by Rye Hart
“That’s not it!” I choked, closing my eyes. “That’s not it at all.”
“Then what is it?”
“I love you too, Ryder. More than I ever thought I could love anyone. But I’m working for Chaos Theory!” I spat out, unable to keep myself under control.
I watched his face fall and in that moment, I knew that whatever we had wasn’t going to survive this.
Chapter Twelve
My heart was in my throat and the pain that gripped my chest was something I couldn’t describe. I felt hopeless and unsure of what to do next. I’d just given away the secret I’d been terrified of admitting and Ryder was sitting there, staring at me silently.
I felt tears come to my eyes. “I’m sorry. God, Ryder I’m so sorry.”
“Sorry?” he whispered, his jaw clenching in anger “You’ve played us and put my entire family in danger and all you can say is you’re sorry?” he whispered.
“They aren’t in danger! Not yet. I’ve been holding them off. I’ve been lying until I could figure out the right time to tell you,” I practically begged him to believe me.
“The right time was weeks ago when you first came here!” he snapped, slamming his hand down on the table.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry!” I whispered, tears in my eyes, staring at him as my lips trembled.
“Sorry doesn’t fix this!” he growled, putting his head in his hands. “I need to talk to Damien,” he said, standing quickly. He glanced back at me and snapped his fingers and pointed right at me. “Up. You’re coming too.”
My blood ran cold, but I did as he said, standing and keeping my head down as tears coursed down my cheeks. I’d never been so full of remorse before in my life. We went straight to Damien’s home and when we were welcomed inside Damien was seated with Chloe. The baby was down for a nap and seeing my best friend sitting there made me shake. She’d been so kind to me and she was about to find out that I’d betrayed her and everything she loved.
“Brittney?” she whispered.
Ryder pointed to a chair. “Sit there!” he growled.
I winced but did as I was told. Chloe stood up, frowning deeply. “Why are you being so cruel to her?”
“No Chloe, I deserve it. All of it,” I whispered weakly.
The confusion on her face broke my heart and Damien glanced at me and then Ryder. “What in the world is going on, Ryder?” he asked.
“Tell them!” Ryder snapped, looking me in the eyes. “Tell them what you told me!”
My throat felt as if it was closing and I was honestly scared that I might be unable to speak. I closed my eyes and dropped my head, rocking back and forth, trying to find my voice. It took me a few moments, but soon enough I managed to pull myself together enough to speak. The words came out in a trembling cascade and with every confession I saw Chloe and Damien’s eyes widen in horror. I told them everything. I told them the plan and how many there would be. I told them about the weapons stock and anything else I could think of.
“I’m sorry,” I finally whispered. “I know it doesn’t change anything and I know it doesn’t make it better, but I’m sorry and I’m willing to do whatever I have to in order to show you I mean it and that I’m ready to make this right,” I said, my bottom lip quivering.
Damien was rubbing his temple slowly, his mind going a million miles a minute. He finally opened his eyes and looked at me, sitting up. Chloe was looking away, her eyes full of betrayal and disappointment. I hated myself for hurting them so much.
“I’m so-”
“Don’t say it again,” Chloe whispered, her voice shaking as she looked up at me. “We welcomed you here. We cared for you and made sure you were safe, but you were never in any real danger at all.”
“I was terrified!” I whimpered my eyes wide. “The only life I’ve ever known was in that gang! I had to fight for everything and I didn’t know, I didn’t know I could be happy like this! I know I messed up, but I’m willing to do anything to show you that I’m ready to redeem myself! I’ll do anything, anything at all,” I said quickly, my eyes wide.
Damien held a hand out, motioning for Chloe to stay quiet for now. “You have a lot to make up for,” he said, his eyes narrowed and trained on me.
I nodded slowly and looked down. I hated the way I felt. I hated myself for doing this. I hated that I had betrayed the only people in this world who’d looked after me and cared for me. I felt like the worst piece of scum, worse even than those that sent me here. I took a shuddering breath and looked at him with tears in my eyes.
“I know it’s hard to believe me. I know that, but you have to try and understand that I was backed against a wall,” I told him. “My mother abandoned me and the only way for me to survive was to get into bed with one of those animals. They threatened to kill me on a daily basis and the only thing I had going for me was the fact that the leader wanted to sleep with me. If I thought I had a choice, I would have left a long time ago. I hate what I’ve done, I hate it so much and I want to be here! This feels like family and I want to be a part of that.”
As he listened, Damien’s gaze softened and he sighed, running his hand through his hair. “Alright,” his eyes flicked up to mine and hope welled in my chest.
“But you have a lot to prove, kid.”
Chapter Thirteen
We needed to act fast. Things could go very wrong very quickly, and just like Damien said, I had a lot to prove. I waited nervously in the room, feeling jittery and bouncing on the balls of my feet as my teeth chattered. The entire gang was gathered outside, drinking and chatting as if they were having a party. I would have expected more nervous energy, but everyone other than me seemed calm. I wondered how they could sit there so easily but I understood that if they showed any other emotion than that, the entire plan would implode.
I’d called Fang earlier in the day and while Damien and Ryder listened in on my call, I told him Damien’s club was having a party tonight. Since there would be drinks no one would be armed. I informed him of a back route to the camp that I hadn’t even known about until now. On paper it seemed like a good way to get in and out of the camp, but since it was the only way through the woods and hills, it was going to present a problem for Chaos Theory.
Damien planned on having his men sneak back around after Chaos Theory entered the camp and block-off the exit. It was going to be one hell of a trap. Once they realized that Damien’s gang was in fact armed, they would try to leave and get pinched in between the two groups. Chaos Theory would be outnumbered and they’d go down.
Damien made it clear to me that if I had any alliances or friends in this gang, I was going to have to accept that they were going to die. This wasn’t a situation in which Damien was willing to take prisoners. They had trouble with Chaos Theory before. They’d let them be for a while since they didn’t encroach onto their territory, but now that Damien knew the plan had been to take him out, he wasn’t going to leave any survivors.
My mother had wandered off weeks ago and I knew Fang wouldn’t risk bringing junkies to a fight; they were more of a liability than help. I understood that everyone from Chaos theory was going to be dead by sundown and part of me felt guilty. The guilt, however, didn’t come from a place of regret; it was borne from the knowledge that I wasn’t going to miss a single one of those assholes. I briefly wondered how awful of a person that made me.
I turned my Coke around in my hands, taking a sip of my beer as I glanced around the party. It was so strange how they could remain so damn calm. Ryder was leaning in a nearby chair, watching me with heavy eyes. I started to walk over toward him, but he got up and left before I could reach him. Even if I managed to win back Damien’s trust, I knew that the life I’d hoped to have with Ryder was gone. I’d ruined my only chance at happiness.
As the “party” wore on, I glanced at my watch and started to wander from the rest of the group. Fang wanted me to meet them just inside the woods so that I’d be out of the way. As I broke the tree line I could already se
e the faint shimmer of bikes in the light. They weren’t hidden well and that meant they weren’t thinking clearly. It was a very real possibility that they’d decided to do this raid high.
I jogged over to the bright chrome bike and Fang sucked a long puff off the end of a crack pipe. When I came into view he tossed me a grin and reached out, grabbing my arm and yanking me close.
“Well, well. If it isn’t our very own Trojan horse,” he hummed, leaning in to press a long, wet, sloppy kiss to my lips.
I winced and tried to turn away, but he had a tight hold on me and snorted when I tried to pull free. “What, Princess?” he whispered, his voice full of blatant disrespect. “Didn’t you miss me?”
“Of course,” I snorted, rolling my eyes. I couldn’t act too eager or he might get suspicious. “Let me down.”
“Whatever you want,” he said, a strange gleam in his eye.
I swallowed and started to take a step back, but didn’t make it far before he wrapped his hand in my hair and yanked me back towards him. “Where do you think you’re going?”
I yelped and tried to hold as still as possible. “I can’t be in this fight!”
“You too good to fight now?” he snarled, throwing me over the bike.
I was forced to wrap my arms around him as the bike roared to life and broke the tree line, heading straight for the camp. My throat was dry and fear was making my chest feel tight. I knew that Damien, Ryder, and the rest could hold their own, but I still feared for them. I didn’t want to see any of them hurt. A lot could happen in a gun fight and just because they knew it was coming, didn’t mean they were going to get out without any casualties.
As we got closer to camp Damien and his men drew their guns and I could see Fang’s eyes widen and his body tense. He turned to look at me, his lips pulled back into a snarl.
“You little traitor bitch!” he snapped, jerking his elbow back and catching my nose.
I heard a loud pop and crunch as my nose broke and stars exploded in my vision from the pain. As I tumbled off the back of the back I caught Ryder’s gaze and I was surprised at the emotion that I saw in his eyes.
He was genuinely scared for me.
Chapter Fourteen
I hit the ground so hard my ears were ringing, and when I managed to sit back up, they were already shooting at one another. While I felt guilty about this whole thing, I didn’t feel guilty enough to get caught in the cross fire. I had to survive long enough to ensure that Ryder was safe. Even if he hated me, I loved him and I had to know that he was okay.
I managed to dive behind the partial foundation of a house that was being built. A few bullets ricocheted off the concrete before the shooter turned their attention to Damien’s men. I took a deep breath, my eyes narrowed and my mind focused. I needed a weapon I could defend myself with.
Across the foundation there were rebar spikes that were used to reinforce concrete slabs. I army crawled across the ground, my arms and elbows scraping against the pavement as I moved, my eyes wide and focused on the rebar.
I could still hear bullets flying through the air behind me, but the sounds were fewer and farther between. Damien had probably taken out most of Fang’s men by now; they were better armed and had clearer heads.
My fingers finally wrapped around the rebar and I jumped up. I was about to rush forward when someone grabbed me and yanked me back around the one wall of the house that had been stabilized. I tried to scream but whoever had me, slapped over my mouth to keep me silent.
I tried to kick and scream until the man leaned down and whispered in my ear. “It’s me.”
Tears filled my eyes as I looked up at Ryder, hardly believing he was there. “Why are you here?” I held up the rebar, my hands still shaking.
He cupped my cheeks and shook his head. “You think a piece of rebar is going to protect you from bullets?” he asked, staring down at me.
I was covered in scrapes and cuts from being thrown off the bike and blood was still dripping steadily from my nose. I know I must have looked a mess.
“You didn’t have to come for me,” I whispered
He stared at me as if I'd grown a second head. "Of course I did! You were in danger!"
"I don't deserve this. I don't deserve to be rescued," I whispered, my voice starting to shake. "I should go down with them."
He cupped my cheeks and stared at me helplessly. "You can't die here. How are we supposed to start our life together if you die here?" he asked, staring at me.
"You still want me?” I asked, incredulously.
"Yes! I love you, Brittney. I told you nothing would change that. I realized that you did what you had to do to survive. You didn’t know me our my family when you agreed to get into this fucking mess in the first place.”
I looked at him wide-eyed for a moment. I took him in, and even as gunfire exploded around us I knew I had to kiss him. If I died here, I wanted to have the taste of his lips on mine. I threw myself at him and kissed him long and hard, my eyes squeezed closed.
When I pulled away I looked up at him, “I thought you hated me."
He held me close and shook his head. "Never. I just had to process everything. It was a lot to take in."
I nodded but stayed silent, refusing to let him go. After a moment he pushed me back and gripped my shoulders.
"We have to get out of here.” he murmured.
I nodded and grabbed my rebar, swallowing thickly. "Where's your gun?"
"I'm out of bullets."
The gun fire had died down, though a few shots rang out now and then. There must have only been one person left hiding out somewhere. Ryder took my hand and pulled me close, leading me across the foundation.
Just as Ryder was about to peek around the corner, Fang jumped out, gun raised. "Well, well. Look at this. Two little love birds that got away."
My eyes widened and I started to take a step back. Ryder stepped in front of me to shield me and Fang just laughed. "You think you're going to protect her?" he spat, stepping forward. "Why would you waste your time on this useless bitch? She's not even a good lay."
I had a lot of sharp witted retorts for that comment but I stayed silent, my eyes narrowed. I had a smart mouth but he had a gun. My hands were shaking, the rebar smacking the wall and making far too much noise.
“That all you got, princess?” he hissed, grinning wildly at me. “I’ll take you on. Let’s see if you can get to me before my bullet gets you,” he said, cackling at his own terrible joke.
“NO! This isn’t her fight!”
Fang glared at Ryder, his eyes full of a fiery hate. “All my men are dead because of this bitch. She tricked us. She tricked her family; this is most definitely her fight,” he snarled.
Ryder’s eyes narrowed and he took off after Fang. Shocked at the audacity of the man, Fang took a step back and was suddenly completely open. He no longer had the wall as a shield. I saw Damien raise his gun, but I knew Fang would have more than enough time to fire. My eyes widened and I jumped forward, shoving Ryder out of the way. He was larger than me, but since he was running it was relatively easy to push him. He stumbled to the side, his shoulder slamming into the wall.
As he turned to look at me our eyes met and a chorus of sounds filled my ears. There was loud pop as Damien and Fang fired at the same time, followed by the sound of Fang’s body hitting the ground, and Ryder screaming my name as the air was forced from my lungs.
I hit the ground hard, an aching feeling in my chest as I tried desperately to suck air into my lungs. The world was spinning and I wasn’t sure what to do. I felt Ryder pull me into his arms and the tears in his eyes made my heart ache. I reached up to touch his face, smiling weakly.
“Tell me you love me,” I whispered.
He pressed his forehead to mine and swallowed thickly, whispering the words “I love you”, through tears. We stayed like that for a long moment before I cupped his cheeks.
“Hey, don’t be mad at me for dragging this out. I just wanted to hear you s
ay you love me again,” I whispered.
He frowned and pulled away. “What?”
“I’m fine, I’m not going to die,” I wheezed, pulling up my shirt to reveal the bullet proof vest.
His eyes widened and he stared at me. “How did you-”
“I stole it from Fang before I ever came out here. I figured I would be needing it one day.” I whispered.
He stared at me in disbelief. “Are you even hit?”
“Oh, I’m hit. It’s going to cause some wicked bruising, but I can live with that,” I said with a little grin.
He yanked me closer and held me tight, rocking with me. “I can’t believe you. I just can’t believe you! You’re an idiot!” he said through his laughter.
I chuckled and wrapped my arms around him, shaking my head. “I’m not an idiot. I’m just in love,” I murmured.
I couldn’t help but feel the most hopeful that I had in days. I held onto Ryder, professing my love to him again and again. This was where I belonged; this is where I felt safe. Ryder helped me stand and I leaned heavily on him. We wandered around the half built house, stepping over Fang’s body as we finally met up with everyone. Chloe ran over to me and threw her arms around me, tears in her eyes.
“We thought you and Ryder were gone,” she said, unable to make herself say ‘dead’.
I wrapped one arm around her and shook my head, smiling. “We’re alive and kicking. It’s going to take a lot more than that to get rid of us.”
She laughed and stepped back so that Damien could approach us. He smiled and wrapped an arm around each of us before leaning back. “I’m so damn happy you two are alright.”
I nodded and sighed. “Thank you. Even though this is my entire fault.”
“No, don’t start with that. You more than proved your worth, Brittney.”
I looked up at him with wide eyes. “You mean I can stay?”
He smiled simply and nodded. “Welcome home.”
