told him everything he needed to know.
"Good, that's what I wanted to hear." he smiled against her cheek.
"I don't understand…what's happening here…" she murmured, as her eyes slowly opened only to find him staring into her face and smiling, like a kid with his first lollipop. "I can't think when you kiss me like that."
"I don't want you to think, I want you to feel." He smiled and nipped the corner of her mouth with his warm kisses. "Every day I watch Pedro and his wife and the joy they share between them. Every day I see the family they've built and how strong it makes them both. I want that. With you…"
"Cord…" she gasped, "You said you'd give me time…I said I would marry you…I don't understand why…"
"I know." he whispered gently, his voice seducing her. "It's good between us Lilly and you know it."
"Why'd you come here tonight?" she asked breathlessly. "I told you I'd marry you…but I still want the three months you promised."
"Two, and I came to see my girl."
She couldn't stop the smile that spread on her face, nor the shine in her eyes. "Your girl?" She repeated like a prayer.
"Well, you are, aren't you?" He asked confidently.
"I suppose I am…" She blushed and glanced at the noisy people. "But you promised you wouldn’t rush me."
He smothered her with another kiss for that admission. When he came up for air, he stared into her face. "But it's hard to be patient when you know something is so right."
"How do you know it's right Cord?" She asked, her resistance fading with his words.
He smiled now, a smile she'd never seen on his face. It lit his face. "I think about you all the time, Lilly, you and Charlie and us being a family. It's what I want more than anything in the world. And when I want something, I go after it."
"But…how do you know this isn't some…passing fancy?" She whispered, as he continued to assault her senses. Little nips, little kisses, the way his teeth nipped her lower lip until she opened for him. "You've just come home. We…."
Her resistance was fading quickly.
"I've spent my life…going nowhere, having nothing. I'm tired of that. I want a life. I want a family. I want you…" he whispered, as his lips claimed hers in a heated passion.
His words reverberated in the hallway. But his kiss branded her, he was marking his territory.
"We shouldn't be out here in the hallway…people can see…" she barely uttered when he took her fully into his arms.
"Then let's go in there." he encouraged as his head pointed to the room behind them.
"We shouldn't…" she panted. "I need to get back to work."
"Indulge me a little will ya. I came some ways to see you. And why shouldn't we go in there. If you don't want them to see me kiss you. Because that's what I came to do. To kiss you. I've taken a liking to kissing you, and I aim to do it often."
"You rode all this way just to kiss me…" She barely uttered, finding his words filled her heart.
"Yes ma'am…I did." He smiled sexily.
She chuckled, but it was a happy chuckle. "You don't understand…" she looked at him and her eyes went to the door. "It's a bedroom…Cord." She managed between his teasing lips.
He stopped suddenly, and held her at arms length. His eyes searched hers. "I'd never take an advantage you didn't want…I thought you knew that. I thought you trusted me."
"I do…" she closed her eyes, and took a deep breath. "But…this…is passion Cord…not love…I know the difference. And you come here and sweep me off my feet. I'm not sure I could say no."
Something changed in his expression.
The smile that slid across his handsome face melted her reserves.
"God knows I want you Lilly. That's true. And I've never wanted many women. I won't lie, I've had a few, but they were not fulfilling moments. It was nothing but pure lust. I know the difference too. honey. I've learned that lust isn't what I want. It's just so different with you. When we kiss, I feel things I've never felt before. My heart's lonesome for those kinds of things. I want more than your body. I want what's in here…" His hand went to her heart.
She moaned softly. How could a man like Cord who was tough and rough, be so gentle?
His hand touched silk and sweet warm flesh and her knees nearly buckled. But the miraculous thing was, he was shaking. Her hand went behind her to turn the knob of the door, and she led him into the bedroom.
As she stared at him her heart drummed, he felt it.
"You've said everything, but the one thing I need to hear…from you."
"Dammit Lilly, " he tried to focus away from her. He tried to stop the feelings between them. But it was no use. "I don't use the word love frivolously." He shook his head slowly. "I'd never say it unless I meant it. Especially to you."
Why couldn't he say it? Why couldn't he tell her how much he loved her. It was inside, in his heart. Didn't she feel it?
"Obviously," she sobered some. She was drunk with the passion he created and she didn't know where it was going. She pulled away and turned her back to him. "I guess I should thank you for that."
"It's not that, Lilly. You don't understand. Right now, right this minute, I want you. This isn't the right time to tell you how I feel. Lilly, I do love you, in a million different ways." His eyes glittered now. "But every time I say something, you call it lust. It isn't lust that makes we want you when I'm alone. It isn't lust that makes me want to please you so. It isn't lust that makes me want to build you the best house and make everything grand for you and Charlie."
He gently turned her around, and lifted her chin. He stared at her, his eyes looking deeper than the physical.
"What we have is mutual, I know that. You feel the same things I feel. I see it in your eyes. I feel your heartbeat. You haven't said it either, Lilly. Maybe…" he reflected. "Maybe we are both afraid to say it. because there is something between us and you know it. It nearly drives me crazy because I want you so bad. And Lilly, I've never wanted a woman that bad before, that I didn't take. The only love I've known is my family, and that's what I want us to be. My family is gone, so is yours. And the only thing that fills my heart now is you and Charlie."
She gasped, trying to decide if this was love or not and yet those words….
She whirled around, tears in her eyes, "Then maybe when we can say it aloud to each other, we'll mean it!"
He nodded. "I believe that. If we weren't sincere about our feelings. If we didn't care…we'd be in that bed, right now, making love. Because the wanting is awfully powerful Lilly. But what I want from you doesn't come from a bed. I want you heart, your soul, I want to be one with you!"
"Yes," she cried desperately. They both looked at the bed, longingly.
"I know that is lust. What I feel when I'm around you is such a contentment…can you understand that? That's why I'm here right now, to feel that contentment surround me. You make me happy. I can't even remember happy. But you bring it to me. I need you Lilly."
She nodded slowly. "Yes," she agreed softly. "I can understand. You are a good man Cord, an honest one too."
"I've been looking for something all my live, Lilly. I came home…and there you were. You were like a breath of fresh air to me. You came into my arms, like an angel. Maybe I'm reading more into this than I should, but when you kissed me…I felt like I had really come home. It changed things between us. And it'll never go back to the same relationship we had. We can't ju
st be friends any longer. It was sudden and it was beautiful."
"But marriage Cord…it's a big step."
"I know that." He took her into his arms, and smiled, "But what I want from you is more than that…Lilly. Much more…"
She closed her eyes once more and clung to him. "Hold me…hold me close…" She cried.
And he did. He held her for a long time, cradling her in his arms, trying to fuse her mind with his. Their hearts drummed against each other.
"I know you want hearts and flowers and love songs, but I'm not that kind of man. And I'm honest, Lilly. I wouldn't lie to you. I'd never hurt you. You've come to mean so much to me."
"Why did you come here tonight?" She barely uttered. "The real reason?"
"I had to be near you…I know it doesn't make much sense. I've never needed anyone. Never. But Lilly, I need you." he admitted. She heard the break in his voice as he went on. "Sometimes…I feel so very alone…But…never with you. I have been alone a long time. Too long. It's that strange feeling I get when I'm around you. It feeds my strength and makes me want to go on. I came here to kiss you, hold you, tell you what you mean to me. It's more than one word, Lilly."
She looked up at him. "Maybe what you're feeling isn't love, maybe it's simply loneliness. Maybe it's losing your mother."
He stared into her eyes, and smiled. "No." He cupped her face with his hands, and stroked her cheek with his thumbs, enjoying the way her eyes lit. "My mother was a good woman. She lived a life of loneliness too. But I've put her where she belongs. I miss her, I grieved for her, I even broke down and cried for losing her. Crying is necessary to get over it. I learned that. But that is over. And…I can't explain it Lilly. But from the moment you kissed me hello, I realized I've been missing something. And you are that something. You and only you, honey. My mother missed it a lot of her life. I don't want to live like that. And I know what I've been missing all along….is you! That kiss filled a hole in my heart Lilly. And I can't lose you again…"
"When you went away, it broke my heart." She admitted through tears.
"God, I never meant to." He grabbed her gently and pulled her into his arms again. "But…this town…I couldn't stay here. I figured you and my mother would be better off without me." He tried to explain.
