He opened his mouth, but cut off the angry words at the last second. He exhaled harshly and tried again after the false start. Her eyes remained wide and alarmed, glowing under the house’s security lighting and the streetlamps in the distance.
“Why? You want to know why? Figure it out, Amy!”
“I have no idea why you’d just storm out like that. What did I do?”
“You?” He laughed bitterly. “You have no idea, really?”
“No, of course not. Did someone do or say something? Tell me, Sam, I’ll fix it if they did.”
“I don’t want you to fix anything.” He gripped her arm, but was careful not to hurt her. He just wanted to shock her with the pressure of his fingers. She did gasp and when she did, he felt bad, despite the fact that it was what he wanted. He let his hand fall back to his side, where it remained, balled into a tight fist. He wanted desperately to ignore the lightning that zinged through him at the contact.
“Then what? What can I do? Are you at least going to explain to me what happened?” It was the earnest expression on Amy’s face that saved her. She truly hadn’t meant any harm. She didn’t belong to that world, no matter how much she wanted to. She was far too good to truly be a part of it.
“Have you ever stopped to consider that it’s pretty damn ironic that what you want to be a part of, that-” he stabbed a finger in the direction of the house, “is no fucking good? That you’re already far above it? I don’t know why you’d ever want to be included in a circle that is full of people who stab each other in the back. Every single person in there would eat someone up and spit them out without a second thought. They aren’t social climbers because they’re already there at the top and it’s the classic story of stepping on everyone else to get there. You actually want to be a part of women who come to parties just to find someone to cheat on their husbands with? You want to be a part of a culture that holds nothing sacred?”
Amy blinked hard, like he’d actually stunned her. “I… I don’t know what you’re talking about. I didn’t know that anyone wanted to cheat on someone… I mean, maybe some people aren’t entirely happy, but- but- that’s not what these parties are for.”
“Are you really that naive?” he spat. “Come on! Open your eyes! Every single person in that house is putting on a face. No one says what they actually mean.”
“Does anyone?”
“I don’t know! It’s different. I feel like when people get a little bit of money it turns them into something else. No one is real anymore.”
“You just think that because you don’t like rich people. You’re probably just jealous.”
Sam actually felt like Amy had slapped him. She drew back and slowly crossed her arms over her chest. “You know what, maybe this was a mistake. I should never have asked you to do any of this.”
“Of course you shouldn’t have!” The fact that she was standing there, judging him, trying to reject him, after being the one to convince him to do something that was a complete lie for the sake of saving face, made him want to stalk over to the house and kick a hole in the front door. He wasn’t even a violent person, but at the moment, breaking something would have been completely satisfying.
“Yeah, well, why did you agree to it? It takes two to tango.”
“That’s really fucking cliche coming from someone who can’t even get real enough to admit that you don’t want to be a part of that.”
“What are you talking about?” Amy’s eyes flashed with anger.
“You’re just as fake as the rest. You can’t even admit that you wanted your fucking husband to cheat on you. You wanted it so that you had an excuse to get out. You like playing the victim. That’s why you haven’t moved on. And now you want to one up him. All of this was because of some stupid comment that you should have ignored.”
“It wasn’t stupid,” Amy seethed. She took a deep breath and her dainty shoulders rose and fell with the force of it. She looked like she was going to give him a piece of her mind, but then she glanced back in the direction of the house and he knew that she wouldn’t do it, just because it would look bad. She even lowered her voice. “You don’t understand anything about this life, Sam. You’re not a part of it.”
“And thank fuck for that.”
“You don’t have to be crass.”
“No? Grow up, Amy. I am the way I am and I’m not about to change it for you or because some rich fucker is listening in.”
“You don’t know anything,” Amy hissed. “You don’t know anything about me.”
“Whose fault is that? You’ve told me nothing but lies.”
“They haven’t been lies! You can’t just say that I wanted my husband to cheat on me or that I like being a victim. That’s untrue and it’s unkind.”
“No, I think maybe you are the one who is deluded. You didn’t want to be in that marriage. You never wanted to be married to him. You saw a way out and you took it.”
“That’s not true!” She protested roughly. She tried to keep the hurt from twisting her features, but it was evident in the way the corners of her mouth turned down and the creases on her flawless brow.
Sam almost felt bad. Almost. If things had been different, maybe he would have regretted his words. He probably would, in the morning, when his anger had cooled, but at the moment, he felt justified in voicing his opinion. He’d never shied away from speaking his mind, even if people told him that sometimes it was too much.
“It is true! We both know you’ve never been able to make up your mind.”
“That’s not fair! You can’t bring up something that happened ten years ago!”
“Why not? It was true then. It’s probably still true. You left, just up and left, because you couldn’t make a decision. You were with my brother, but you were in love with me.”
She laughed derisively, but the sound was hollow and fell flat in the still, quiet night. Even she didn’t look convinced at its authenticity. “That’s pretty self-assured. Love? You don’t have a clue what that means. How dare you, who has never been with anyone at all for longer than a few weeks, tell me what love is and isn’t? I’m done with this conversation. This was a mistake. All of it. And when I left, it had nothing to do with you or your brother. I left because I was sick and tired of the drama and the closed minds of a small town. I wanted more from life than working at some shit paying job until I died.”
“That’s too much!” Sam growled. “Way too far. You have no right to take a stab at my family.”
Amy actually stunned for a second before she spoke. “No, I didn’t mean anything about your family. I was just saying… never mind. This is going nowhere. Clearly this was all a mistake. Just forget it. move on with your life. Take a chance for once, Sam. Do something with yourself. You have a lot to give.”
“Perfect, Amy. That’s perfect. And you can just fuck right off. Do whatever you want with your twisted life. You are so far from the person I knew growing up. I did that for her, for the girl I used to laugh with and the girl who used to go fishing and hunt for treasures in the garbage dump and build forts. I did it for the girl who I thought loved my brother at one time.” I did it because I thought I still loved you.
Right on cue, Amy pulled out the secret weapon. Huge tears welled up in her light blue eyes. God, he would have given anything not to see her cry. It was worse that he’d been the one to make those tears happen, but they were well deserved. She used to be tough. Back in the day, back at home, she would have been caught dead before she cried. She would have saved that shit for private because she was the strongest person he knew. She was the bravest, most creative, most talented, most beautiful…
He didn’t know if she was any of those things anymore. Beautiful, yes. That was a given. She would be beautiful until the day she died, he was sure. Even at a hundred, Amy Anders would still be far prettier than any other woman on the planet. What was on the inside though? It was like someone had scooped out everything he knew, everything that was good, everything that
made her who she was and left it a hollow shell.
He couldn’t stand there a second longer and witness the death of whatever fantasy he held. The person he loved was a myth. She was gone. The Amy standing there- she was an imposer. He was done. He gave his head a final shake and headed down the driveway.
Chapter 9
Win Him Back
Amy
After the devastating night before, Amy wasn’t sure what she could do to win back Sam. Win back? I never had him. She knew she couldn’t let things stand the way they were. She couldn’t even guess at what had happened to make Sam react the way he did, but it was clear that someone hadn’t behaved. She was just… used to it by now, the snide comments, the wandering eyes, the roaming spouses trapped in loveless marriages. What does that say about me? There were good couples too, she knew that. People like Samantha and Johnathan who were happy in their marriage and still in love.
Sam just found one of the rotten apples. After debating with herself all morning, her anxiety spiking to the point that she couldn’t get anything done at her studio anyway, she decided that the only thing she could do was corner him again. The chances of him answering his phone or texts were pretty much zero. If she went to his work, he’d have to face her, just like he had to face her at his parent’s house.
She knew he was a mechanic, but she wasn’t exactly sure where he worked. A quick call to her mom, who phoned Sam’s mom, solved that problem. After, Amy debated about pretending that something was wrong with her car. She thought about doing something to it herself, but she knew Sam would probably see right through that and anything she did to damage it was just wasted money to repair it that she didn’t really have.
Amy debated with herself for a few hours before she decided just to go to the shop and say that her car needed an oil change. That was probably fair. It likely did. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d had one and the sticker on the windshield had long ago fallen off.
Following her bright idea, she spent almost an hour trying to pick out something to wear. She didn’t want to appear over the top, but she didn’t want to be too casual either. She finally settled on a black maxi dress that was long and flowy and a pair of flats. She left her hair down. The curl from the night before was still in it and even though she just finger combed it, the honeyed strands were good enough. She brushed out the top to hide the knots below. She did her makeup simply, a bit of foundation and blush and mascara. She skipped the lipstick and opted for lip balm instead.
The panic didn’t truly set in until she was in her car, a few blocks from Sam’s shop. It wasn’t in a great neighborhood, but it wasn’t completely bad either. Her car was expensive, one of the things she’d actually kept after her divorce, but it wasn’t over the top. It might have been an import, but it was common, the kind of thing that people could still do an oil change on. She knew her ex’s car had to be taken right to the dealership for any kind of maintenance.
The shop was a low, squat building made out of large white blocks. There were four bays, maybe more on the reverse side. All four doors were rolled up since the heat of the day was already oppressive, but there was the relief of a stiff breeze.
Amy pulled up and parked her car in the small parking lot off to the side. There was a little room built onto the side of the building with large glass panels that probably passed for the office. She didn’t want to go inside and ask for an oil change since she probably couldn’t demand that it be Sam. She took a deep inhalation and decided just to walk around the bays herself, to see if she could spot Sam. She’d play it dumb, like she didn’t know she actually had to check into the office first.
It was a terrible plan, but then again, so was the whole damn thing. Even if Sam never wanted to see her again, she still owed him an apology for whatever had happened. They used to be friends. It was always far more than that, at least for me. God, it still is.
The sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach, along with the storm of nerves, the racing heartbeat, the beads of sweat at the back of her neck- it all started up. She tried to cut it off with a few steadying breaths, but it always had been impossible for her to banish Sam from her thoughts. Or her heart. My heart. That’s so corny. Whatever deep, black part of herself was responsible for these feelings? It wasn’t love, really, but desire, lust, sexual craving… that was where Sam resided. It’s not my heart. It’s not love. Physical desire isn’t love
The backs of her eyes burned with irrational tears. She actually wasn’t the kind of person who cried often, so the number of times she’d been perilously close in the past week annoyed her.
Amy squared her shoulders and continued her slow march forward. She knew she probably looked every kind of ridiculous trying to get a glimpse into the bays as she walked closer. She had just about made it to the first one, when a massive, bald headed guy stepped out. He crossed his arms and though he was intimidating as hell because of his size, his smile softened his naturally frightening appearance.
“Can I help you find anything?” His voice was deep and rich and almost welcoming. Behind him, the normal sounds of the shop, banging, some kind of air wrench or whatever they were called, the spark of someone welding, and a few crass words, drifted out into the hot, sticky afternoon.
“Oh- yeah.” Amy felt the rush of heat to her face and was mortified to find herself blushing. It also wasn’t something that she normally did.
The guy cocked a dark brow. “Who can I help you find?”
“I- uh- I’m looking for-”
“Me.” Sam’s deep voice sounded behind the giant. Was it a prerequisite that everyone who worked at the garage was built out of granite?
Another guy, just as large as Sam and the bald headed one, followed Sam out from the second bay. A wave of heat hit Amy, harder than anything Miami’s weather could throw at her. She burned from the inside out and she knew that she was beet red.
“She’s looking for you, Sam?” The blonde giant asked. His light colored eyes twinkled with amusement. “What did you do right to have someone like her land on your doorstep? She’s way out of your league.”
“Shut up, Jay,” Sam mumbled. He glared at the guy, who grinned innocently.
“Yes, Jay, why don’t you do us a favor and tell us all how your wife showed up here and you had the pleasure of being rude to her, so rude, in fact, that you lost your job and she had to get it back for you?”
The blonde giant, Jay, apparently, shook his head at the bald guy’s teasing remarks. Sam stood back and looked between the two men. It was obvious that the other two shared a deep bond. They were probably good friends. They were older than Sam and had likely been working together for some time.
Jay turned back to her. “You have my deepest apologies. I wasn’t trying to offend you. Any offense was meant purely for my friend, Sam, here.” That grin grew wider and she could see how most people couldn’t help but being charmed by it. “Rone likes to rib me about my wife, seeing as we got off to a rocky start. He takes every opportunity to drive me insane, but I guess that’s what a brother in law is for.”
Amy could only nod. She knew she was still blushing and it was worse to realize that she was twisting her hands awkwardly in front of her. “I was- looking to get an oil change done,” she muttered lamely. “I know Sam and I thought that-”
“You would pop in and say ‘hi?’ Great idea.” Rone turned and clapped Jay on the shoulder. “We have work to get betting back to. It’s not break time yet.” He cast a sidelong look at Sam, who stood uncomfortably, stiffly, off to the side. He pretty much radiated anger and it was easy to see how annoyed he was. “Good luck. With the oil change and all that.” Rone and Jay walked back into the second bay, laughing softly.
Sam stepped forward, eyes blazing. “What are you doing here?” he hissed under his breath. “I thought I made it pretty clear last night that I don’t want anything more to do with this stupid fucking plan of yours.”
“You made it clear.” Amy had to force her voice to r
emain neutral. She didn’t want to give away just how badly her emotions were tangled up and frayed. “I didn’t come to ask you to do any more fake fiancé shit. I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry. I don’t know what happened last night, not really, but I wanted to let you know that I never meant for you to- uh- be offended or hurt in any way. This was a really bad idea. We used to be friends and our moms still are. I don’t want there to be bad blood between us so that it affects them.”
Sam frowned. He carefully didn’t say anything for a while. The noise coming from the shop filled up the horrible silence between them. Amy got the impression that he was doing it because he knew it would make her squirm and he very much wanted to see it.
“So this is just about our mothers?” he finally asked. His face remained completely stoic. She couldn’t even see anger or annoyance in his eyes. He was completely shuttered off. She felt like an outsider, the kind of person who is always trying to find a way in, but never really gets there.
“I… I’m sorry I came,” she blurted. “Just forget this.” She turned and almost, almost made it across the parking lot back to her car. She was so wrapped up in her escape she missed the heavy footfalls behind her and nearly yelped when Sam’s strong hand closed around her shoulder.
She whirled, breathing hard even after his hand fell away. This time there was no mistaking the fire in his eyes, though it was impossible to determine if it was anger or something else. Why would it be anything else? He has every right to hate me.
“What do you want, Amy? Really? That’s what I want to know.”
“I… I told you, I came to say I was sorry.”
“No.” Sam shook his head vehemently. “Before that. Why me? When you could have picked anyone to do this, why me?”
“Because I trust-”
“No, that’s not enough. Anyone could have played the part. Anyone. Why, after all those years, did you show up at my parent’s house? And I want the truth. If you ever want to see me again, I want you tell me why.”
Fake It: A Sizzling Hot Pretend Romance Page 5
