by Nicola Marsh
‘Here. Get some of this into you. It’ll help whatever just put that look on your face.’
Before she could shovel the first spoonful into her mouth, Meg slapped her head, groaned.
‘Tennis boy! How does your leaving affect things between you two?’
‘It’s over.’
Quickly spooning a mouthful of ice cream into her mouth to prevent talking, she waited for Meg to exhaust her indignation/advice/theories.
‘Over? But the guy’s in love with you! How could you break his heart like that?’
The spoon clattered to the floor as she gaped in shock.
‘Me break his heart? Are you nuts?’
Shaking her head, Meg grabbed the tub out of her hands, rummaged in the top drawer for her own spoon, before digging it into the soft, creamy ice cream fast melting to goop.
‘Tell me what happened.’
‘Considering you’re on his side, maybe I shouldn’t.’
Stuffing a spoonful into her mouth, Meg brandished the spoon like a sword.
‘Start at the beginning and don’t leave anything out. Otherwise I’ll stow away a week’s worth of Prue’s gym socks in your shoe bag.’
Unable to stifle a grin, Kristi folded her arms and propped against the kitchen bench.
‘Fine. You saw how he looked on the doco. He’s as smitten as I am. Then later, he gives me some spiel about wanting to date again but not being able to ever promise marriage, about not giving me what I deserve. Lame, huh?’
Meg tapped the spoon against her front teeth, the clatter annoying. ‘Hmm…interesting.’
‘What?’
Pinning Kristi with a probing stare she had honed to a fine art growing up, when she used to pester her with a thousand and one facts-of-life questions, Meg said, ‘What are you afraid of?’
‘Nothing.’
‘Bull.’
Meg dumped the ice-cream container on the bench top and jabbed a finger her way.
‘You must be afraid of something, otherwise why wouldn’t you date and see where this leads?’
‘Because I want to get married and—’
‘Puh-lease! Aren’t you a bit old to be hanging onto a pie-in-the-sky dream?’
Shaking her head, Kristi stared at her sister. ‘What’s gotten into you?’
Holding her hands palm up in surrender, Meg shrugged. ‘I just don’t want to see you throw something special away on a pipe dream.’
When Kristi opened her mouth to protest, Meg held up a hand. ‘Uh-uh, let me finish. Last time you were heartbroken because he didn’t love you enough. This time, he loves you yet you still don’t want him. What do you want from this guy?’
‘I want him to love me enough to give me the world!’
‘Get real.’
Meg’s cute little scoff would’ve made her laugh if she’d felt like laughing. As it was, she felt like strangling her relationship-guru-in-the-making sister.
‘You’re chasing perfect and there’s no such thing as perfect.’
Meg gestured around her tiny cubbyhole kitchen, at the pile of homework books strewn across the table, the photos of her daughter in higgledy-piggledy disarray on the fridge, the stack of sporting equipment tumbling over itself near the door.
‘This is what chasing perfect got me. You know that. So what are you doing? Giving up on a guy you’ve loved for ever because of some warped principle?’
Meg shook her head. ‘Here’s the thing. Not every marriage is as great as Mum and Dad’s. They lucked in. Most don’t. Surely I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know?’
‘Of course I know that,’ Kristi snapped, hating how Meg sounded older and wiser while she sounded delusional for wanting something most people would class as unobtainable.
‘Then what?’
Meg touched her arm, concern etched across her pixie features, features creased beyond their years, and suddenly she knew.
‘I am afraid…’ she murmured, the realisation flooring her.
‘Of loving Jared? That’s normal—’
‘No.’
Kristi grabbed Meg’s upper arms, not wanting to put her sister in any pain but needing to voice her fear if only to test it out, to see if it was real.
‘Of making the same mistake you did.’
Meg rolled her eyes. ‘You’re too smart to fall for a dropkick let alone get pregnant by him.’
Kristi gave her a little shake. ‘Don’t you see? You were doing the same thing I am, chasing the dream, trying to have the type of relationship Mum and Dad had. You weren’t to know Duane would be an idiot when you got pregnant and do a runner.’
‘Of course I was chasing the dream.’
Meg shrugged out of her grip, dragged a hand through her messy hair. ‘That’s why I want you to wake up and not let this opportunity slip through your fingers.’
‘But he could leave me again…’
‘Ah…the real fear.’
Meg snapped her fingers. ‘Newsflash. Relationships evolve. Change. Hopefully grow. If not, either of you can leave. Why put all that on him?’
‘Because last time—’
‘Last time you were both young, immature. He was a superstar with a brilliant career ahead of him. He was always going to leave. You knew that.’
Kristi’s mouth dropped for the second time in as many minutes as Meg had the grace to look sheepish. ‘I didn’t say anything at the time because you were heartbroken and later it didn’t matter, but now?’
Meg shrugged. ‘Now, you need to stop blaming him for walking away and maybe start thinking about why he did.’
‘You think I pushed him away?’
Stunned by her sister’s revelations, she sank onto the nearest chair and rubbed the back of her neck to ease the tension.
‘Did you?’
Kristi closed her eyes, transported back to her relationship with Jared, every fabulous, exciting minute.
Sure, she’d always been more touchy-feely than him, but that wasn’t a crime. Nor was texting him and ringing him countless times a day; just showed she cared. They’d been besotted, couldn’t get enough of each other, yet Meg was right. She’d known he’d leave right from the very beginning, had allowed her sadness and naivety to ruin their last week together.
She jumped and opened her eyes as Meg placed a hand on her shoulder, squeezed.
‘How could you have done it differently? To help make it last this time?’
She’d do a thousand things differently: she wouldn’t be insecure and immature, she’d be realistic, knowing what she was getting into at the start, accepting him rather than hoping she could change him.
She’d admired her mum and dad’s marriage so much, and their relationship had been all about respect, mutual admiration, trust…
‘I didn’t trust him enough…’ she whispered, the knowledge hitting her out of nowhere and making her want to thump her head against the table in frustration.
‘I’ve been an idiot.’
Meg grinned and bent down to give her a hug. ‘More like a fool in love. Twice!’
Returning the hug, Kristi pulled back to study her sister’s face. ‘How did you get so wise?’
Meg wrinkled her nose. ‘Try enough self-analysis, after a while you become a know-all on relationships.’
Seeing the shadows shifting in her eyes, Kristi studied Meg’s face harder.
‘Do you regret your time with Duane?’
‘Considering Prue was the result? Not bloody likely.’ Meg’s heartfelt sigh hid a wealth of emotions Kristi had no hope of tapping into. ‘Do I regret being so narrow-sighted in wanting the dream the folks had I was blind to Duane’s faults from the start? Hell, yeah.’
Kristi gnawed on her bottom lip, the truth behind Meg’s wise words registering.
She’d been blind too, blind to everything but the truth.
She loved Jared.
Whatever he had to offer.
But now she was in a bind. Professionally, she couldn’t give up on he
r dream promotion after she’d worked so long and hard for it.
Emotionally, she wanted to fling herself into Jared’s arms and take whatever he could give.
Chuckling, Meg pushed her away. ‘What are you going to do?’
‘I have no idea.’
Despite everything that had happened, she still wanted that miracle.
Sadly, she’d given up on those a long time ago.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Stranded Survival Tip #16
When in doubt, run.
Twitter.com/Stranded_Jared
Never look back.
Twitter.com/Stranded_Kristi
And they say girls are fickle.
‘ARE you and Kristi watching the premier together?’
Jared shook his head at Elliott, ignoring the jab of disappointment in his gut. ‘Nope.’
‘Why not? Trouble in paradise?’
Elliott’s snigger faded as Jared shot him a death glare.
‘She’s leaving.’
Elliott’s eyebrows inverted in twin comical commas. ‘Ironic. Just what you did to her last time.’
His death glare didn’t let up as his mate pronounced the fact he’d been pondering himself.
The irony wasn’t lost on him either, though he’d been smart enough not to deliver her an ultimatum. Despite his newly awakened feelings for her, despite the urge to beg her not to go and give them a chance, he would never put her in a position to choose.
He knew how important her career was—hell, she’d spent a week on a deserted island with him for it!—and now it was taking off, he’d never hold her back.
Besides, he couldn’t give her what she wanted.
She wanted a perfect love, a perfect relationship and, as he’d learned the hard way, there was no such thing.
What he still didn’t understand was why she hadn’t realised the truth either. She had two failed engagements to prove it, was hell-bent on following some warped idea that only the perfect man would fit her dream of matrimonial happiness, and if he didn’t harbour his own doubts from watching his parents’ monumental marriage stuff-up, he wouldn’t put himself under that kind of pressure anyway.
What happened during their first argument, their first trial? Would she deem the marriage not perfect and bolt anyway?
Uh-uh, no way would he put that kind of pressure on himself. He’d be doomed for failure from the start.
Elliott stirred his double espresso faster. ‘You’ve stuffed up again.’
‘What do you mean again?’
Taking an infuriatingly long time to sip his coffee, Elliott finally replaced the cup on the saucer.
‘Listen, mate, I didn’t buy all that bull about you two just being good friends years ago and I’d be blind not to see what’s going on between you now.’
Elliott steepled his fingers, pushed his glasses up with his pointed fingers. ‘She’s in love with you and you’re just as bonkers about her.’
‘Your point?’
‘Do something about it.’
‘She wants to get married, I don’t, end of story.’
‘Yeah, right, whatever.’
Amusement overrode his anger for a moment. ‘You sound like Bluey.’
‘The kid from the centre?’
‘Yeah.’
Elliott stabbed a finger in his direction. ‘See, that’s what I don’t get. You’re prepared to invest in a bunch of kids who, let’s be honest, might shove the whole thing back in your face, yet you won’t take a chance on an amazing woman like Kristi?’
Elliott shook his head, resumed drinking his espresso with annoying calm. ‘Seems pretty dumb to me.’
‘Who asked you?’ Jared muttered, stirring his latte so fast the froth spilled over the top and splattered on the table.
Wisely, Elliott kept his mouth shut, giving him time to absorb, to mull…
The kids were different. Taking a risk on them was easy because he didn’t love them as much as he loved Kristi and the thought of losing her if he went the whole way and gave her what she wanted…
His hand shook so much half the latte joined the froth on the table.
No way.
The M word?
No. Uh-uh. Couldn’t contemplate it.
‘Why don’t you just talk to her? Try to reach a compromise? Perhaps she isn’t as hooked on this marriage malarkey as you think?’
His head snapped up to glare at Elliott but he’d resumed drinking his coffee, staring at the next table as if the Parramatta Eels cheer squad were sitting there.
Could he reach a compromise?
Was it possible?
Was he giving up on the best thing to happen to him because of some entrenched fear of an institution that might never eventuate?
She was leaving in a week. Was it long enough to convince her how he really felt, despite doing his best to the contrary all this time?
‘I’m off.’
Grabbing his keys and mobile off the table, he saluted Elliot. ‘Wish me luck.’
‘You’re going to need it,’ Elliott called out but he’d already gone, eager to tell the woman he loved the truth.
All of it.
Jared sprinted up the last few steps and burst through the snazzy glass door of Endorse This.
His knee had to be at the end of its rehab for the workout he’d just given it; running up three flights of stairs to avoid waiting for the lift had pushed its limits.
He’d been like this as a kid with tennis. Once he’d made up his mind, he threw himself one hundred per cent into a project. His sporting career, the rec centre, Kristi…he just hoped she’d go for his plan.
The outer office was eerily empty, as was Kristi’s front and centre glass-enclosed office, so he headed towards the lone voice barking instructions in a nearby room.
Sticking his head around the door, he saw Rosanna on the phone, her hands jabbing the air as she punctuated her points with someone bearing the brunt of her ire.
Cringing at her last particularly nasty outburst, he stepped into the conference room.
‘Hope I’m not interrupting.’
Barely glancing his way, she waved him in. ‘You’ve got two minutes before I blast the next slacker.’
‘I’ll only bug you for a second. Is Kristi around?’
‘Nope.’
From meeting her at the preview, Jared thought Rosanna was a garrulous woman who couldn’t shut up for more than two seconds, so her brief response puzzled him.
‘Any idea when she’ll be back?’
A strange smile quirked her red-slicked lips. ‘In about six months, give or take.’
His gut twisted as the implication sank in. ‘You mean she’s left already?’
For a moment, he thought Rosanna wouldn’t answer, her lips compressed into a thin, unimpressed line. Then the phone rang and she snapped, ‘The LA TV execs wanted her out there ASAP so they moved her departure date up. She’s leaving tomorrow but don’t you dare do anything to muck that up!’
‘Thanks,’ he mouthed, as she’d already answered her call, and sprinted back to the stairs.
If his knee had been tested before, it would be pushed beyond limits now as he flew down the stairs, skipping every second one.
Not muck up her departure plans?
He intended to do that and more.
Kristi lovingly wrapped her absolute favourite Christian Louboutin’s in a shoe bag and made space for them in her suitcase. Her monstrous suitcase. That only housed shoes.
Luckily she had a matching pair of cases, though she doubted the airline would be terribly impressed with her destined over-the-limit baggage allowance.
C’est la vie—a girl trying to make an impression in LA needed her shoes.
Satisfied she’d packed enough pairs, she flipped the lid, zipped the case shut, wheeled it towards the door and plonked it next to the other.
The two stood guard, like sentinels to her new life; a life that didn’t include the only man she’d ever truly loved.
While she’d pondered the revelations gained from her chat with Meg, she’d done nothing about it. She could’ve confronted Jared but realistically what would be the point?
Could she enter a relationship without marriage being the end game?
She’d contemplated it for an entire night, not sleeping a wink, a million questions and scenarios playing out in her head. Yet when the sun peeped over the horizon, she came to the same conclusion.
She’d be setting herself up for further heartbreak, the ultimate fall, if she opened up to a full-on relationship with Jared knowing it couldn’t lead anywhere.
During the long sleepless night, she’d thought about a lot of things. Her two cancelled weddings, the possibility she’d done the same to Barton and Avery as she had to Jared.
The admission didn’t sit well with her, the thought she might have inadvertently sabotaged those relationships too.
Avery and Barton had been good guys: safe, steady, with dependable jobs, nice, the least likely to leave her. Exact opposites of Jared in every way. Looking back, she’d probably chosen them for that reason.
When Jared had dumped her and reports of his women started filtering through the magazines, she’d believed herself to be another conquest; he’d made her doubt her own judgement, had driven her to seek out men the opposite.
She’d stipulated long engagements both times, had gone out of her way to be demanding and fussy with the wedding plans. Both guys had been patient, which had only served to rile her further, a thousand and one small things piling up, niggling her, annoying her, until she’d finally called it off.
Yeah, she’d definitely sabotaged those relationships and the truth hurt. A lot.
She’d hurt those decent guys and all because she’d been too immature, too selfish to recognise that Jared hadn’t been the only one at fault in their initial relationship; she’d done her fair share.
The thought of weddings drew her gaze to the scrapbook, sitting on the bottom shelf of her bookcase. Sadness filtered through her, wrapped around her heart, settled there like a dead weight as she contemplated what lay between its much-loved pages.
