by King Ellie
“Yeah, I get you man, but do you love that more than being a husband? Just think about that.”
He clammed up after that and when I turned towards the archway in the foyer, I knew why. There my beautiful wife was. Mila took my breath away every chance I saw her. Even if she looked like she hadn’t slept at all. Her hair was pulled up in a messy bun, she wore yoga pants and a sweater. She had Jordan in her arms, and I went to full-on dad mode walking over to grab Jordan from her mother. She was getting heavier; I didn’t want Mila to take the load herself. I looked down at her, she was avoiding eye contact with me.
“You ready to go?” I softly asked her.
She nodded not saying much to me. She held on tight to her gym bag and Jordan’s backpack. I clenched my teeth trying not to go into a defensive mode with her. She deserved to be mad at me, I deserved her cold shoulder. I fucked up and I knew it.
****
The drive back home was excruciating, it was so silent in the car and Mila had her eyes shut, her head leaning on the window. I turned the radio on making it worse because Adele’s Remedy came on. I turned it down not wanting to think about what the words in the song were saying but it was so quiet that I had no choice. When we got to a red light, I turned to look at Mila, she had tears in her eyes. I clenched the steering wheel hard causing my knuckles to pale even more. I quickly looked in the rear-view mirror at a still sleeping Jordan, I didn’t want her to witness me making her mother cry. I never wanted to be this guy, when did this happen?
“I’m sorry,” I said softly. “Please…Bunny, please, forgive me.”
Mila didn’t say anything at first. She swiped at her tears that seem to become even more apparent the moment the song changed. Goddamn it Adele! Was she out to get me tonight? Her song, All I ask decided to shed on our situation. The light turned green and I turned to the street towards our home. She didn’t answer to my apology and I knew that I’d hurt her in a way that I couldn’t fix easily. When we reached our home, I parked my range next to hers in the garage, it was both a blessing and a curse that she didn’t take her car with her. A blessing because I could pick her up, but a curse cause I thought she was home.
“I got Jordy. You go inside.”
She still didn’t speak to me. Although I had shut the engine off, it felt like the song carried with us both. Mila went inside while I got Jordan out of her booster seat. I walked in our home, silent as ever not able to say another word because I felt a sickening, dreadful ass emotion take over my body. I shuddered as I placed Jordan in her bed, tucking her in. I kissed her goodnight and when I entered the master bedroom, Mila was packing her suitcase. Fuck. I stood in the bedroom doorway; the room’s cream décor clashed with the mood. Mila didn’t stop going back and forth packing. I walked up to her and hugged her from behind,
“Baby, please… Mila, I’m sorry.”
“Let me go, Kash.”
There was a conviction in her voice.
“No.” I turned her around to face me. I glared at her. “I’m never letting you go, Mila. I don’t give a fuck how much we argue. You’re it for me.”
She shook her head.
“I gave you chance after chance, Kash and you blew it.”
“Fuck, bunny. Don’t do this. You want me to beg you, I will. I’ll get on my knees and beg you.”
Her facial expression hardened as her hands formed fists.
“No. It’s too late.”
Anyone who knew me knew I was as stubborn as a mule. I wouldn’t give up this easily. I pulled Mila for a kiss that I should’ve done at her birthday party. She stood there not kissing me back but then her lips came alive as they kissed me back. She gave me access to her mouth as my tongue pleaded with hers. My arms roamed over her body discarding her clothing as she did the same to me. We were caught up in a moment not able to even comprehend what was going on. I moved us over to the bed throwing her suitcase on the floor, it landed with a thud. I nipped at Mila’s neck causing her to release a series of moans.
I threw her on the bed, shedding my sweats, and whatever else I had left on. I grabbed Mila’s ankle pulling her closer to the edge of our bed. I removed her yoga pants positioning her ass to be halfway off the bed. I didn’t even waste a moment as I slid into her wet core.
“Fuuuuuck…” I threw my head back in pure ecstasy.
Being inside my wife was the best thing that life had ever offered me. I was lucky, a blessed man to feel this side of Mila. I leaned in, kissing all over her body that I could. This was my plea; I gave her everything I could. I wanted her to stay, I would do better. I swear I would.
Mila scratched my back as I became rougher. I grabbed both her arms pushing it back to the bed and placing it over her head. Mila opened her eyes as I repositioned myself with one knee on the bed and my other leg standing for grip. I wasn’t making love to my wife right now; I was fucking her. Showing her every part of me, being vulnerable is the most fucked up way. She moaned and I captured it in my mouth as I gave her harsh kisses. She couldn’t leave me. No. I fucked her into absolution as she lost control over her body and came. I followed not too long after that, but I didn’t stop pumping inside of her. I dropped on top of her not wanting to let go of her body.
“I’m leaving, Kash.”
Her voice was so small and full of regret. I sat up, gripping her jaw.
“No, the fuck you’re not.”
Mila
Kash thought everything could be solved with sex sometimes and this was a reminder that it couldn’t. When he slept, I slipped out of bed and resumed packing. I didn’t want Kash to think that I was condoning this bullshit because I wasn’t.
Instead of taking the big suitcase, I took the small one. I packed essentials, left the room went to go kiss Jordan goodnight and left the house. While in the garage, I looked back at the door, I wanted to go back to bed with Kash, but this couldn’t keep happening. I couldn’t keep feeling like this. Enough was enough. I sighed as I texted our nanny, Cherise, Channing’s sister who was going to be here as early as five in the morning. The plus side was that it was the weekend, Kash could stay home for once. I slowly pulled out of the garage when it opened up and my heart constricted in a way that I didn’t know was possible as I drove away from the love of my life.
I didn’t even know when I started sobbing but I was sobbing like I lost someone. Maybe I did. My best friend, the man that I love and for sure the best husband in the world. I mourned him because I didn’t know if we could fix this.
“Fuck. FUCK!” I hit the steering wheel trying to calm myself down.
I didn’t want to go to Larissa's house because I knew that I would have to explain shit to her in the morning. I drove mindlessly for an hour then I did the last thing that I knew I didn’t want to do. I checked into a hotel near my job. I knew that I wouldn’t get to sleep much but if I could shut my eyes and not focus on Kash for all of twenty minutes then I would take it.
****
I woke up, startled out of my mind when my phone rang off the hook. I fumbled out of the sheets, grabbing my phone. I looked down at it. I slept for about two hours. It was Larissa calling me.
“Hello?”
I picked up, groggy as ever.
“Where the hell are you! Are you okay? Mila, talk to me.”
She sounded panicked which means that Channing told her what happened.
“I’m okay, Rissa.”
I could hear the audible sigh of relief.
“Okay. What the fuck, Mila! We’ve been calling and looking for you for a couple of hours now. Kash came banging on our door looking for you. Honey, tell me you’re okay?”
“I’m okay, I promise. I just, I couldn’t do it, Mila. I needed a clear mind to figure out what we’re going to do. I was hurt and he thought he could fix it with sex. I love him but I don’t love that he’s that stubborn. I need to clear my head. I’m going to text him that I’m okay.”
“No.” A voice I was way too familiar with infiltrated my ear. “You’re goin
g to come to the fuck back home and fucking talk to ME!” Kash growled.
“Kash, listen to me for once will you? Just give me the weekend. I’m not going to argue with you. I just need a clear head to see what I want to do next.”
I heard as he stomped away from his audience.
“Mila. Are you kidding me right now? You nearly gave me a heart attack disappearing while I was sleeping. I thought we fixed this.”
I ran a hand over my face.
“What did we fix, Kash besides us having sex again after a week. Sex doesn’t fix everything! Don’t you get that!”
“Of course, I get that but who was it that wasn’t giving me none? Was I the one holding back from fucking you? No! You didn’t want me to touch you. I said I was sorry that I called you selfish when we talked about having more kids, but you can’t blame me. We said we’d have more kids after Jordan was a couple of years old and then when I brought it up, you fucking laughed at me. I told you that I love being a father. I want to be better than my own and you know why I want more kids. Don’t fucking patronize me for that, Mila!”
I scoffed.
“I can yell too, Kash, but that isn’t what I’m trying to do here. I told you. You don’t fucking listen. Just for one-second …listen to me. Let me speak. I love you Kash with all my heart, but I can’t keep letting you hurt me like this.”
Kash grunted something incoherent as I heard Channing saying something in the background.
“I’m giving you the weekend, Bunny. After that, I want you back with me. You can’t love me as much as I love you and you know it…Because I will never let you go. I’m not letting you leave me.”
With that, he hung up on me.
****
My weekend was uneventful. It wasn’t hard to convince Jordan that I was out of town for work, so she got the benefit and chance to stay with her father. Kash, for the first time in his life, did what I asked. He left me alone for the weekend. Instead of figuring things out and talking about them, I dug deep into my creativity and worried about work.
Now, here I was, the Sunday ending, and I knew that I had to face Kash. Someone knocked on my office door as I busied myself with what a client needed, and I looked up to see Graham in my office. I smiled at him. Graham Emerson was not your average uncle. He was the Emerson clan’s youngest son and he took over the marketing company instead of becoming a judge or a lawyer like the rest of his family even though he went to law school and passed the bar. He only practised law for his special clients, he also was the sweetest one out of his entire family. Not that they were all bad but his older brother, Rick was not anyone’s cup of tea.
Graham Emerson always rocked a designer suit custom made for him, courtesy of his old-money status. He wasn’t that much older than Kash, he was in his early forties now while Kash was thirty-two, so they were more friends than anything else. He had the Emerson features, the dark hair, hazel eyes, and height along with that killer smile that got him clients in a heartbeat while for Kash, his was cold and calculated but still beautiful winning him his cases.
“Hey, Graham. Going home?”
He gave me that wicked smile of his as he straightened his suit and ran his fingers through his hair.
“Yeah. You know Savannah loves it when I get home to watch her murder shows with her,” he chuckled shaking his head. “You heading home to spend time with Jordy and Kash?”
The moment he mentioned Kash’s name, my face transformed into a bundle of emotions and I tried to get it back together before Graham could spot it.
“No, I just need to go over this presentation that we have on Tuesday with the Bridges clients. I don’t want to miss anything. It might take all night. Fingers crossed, it won’t.”
I gave my best bullshit smile hoping that Graham wouldn’t see through it but the moment he sighed, unbuttoned his smoky grey suit jacket and walked over to sit on the chair across from me, I knew he suspected something. The worry was now fully displayed on his face,
“What is it, Mils? Everything okay?”
I nodded.
“Yeah. Don’t worry about it, Graham. Go home to Savannah. Let’s not keep her waiting.”
He shook his head as he pulled his cell out of his pocket. He dialed a number,
“baby? I’ll be a little late. No, no everything is okay, but Mils isn’t.” He peered up at me and I averted my gaze. “Yeah. Love you too. Bye.”
“You didn’t have to do that, Graham.”
“Yes, I did, Mila. You and I are not only friends but we’re family. I’ve told you countless times, family sticks together no matter what unless the other causes some unnecessary nonsense then an ass-whoopin' is needed.” He smirked.
I laughed nodding my head.
“Yeah, I know, I always try to keep that gem with me. It’s just hard sometimes, Graham. Your nephew challenges me in ways I don’t think anyone could ever before. Sometimes, I think about a life without him but then I realize that it would be stupid because if he didn’t come into my life, I would’ve been so empty. I don’t know what to do with him. He doesn’t listen and it’s frustrating getting anything across to him. I’ve tried many different ways but damn.”
Graham listened to me as I revealed everything, he observed and listened not saying a word which made me appreciate him even more. I just wanted someone to listen to me. He waited until I was finished speaking. He sat back in the chair placing one leg over the other.
“Answer me this…while you want him to listen to you, have you sat down and listened to what he wants too? Or is this one of those, I need to get my point across situations?”
I opened my mouth to speak but Graham hit me with his signature don’t bullshit me look and I shut my mouth for a second.
“It doesn’t make sense. I listen to Kash all the time. There’s never been a time where I didn’t listen to him, Graham.”
Graham sighed.
“Mila, you know me, I won’t get in your business but before I go, I have one more question for you… Are you sure, you listen to him just as much as you want him to listen to you?”
I didn’t know how to answer that but to say yes. Graham stood up and began to walk away. He faced me one more time, smiling at me.
“Go, be a big girl and make that stubborn nephew of mine listen to you. If you have to get therapy, do it but try to fix it and if that doesn’t work, then ask yourself if he loves you enough for you to stay. I’ll always have your back, Mils. Goodnight.”
Damn. I hated Graham when he dropped knowledge that was so hidden but yet so clear, unfortunately, I wasn’t anywhere near the surface, so I threw myself back into my work because I needed a solution. I didn’t know what to do but what I did know was that unless Kash listened to me, I wouldn’t bend to his will.
Chapter Three
Kash
It was odd not seeing my wife for the whole weekend. It put me on an edge I hadn’t been on since high school. Life for me wasn’t always as simple as I wanted it to be. I may have been the nerd, but I was a nerd with anger issues. I don’t even know where it came from or when it started but the anger that I experienced throughout middle school then high school was insane. I started to reign it in during college and law school. I wanted to make sure that nothing could ever place me in a bad situation because of my anger. So far for years, I was good but this situation with Mila has been calling my anger out more than I can even comprehend.
I was agitated over the whole weekend and it got me thinking maybe that I was a workaholic. It was now Monday morning and Mila still hasn’t come home. Usually, I’d be out of the house first, but I got Jordan ready for school while her nanny went to a doctor’s appointment. I thought back to the text that I sent Mila this morning.
Me: Bunny…
Bunny: I need longer than the weekend, Kash.
Me: Okay…But, please. Talk to me. I need to hear your voice and know that you’re okay.
Bunny: I need time. Kash.
Me: Have you had breakfast? Your c
offee? You need me to bring you anything at work. I made pancakes.
Bunny: No. Thank you for making pancakes for Jordy, she’s been craving your famous pancakes for weeks!
Me: I made some for you too…
After that, she didn’t reply.
“Daddy… Ouch!” Jordan screamed out causing me to realize that I probably shouldn’t let my mind wander.
“Oh, honey, sorry.” I kissed the top of her head where I pulled a little too hard with the brush. She giggled as she went back to eating her breakfast while I put her hair up in two space buns.
I smiled because I missed getting Jordan ready in the mornings, hearing her laugh at my antics of faking like I didn’t know what to put her in and when she’d double over in laughter every time I’d pretend like I was trying to fit into her tutus that she couldn’t wear to the private school she went to; only on weekends. Those were her favorites, she had so many of them courtesy of her favorite great uncle Graham.
“Daddy, you bringing me to school today?”
“Mmhmm, finish your pancakes baby, don’t talk with your mouth full.”
I finished up and walked around the island so that I could place her food in her lunch box.
“Daddy, look.”
I turned in time to see her open her mouth showing me all her chewed up contents. Jordan had the biggest smile on her face while I made a disgusted one. She chewed all her food and laughed hard.
“Mmmm yummy.”
I teased her, winking at her as I went back to finishing up her lunch.
“Daddy…”
Every time I was around, Jordan called me about a thousand times in a minute.
“Yes, sweetheart…”
“I saw mommy crying.”
I shut my eyes, clenching my teeth. I bowed my head, what the fuck was I doing to my family?
“When did you see mommy cry?”
“At Auntie Rissy’s house, she was hiding in the bathphroom and she was like…” Usually, I laugh at the way, Jordan pronounced bathroom because it’s cute but right now, I couldn’t. She imitated the way her mother sobbed, and it gripped my heart.
