And then we say good-night and I feel like I’m floating on a cloud as I go into my house.
“Out kind of late, aren’t you, Zoë?” asks my dad as he emerges from the kitchen wearing his bathrobe and holding a glass of milk.
“Is it that late?” I ask kind of absently.
He looks slightly amused. “Depends on your perspective, I suppose.”
Now here’s the good thing about being the baby in a family with three daughters: By the time you’re old enough to date, Mom and Dad have had plenty of time to loosen up. I mean I can remember this one night, back when I was still in middle school and my oldest sister, Claire, missed her curfew. My parents just totally freaked. I think they actually called the hospital. And when Claire finally came home (only about thirty minutes late as I recall) she was thoroughly lectured then grounded for two weeks.
Next came my sister Amy. Well, she was the wild child and basically drove my parents bonkers by breaking curfews right and left. Amy pretty much did whatever she wanted until I thought both of my parents were going to fall completely apart. My dad’s hair actually turned gray during that era. Well, let me tell you, they were so relieved when Amy graduated high school without getting arrested or killed. And they seem to be breathing easier since she went off to college last year. So now I think my parents are pretty much worn out. Or else they figure if Claire and Amy survived, then I probably will too. Whatever it is, I’m finally thankful for being the baby in the family.
“Sorry,” I told my dad, “but I had a really great time tonight. And you should be happy to hear that Justin is a total gentleman.”
Dad smiles with what appears to be relief. “He seemed like a nice young man.”
“Oh, he is, Dad,” I assure him. “He really is.”
Dad holds up the milk glass. “That’s good to hear, honey. Now I better get this up to your mom.”
five
BY MONDAY I FEEL LIKE I’VE BEEN ELEVATED A COUPLE OF RUNGS ON THE social ladder. Justin drove me to school and walked me to my locker, and then he even hung with me for a while during lunch.
“So you and Justin are really a thing now?” asks Andrea as we’re all getting dressed in the locker room. The area right around us gets quiet and I can tell the other girls are listening in.
“I guess so.” I attempt nonchalance and pull on my jeans.
Kirsti leans over and puts her face close to mine. “So, have you done it yet?”
At first I’m confused, then I realize she’s talking about sex. Even so, I don’t answer.
“Are you kidding?” says Thea. “Zoë’s too much like Emily. She’ll probably hold out for months too.”
Emily just rolls her eyes as she reaches for her sweater. I wish I knew how to be as cool about this as she is.
“She’ll lose him then,” says Kirsti. “I have inside information that Justin’s not one to wait around.”
“From Katy?” asks Thea.
Kirsti nods.
“Where is that girl anyway?” asks Emily. “I haven’t seen Katy since before Christmas. Is she sick or something?”
Kirsti glances around, I’m sure to see if Mrs. Post, our PE teacher, is nearby. “Haven’t you heard?”
Thea smirks as if she has.
“Heard what?”
“Katy’s been doing a little Hoovering,” says Kirsti.
“Huh?” Now this intelligent response comes from me, but I wish I’d kept my mouth shut.
“Katy did some Hoovering last week,” says Kirsti in this sort of dramatic tone. Feeling like an idiot, I just nod as if I know what she’s talking about, which I totally don’t.
“You’re kidding,” says Emily and I can tell she’s shocked, but I still don’t get what they’re talking about.
Kirsti shakes her head. “No one’s supposed to know,” she says in a quiet voice.
“Then why are you telling us?” demands Andrea.
“Emily’s the one who asked. Besides, aren’t you Katy’s friends? I figured you’d want to know. Sheesh, don’t get all freaked at me.”
“Just because I asked about Katy doesn’t mean you have to tell everyone the explicit details of her personal life,” says Emily. “I can’t believe Katy thinks you’re her friend.”
“Yeah,” agrees Andrea. “You going to practice now, Emily?” And then those two take off and I’m left trying to sort it out.
“Ready to go to play practice?” asks Shawna. I’d forgotten she was here.
I nod as I shove my PE clothes back into my locker. I’m glad to get away from Kirsti and Thea, who are now going on about “how some girls are so sensitive and just need to grow up.”
“Do you know what Kirsti was talking about in there?” I ask Shawna once we’re out in the breezeway.
She nods. “Of course. Don’t you?”
I shrug. “Well, not really.”
Shawna turns and looks at me. “You really are pretty naive, aren’t you, Zoë?”
Somehow, maybe because she’s new here, I don’t mind so much that Shawna knows I’m not as “sophisticated” as some of my friends. “I guess so,” I admit. “I mean I kind of play along, but half the time I’m not sure what Thea and Kirsti are talking about. Or if I do know, I think it’s pretty gross. But I’ve learned to play along.”
Shawna laughs now. “No wonder you’re so good in drama.”
“Thanks. I guess.” Then I turn to her. “But really, I want to know what Hoovering is supposed to mean.”
“Probably that Katy got an abortion.” Then Shawna shrugs like it’s no big deal.
I feel my eyes growing wide. “You mean she was pregnant?”
Now Shawna looks mad. “Look, Zoë, I don’t even know this girl. I have no idea whether she was pregnant or not. Or whether she got an abortion. All I’m telling you is that’s what Hoovering means.” She pauses now. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to blast you. But sometimes I get so sick of gossipy girls. Like why can’t they just mind their own business?”
I nod. “Yeah, I totally get what you’re saying.” Then we’re at the auditorium and I’m feeling lousy. If it’s true—if Katy really was pregnant and really got an abortion—then it’s likely that Justin could’ve been the father. And this just totally freaks me.
I feel Shawna’s hand on my arm. “Zoë,” she says quietly, “it might not even be true, you know? I mean Kirsti might’ve just made up the whole thing to get to you.”
I nod as I consider this. “Yeah, that’s possible.”
“Some girls are like that. They just want to mess with your mind.”
Now I’m wondering if that might not be the reason Shawna left her old high school. I know where she lives now, and it’s not even within our district. I wonder if someone over at Jackson had messed with her or gossiped about her or done some permanent damage. But Mr. Roberts is up on the stage yelling for everyone to get into place, and I realize I’ll have to ask her about that later. If at all.
Justin comes over to join me now and I suddenly feel uncomfortable around him. It’s like there’s this wall between us. I try to smile and act normal, but I can tell that I’m not very convincing.
Finally, just before practice ends, he asks me what’s up.
I kind of shrug and look down at my shoes. We have to wear these weird little dancing slippers for practice and they take some getting used to. “I don’t know,” I finally say.
“I think you do.” He pulls on my hand. “Come on, tell me. What’s up?”
“Well, I heard something today . . . ,” I begin, wondering how I can possibly get these words out.
“About what?”
“About Katy Abernathy . . .”
“Uh-huh?”
“Well, Kirsti said that Katy got an abortion.” But I study Justin’s face as I say this and I can tell by his raised brows and confused-looking eyes that he is totally shocked.
“What?” he asks in a hushed voice, pulling me farther offstage in case anyone else is listening.
“Kirsti and
Thea said that Katy got an abortion during Christmas break.”
He runs his hand through his hair then shakes his head and finally says, “No way.”
I just shrug. “Shawna thought they might’ve been making it up, for my sake, you know.”
“Man, that’s cruel.”
“I know.”
“Do you believe them, Zoë?” He’s looking into my eyes now.
“Well, I figured if Katy was pregnant and got an abortion, you would know about it. Right?”
“Yeah. Definitely.”
“And since you seem as shocked as I am, I’m guessing it’s not true.”
He seems relieved now. “Thanks.”
“Are you going to ask Katy about it?”
Now he looks perplexed. “You mean like call her up and say, ‘Hey, Katy, did you get an abortion?’”
The way my insecurity shows suddenly embarrasses me. “I guess that’d be pretty lame, especially if Kirsti made the whole thing up.”
“Yeah. And kind of insulting too, don’t you think?”
I nod. “I guess it’s best to just forget about it.”
And so that’s what we do. We both decide to pretend like we’ve never heard this stupid rumor. And I believe Justin is telling the truth. I mean he’s a pretty good actor and all, but I seriously doubt he could’ve faked looking as shocked as he did. He was totally stunned and even a little hurt, I think. Which shows me that he’s a pretty sensitive guy. And it makes me really mad at Kirsti and Thea for coming up with this crud. It’s like they want everyone to be miserable. I just don’t get it.
Justin gives me a ride home and even walks me to the door. “So you’re okay about everything now?” he asks as we stand on my porch.
“Yeah. Sorry if it seemed like I overreacted. I was just so shocked.”
“Me too. It’s a sleazy thing for Kirsti and Thea to say about Katy. I mean Katy doesn’t mean anything to me anymore, but they don’t have to go dragging her name through the mud.”
Then he leans down and kisses me and says he’ll pick me up for school in the morning. And suddenly it seems like we’re back to normal. Although I must admit I don’t feel like normal. I feel like I’m flying high.
Later in the evening Shawna calls. “How’d it all go with Justin?” she asks.
“Fine,” I assure her. “He thinks that Kirsti and Thea cooked the whole thing up. Just like you said.”
“Yeah, it figures.”
“I appreciate you telling me that, Shawna. I might’ve got upset and said something really stupid to Justin. You helped me to keep a level head.”
“Glad I’m good for something.”
“Something you said made me curious though . . .”
“About what?”
“Well, it sounded like maybe you’d had a bad experience, like with girls gossiping or whatever. I was just wondering if that’s why you transferred from Jackson to Hamilton?”
She took awhile to answer. “Yeah. There were some people determined to make my life miserable. It was time for a fresh start.”
“Well, I’m glad. It’s been great getting to know you.”
“Thanks, Zoë.”
We chat a little more then hang up. Now I’m feeling a little guilty because it’s like Shawna seems more like my best friend than Emily. But that’s probably due to our current activities. Emily’s all into cheerleading and I’m into the play. Just the same, I decide to email Emily before I go to bed, just to let her know what Justin said about the stupid accusation. I don’t want her to feel like I left her out of the loop or anything.
Or maybe it’s because I’m still trying to convince myself of the truth.
six
APPARENTLY ANDREA REALLY LAID INTO KIRSTI AND THEA AT CHEERLEADING practice on Monday. Emily told me that they both promised to watch their mouths a little better. I, for one, am grateful.
Katy was back in school by the middle of this week and the story (which I believe is true) is that she had an appendicitis attack during the holidays. And how rotten is that, to go through an appendectomy and then be falsely accused of having an abortion? Apparently no one has mentioned this nasty little rumor to her. For Katy’s sake I’m relieved, but I must admit there’s probably a bit of selfishness in my relief. It’s not that I don’t like Katy, but she’s never been terribly friendly to me. I guess I don’t really get her. And frankly, I don’t even know what Justin saw in her. But then I suppose I don’t need to worry about that.
No, I have something totally new to worry about today.
It happened at play practice. A strap on one of my dancing slippers broke after a pretty vigorous dance routine with Nate Stein.
So I excuse myself and hurry off to the wardrobe room in search of a safety pin to fix it. The room is dark—not unusual since we’re not really doing much with costumes yet—and I hear this kind of rustling sound. Thinking it might be a rat (last winter a few did serious damage to our costumes), I flip on the light switch and get ready to grab a broom or sword or whatever it might take to fend off the nasty little beast. But it is not a rat.
Well, actually it is two rats. People rats. Mainly, Shawna and Todd rats. And these rats are in a corner of the costume room, doing something only rats would do.
At first I’m not even sure exactly what they’re doing or who it even is, but it doesn’t take long to figure it out. Todd is leaning against the King Lear throne (a prop left over from a performance done several years ago) but when I first see him, I actually think maybe he’s having a seizure and needs medical help or something. Then I notice someone else is with him and that’s when I realize it is Shawna! And then I get it—I understand what she is doing to him and it makes me so sick that I want to puke all over the Midsummer Night’s Dream costumes that are piled high in a box right next to me. In my whole life, I’ve never seen anything so skanky! I feel myself gasp, but Shawna doesn’t even turn around. Maybe that’s a good thing.
To say I am completely stunned or even grossed out is a total understatement. But, here’s what gets me: I am thoroughly embarrassed by their moronic stupidity. I mean my cheeks are flaming like torches. But instead of confronting the rats, I play the mouse’s role. I quietly turn off the light, close the door, and then walk away. And when I’m just steps away from the wardrobe room, I run smack into Casey Renwick, which causes me to nearly fall flat on my face.
She actually catches and helps to steady me. “It’s time for your next scene, Zoë,” she informs me. “Did you get your safety pin?”
I stand up straighter then just mutely shake my head as I rush past her.
Then I run back out to the stage with my strap still flapping around on my right shoe.
“Hurry up, Zoë,” calls Miss Lynnwood, and I realize it’s my singing number. Like I really want to sing right now!
That’s when Casey rushes back onto the stage and, with safety pin in hand, tells me to sit down on a wooden crate. She kneels and attaches my flopping strap back onto my shoe.
“Thanks.” I feel like I’m about four years old.
She nods and sort of smiles.
Then Miss Lynnwood hands me the music and starts playing the introduction to my little song about how I love to kiss all the guys. After what I just witnessed, the words to this song just make me want to gag. But somehow I manage to choke it out and Miss Lynnwood actually seems pleased when I’m done.
And suddenly Todd and Shawna are back on the stage, acting like nothing unusual has just transpired in the wardrobe room. I mean they don’t seem the slightest bit concerned or even guilty as they practice their next number. And they don’t even flinch when I give them both my best you-dirty-rats look. Well, I am just totally fried!
I am glad when Justin offers me a ride home and I am able to avoid Shawna. I mean what am I supposed to do about this? Act like nothing happened, like everything is perfectly fine? Peachy keen? I mean I’d just caught her doing something totally disgusting with my best friend’s boyfriend. My best friend, who gave u
p her virginity to Todd Barker (and keep in mind that Emily told me, back in middle school, that she was going to save herself for her wedding night!), because she thought they had the kind of love that would last forever. Yeah, right!
“What’s wrong, Zoë? You seem really quiet.”
I just shrug and say, “Nothing.” Like I really want to tell Justin about what I saw. You bet!
“Come on. I know something is wrong. Just tell me.”
“You really want to know what’s wrong?” I finally ask him in a totally grumped-out voice, which I immediately regret. I mean it’s not like he’s the one to blame here.
“Yeah.” He glances nervously in my direction. “Did I do something to offend you?”
“No,” I assure him. “It’s not you.” Then I launch into my story about finding the two human rats in the wardrobe room and, without giving graphic details, I manage to convey what the rats were up to. And to my surprise, he just throws back his head and laughs. Like it’s some big joke!
“What on earth is funny about that?” I demand, ready to ask him to drop me out on the next corner. I mean a girl can only take so much!
But he’s laughing so hard he can’t even answer. So now I’m not only furious at Todd and Shawna, but I’m feeling seriously irked at Justin too.
“It’s not funny!”
“I know, I know. It’s just funny the way you told it.” I can tell he’s trying to suppress his laughter.
“But Todd is supposed to be going with Emily,” I protest. “Can you imagine how devastated she’ll be when she hears about this? What am I supposed to do?”
He’s getting more sober now. “I don’t know, Zoë. But do you think it’s really your business?”
“Emily’s my best friend!”
“But don’t you think it’ll just hurt her to find out about this?”
“Are you saying I shouldn’t tell her?”
“Maybe.”
“Do you honestly think it’ll be less painful if she doesn’t know about it?”
Torch Red: Color Me Torn with Bonus Content Page 4
