by Rose Pearson
“You needed to marry,” she finished, and Arthur had no choice but to nod his agreement.
Lady Amelia tossed her head and stepped away, but not before Arthur had caught sight of the agony in her expression. It was as though he had taken her heart and ripped it into pieces, knowing that he would never be able to put it all back together again the way it had been.
“Again, I will be honest,” Arthur said, desperately. “These were my thoughts when I first met you, but my heart has changed towards both you and towards Elouise. When Ridlington came to demand more money from me, I refused. For the first time in my life, I stood up to him and told him to do as he pleased – and the fear of what might happen to Elouise began to grow in my heart. At the same time, my feelings for you continued to develop. I began to think that you might be open to hearing what I had to say about my daughter, that you would not break off the attachment between us simply because of her.” A groan escaped him as he put his head in his hands. “If only I had spoken to you first!”
She snorted but kept her face turned away, leaving Arthur struggling to know what she was feeling.
“I never meant to deliberately deceive you,” he promised, his voice breaking with emotion. “Mr. Ridlington is not a good man and is determined to keep you from me. He thinks to marry you himself!”
Lady Amelia rounded on him, her eyes blazing. “You both think that you can use me for your own ends!” she exclaimed, her cheeks growing pink with anger. “I am not your plaything, Lord Northfell.”
Arthur felt desperation slowly growing in his chest. “I have never considered you that way,” he pleaded, stepping closer to her only for her to move away from him. “I promise you, Lady Amelia, I have only ever thought of you with affection and –”
“Enough!” Lady Amelia sliced the air with her hand, silencing him at once. “Enough,” she repeated, a little more gently. “I have heard quite enough, Lord Northfell. I am sorry for your child, for she will have a great burden to bear because of your actions.” Arthur made to speak but Lady Amelia held up one hand, giving him a clear indication that he should remain silent. “As for the affection between us, as you say, consider it entirely at an end.”
Arthur’s heart tore painfully as his worst fears came to light. “Because of Elouise?”
“No, not because of Elouise but because of your deception,” Lady Amelia replied at once, her eyes still angry. “You did not trust me, Lord Northfell. You did not trust me enough to tell me about your daughter and your past struggles until it was too late. Instead, I was left to discover them through the means of your cousin, whatever his intentions were.” Tilting her head just a little, she looked at him curiously, her lips still thin with anger. “If you had been so desperate to tell me about her, then you would have sought me out last evening and found a way to speak to me about her,” she finished.
Arthur swallowed the painful lump in his throat. “You are quite right, Lady Amelia,” he whispered, hardly able to get the words out. “I should have been more persistent.”
“I think it is time you left, Lord Northfell.”
Her words pierced him and, as he watched, Lady Amelia turned her back to him, her arms folded as she stood, ramrod straight.
“Please, Lady Amelia, I – ”
“Leave my chamber, Lord Northfell.”
Her voice was quaking, although whether from anger or upset, he could not tell. His heart groaning with pain, he turned himself back towards the door, his shoulders slumping as he admitted defeat. He could not get her to remain. His words meant nothing to her. The damage had been done.
Opening the door, he looked back at her one last time, wondering if he would ever see her again.
“For what it is worth, Lady Amelia, I believe I love you,” he confessed, the words echoing around the room. “I did not intend to cause you any pain. Believe me when I say I have been both confused and conflicted, but one thing has remained with me, growing stronger and stronger with each passing day. My love for you burns brightly and even this will not extinguish its flame. I only pray that, one day, you will be able to forgive me.”
Shutting the door quietly behind him, Arthur leaned back against it for a moment, struggling to contain his emotions. He had failed, completely and utterly, in managing Ridlington and now he would have to deal with the consequences of his failure.
The light seemed to go out of his world. There was nothing left for him, save for Elouise. His love for Amelia would remain with him, even though she did not return it. And so, he would commit himself to a life of suffering, full in the knowledge that he had brought it on himself.
Pushing himself away from the door, Arthur straightened his shoulders and ensured his cravat was in place. He had his other guests to see to. The rest he could deal with later.
Chapter 18
“And how are you today?”
Amelia looked up at Harmonia, her quill in her hand. “I am quite well, I thank you.”
Harmonia lifted one eyebrow. “Are you quite sure? It has only been a week since we left and a day since our father and sisters returned.”
Knowing that she could not hide the truth from her sister, Amelia let out a heavy sigh. She was not, in fact, all right. The truth was, she was struggling to think of anything but Lord Northfell, even though she knew she would be best to put him from her mind. After all, there was no hope for a future for them now, not when he had kept so much from her. Yet, his quiet words to her on parting, his words of love and affection, had refused to leave her thoughts. Instead of pushing them aside as she ought, she allowed them to delve deeply into her heart, keeping them there, hiding them within, in the knowledge that she alone knew they had been spoken.
And yet her heart ached with the pain and loss of his parting.
“I am trying not to think of him,” she said, truthfully, as Harmonia put one hand on her arm. “It is proving quite difficult.”
“I would say so!” Harmonia said, with a small smile. “You were half in love with him already, Amelia, so to hear such things from him must have come as quite a shock.”
“A shock that has not quite gone away,” Amelia murmured, glancing down at the letter in front of her. “I am not quite sure it ever will.”
Harmonia had been the only one she had confided in, the only one she had trusted to keep Lord Northfell’s secret. Harmonia’s response had been one of utter astonishment, her gentle heart feeling sorrow over the little girl’s situation. Then she had tried to console Amelia but nothing had helped. Amelia had retreated into herself, outwardly putting on a sense of happiness and contentment, while inwardly struggling with the pain of what had happened. Even though Harmonia continued to inquire as to how she was managing, Amelia told her the truth but kept the extent of her pain hidden.
“Are you glad to be back in town?” Harmonia asked, sitting down at her own writing desk so as to catch up with her correspondence, as Amelia was.
Amelia lifted one shoulder. “It is pleasant enough, I suppose. I confess that I am anxious that I might meet Lord Northfell again, unexpectedly. I do not know for certain whether or not he is in town again or has remained at his estate.”
“Mayhap we could find out, somehow?” Harmonia said, her quill scratching across the paper. “Send discreet inquiries here and there?”
Amelia shook her head. “No, nothing so indiscreet. I will be quite content to remain away from balls and the like for a time anyway, although papa will not be pleased.”
Harmonia’s expression grew sympathetic. “Are you sure you should not tell papa about Lord Northfell?” she asked, quietly. “After all, he was expecting there to be some kind of indication that this attachment was to be of long standing.”
Biting her lip, Amelia set down her quill and closed her eyes, hating that tears were threatening already.
“I did not mean to upset you again,” Harmonia exclaimed, rushing over to her. “I am terribly sorry, Amelia!”
Amelia made to say that it was quite all right, on
ly for the door to the drawing room to swing open and Jessica and Jacintha to hurry in – leading their cousin, Luke, who was looking a little worse for wear.
“Goodness!” Harmonia exclaimed, walking over to them as Luke sank down into a chair. “Whatever happened?”
Luke groaned, his eyes opening just enough to look at Harmonia. “Blasted card game,” he muttered, his lips barely moving. “The man cheated, I am quite sure of it.”
“He said he got a punch to the face for suggesting it,” Jacintha commented, hiding her smile with her hand. “Foolish man!”
Amelia got to her feet and shot her younger sister a fierce look. “Go and ask cook for a cold compress please, and get a tea tray for us all as well.”
Jacintha looked as though she was to argue but when Harmonia turned her gaze on her as well, she left the room muttering something under her breath.
Letting out a small sigh of relief, Amelia glanced at Harmonia, who was currently studying Luke’s damaged face. Her forehead was etched with lines of worry, her fingers gently tracing the swelling bruise.
“That was some punch,” Amelia commented, moving towards him. “Whatever made you call the man a cheat?”
“Because he was a cheat, I am quite sure of it,” Luke mumbled, his eyes closing. “Blasted Ridlington.”
Amelia stopped dead, staring at Luke. “Ridlington?” she repeated, her breath catching in her chest. “Did you say his name was Ridlington?”
Luke groaned as he turned his head from one side to the next, evidently in a lot of pain. “Said it was a family name. At least, I think that’s what he said anyway,” he said, eventually. “Was after as much money as he could get, I’d say. Cheating was the best way to achieve that, I guess.”
He let his head fall back against the cushions, leaving Amelia standing, open-mouthed, at him. Was this Lord Northfell? Was he back in town, using whatever means he could to claim back as much money as possible? She felt almost sick at the thought, although she had to confess that it did not surprise her. If he had hidden the truth about his daughter from her, then she had no doubt that he could have easily hidden the truth about his finances too. Perhaps all this talk about his investments had not been honest. Mayhap he had been saying so just to warm her to him again, intent to have her wealth for himself.
“You are well rid of him,” Harmonia murmured, soothingly. “Do not think of him again, Amelia.”
“What’s this?”
Luke opened one heavy eye, just as Jacintha entered with a small bowl with a white cloth draped over her arm.
Amelia shook her head. “Nothing,” she muttered, taking the bowl from Jacintha and immediately sending both her and Jessica away again. They did as she requested, both with mutinous looks on their faces, but this was not something she wanted them to overhear. She had questions to ask Luke and it was best that only she and Harmonia knew the answers he would give.
“Did you say this was a man named Ridlington?” she asked, as she wetted the cloth and pressed it gently against Luke’s face.
“I think so,” he hissed, his face screwed up with pain. “Like I said, I’m not in the best of moods and certainly not inclined to remember such details.”
Amelia winced, turning her face away as the smell of alcohol reached her nose. Luke had clearly indulged in a little too much brandy, or whatever his penchant was.
“How much did he take you for?” Harmonia asked, sitting down to Luke’s left whilst Amelia remained standing.
Luke shrugged, his lips thin. “A lot but that does not matter, of course. I have enough wealth to see both me and my wife – whoever she may be – to our old age in comfort.”
As Harmonia looked away, a sudden idea struck Amelia. Gentlemen, it seemed, were not to be trusted. They were far more trouble than they were worth and it seemed to Amelia that Harmonia’s idea of having an arranged marriage was quite wise. It solved the problem of finding a suitable gentleman and ensuring they were both soluble and amiable. Luke, of course, was not particularly amiable but Amelia thought that, most likely, he would allow her to live a fairly separate life. Once she had produced the heir and the spare – the thought of which made her shudder – he would have no reason to make demands on her time. It would not have the love and affection she had once thought she wanted but Amelia no longer considered that particularly important.
Besides which, if she chose to wed Luke, then Harmonia might have the opportunity to find herself a husband of her own – albeit an arranged marriage if she wished it. Amelia knew that her sister would not fare well with a man like Luke, whereas she would be more than able to manage him. She had the stubbornness a marriage like theirs would need, whereas Harmonia was much too kind and soft-hearted. That was exactly why Harmonia had considered it in the first place!
“Luke,” Amelia began, shooting a quick glance towards Harmonia and hoping desperately that she would not be angry with her. “Is it still your desire to marry into our family?”
He grunted, keeping his eyes closed. “I thought I had made that more than apparent,” he mumbled. “After all, it is the only way I can ensure you and your sister's security for the future.”
“That is very good of you,” Amelia replied, calmly. “Can you assure me that, if one of us was to agree to marry you, that you would consent for the other sisters to come and live with you, should that be necessary?”
Luke opened one eye, keeping the other covered with the compress. He eyed her curiously, his brows furrowing. “Yes, I would,” he replied, pushing himself up with one hand.
“Would there be an agreement in place?”
“If you wished it,” he replied, slowly, sounding entirely confused. “What is it you suggest, Amelia?”
Amelia drew in a deep breath, speaking clearly before she had the chance to change her mind. “Then, I consent to marry you.”
She heard Harmonia’s gasp of astonishment almost at once, turning begging eyes onto her sister in the hope that she would understand.
“You?” Luke said, sounding utterly astonished. “I would have set my cap at you first, if I had not thought that you would turn me down immediately.” He did not so much as look at Harmonia, although Amelia kept her gaze fixed on her sister.
Harmonia had gone milk-white, her eyes rounded and mouth slightly ajar.
“Are you truly consenting to wed me, Amelia?” Luke asked, dragging her attention back to him again.
“I am,” Amelia declared, despite the niggle of worry in her heart. “I suggest you go and speak to papa as soon as you can.”
Luke struggled to his feet, dropping the wet compress back into the bowl. “I shall go this very moment!” he declared, stumbling towards the door. “You are making me very happy, Amelia. We shall be wed as soon as possible!”
The moment Luke left the room, a silence grew between Harmonia and Amelia, both of whom looked steadily at one another.
“What are you doing, Amelia?” Harmonia asked, quietly. “Why did you not tell me this was your intention?”
“It was not my intention at all, I assure you,” Amelia replied, wishing she could erase the concern from Harmonia’s eyes. “I want you to be happy, to find a gentleman more suited to you.”
“And what of you?” Harmonia asked, her voice a little stronger than before. “Are you to marry Luke and be happy, the one man who you know would not suit any of us?”
Amelia pressed her lips together for a moment before replying. “I do not think I will be happy, but I will be content and that is enough for me.” She gave a small smile to Harmonia, one which her sister did not return. “I do hope you can forgive me for surprising you in such a way.”
Harmonia did not answer. Instead, she rose to her feet and, without another word to Amelia, left the room.
Chapter 19
Arthur sighed to himself as he moved around the floor carefully, making sure each of his dance steps were precise. His dance partner, the lovely Miss Adelaide, was busy making eyes at him but Arthur did not notice. He was
too busy thinking about Lady Amelia.
He did not want to be at this ball but Lord Worthing had practically demanded that he came. It was not as though he wanted to be in Lord Worthing’s company particularly but the chance that he might see Lady Amelia again proved too big a pull to ignore.
After his house party had ended, Arthur had made plans to return to town yet again, still not sure what he would say or do should he see Lady Amelia again. He had seen nothing of Ridlington, having had him thrown from his estate grounds on the day Lady Amelia had left, and still did not know where he was. Elouise was safely in the care of her nurse and governess back in his townhouse for, after all that Arthur had been through, he had decided to take his daughter with him to London for a short visit. He did not want to leave her back at his estate where Ridlington might be
It is quite hopeless.
That particular thought haunted him no matter where he went. He knew it was hopeless but still he became more and more desperate to see Lady Amelia. So often he dreamed that, should he explain things to her again, that she would forgive him and agree to be his wife. After all, that was the only thing he wanted. Too late had he realized the depth of feeling for her in his heart. His words of love had been entirely true and he had not once regretted telling her such a thing. It was not as though he could ever hope she would return such a sentiment, but still he was quite impatient to see her.
Finishing the dance, he bowed to his partner and escorted her back to her mother, who looked at him with curiosity in her eyes. The lady tried to engage him in conversation but, using the excuse that he had to find his next partner for the next dance, Arthur made his way through the crowd of guests to climb the stairs, thinking he would find a quiet spot in the balcony where he could watch the proceedings.
